AN: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine.

36. Edge of the Abyss

Don and Danny were in a local bar, sat in a booth with beers. Don had his back to the door. Conversation was intermittent. Don spent most of the time staring at his beer, which he hardly touched.

"How are things?" Danny asked. Don shrugged. "Have you talked to anyone?" Don shook his head. Danny looked around the room, trying to come up with something to talk about. When he saw Stella and Nikki enter.

"Oh man! Why do they do that?" he sighed.

Don half looked up at him "What?"

"Always have to surprise us." He nodded towards the door and Don turned around. His stomach seemed to hit the floor as he saw the girls. Nikki looked pale and fragile. He immediately got up and went to join them. Stella went over to Danny. Don took Nikki aside.

"You're not supposed to be here" he told her, his voice soft and concerned with a hint of contempt.

"I'm fine" she insisted. "I needed to get out"

"It's too soon, the doctors told you to rest." He countered equally insistent.

"We've only walked a block, I'm fine." She told him. She saw his eyes darken.

"You shouldn't have walked at all, you shouldn't be here" the contempt in his voice was becoming more evident. Nikki pulled him into an empty booth near the door.

"... I was going mad at home, I have to go out sometime. I have to start getting back to normal." She half pleaded with him.

"But you shouldn't push yourself. ... I'm worried about you" he confessed. She took his hand and looked in his eyes.

"I know you are. ... The doctors have said I'm fine. ... I'm going back to work next week. ... I know you want to protect me, you always have, its part of what I love about you, ... sometimes you just get a bit heavy about it, you don't know when to stop."

"So what am I supposed to do?" he growled at her, pulling his hand from hers and sitting back. She couldn't make out his mood, the mask had fallen over his eyes again.

"... Trust me ... I know how much I can do ... I'll know when I've had enough." She told him desperately trying to stop her emotional side taking over. He didn't answer her. "Let's get out of here, go somewhere quiet." Don considered it for a moment. His eyes watching her. He could tell it wouldn't be long before the tears started and he didn't want that, not here. All he wanted to do was to take her home and look after her, but right now that would cause more problems. He sighed and nodded.

Danny looked up to see them leaving. "Looks like they just bailed on us." He groaned.

"They need time ... " Stella sighed, hoping that they would be able to talk, she feared part of the problem was they hadn't really talked about what happened.

Once outside the bar, Don and Nikki walked to the nearby park. By the time they reached the park Nikki was slightly breathless. Don guided her to a bench and sat her down. "This is why" he said before sitting down too.

"I'm fine, I've not walked this far for a while, you've not let me out" she answered quietly.

"So it's my fault!" He growled. Nikki looked up at him.

"I never said that ... You've wanted to protect me, look after me, you were doing it with my best interests in mind.. I don't blame you, I'd probably want to do the same if you were hurt, but its not helping now, .. I need to rebuild my strength, I can only do that by doing things for myself, besides you're going back to work tomorrow, I'll have to look after myself." At the mention of him going back to work he looked away. Nikki shook her head "No Don, you have to go back, ... you have to get back to normal too." She half pleaded with him.

"... nothing's normal anymore." He sighed, his voice betraying the mixed emotions inside him.

"I know what this baby meant to you. ... The doctor's have said that we couldn't have done anything to change what happened, the signs were wrong from the start, they're surprised it even progressed as far as it did. ... That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt ... it hurts like hell, but its happened and we have to deal with it. ... Next time will be different." Nikki had tears running down her face. Don looked at her.

"... I can't .. all I can think of is... what it could have done to you, ... how I could have lost you too, ... next time may be worse" He was finally confessing his real fears.

"I'm here, I'm not planning on going anywhere, you heard the doctors, the chances are it will never happen again ... You'll be a great father when the time is right." She had fought back her emotions and steadied her voice, trying to reassure him. He heard her words, she was prepared to try again, but he couldn't.

"But I did this, if I'd have been more careful, it wouldn't have happened, I hurt you and I can't take the risk. I won't do it again." He said calmly.

"Don? This is not your fault, we both took that step. We don't have to try again right away, but when we're ready there is no one who I would rather have as the father to my children." She had the feeling of standing on the edge of an abyss and she wasn't sure she could keep them out of it.

"I can't do this anymore" he said without hesitation

Nikki looked at him confused "what?"

"I can't hurt you anymore, I should have let it go when you came back in the summer, I've hurt you too many times, I kept hoping that we could make us work, but I know now I can't. ... I can't take the chance that you will get really hurt. ... I should have listened 2 years ago, I'm sorry Princess, ... I'll walk you home." He stood up and took a few steps. Nikki slowly stood up trying to understand what he was saying.

"Don? ... you don't have to do this, you've spent the last 4 months convincing me this can work, what are you saying, that because life happens you're going to walk away?" Nikki was scared, she had never seen him like this before, so withdrawn and depressed.

"I was wrong, I have to let you get on with your life. ... I'll walk you home" He told her.

"... You're scaring me ... Don ... don't do this" She pleaded, he refused to say anything else

He slowly walked away giving her no option but to follow. He resisted all her attempt at communication and when they reached her building he just walked away and never looked back. Nikki called after him, tears running down her face.