Chapter 36: Buried
Kurt had asked me to drive him to the airport at 5 in the morning, despite me having school only a few hours later. That being said, I am completely exhausted. I decided to stop by to quickly get a coffee before making my way home to hang out with Cooper.
I knew the voice as soon as I walked into the Lima Bean. I thanked the cashier before I walked over to where I had a clear view of the stage; there was Sebastian with his guitar. I sat down at a table directly across from him so that I could watch him sing.
Everyone clapped for him as he finished. "Thank you everybody. I'm going to take a quick break but I'll be back shortly." He said standing up and placing his guitar in a stand. Sebastian smiled at them before walking in my direction.
"That was awesome." Someone said walking in front of Sebastian to stop him.
"Thank you." He said a playful smirk on his face. "I try." He said winking at him and crossing his arms.
"Are we still on for tonight?" I heard him ask. Please don't tell me that he's with someone else. No, not Sebastian; maybe a hook up, but definitely not dating. It wasn't fair that Sebastian just assumed I was with Kurt.
"Y-yeah. Pick me up at 8. I'll talk to you later." Sebastian said walking by him. It felt like a slap to the face when the guy turned around. It was John; the first 'love' of Sebastian's life. Also known as the guy who was hitting on me not a week before. Sebastian was about to walk away when his eyes met mine. He hesitated slightly but came to sit with me.
"Hey." I said as he sat down. "What was what?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"I sang…" He said in a tone as if I was stupid.
"You're going out with John?" I hope I didn't sound as irritated as I was.
"Not like that." Sebastian said shaking his head and leaning forward. "We're just ordering in and watching movies at his place."
"And that's not a date?"
"He's my friend…I thought you of all people would be happy that I'm making friends."
"As long as they aren't into you and they weren't your first love." I said bringing the lips to my coffee. That wasn't supposed to slip out.
"You're one to talk." Sebastian reclined backwards and let out a small laugh. Ouch. That hurt.
"He's not here anymore." I started. Sebastian shrugged, but I wanted to continue. "I'm not with him you know?"
"Why not?" Sebastian asked in a tone that seemed not to care, but I knew him better.
"I don't know. I didn't want to." I said looking at him in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I know you saw." I said sighing. "He kissed me out of nowhere, I didn't know it was coming." I knew it sounded stupid, but it was the truth. Sebastian shrugged and looked past me through the window, staring at who knows what. "By the way, what happened to your hand?" I asked grabbing his hand that was bandaged and bringing it closer to me so I could analyze it.
"Broke it."
"Obviously. How?" I said rolling my eyes.
"Warbler's practice." This conversation was awkward. He was answering in short responses, evidently not wanting to talk to me.
"I like the whole hipster look you have going on." I said, admiring his outfit; grey beanie, plaid shirt, and tight jeans. "Why aren't you in your Dalton Academy blazer?"
"I can't wear that at work." Sebastian's eyes grew wide, and I could tell he wasn't supposed to tell me. I narrowed my eyes and opened my mouth in disbelief.
"You're working here? How did that happen? Wait, why are you even working?"
"John said the manager wanted to hire me as the entertainment here. It beats stripping doesn't it?" He said looking down at the floor with a half smile. "I wanted to see what it felt like to work. Honestly though, it's killing two birds with one stone. I get to do what I love, and I get paid while doing it. It's the dream isn't it?"
I couldn't help but feel that there was something he was withholding, but what? "Looks like you got the job that was offered to me first." I said smiling. "That's awesome, I'm happy for you. So listen, I was thinking you could come over to visit Cooper tomorrow?" I said, not only because Cooper did want to see him, but I wanted to be with him too.
"Uh, yeah I'll stop by. How is Cooper?"
"He's doing good. He's home but he's taking it easy. He has another appointment next week to see if he'll need treatment."
"That's awesome! If he needs someone to go with him and you aren't available, tell him to shoot me a text." He said smiling.
"Will do. By the way, I did mention I wasn't with Kurt right?" I literally sounded desperate.
"Yeah." He said raising an eyebrow.
"And you honestly don't know why I'm not with him?" Sometimes Sebastian could be so oblivious. He shook his head.
"Can't say I do."
"It's because I love you Sebastian." I said reaching for his hands. Sebastian looked around. Was he embarrassed to hold my hands in public? He never was before. I hated those awkward moments when the two of us sat their not saying a word and avoiding eye contact at all costs. "Sebastian…the only reason we're ever awkward in front of each other is when there is something one of us wants to say but wont admit it."
Sebastian put on the half smile that absolutely melted my heart. "You know me too well." He let go of my hands before standing up. "I'm pretty sure my break is over. I'll see you later B." He said smiling
"Sebastian wait." I said standing up. "Tell me in song."
"Tell you what in song?"
"What you don't want to say to me." I said putting my hand on his shoulder. Sebastian nodded before going back on stage. He looked down at the ground before putting on a smile and announcing the next song to the crowd.
"Here we go." He said closing his eyes.
I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
'cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
Sebastian looked up and made eye contact with me. He hesitated slightly before he started singing again, averting his eyes from looking back in my direction.
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a guy with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed?
'cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a guy with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you? I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do to stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a guy with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Sebastian ran his hand through his hair when it was over and covered his face with his hand. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing Sebastian like this was tearing me apart. I ran out of there and drove away as fast as I could.
"Hey." John said opening the door with a smile from ear to ear.
"Hey John." I said getting into his car. I fidgeted slightly, being somewhat uncomfortable.
"What's wrong?" He said backing out of the driveway of my house. Well, my old house. I drove to my house and waited outside so that I at least give off the illusion that my life wasn't constantly breaking me.
"I've never been picked up by someone before." I admitted. Well, I've been picked up by Blaine, but never to go on a date or whatever the hell this was.
John laughed and placed his hand on my leg. "You deserve this and so much more. Stick with me; it's time someone started spoiling you instead of the other way around." He said winking at me.
I scoffed. If he thought the roles would be reversed, then he was sadly mistaken. "We'll see." I said smirking.
When we arrived at his apartment, I was surprised by how nice it actually was. He told me that he worked to support himself, but I couldn't imagine that the Lima Bean would provide enough money to afford such a luxury.
"What? Did you think I was poor?"
"It's not that." I said laughing and shaking my head. "Didn't you say you had roommates?"
"Yeah, but their not here. It's just us." He said showing me to his room. I threw myself onto his bed and took off my shoes, throwing them to the side. "Well, I guess there's no need to tell you to make yourself at home." He said smiling. "Order the pizza. I'll be right back with drinks."
I pulled out my phone to order the pizza. When I had finished ordering it, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander before he came back up. I wonder what Blaine is doing right now. Probably with Cooper. Does he miss me?
"Here you go." John said handing me a drink.
"What the hell is this?" I said scrunching my face after drinking some. Clearly someone didn't know that a mixed drink wasn't supposed to have that much alcohol.
"Pussy." He said lying down and turning on the TV. It felt strange being here. I wasn't used to going to someone's house unless it was to have sex, but even if that's what John wanted, I told him in advance I wouldn't be doing anything.
John scooted closer to me so that he was touching me. I pretended not to notice; I was comfortable and didn't want to move. Johns put his hand on my leg, massaging me and moving closer to my cock. I grabbed his hand and looked at him "I told you I wouldn't be giving in." I said smirking.
"We'll see." John said smiling and taking his hand off of me. I wasn't sure what we were watching; the only thing I could think about was Blaine. He wasn't with Kurt, which made me extremely happy, but I didn't want him to not be with him just because he pitied me. John propped up on his elbow to look at me. "Sebastian, of all people, is refusing sex?" He said raising an eyebrow. "I don't even think those words can be in the same sentence."
I scoffed, but truth be told he was spot on. It was very, very, out of character for me to deny someone a good time, especially someone as good looking as John.
"Blaine won't care." John said straddling and pinning me down. Surprisingly, John was pretty strong. "He doesn't have to know." He said leaning down and sucking on my neck. John smirked, pushing himself up. "Looks like someone wants some attention." He said gripping my length, causing me to buck into him. John quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out two small pills. He placed his into his mouth before looking back at me.
"Open your mouth." He leaned back down to suck and bite on my bottom lip.
"I don't do that crap anymore." I said pushing myself into a sitting position. When Blaine and I split, it was safe to say that I was sent into a darker place than I was in before. Going to parties, using recreational drugs, drinking till I blacked out; that was just a regular day for me. But I knew how B felt about using those methods as outlets, and I wouldn't let him see me like that.
"You know, for having a bad boy reputation, you're kind of a let down." He said rolling off of me. "I'll get you another drink."
I looked at John as he walked away. I had known that Blaine made me soft, but it kind of stung when someone else pointed it out. He came back with a bottle of patron and some soda. "Shots!" He said with a smile on his face.
I had only taken a few shots, but it suddenly felt as if my world was spinning. I hadn't even finished the drink I was currently working on and and I was already gone. No, this isn't right. Something…something wasn't right.
"John." I said trying to push him off of me. I was sweating. My mouth felt dry. I couldn't focus, yet it felt like I could hear, see, smell, feel, and even taste everything. Euphoria filled me, sending me over the edge. "Jo-" Why couldn't I form words?
"Starting to feel it already?" John said pushing me down and grinding on me. He smirked against my neck when I let out a moan.
"W-what did you…" It felt like I was losing consciousness. What the hell was going on?
"You're a partier. I'm sure you've done this before." John crashed his lips into mine, forcing his tongue down my throat.
"I…" Why couldn't I speak? The entire room was spinning. "Get the hell off of me." It felt like as if my words were coming out as empty sounds.
"Where are you going?" John said getting off of his bed and grabbing me by my arm. I forced his grip off of me before putting on my shoes and jacket and running down the stairs.
Where was I? It probably wasn't smart to leave, but I wasn't going to stay there. If I did, I knew what it would lead to and I could not… would not do that to Blaine. I wasn't sure how long I had been running, but it was safe to say that I was completely lost. My legs were quivering and I felt like I would lose the battle against staying conscious any minute.
"Excuse me." I jumped when I heard someone speak. I turned around to see flashing lights; this was the icing on the cake. "Sir, are you okay?"
I mumbled out what I hoped was 'can I have directions to Blaine's house? I want to see him.' But chances were that that's not what came out of my mouth. Next thing I knew, I hit the ground. Like I said, I didn't think I would win that battle.
I woke up in what seemed like a hospital bed. Sigh, totally fine that I was dying, no big deal. "You're awake." The nurse said walking in. "You scared us." The nurse pulled out a notepad and was writing some notes down before I realized the reality of what was going on.
"What happened? What time is it?" I asked, still extremely out of it. Crap.
"Well, a police officer saw you and stopped to see if you needed anything when you passed out. That's how you ended up here." She took my temperature before sitting down. "We found traces of ecstasy and alcohol in your system. We need you to give a statement to the police about that." She looked worried for me. I was tired of people pitying me. I didn't need anyone to feel bad for me."We also need your health insurance information. We have your medical record because luckily you had identification on you." Crap. I didn't actually know if I had insurance anymore.
"I uh…" What did I say? I was kicked out and have no place to live? That I was living in a fucking car of all places? That I was completely broke and had a total of 50 dollars on me?
"Do you want to call someone?" She said handing me my phone from the table next to me.
"I need a minute." I said in barely a whisper, looking at my phone. She smiled and squeezed my arm before standing up and walking away. Who could I call? Hunter wouldn't know what to do. My father would beat me to the point that I would end here again, not that he would even take time to do anything. Blaine…
"Hello?" The voice came on the other line. I instantly felt bad realizing he sounded tired.
"Mr. Anderson…"
"Sebastian?" He whispered. I could hear him tell someone that he would be right back. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I need your help." It felt like my throat was on fire and I was choking.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at the hospital. Can you please come? I'm so sorry that I-"
"I'm on my way." He said before I could finish my sentence. "I'll be there in 5." I couldn't even say anything out of how embarrassed I was. I hung up the phone and closed my eyes, too tired to even move.
"Sebastian?" I heard someone say.
"Mr. Anderson." I said opening my eyes and sitting up on the bed.
"What happened?" Just then, the nurse came walking in.
"Oh, hello, are you Mr. Smythe?" She said shaking his hand.
"No." I said probably angrier than I intended. Just the idea of my father upset me.
"No, I'm only Sebastian's friend." He said smiling at her. "What happened?" The nurse looked over at me, probably wondering if she was at liberty to talk, but I wouldn't look up at her.
"Sebastian was found by an officer on patrol. He passed out in front of the cop and he was brought to the emergency room. We found traces of alcohol and…recreational drugs in his system." I could feel my face turn bright red when Mr. Anderson's eyes looked at me, probably disappointment all over his face.
The nurse and Mr. Anderson shared a conversation before she said she would be right back.
"Sebastian…" Mr. Anderson said pulling a chair and sitting down next to me. "What were you thinking?"
"Mr. Anders-" He gave me a quick look, and I understood what he was thinking. "Dad…I swear, I didn't want to take the pill. I was over my friends place and we were just hanging out when I realized that I was drugged. I didn't do it on purpose. I swear."
"I believe you." He said after a while. "Sebastian, why don't you have health insurance?" I knew it. My father's insurance didn't cover me anymore.
I turned my gaze away from him, not really sure how I would explain it to him.
The nurse walked back in. "I have 50 dollars. Will that cover the fee?" I asked.
The nurse looked like she was pitying me again. "Sweetie, the stay costs 300 dollars." Crap. I covered my face with my hand, thinking about what I could do. It seemed that lately I would cover my face a lot; too embarrassed to want anyone to see me. Or just because I wanted to hide the pain I was feeling.
"Can I speak to you?" Mr. Anderson said walking out of the room with the nurse. Mr. Anderson came in shortly after with a smile on his face. "You're all set."
"What do you mean?"
"I paid for your visit. Do you need a ride home?"
"Mr. Anderson you can't do that." Mr. Anderson dismissed what I said and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll wait outside. Get everything together and I'll take you home."
I quickly got my stuff and changed back into my clothes before walking outside. Most of the drive was in silence. I couldn't get myself to look at him; I wonder what he thought of me now? That I was just trash, that he didn't want me with Blaine, that I was nothing…
"Wasn't I supposed to talk to a cop?"
"I figured you would want to avoid that, so I explained it for you."
"I'm so sorry for making you get up so late." I said looking at the floor.
"What did I tell you last time?" He said placing his hand on my shoulder. "If you needed help, I would be there."
When we arrived at my house, I hesitated slightly. I wished that he would leave as soon as I got out so he wouldn't see my having to get into my car.
"Thank you." I said getting out of the car. "I'll have the money for you tomorrow." I said, hoping that I could somehow get the money.
"Don't worry about it. Have a good night Sebastian."
I told him that I would use the back door so that he would just leave. I waited in the back until I saw him drive away before I made my way to my car. I reclined the seat and covered myself with a blanket before trying to calm my mind enough so that I could actually sleep.
I jumped when I heard a knock on the window.
"H-hi." I said getting out of the car.
"Why are you sleeping in your car Bas?" Mr. Anderson asked. Crap.
"I…I uh." Mr. Anderson handed me my phone. So that's why he came back. Good going Sebastian.
"Come with me." He said walking back to his car. I got in and he started backing out of the driveway. "Talk." He commanded, his face serious, but not angry.
I couldn't help but break down. This was the second time that Mr. Anderson had seen me like this. The second time he saw me at my most vulnerable.
"And that's why I'm living in my car." I confessed after I calmed down. I told him everything; my dad removing me from housing at Dalton just to be kicked out of his house, living in my car, getting a job, being disowned and thrown to the side.
Mr. Anderson didn't look angry until the very end. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to get anyone involved. I hate when people pity me." I sighed. "Please don't tell Blaine. I don't want him to worry about me. He has enough on his plate."
"Of course." He said, but didn't say anything besides that.
"Where are we going?" I asked after sitting in the silent car as he drove.
"My house." I raised an eyebrow, confused as to why we were going there. "You're moving in with us." Mr. Anderson looked over at me and smiled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I know Blaine will be more than happy." He said laughing.
My mind went blank; what was I supposed to say to him? What was I supposed to do? "I…"
"We can talk tomorrow." He said pulling into his house.
When we arrived at his house, I stopped him before he could open his door. "Mr. Anderson…"
"Ye-" Before he could finish his sentence, I pulled him into a hug.
"T-thank you." I muttered in between my tears. Mr. Anderson hugged me tightly before letting me go. I was embarrassed at how much of a fucking wimp I was being, but I didn't care right now. Tomorrow, I would pretend nothing happened, but tonight, I would let myself be the Sebastian that I didn't want anyone to know existed.
The weak, small, fragile Sebastian. The Sebastian that needed the love of a parent.
The Sebastian that I thought I buried long ago.