So... here is another chapter. I hope you'll like it!

Chapter 34: Rufus: Wherein Rufus decides to restructure Shin-Ra

The razor was almost soft against his throat. Rufus could feel his carotid beat against the blade as he moved it upwards. The mirror image had its head slightly cocked and looked smugly back, chin tilted arrogantly upwards. Way too much arrogance in that posture. Just as it should have been.

He disrupted eye contact and lowered the razor into the water. It was still warm.

Loser, hm?

The diagrams he had drawn up yesterday had made more than evident what he had been fearing ever since they had moved back to Junon. He was loosing the overview. There were at least fifty companies Shin-Ra controlled directly or indirectly, and if he did not act soon, it would get out of hands. His table was covered in deluges of paper and, face it or not, he could not deal with them anymore. Shin-Ra needed restructuring and most of all, Shin-Ra needed him to be functioning.

He tried, hard. Had work to the dead of the night again the day before. And the day before that. Every single day for almost one and a half weeks. Ever since the riot.

He had accomplished much, spun Shin-Ra's web further, picked up so many pieces. Yet, it had not been enough. Shin-Ra was going to hell, slipping right from his fingers and he felt nothing but tired, exhausted and – empty.

Loser.

He closed his eyes. Even that word – so much motivation before – barely mattered anymore.

Still, he had to do something. But the only way to do so would be to throw off his cover. To integrate all those cover companies into Shin-Ra so it became one single company again instead of a zillion. It was still far too early for that. Reeve had the power to break up what he had built up so carefully over the last few months. Years.

And everything almost lost in just one night like he had almost killed Tseng. Just because he had been so foolish to think, once again, that he was better and knew better than the stupid nobility. Than Tseng. Or anybody else.

Because he was Rufus Shinra and just could not mistake. Loser indeed.

But now, if he did not want the chaos to swallow him and take Shin-Ra down for ever, he had to restructure. As little as he seemed to care these days.

He splashed the warm water into his face to wash the rest of the soap away.

He would have to talk to Tseng.

Just another thing on that long list. Tseng's resignation had not come unexpected after the way he, Rufus, had acted. But Shin-Ra without Tseng as Head of the Turks that was as if the company was missing one of its most important limbs.

Rude had of course refused to become new Head of the Turk. Reno he had not even bothered asking. Elena – with a little more experience, she even had the making for a fine Head of the Turks, if only she had not been that insecure and her mouth so terribly loose. Her refusal yesterday in itself had not come as much of a surprise. Certainly not her fierce loyalty to Tseng. Pointing out to him that he had been stupid to let Tseng go, though, rather had been a surprise (if one did not count the quite surprising realization that, while she had a terribly bad timing about it, she did possess the ability to be extremely subtle). It was true, of course. He had been so very stupid indeed. But after all that had happened... it was more than understandable that Tseng had wanted to resign.

Or had he?

Who exactly was guilty of what?

Elena certainly not of being disrespectful. It had taken her excuse and a few minutes for him to figure what on Gaia she had been talking about and he was not even sure whether he interpreted her message correctly. If she was as subtle with Tseng, it was not wonder that it had taken him at least three years to notice anything. It was a wonder he had at all...

But what on Gaia was he going to do? The company, that dullness inside him, his insufficiency, the Head of the Turks and now again those New Geostigma patiences disappearing. All those problems demanded immediate solutions. Solutions which seemed to elude him.

He was not going to think about Tifa now.

It like everything was falling apart around him. At night, it did not let him go to sleep. But now, it was early in the morning and he was going to deal with things.

Even if it was in vain. Even if everything he had tried had failed so far. Even if this was the last solution. Even if it made him a Loser. Whatever the cost.

Rufus knocked against the door frame before he entered Tseng's hospital room. The Turk was awake but still lying in bed, covered by white linen, pale against the ugly green of the hospital's pyjama. The prosthesis was propped up above the blanket at his side, unmoved and the man's eyes were of that sickly mako-green from too much exposure to healing materia.

He had been so damn reckless, Rufus thought. But everything came at a price and he had paid for his recklessness. Dearly. Even if he did not want to think about those eternal moments in the rain or even remember that he had been so very happy when he had woken back there in Tifa's house, those thoughts were always much closer that they should have been. Painful.

So he smiled at the Turk who looked up when he entered and banished the emotions from his mind.

Tseng answered his smile. He looked so strange and yet so very familiar with that short dark hair. Just like four years ago, only with a few more lines in his face. And that prosthesis.

Rufus moved into the room. Gaia damn his recklessness. "Good morning, Tseng. How are you?"

"Fine. How kind of you to come."

He sneered. "Of course." He closed the door behind him and sat down on a chair, next to the artificial arm. It was truly a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, purely from metal, the light reflecting on the cold steel. It even suited Tseng in its stern and immobile strength. Perhaps it would be a good reminder that while Rufus might not care so very much about what happened to himself if he was too reckless, he did care about his Turks. Or how easily he had almost lost the company. Again. Both.

"How is your arm?"

"They say my skin and my nerves are adapting well to it. But the doctor tells me that we'll have to wait with the adjustments until tomorrow." The same dry matter-of-factly tone that so much suited the arm.

Rufus studied the metal fingers. While most of the rest of the arm was made out of metal plates about thumb-nail big, the fingertips consisted out of the tiniest pieces of metal, smaller than a needle's head, shattering the light dully into every direction. He hesitated, reached out and pressed his index-finger against the tip of one of the metal fingers. At the slightest touch, the needle heads gave way, just a little bit. The metal was cold, lifeless in its touch. There even were artificial fingernails. Different from a human hand, yet not so very different. Not that that made things better.

"They've already connected the nerves. I can feel that," Tseng informed him.

"I'm sorry." Rufus withdrew his hand quickly, far too fascinated with that – thing. He studied Tseng for another moment, the sickly mako-taint in the man's eyes. Time to settle things. "By the way, I think I can't accept your resignation as Head of the Turks, not entirely, anyway."

Tseng stared at him which certainly made the entire choice of words worth his while. Then, the Turk's stare turned into a deep frown. "Haven't you already?"

"I have, but under false assumptions. That renders it invalid." Before Tseng could as much as object to it, Rufus continued. He was in no mood for arguments. "I thought you were resigning because of my inexcusably asinine behaviour back at Fontainebleau Manor. As I do agree that I acted most recklessly, although you told me not to, and thus brought upon us – and especially you – what happened, I felt compelled to agree with your resignation. However, when I told Elena yesterday that you resigned, she told me that I let you. I am not quite sure whether she hinted what I deduced she was hinting at," he allowed himself a smirk thinking of Elena's hinted hints, "so, correct me if I over-interpret the matter, but if you asked me – no, wait, let me finish – if you resigned and she says I let you that means that she thinks I had a choice. Which then again means that you did not resign because I behaved like an idiot but rather because you felt compelled to. That, of course, means that you feel you are to blame for the outcome of the situation which is at least as asinine as my behaviour, and that is why I will not have you resign."

Tseng's frown had deepened even further, even as Rufus spoke, and Rufus knew very well that his Turk was about to contradict him. So, he drew in another breath and tried to care as much as he used to. "I know that both Head of the Turk and Vice President are too much work for one person. As I am going to restructure Shin-Ra anyway, I am going to propose the following: You will nominally remain Head of the Turks, but Reno and Rude will from now on be responsible for the training and recruitment of new Turks. We can't have too many secret missions nowadays anyhow. Secondly, Elena will be responsible for investigations. She has shown quite a bit of talent in that area, and I think it suits her better than field work. Of course, you are a better judge in those matters than I am. All in all, it'll leave you time for Vice President duties." He closed his eyes for a moment. It was not the same. Not as if Tseng was really still Head of the Turks. Just a substitute for what would never come back. But – it would have to do. "Anyway, there was no reason for you to resign. As a Turk, you did exactly what you had to do. You saved my life."

Tseng nodded, slowly, and Rufus was surprised that he seemed to agree that easily. He smiled even slightly. "Just why does everyone think I am blaming myself for what happened? First Elena, now you! I truly am not."

"Everyone? – Elena?" Rufus was even more surprised, because Tseng looked a lot as if whatever Elena had said made him feel embarrassed about whatever he had stated on that occasion. Elena had never appeared to him as someone who would even dare to chew someone else out, especially not Tseng – who, if Rufus was not quite mistaking, she thought of as a god – not to mention successfully. But – people changed and maybe, Elena felt more at home with Tseng than with him, and that hint she had given him was just the tip of an iceberg.

Tseng smiled and the nature of the smile surprised Rufus again. It was kind and caring and he felt a stab of furious jealousy both for not being subject to that smile and for not having reason to produce a similar one about someone. "She called me an idiot and a megalomaniac."

Rufus scoffed. "My, she's got you all figured out, hasn't she? Though it does sound like a horrible first date." He hated to say that, but it did also sound as if they were not really getting along well, at least not if one considered that he had not seen them communicating much after the first date. As long as Tseng was not desperately unhappy about that, that was good news for him. For, the less Tseng was likely to get into a relationship with Elena the more it was likely that he would willingly accept his new job without nonsensical qualms about employer-employee relationships.

"It was the second one."

"Ah. So... You don't talk for days after the first, she swears at you during the second... I do hope you'll both ask to be transferred before you start killing each other." He could not have Tseng think that he minded their association; the Turk would draw his conclusions and most likely feel compelled to decide for him which would render Tseng less useful and damage their relationship. Or worse, the Turk would start worrying about him and he was certainly not going to discuss anything with Tseng. Certainly not her.

But Tseng frowned. "I don't think that will happen. Do you..."

"I'm joking, Tseng. But I can't say I'm not surprised. I never thought she would ever dare to speak up against you – or me – directly nor that I would ever accuse her of being too subtle. My, doomsday must be almost upon us! - So, will you?"

Tseng gave a curt nod. "Of course I will. And we did doomsday already."

Rufus smirked, all satisfaction. This time, Tseng had not smiled, not even the faintest hint of a smile. But the resolution in the Turk's eyes told him everything he had ever wanted to see from the Turk. Tseng, as if he had not known it, would follow him to the end of the world.

He leaned a little more forward and started telling Tseng about his rather desperate plan to safe the company that might well result in its complete destruction by WRO.

In the end, Tseng came up with a solution that, while it would last for not more than perhaps six months would at least leave him time to pick up some pieces. It was obvious, really, and if he had not been so very tired, it would have most likely occurred to him, too. Thus, instead of uniting all companies under the name of Shin-Ra, they would form another company under the name of one of the sub-companies, and let people wonder who was behind that company while they were gathering power. It would not last and Rufus doubted that it would indeed take Reeve's people six months to figure out what kind of company they were dealing with, but it would buy them time. With the aftermath of the riot, Rufus hoped that Reeve would need a little longer, especially because all documents that proved that the new company belonged to him had been burned or were very safely stored here in Junon.

He did not like the idea of a fake company. It felt like a replacement for something he should not have lost in the first place. But that, certainly, was just another price he paid for his recklessness, maybe even more painful than Tseng's arm. Certainly as helpful and artificial. But also as lifeless? … well, in both cases, it was up to them to fill it with the life it lacked. Perhaps, he would even let that fake company buy up Shin-Ra. As much as he liked Shin-Ra's name, its image was way too negative.

But the most surprising outcome of their discussion was that he actually felt somewhat relieved afterwards. Relieved and motivated. While all those problems had seemed rather unmanageable, talking to Tseng at least left him with a feeling that, perhaps, they were not entirely as unmanageable as he felt.

It was close to noon when he got up from his chair, tired, but for the first time in days moderately hopeful.

"I'll see you tomorrow at supper, then, I suppose?" he said, rising.

Tseng gave a nod. It was perhaps a good idea he was leaving now; Tseng looked rather tired and worn, too, and he would certainly need most of his strength for recovering and for getting used to the prosthesis. Even if they adjusted it only tomorrow, it would still take months until it was truly healed, not to mention the time Tseng would need to learn to handle it. "Or the day after tomorrow at lunch, whatever you prefer. Whatever you feel up to."

Tseng gave a tired smile. "Half a day might matter a lot."

Rufus shrugged. "One would think so." He turned to leave, not wanting to pursue the thoughts that came up at those words again, but in the same moment, a cold iron something closed around his wrist and he almost jumped until he realized that it was Tseng's – new – hand.

"Rufus. Wait. I... listen... What she did was inexcusable, really. It's not been fair to treat you like that."

Tseng's hand was still closing and by now, the grasp was almost hurtful. But the pain was not unwelcome. He scoffed. "As if I never did anything inexcusable. Nor do I tend to be fair."

"But you never claimed to be good."

Rufus looked at Tseng, the worried expression in the Turk's face. What business was it of his, anyway? Why did he care? Could he not leave it alone? Why talk? What would that change apart from thinking about it again? The Turk's hand was almost crushing his wrist now as he flicked the hair with his other hand. "Tseng, please, don't be ridiculous. People always want things. For most, it's my money or my power. For her, it was just someone to protect her precious son from murder. Maybe a substitute for her Cloud. Whatever. I would even venture to say that I made a lucky escape – I got cured of New Geostigma, and don't have to put up with either her brats, Reeve's rather tedious company or that mako-mush-brain Cloud. Nor her hypocritical morals." By now, he had to clench his teeth against the pain in his wrist. He swallowed a gasp of pain as the fingers still dug deeper. It was astonishing just how powerful that prosthesis was. "Would you be so kind as to let go of my arm now?"

"Rufus." Tseng pronounced it rather slowly, trying to look him directly in the eye. Making him talk. But what was there to talk about? Things were simple for once and quite unchangeable, so why bother discussing them?

"Tseng, please, let go. You are hurting me."

The Turk paled and in the same moment, the pressure around his wrist relaxed and with an almost noiseless movement, Tseng withdrew the arm. The slight clicking of the metal was rather melodic, Rufus noticed through the throbbing of his wrist and the rush of blood that was shooting back into his hand.

"I'm sorry. It's not been adjusted, yet. - Did I hurt you much?"

"No, don't worry." He turned to the door and refrained from looking at or even massaging his wrist; it would only bother Tseng. "See you tomorrow and – get well." He turned from the room before Tseng could keep him back once more.

Very well, things are getting started. Next chapter (for, even if I'm not quick, I am planning ahead): The Price we pay (it is going to be about Reeve, maybe the last chapter about him, don't know yet)

As always: I'd be very glad to hear your opinion and/or suggestions for what might happen etc, so:

Please review!