VERSE TWO Chapter Fifteen

JUSTIN

"Ohmigod!" Daph squeals. She throws her arms around me and kisses me, bouncing up and down with delight. "He actually said that? That he wants you back?"

I struggle uselessly to free myself, but she's having none of it. She's too excited to notice.

"Daph, let go. And why the hell are you so pleased, anyway?"

She pulls a face at me. "Well, duh. And you aren't?"

"Of course I'm fucking not," I snap at her. "I told you, I can't go through all this shit again."

She frowns. "And who says you have to?"

"Because I will!" I don't understand what she's not getting. How many times do I have to explain?

"Justin." She puts her hands on her hips and sticks out her chin. "Brian fucking Kinney said he wants you back in his life … as his partner … how is that a bad thing?"

"Because he is Brian fucking Kinney. He doesn't even do boyfriends. And believe me, I know."

"But, Justin… what if he's changed?"

"What if he hasn't?"

"Well, you're never going to know unless you give him a chance. Like he told you!"

"Like his shrink told him to! The shrink he always claimed he never believed in!"

"Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. If Brian could have been wrong about that, then he could have been wrong about other things as well. Like not doing boyfriends!"

I feel like kicking something in frustration. "I've got what I wanted, Daph! My own place … my own money … I like it. I can't give it up and go back to being Brian's kept boy! Not when I know that in a few months, when he's got bored with me being around again, I'll be back where I started!"

"Did Brian ask you to give it up?" she demands.

"No," I admit. "He told me to take as long as I want … that he'll wait."

"Then there you are!" Daph exclaims triumphantly. "Take your time … see what happens. Keep your flat, and your job, and your independence, and give Brian a chance!"

"I'm scared, Daph." It's the truth.

She gives me another hug. "I know. But what have you got to lose? It's not like you're exactly happy, you know."

"I'm happier than I was when I had to watch Brian fucking tricks in our bed!"

"Do you remember telling me how Brian could only see extremes? That marriage had to mean picket fences and convention and boredom? And that the only alternative was to have no kind of relationship at all? Well, can't you see that you're doing the exact same thing? Believing that the only alternatives for you are either to be a dependent, pathetic plaything for Brian or to shut yourself away from the world like … like … Miss Haversham."

Miss Haversham? Miss fucking Haversham? I don't think I've ever been so insulted in my life.

I throw Daph on the settee and tickle her mercilessly until she swears she's going to wet herself.

TBC