Please don't throw anything at me!
I know, it's been forever since I updated. Not my fault.
Okay, a little my fault… But hey, between my problems with my wrists and the finals that came up, I really couldn't—you don't care, do you? *sees stony faces* You just want me to update, despite my problems, don't you?
You people are mean.
Anyway….
500 REVIEWS! THAT'S A HALF THOUSAND! PERCABETH49, YOU ROCK!
ANSWERS
ONE. Arthur. By the way, in my profile, who all voted for "Because Arthur's a prat"?
TWO. Uther. Since I went on and on about him last chapter, I will not pay much attention to him now. Really, I probably won't have much to say about him again until near the end. When he kills Gwen's dad and grabs Morgana by the neck, and… yeah. That's when everyone really began hating his guts, I think.
THREE. Gwen. By the way, also found on my profile… I found a Dark!Gwen YouTube video, and it's amazing. The link's on my profile; if you like Dark! Characters, you should check it out. It's awesome.
FOUR. Merlin, who is mine. Yes, mine. No one else can have him. *hugs to self protectively*
FIVE. Morgana. How I hate her.
SIX. Nimueh. COUNTDOWN UNTIL SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION: (not including this one) 8 episodes.
RUNDOWN OF "LANCELOT:"
Remember how, last episode, I went on about how much I loved Uther? This episode, I'll go on about how much I hate Lancelot. And want him to fall off a cliff. And die. (The sap.)
Yes, I know he hasn't done anything wrong yet. But I don't care. He needs to stop running away and confusing Gwen and fooling Merlin into liking him—it's all an act! Really, Lance is a recreant knight. *growls* Yes, that's in the same world as all my conspiracies, where Leon is a bad guy, Merlin is a spy and Uther knows, and Arthur is a creeper (uh, we might need to save that explanation for later).
Actually, if I didn't know about the legend, then I might like Lancelot. Well enough. I mean, he is a BIT sappy, and in the second season he just runs out on Gwen… But if I didn't know that yet…
I'll try to keep this explanation short…
Merlin is picking herbs.
Merlin is attacked by a griffin. Because he's an idiot, he just lets it attack him and closes his eyes while lying on the ground with it about to eat him. He doesn't even TRY magic.
Lancelot jumps up out of nowhere and fights the monster for like two seconds before his sword snaps and he and Merlin run.
They get away, but Lancelot is injured (when? The thing never touched him!) and passes out. Somehow Merlin (yes, the scrawny one) gets him back to Camelot and Gaius says he'll be fine. Merlin feels like he owes Lancelot something.
Lancelot wants to be a knight more than anything in the world, so Merlin asks Arthur. (And when Merlin offers this, Fangirl!Lancelot is all "YOU KNOW ARTHUR?")
(Merlin says that he's seen Lancelot fight, that they'll love him, and that he could shame the Great Arthur himself. More on that in Merlin's memo…)
Arthur is in need of knights, but only nobility can be knights.
Nobility makes me personally think of the Latin word nobis, meaning "to/for us." Just saying.
Lancelot is all depressed, but Merlin is determined and rules-optional, a bad combination.
Can you see where this is going? I'll tell you: a forgery of a seal of nobility. *rolls eyes* Not one of Merlin's better plans. I still can't believe he talked the "noble" (as in the adjective, not the station) Lance into this! Don't they know anything? Lies ALWAYS backfire. ALWAYS. I hate shows/movies where the plot is all based off of the main character's lie. People shouldn't lie. Period. That's why there is so much distrust in the world. That's why people get backstabbed. THAT'S WHY THEY SAY IT'S THEIR LAST PIECE OF GUM BUT IT ISN'T.
Lance agrees to Merlin's plan.
I hate Lancelot. Don't make me watch anymore. Can I quit? LET ME DIE.
Quickly, I can feel a heart attack coming on. Well, Gwen measures Lancelot for his armor, and there is a spark between Lance and Gwen, and I want to kill them both. Later, Lancelot asks Merlin if he and Gwen are… well, he knows. And Merlin's like, "Oh, no!" And I'm like, "He just kissed her passionately last episode is all!"
Arthur tests Lancelot by making fun of him, making him do menial chores and all.
I love Arthur.
Later Arthur approaches Lancelot and tells him he wants to fight, so they do and Lancelot makes basic training. But that griffin thing is causing problems and can't seem to be defeated, but it keeps eating people and attacking, so Arthur moves up the knight-test because he really needs Lancelot.
Lancelot makes it! He pretends to be knocked out and then grabs Arthur's ankle and knocks him down. Arthur looks really mad, but Merlin is totally unconcerned as Arthur points his sword at Lancelot's chest… And decides to knight him.
Uther is not as stupid as he looks, though, and has never heard of Lancelot, so he goes and has Geoffrey check it. The librarian, who pwns all, figures it out, but conveniently forgets to mention that Merlin was also seen sneaking around the same book where the forgery came from. So, anyway, the day after being knighted (Uther had to wait until AFTER to look this up), Lancelot is arrested. Merlin feels guilty.
That'll teach you to lie, Merlin, dear.
Arthur wants Lancelot to be forgiven, but Uther says, "How can you trust a man that lied to you?"
*Kitty O looks at Merlin*
Arthur lets Lancelot out without telling his father, but he's all mad because he thinks that he should've known: "You don't sound like a knight; you don't even look like a knight!" Lancelot says he's sorry, looking like he's two inches tall. "I'm sorry too… Because, Lancelot, you fight like a knight."
Can I say something? You know how when Merlin gets upset or angry or cries, you just want to hug him tightly? Well, when Arthur gets upset or angry (I think he cries once), you just want to sit back and breathe, "My word; that was manly!" I mean, I'm Team Merlin, but when Arthur acts humble and Bradley James opens his eyes really wide like that, I just really think what he's mad at should explode. Because that is a very, very manly piece of acting right there. I love NonPrat!Arthur.
Uh, where was I? So Lancelot still wants to help, so he goes to Gwen for… I don't know, a weapon? A horse? I wasn't paying attention. I was covering my ears screaming "I CAN'T SEE THE GWENCELOT!" Gwen finds the way he wants to serve as a noble knight quite attractive. She finds the nobility attractive. You know, that knightly spirit that would never steal his friend's wife?
I hate Lancelot.
Merlin is learning a spell to defeat the griffin, because between Lancelot's sword, later Arthur's spear, and the information in Gaius's book, we know it can't be defeated normally. Of course he can't get it until the last minute, because that would detract from the suspense. (And by the way, Merlin has a bit of a hissy fit when Gaius suggests he save Arthur by killing the griffin with magic more powerful than he's ever tried.)
But Lancelot and Merlin ride off in the direction of the terrified screams (not exaggerating!) and find all the men either dead or unconscious, including Arthur, but the griffin still there. Merlin casts the enchantment on Lancelot's spear, but forgets that Lancelot isn't as blind or dumb as Arthur, because he honestly thinks Lance didn't notice blue flames sprouting in front of him and the griffin catching on fire as soon as he hit it.
Merlin, you're an idiot.
So Arthur wakes up and sees what Lancelot did. And he's all like, "You did it!" And Lancelot's like, "Yeah, I did."
When they get home, Gaius's is all like, "You did it!" And Merlin agrees, "Yeah, I did."
When Arthur returns, Uther is all like, "You did it!" And Arthur's all, "No, I didn't."
Way to ruin the pattern.
So Arthur, who isn't so much of a prat now and is pretty manly, thinks the rules are wrong and wants Lancelot to be a knight again because he deserves it. But Lancelot knows that Merlin really did it with magic (and announced it so loud to Merlin that the guard behind him now DEFINETELY knows Merlin's secret; stinks for the warlock…) and so he doesn't want to be made a knight and cause problems between the king and prince. He says that he wants to prove to himself that he deserves to be a knight one day.
He leaves as Gwen watches from a window.
Next time we hear from him, he's fighting to the death to entertain a disgusting bandit because he has no other skills.
How noble…
I apologize to Lancelot fans. But come on, he destroys Camelot by cheating on his best friend! That isn't cool! Hopefully it never happens in the show…
MEMOS
ONE.
Best line: *the expression on his face when told that his book on genealogy was a page-turner*
Hello. I know you only were there for like five seconds, but I have to wonder…
So, Merlin shows up and suspiciously looks at a book for suspicious reasons. Days later, his suspicious little friend is proven to have a forgery with information out of the same book. Suspicous, eh? So why didn't you say anything? You could've gotten Merlin arrested.
You just like Merlin, that it?
Or maybe you, like Uther, think he's a spy? But you secretly work for the bad guys? AH-HA!
Or maybe… Maybe you KNOW HIS SECRET?
*raises eyebrows*
Suspiciously,
Kitty O
TWO.
Best line: "First [before you sweep], I want you to kill me. C'mon. Don't pretend you don't want to… I know I'd want to."
I'd want to, too. But I would be smart enough to see past the humiliation tactics you were using and know you were just seeing how far I could be pushed and act humble about it. (I would fail.)
I really enjoyed your actor's acting in this episode. It was fun seeing you fight griffins and taunt men that you were testing for knighthood. You called yourself an Ultimate Killing Machine again. It's really funny to watch.
You are beginning to question tradition! YAY! "Then the rules are wrong!" LET ME KISS YOU. Yes, you hate me, but that doesn't matter. Pucker up, you wonderful maturing knight!
(Aw, look at you. You're willing to do your servant favors? Who has a little friend? Your possibly first REAL friend?)
Hey, wait. Why can you release men from the dungeons without asking daddy in this episode, but you can never release Gwen, Merlin, or Gaius? Is it because lying is not as big an offense as healing your father from dying with magic? (Did you feel the sarcasm?)
Love (No, really, I DO like you!)
~Kitty O :)
THREE
Best line: (When asked which she would choose if she had to, Arthur or Lancelot): "Ah, but I don't have to and I never will!"
*looks at line above*
Now that's just wrong.
That's just too ironic. It's MEAN, that's what it is.
*dies*
So you're attracted to his noble nature, are you?
~Kitty O of Awesomeness, PBO
FOUR
Best line: "I'd give my life for you without a thought."
Was that foreshadowing of s1e13?
Hey, sorry Uther doesn't believe it's magic! Isn't it weird how he'll only believe magic is responsible if it isn't? Well, don't blame him. He can't help it if he's part-plot-device.
He shouldn't doubt your all-knowing textbooks of DOOM, eh?
Sincerely,
Kitty
FIVE
Best line: "We're not breaking the rules, we're just bending them!"
No, you are, in fact, breaking them. That never ends well, but you, stupid, have to learn everything the hard way! Argh. I hate that.
A few points.
It's kind of nice that, despite how much of a prat you think Arthur is, you still look really proud of him when he does something well. And you called him the "great" Arthur. (That's weird.)
Also, what did you mean in the beginning when you said that you'd seen Lancelot in action? No, you hadn't! You just saw him swing a sword TWICE… And then break it. Really? Really?
So, how does it feel to be told again that your destiny was intertwined with someone's? (Gaius said it about Lancelot this time.) Are you ready to jump out of a window every time you hear the word destiny yet? Because I think I am.
Last thing. Actually, the first code is very fair. Maybe it's out of date now, and Uther should let more men in to be knights. But at the time, Uther had to be very careful and make sure he knew all the men, and that they were loyal. Plus, educated, trained nobility are probably (usually) better fighters. What do you mean "It's not fair"? It's fair enough. Plus, you are a commoner in the middle ages. Is anything fair towards your lot?
With My Love,
Kitty O of Awesomeness.
Please review. It's a long chapter again, so excuse me if I made grammar mistakes. Now, back to studying for a final…
I'll post "A Remedy to Cure All Ills" when I can! Yay, more fangirling!
*Cocks guns and puts to Merlin's head* All right, review, or my boyfriend here gets it!