She Who Was My Love Chapter 37

Chance

Willow's POV

"I don't care. I'm sorry I don't."

I hang the phone up on Giles.

I don't care. I don't care if some horrible demon thing is gonna slaughter half of Sunnydale. I don't even care if it's the end of the world. I just don't. Tara's gone and I just don't think I have reason enough to see tomorrow. Whatever that demon chick is up to doesn't mean a thing to me because she's gone. If they get hurt, or killed then I'd feel bad, I'd cry and all that but I'd go on. I'd learn to live with it and go on, but why?

She left me and it's all Buffy's fault. It's always Buffy's fault. She's the reason Xander never loved me. Something might have happened between me and Xander if Buffy hadn't come along, but she did, so nothing did.

She's the reason Oz decided to leave me. If Oz hadn't spent time around Buffy and learned to be all noble and all that crap, he might never have left me 'for my own good'.

And now she's the reason Tara's out of my life. All I've ever tried to do is what's best for my friends and it never works out for me. It always works out for Buffy though. No matter what happens, things work out.

She died and things still worked, they're back together, but not for me. Things never work out for me. No matter how hard I work at it, or how much I love someone they always end up leaving me. And after this time, I've just stopped caring. Giles can talk all he wants about doing what's right just because it's right but that only works if you have a reason to do it, and I don't. I know I should care, I know I should wanna help people in trouble, but I just don't. I'm sorry I don't.

Faith's POV

Okay, now I'm confused... again. Things were so out of control last night I honestly don't know how it ended the way it did. We just stood there for like... I don't even know how long it was. I didn't really care how long we stood there, and I still don't care. All I know for sure is that it was the most incredible thing I've ever felt, and all we did is stand there together, locked in each other's arms for however long it was and it was the greatest moment of my ENTIRE life.

More incredible than anything I've ever done with B alone, but what I don't know is why. What is it about being there with Dawn and Buffy last night that made me feel like that?

I look over at B as we walk toward that magic shop place Giles wants us to meet him at.

Does it have something to do with whatever B found out about Dawn? Why wouldn't she tell me something that important? Is she worried I'm somehow gonna fuck that up? I thought we were past that kinda stuff. I guess maybe she doesn't think so.

That was one hell of an incredible feeling, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let this go. I don't wanna lose that, whatever that feeling was there, but I can't be in a relationship with her if she can't trust me enough to tell me things, especially important things.

There isn't anything I wouldn't tell her, no secret too painful that I wouldn't let her in on it. But I guess she doesn't feel the same way, and that bugs me more than anything else. I love her more than anything, but I can't live like this. If she can't be completely honest with me, then I'll have to find someone who can. Not that I want to, but if Buffy can't love me enough to trust me then what do we really have?

"What is it?"

"Hmm?"

B looks at me.

"You look like you've got something on your mind."

"It's nothing."

"Faith, you can tell me, you know that right?"

No actually I don't.

"It's nothing... really."

She puts her hand on my shoulder so I turn to face her and we stop about 50 feet from our goal. I look down at B's hand, not angry or anything but I just look at it and she pulls away.

"Faith, I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me. I've done a lot of horrible things to you, none of which you've deserved, but I promise you that's all gonna change."

"And how's that?"

"Because..."

She closes the gap between us and looks me straight in the eyes.

"I'm gonna tell you everything, absolutely everything you want to know."

Sure whatever.

"Mmm-hmm..."

I roll my eyes at her and she puts her hands on my head to force our eyes to meet.

"Tonight, you, me and Giles are gonna sit down and I'll tell you everything."

Giles? What does he have to do with anything?

I let out a deep sigh.

"I know you felt what I did last night, when the three of us were standing there. That feeling of pure joy and safety greater than anything either of us has ever known. But you have no idea why. You will though, I promise, and I hope that once you know, it will bring us closer than we've ever been."

Her hands move to my shoulders.

"I'm not saying it'll happen overnight, or that it's as easy as flipping on a switch. But what I want is for us to be together, in every sense of the word. And in order for us to do that, I have to be completely honest with you. Which I haven't been, until tonight."

I look in her eyes and I see something I haven't seen since she's been back, love.

"But why? What's different about now?"

"Because of last night. Because of last night I realized I can't be Buffy the fabulous super bitch anymore. Just because I think I'm right doesn't mean I actually am. I know that now. But I need you to know that I believe it too. So tonight, I want to tell you everything I should've told you right from the moment I knew it myself. Will you be there... please?"

I think... I think she actually means it.

I take a long, deep breath.

"Okay, but..."

"But if I don't you'll leave and never speak to me again... and I wouldn't blame you. Just please wait until we talk and then decide if you want to go. If you still want to leave me, then I'll let you. By that I mean I won't get in your way, I won't beg you to stay or stop you from leaving. I'll even leave the house for a few days to make sure you're not distracted. All I ask is that you let me try to make it right tonight, that's all."

She really means it. At least I think she really means it this time. Maybe it's not too late for us. Maybe we still have a shot at being together in every sense of the word like she said.

"As long as you keep your word about tonight, then I won't make any travel plans until tomorrow."

That look of gratefulness just boils over and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes.

"Thank you Faith, thank you SO much. You won't regret this. I promise you won't. I'll keep my promise... I know I will."

She pulls back quickly and kisses me briefly.

"It means everything to me that you would give me this chance, after what I've done to you."

"I love you B."

"I know, I..."

Her eyes leave mine at her next words.

"I feel the same way."

I step back out of her reach.

"And yet you can't even look at me when you say that."

"This... Faith this isn't easy for me. I've been through a lot recently and I'm just now coming out of it all. I wanna say so much more than I just did. I wanna say the words I know you want to hear and mean them but I just... can't. And I didn't just promise what I promised to make you stay with me. I just... need you to wait until tonight before you make travel plans."

God do I not need this?

"I already said I'd be there, okay? Can we just focus on the multiple homicide and talk about our own stuff when we actually have time?"

"Okay..."

Thank god.

"Okay sure, we should do that."

She gets this little pained smile on her face before turning to the magic shop place.

Maybe there is still a chance for us, maybe not. Maybe we can still work things out, then again maybe we can't. I guess I'll just have to wait until tonight to find out whether we still have a shot. I mean it sounds like something really big, like something I should've been in on from the beginning. Can I really learn to be okay with her not telling me something that important? I guess it depends on what the secret is.

We go inside and the gang's already here, well most of them anyway. Willow and Tara aren't here for obvious reasons but Giles, Xander and Anya are here. Giles is looking through some book behind the counter which I'm guessing is the inventory list, while Xander and Anya are looking through the shelves.

"What's the what?"

"Hello Buffy, hello Faith, how are you both?"

I look down at the dead bodies on the floor and then at B.

"Things have been better. So any thoughts on who had the bite-fest?"

Xander looks up from his shelf.

"No one."

"There were no teeth marks on the victims. But there was something interesting about them."

Interesting?

I go over and check out the guy in the middle of the room while B checks out the girl next to him.

"Whoever did this had some serious juice."

"Why would you say that B?"

I feel the guy's neck and know exactly why she said that. The guy's neck is completely snapped.

"Because their necks are completely twisted around."

B stands up and runs her hands through her hair, kinda nervous looking.

"What is it B?"

"It was her."

I stand up confused, again.

"Her? Her who B?"

She starts walking into the store a bit like her mind is going a mile a minute. Giles and Xander both stop what they're doing and look at Buffy, while Anya keeps working away.

"Who do you think? It's gotta be that demon chick who did a number on me."

"You can't know that Buff."

"Whoever did this, had fun. And whatever ran its fist into my face had a lot of fun doing it."

"While I admit those are plausible conclusions, such evidence is merely circumstantial. There are any number of demons which could've done such horrific things, there's no reason to think..."

"We have to find out what she was doing here."

Freak much?

"Whoa, okay chill B. Let's take a minute and just..."

"I don't have time to calm down Faith. We have to find out what she's up to before something bad happens to... to..."

"Dawn?"

"Yeah..."

No more Buffy the fabulous super bitch my ass. What the hell is it with Dawn that's got her so freaked?

"Then you're not gonna like this."

We all look at Anya, who had managed to get all the way across the room and looking through the inventory records without us noticing. Buffy all but jumps at Anya to hear what she has to say.

"What is it?"

"She stole a Sobekian bloodstone and Kohl's amulet."

I don't even know what that means but I know it can't be good.

"What does that mean?"

"It means trouble with a capital S."

What?

Anya just stops talking and we all fall into silence waiting for the rest of the story. Xander finally breaks the awkwardness.

"An, honey we need more info."

Anya looks at Xander before pointing at Giles.

"Isn't that his job? He's the retired librarian, aren't librarians supposed to know everything about everything ever written down?"

"Yes Anya however you were the one who brought it up and thus you should be the one to furnish us with the details."

Anya just rolls her eyes and lets out a deep sigh.

"FINE! The Sobekites were reptile worshipers, snake worshipers specifically. Their high priest Kohl forged an amulet with a transmogrifying crystal which is basically used to turn a living thing into a different kind of thing. This pretty much means the only reason you'd want one of these amulets is to make a monster."

"What kind of monster?"

All of the sudden the front window smashes to pieces as a giant demon snake comes through it.

"I'm guessing that kind?"

The thing looks at all of us and then goes directly for B. So I do the only thing I can do, I put myself between it and her.

Buffy can handle herself, I know that, but this thing went straight for her and whatever it wants, it ain't getting.

It snarls at me as it towers at least three feet up. It attacks us with its long clawed hand and we just barely jump back out of the way.

Ow, damn it!

I look down and there's a piece of my shirt ripped.

Thank god that's all he got his claws into.

"Faith what are you doing?"

"Protecting you?"

"I don't need protecting."

I sorta half turn to her.

"I know that B, but..."

The thing takes a bite of my shoulder.

GOD DAMN IT I...

Seconds later it spins around and hits me right in the back with its tail, sending me flying into the shelves.

FUCK!

I grab my shoulder as a few books fall on me and feel two holes in me, one in my shoulder, the other a little bit lower on my arm. I get to my knees despite the holes in me.

"FAITH!"

I see B panicking, wondering how much damage it did. It takes her mind off the big snake for a split second and it strikes, takes a bite out of her shoulder too and she screams.

"Buffy..."

I try to get up but things get kinda dim. The thing's tail wraps itself around B and squeezes her tight, so much she screams again.

We slayers can take a lot of pain, but this thing... damn...

I crawl a bit but it only makes things worse.

Can't...

Xander tries distracting it while Giles tries to get to B.

Can't let it...

They're both sent flying.

Take...

It makes off with her.

"Buffy..."

Everything goes black.

End of Chapter 37