Chapter Thirty Seven

They walked until it was almost dawn, crossing a couple more fields and another forest. When they got halfway through the forest, neither one of them could keep their eyes open and they decided to sleep for awhile. They spread their bedrolls out side by side and snuggled down into them.

"First night out under the stars since the beach in Norway," Alan said as he held her close and gazed up at the night sky.

"I just hope we'll be alright out here," Rose said, gazing up at the sky with him.

He took hold of her chin and slowly turned her head so he could look into her eyes.

"I won't let anyone or anything hurt you, Rose. I swear that to you."

Rose smiled and snuggled her head against his chest as he draped his arm around her body.

"Sleep now, my love, you're safe here," he whispered in her ear.

Rose smiled at that and with a contented sigh, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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Rose stood in a meadow on some alien world. She looked up in the sky and noticed it was a faint pink color. On one side of the sky was a brightly glowing sun and on the other side was a blue planet with two Saturn-like rings crisscrossing it. She looked over and noticed someone sitting by himself in the distance. She could tell by the blue suit and the tousled hair blowing in the breeze that it was the Doctor. However, he had his back to her and was completely unaware of her presence. She walked towards him, looking all around for any sign of the Valeyard, but he was nowhere to be found. Wary of that, she slowly walked towards the lone Time Lord.

"Doctor?" she said when she got a few feet away.

"Been waiting for you," he said, without turning around.

Rose walked around him, mindful that any moment something bad might happen. However, when she got around to the front, she noticed he was just calmly sitting on his trench coat with his legs stretched out in front of him, enjoying the breezy day. He smiled when he looked up at her.

"Mornin'" he said, cheerfully.

Rose looked all around her. She could see no sign of the Valeyard, but she also didn't see the TARDIS anywhere. She looked at the Doctor who was still smiling up at her.

"Where's the TARDIS?"

"Oh, it's in the vortex with me still inside," he said. "I just decided to astral project here and enjoy the nice, cool day while I waited for you."

Red flags went off in Rose's mind.

"Why are you waiting for me?" she said.

He frowned.

"Why wouldn't I wait for you?" he said.

"How did you know I would be here?"

He smiled.

"Because I called you to me."

Again, the red flags went off.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to see you. This is no ordinary dream you're having, Rose. We're astral projecting our souls onto this planet as a kind of meeting place. I'm asleep right now and I guess you are as well because here you are. Now, would you like to sit down next to me?"

"Nothing's going to happen to me?"

He frowned.

"No, not to my knowledge. Why? Do you think something will happen?"

Rose wondered if she should mention the Valeyard and then decided against it.

"Well, you know, trouble just always seems to follow us everywhere we go," she said as casually as she could.

He chuckled.

"Don't I know it? But, no, we're not in any danger here. This is just the two of us sharing one another's company for awhile. So, please, have a seat."

Rose sat down on the trench coat next to him.

"Will we remember being here when we wake up?" she asked him.

"Dunno, I hope so, but one never knows about these things. Still, we might remember it on a subconscious level even if we can't recall it consciously. But, enough technical talk, what's been going on? How are you getting along with the other me?"

Rose smiled.

"He's brilliant. You'd love him, honestly. He's so sweet and loving to me."

"So, no hating me for leaving you with him?"

"No."

He smiled at that.

"Rose, I'm sorry I left you there with him. It's just that…"

She held up her hand.

"No, you don't have to explain. I understand."

The Doctor relaxed at that.

"I want you to be happy, Rose. That's all I've ever wanted. All you've ever deserved was to be happy."

He sighed.

"I didn't want to leave you with him, but I had no choice. I thought that if I left you there with him then at least you wouldn't be alone; at least you could have a Doctor in your life that would love and cherish you. I just don't want you to hate me for doing that."

"I could never hate you, Doctor, not in a million years."

He smiled and took her hands.

"If you are happy with him, then my fears about doing this will be put to rest."

"I am. I'm happy being with Alan and I thank you for bringing us together."

He frowned.

"Alan?"

"That's his name. His human name. Alonzo Arthur Timelord."

The Doctor grinned.

"Alonzo, gee, where in the world did he get that from?" he said as Rose giggled. "Alan, nice name, well good, I'm glad he's making an effort to adapt to his new life."

"He is. He's just wonderful. He and I are traveling the world now."

"You are?"

"Oh yeah, we're in New Jersey now and eventually we hope to see the world…or most of it."

The Doctor chuckled.

"Yup, just like me, can't stay in one place for very long."

"No, he can't."

She took his hand.

"And thank you so much for the coral. Thank you for letting us have our own TARDIS eventually."

He smiled.

"You're welcome. I don't want you trapped there forever, Rose. I know exactly what it's like to be stuck on Earth, trust me. Alan and you deserve to be out there among the stars. Mind you, normally it takes thousands of years for a TARDIS to mature, but I did a little jiggery-pokery with the coral and decreased the wait time to ten years. I could have shortened it even more, but I wanted to give Alan time to adjust and get over being bitter and angry before you two set off. I want to make sure that the universe isn't being threatened. Plus, he's half human and he needs to learn how to be one. I know ten years might seem like a lifetime, but it'll go by quickly, trust me."

Rose nodded.

"You don't have to worry about Alan, he's better now and every day more and more of the anger is going away."

"Good."

She took his hands.

"But, please don't be angry with him for what he did. He was trying to save the universe and if he hadn't killed the Daleks, they would have killed everyone else."

"But killing them is not the answer."

"But, isn't that what you did in the Time War?" Rose challenged.

The Doctor fell silent.

"If I could have found another way to end the Time War without killing them, I would have," he said. "I had no choice."

"Well, neither did Alan. Doctor, they were going to disintegrate everything in creation. The stars still might have gone out if Alan hadn't stopped them. Because of him, we don't have to worry about that anymore. Can't you understand that?"

"I understand, Rose, I do. But, he needs to learn that he can't solve every problem that way."

"He knows that," Rose said angrily. "He's not a monster, Doctor. He's not a threat. If he was, why would you leave him there with me and my mum? You don't know him."

"I don't know him? Rose, he's my clone."

"No, not anymore. He's different now. He's made himself act differently, so he won't be your clone. He doesn't want to be that. Oh God, I wish you could just come back over the void and see him, talk to him and find out that he's not this big looming danger. I think if you see what he's doing to try to change and improve himself, you'd be so proud of him. I wish you could see that for yourself," she said, lowering her head into her hands.

The Doctor stared at her, sadly, his heart filled with regret for what he did to Alan. He knew she was right. Alan had done no less than he had in the Time War and he judged him unfairly. He hated that Rose was angry at him. He could withstand any torment in the universe except this. The last thing he wanted was for Rose to be angry at him for the rest of her life. With an imploring look on his face, he leaned in and lifted her face to his.

"I'm sorry, Rose. Please forgive me. You're right, it wasn't fair to Alan and I wish I could tell him that face to face and see how much he's improved. But I know he has gotten better because he has you. That's why I wanted you with him. Because I knew that you had the power to take away all the bitterness and anger just like you did with me. I don't want you hating me for the rest of your life because I did this. Please, don't hate me, Rose."

She swallowed hard when she saw the forlorn look on his face. She stroked his cheek.

"I will never hate you, either of you. I love you both so very much and that will never change, no matter what happens."

Her heart soared when she saw the joy and relief on the Doctor's face.

"You make me proud, Rose, every second of every minute of every hour of every day, you make me so proud and I thank all the gods in existence that I met you."

"Same here," Rose said.

She leaned in and hesitated a moment before kissing him on the lips. To her surprise, the Doctor didn't shrink away and kissed her back. They stayed that way for a moment before they leaned back and gazed into each other's eyes.

"Rose, please know that I do love you even if I could never say it in the waking world," he said.

Rose smiled and nodded.

"I know you do and I love you too and I always will."

He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"I think I better get back to my body now. I was just taking a short little kip. So many things have been happening lately. So many stressful things and I finally just let myself rest from it all. That's why I called you here. I needed to see you and talk to you to kinda…cheer me up."

Rose flinched at that.

"Doctor, listen, please listen. You have to be strong now, yeah? You mustn't give in to despair. Please, just go somewhere fun with Donna and…"

"Donna isn't with me anymore," he said, his eyes downcast.

Rose's heart stopped.

"You're…you're alone again?" she said, panicked.

"No, not now."

"Then…who's with you?" she said, dreading the answer.

He sighed.

"Her name is River."

Rose shut her eyes, her worst fears confirmed.

"Oh God, no," she said.

"Rose, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"Doctor," she said, taking his hands. "Please listen, you have to try to remember all this when you wake up. I want you to know that you're not alone. No matter what happens. If…something happens and you need someone to talk to, go find Jack or Sarah Jane or Martha, anybody, just don't face everything alone."

The Doctor studied her face.

"Why are you telling me this?" he said.

She swallowed hard.

"I'm scared for you," she said.

"Scared? Why? I'm alright, Rose, honestly. I'll be alright, just stop worrying and enjoy being with Alan. I'm not upset that you love him, Rose, not in the least. I want you and him to be together and be happy for the rest of your lives."

"And I want the same for you. I want you to be happy, Doctor; I don't want you thinking that everything is hopeless and give up on life. Please, just promise me, if it gets to be too much that you'll go find someone and talk to them before it's too late."

"Too late for what?" the Doctor asked.

Rose hesitated as the Doctor waited for her answer.

"Just…don't give up," she said, not wanting to utter the Valeyard's name. "I love you, you hear me? I love you and I won't give up on you, so don't you give up on yourself, you hear me?"

The Doctor, stunned, silently nodded. Rose flung herself into his arms and held him tightly willing her strength and love and peace into his soul as he held her in his arms.

"Stay strong, my love, stay strong for me," she whispered in his ear.

"I will, Rose, I promise."

Rose clung to him, desperate to believe that he would keep that promise. The Doctor, unsure of why she was so distraught, rubbed her back trying to ease her fears and his own. Seeing her so scared filled him with fear and he wanted nothing more than to fix whatever was wrong and make her happy and peaceful again.

"Rose, I swear on my life that I will be alright, nothing will happen to me, just don't be afraid," he said.

Rose nodded and leaned back up. She cupped his face with her hands.

"I'm here, anytime you need me, come here and call me to you and I will come without a second thought."

The Doctor smiled and nodded. They shared one more kiss and leaned their foreheads against one another.

"I better go, Rose," he said. "Don't worry about me, I'll try my hardest to remember what you said when I wake up and I will talk to someone if I need to. Just go on and have fun going around the world with Alan and don't worry, alright?"

Rose nodded. He rubbed her cheek and nuzzled her nose and then with a smile, he vanished with his coat. Rose sat there for a moment saying a silent prayer that he would remember their conversation before she lifted into the air and quickly flew back to her body.