sorry this took so long, it's been ready for AGES, i just haven't been able to upload it, and have done sweet FA about it, so i think it was just a lil glitch, so here we are, let me know what you think.

i don't own FB, and i don't own 'i'm lost without you' by blink 182. and unfortunately i don't make any money from this either.

X-v-X

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you.

Never before in my life had Hatori's car seats felt so uncomfortable. We sat beside each other, painfully separated by the spare space between us. I looked out of the window, unable to bear seeing the pain in his face. Hatori and Shigure sat in the front, they said nothing, only faced forwards, their silence as painful as ours. I wondered vaguely if they had felt like they had cheated us, if maybe they felt guilty for having to deliver the lamb to the slaughter. It struck me as unfair that they should have their happiness uninterrupted, that although they had their problems they all had each other. We all heard what Shigure and Ayame got up to when Ayame came for his 'special visits'. It sickened me that they would allow that to transpire between themselves, but they would not help us, and I genuinely loved Yuki, and I would love him eternally.

My eyes were heavy, I thought maybe I could sleep on the way to the main house, yet I got that peculiar sensation of being watched. I turned, and he looked at me with tears in his eyes, his face had drained of any colour it had ever possessed, and he looked like death. He presented his trembling hand to me, palm upright, I took it up and grasped it tightly, his skin was damp most likely from tears that I hadn't seen him shed.

From the corner of my eye I could see Hatori watching us in the rear-view mirror, from what I could make out, he was shocked, if not aghast. But I had no time now for worrying about what other people thought, these were the last moments I had with the one person in my life who had truly loved me, and I intended to make myself remember every second of it.

There were various scenarios running through my head, the different ways tonight could end, what ways Akito could hurt us, hurt me. I had a sneaking suspicion that I would be locked up tonight, that once I entered those gates, I would never know freedom again. I tried to shake the feeling, tried to think of other things, of how we could escape, survive, or at least die together at the hand of Akito.

/'/'/'/'/'/'/y'/'u/'/k'/'I/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

My stomach hurt, the kind of ache I only got when I was going to be sick, I tried to stay still, moving too much would provoke it, and so I looked out of the window watching the wintry scene as is passed me by. The snow had settled, and the long and winding private road out of Shigure's house was pure, untrodden, there was no interruption of footprints breaking up the powdery substance. On any other occasion this would be a beautiful and perfect scene to behold, I would ask him to walk with me through it, to go and wander between the trees. There was no chance of this happening though, I had a heavy and looming feeling that this would be the end.

Our moments together had been short and fleeting, out time was precious but quickly running out. in my head I could hear a loudly ticking clock, counting down until our end. The main house terrified me at the best of times, yet I knew now that there was definitely pain, humiliation, and abuse on the way. It was just what form it would come in that remained a mystery.

I couldn't help but cling to the childish idea that maybe everything would be ok, that maybe he would congratulate us, or even just scold us, and then send us on our way. There was however, no point in even calculating the chances of that happening.

I tried to remain strong, tried to think that everything is ok eventually, there is nothing that can't be sorted out, yet I then remembered our family's way of sorting things out, they routinely used brutal violence and deep hypnosis to correct us in our wrong ways, or even in our correct ways that they didn't agree with.

My heart physically hurt, a dull ache that throbbed deep in my chest. I could not live without him, there was no chance of it. He was the air that stopped me from asphyxiating, the will to live that stopped me from drowning. The world turned in mysterious ways, and I never would have believe anyone who told me that I would love my worst enemy more than I knew how to describe.

I cried then, my eyes welling up and blurring my view from the window. Snow heavy branches began to swirl, they were suddenly under water. I was slowly losing control, my life had been torn up in the past few weeks, there was not one part of me that was the same, I had lived life for the first time it seemed, and yet, I had never felt so trapped, and so destined for a bad ending.

I wiped the tears away as discreetly as I could, and then, When I was certain I looked ok, I turned to look at him. he was facing the window, his posture awkward and uncomfortable, yet he was deathly still, only his slow breathing was detectable with great concentration. I could make out the lines of his face more clearly in the low light, highly defined cheekbones and a chiselled jaw that everyone took for granted. he was heartbreakingly beautiful.

I wondered if he was thinking of me, or if maybe he was asleep, it crossed my mind that he might be crying as I had, but I found that unlikely, maybe, he just didn't want to look at me anymore. the mere thought made me feel like dying, yet once it was there, I couldn't stop it from plaguing me.

I stared at his motionless form for what felt like an eternity, yet it was probably only a few minutes. I was scared that if we were eternally separated, by whatever means, that this would be the last thing I would have to remember him by. I felt the sting of tears return, and as I went to stare back out of my window, he moved slowly, turning to face me.

This was Kyo, he was the cat, perfectly structured and formed, beautiful like our family genes dictated, and yet a total outsider. He looked wounded, his expression was similar to that of when he had just been kicked to the floor, by the only person who was truly stronger than him: me.

I held my hand out to him, vaguely aware that I was shaking. He spent a long time just looking at me, as if he didn't recognise me, but he took it, and held it tightly, a grip that, metaphorically at least, would never be broken. As he stared deep into my eyes, I lost the ability to suppress my emotions, I cried freely, my face no doubt looking as if it was crumbling. I couldn't see him very well, the whole thing happened in a blur, my seatbelt was unbuckled and I was pulled gently towards him. he wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders and pulled my head to his chest. He was warmth in the freezing winter, water in the parched desert, and home in the distant lands. My sobs became slightly more vocal, as I tried to cling onto what I was soon to lose. My eyes closed, as if not seeing our quick approach to the main house would delay it, and although I was blind, I knew that Hatori was watching us in the rear mirror. I had no care for what he or Shigure thought, I had no care for privacy anymore, and I had most importantly lost any shame that may have. I knew if I opened my eyes, the tears I was shielding would fall onto kyo's trouser leg.

He began to run his fingers through my hair, his hands were trembling, but the touch sent shivers all through me, soon I would lose this, one way or another, this was the end.

/;/;/;/;/;k/;/;/y;/;/;/o/;/;/;/;/

I watched out of the window, everything passed by in a blur, the world as a whole would keep turning no matter how much my own world crashed and burned in the hours that approached. Everything was bleak, the snow stung my eyes with its purity, even the deciduous trees seemed to be dying in this cold. Only days earlier it had been unusually warm for the time of year.

His hand rested on my lightly on my thigh, there was nothing sexual in this, it was an act of desperation, this was him hopping to cling on to me forever, I hoped deep down that it would work, but the more logical part of my brain was despondent, there was no way out of this.

I laid my hand on top of his, it was cold, the blood seemed not to be circulating through him properly, this was a common problem to him, and his skin often turned blue, like he was dying. A shiver worked its way through me leaving no part of my body untouched. Part of me couldn't help but speculate that this was an omen of the worst kind. I half expected to look out of the window again and see clusters of birds dying and falling from the sky, bombs that would never explode, dropped by Akito.

Squeezing the fragile digits within my hand, I chanced a glance at the world outside, no dead birds littered the road, and far above me, a crack was slowly beginning to appear in the sky allowing a slither of gold and shimmering light to peek out at me. The barbed wire feeling in the pit of my stomach subsided a bit, I hadn't even noticed it.

I looked to his silvery hair, and kissed it gently, causing his head to rise and look at me, his eyes were red, tired, and nowhere near as strong as they needed to be to cope with this. I searched deep within them, finding an emptiness that disturbed me more than I could have ever imagined. Leaning closer I placed a kiss on his lips to seal our fate, and to remind him that I loved him so much I actually scared myself.

His eyes darted to look out of the window, I hoped he had seen the hopeful sun, but in fact, he had noticed our surroundings. We were pulling into the gates of the main house, they were open and waiting for us. I felt sick to the deepest parts of me, even more so as I felt him tremble inside my grasp.

A sickly Akito was stood on the front deck of his house, Kureno lurked in the background, it struck me as frightening that someone as fragile as Akito could be so terrifying, yet she had a strength like no one else in the family, in the 'real world', she would be considered some kind of freak. She came closer and closer, the wheels of the car struggling over snow, ice and gravel until it came to a gentle stop.

All four of us breathed in at once, none of us ready to let go of the air in our lungs just yet. Without a word, the two older cousins opened their doors, and climbed slowly out, it was macabre and funeral like, I expected a horse drawn funeral cart to appear from the distance, my name written in flowers inside it, propped up against a neat wooden box.

I was bought back from my reverie by the doors slamming, and my smartly dressed family members waiting for us to follow suit. Shigure took a grip on my handle, and opened my door, a gust of cold wind danced into the car with a ferocity that matched the mood of the day. Sitting up, Yuki let go of my hand, his whole body trembling as he undid my seat belt. My legs were not solid as I tried to rise to my feet and gain a sense of balance. As I adjusted, not daring to look at Akito, I wanted to turn and help Yuki from the car, as if he was some princess, but I restrained myself, instead I felt him standing close behind me, his body almost covering me with a heat that came close to calming me.

He came to stand beside me. And I looked over at him, seeing Akito in the distance as a blur. I took his hand in mine, and said quietly, so only he would hear:

"I love you. No matter what happens, remember that. I'll make sure we're ok, I'll sort it out, I promise. But please, don't ever forget how much you mean to me." My eyes blurred with tears as I took my first step towards what could have been my final minutes of freedom.

He said nothing, he knew he didn't have to. He just walked beside me, our hands linked for the last time. I looked up to see Akito scowling at us, her face was pure acid, and she looked about to be sick. She eyed me in particular, and spat:

"you disgust me. Go" she pointed to her right, a door stood open about five meters away from her.

I didn't move. I couldn't. She became impatient and began to speak again:

"Kureno. Take that thing away from me"

The rooster was patient and calm, he seemed to melt me away from Yuki, both of us too stunned, scared, and wounded to fight. I was guided through an unlit hall.

And that was the last I saw of him.

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you