As always thanks to the beta, innocenceINSTINCT. Fair warning: chapters might get fewer and farther between. Real life is a right bitch when she wants to be and right now? She really wants to be.
Carver stared at Knight-Commander Cullen blankly for several moments, finding himself once again at a loss to understand his one remaining sibling. Cullen chuckled at the stunned look on the Regent's face, and tried to decide which reaction Carver would have first – anger because he realized that in turning herself over to the Templars Hawke had plainly stated she didn't entirely trust him, or amusement because in turning herself over to the Templars Hawke had plainly stated she didn't entirely trust him. Carver managed to surprise him though when he instead chose to sigh with relief. The rest he supposed would come later.
"Well thank the Maker," Carver regarded Cullen thoughtfully. "She doesn't trust me and I don't blame her. I never did anything to harm her you know. I even did my best to protect her but she wouldn't know that. We weren't really talking then." Pausing to look around the room a moment, he sighed wearily. The trappings of leadership would have forced him to consider options that he would have rather not had to for the greater good of his people and he knew it. And apparently so did Hawke, so she had taken them off the table. Looking back at Cullen he decided to broach a subject he'd never quite had the nerve to before. "What did you tell the Seekers when they came?"
"The truth," Cullen replied swiftly. "They didn't seem to believe me though. Apparently they have some doubts about my fitness to lead the Kirkwall Circle because I gave Templar blessings to a mage to run this city. The entire truth is I think too complicated for them to be willing to grasp right now, the things you and Hawke found, the truth about the Grey Wardens here in Kirkwall. Chantry and Wardens do not mix, and though we Templars might understand the single-mindedness of a brother in arms, the orders have never entirely trusted each other. Things like jailing a Tevinter Magister of the original Imperium under our noses and not warning Kirkwall's Templars that there might be repercussions inside our Circle…." Cullen shrugged.
Carver sighed. He recognized this story. He had done the same and had received the same.
"They seemed to have some idea that, even as a former Templar, because of my relationship with Hawke I was as suspect as you apparently."
"They will have no small amount of trouble removing me from my position. They have no proof of any wrong doing on my part, or of any dereliction in my duties." Cullen nodded thoughtfully. "Even if it should get out that Hawke is inside my Circle they cannot use that against me. I will however not be able to protect her from them even if I wanted to. I can protest but that will do little good except put my views in the record. I can only flout so much before they will have the ammunition they need to remove me. I can't let her destroy what I have worked for here."
"I dare them to try and come in here and tell me how to run my city," Carver's voice hardened perceptively. "I may not have particularly wanted this responsibility but it is still mine. I will not allow the Chantry to tell me how to rule. I simply will not. Unlike you I am no longer a practicing Templar." Looking at Cullen a moment, trying to get a feel for what his friend was thinking, he finally asked the question that had been lurking in his head from the second Cullen had made his pronouncement. "What are you going to do with her?"
Cullen took a deep breath and bowed his mouth before sighing and shrugging.
"I have no idea. Right now I have her put away inside the Circle and she seems content to be there. For now I will treat her like a guest in my home and we will see what happens when Sebastian gets here." Shooting an inscrutable look at Carver, he finished, "Then I will decide."
Carver nodded, wondering if his sister's gamble would blow up in her face.
"But I want to tell you about her companion," Cullen remarked lightly. "Quite an interesting fellow on the surface…."
Hawke blinked several times when having answered a polite knock at the door she found herself looking at a face she remembered well. First Enchanter Vistana had not changed much over the years. There were a few more lines on her face, more grey to her black hair but those things seemed to just give the woman more of an air of authority. The First Enchanter had scrutinized Hawke with equal closeness in the silence and had not said anything. Stepping back to allow her entry, Hawke watched as the mage stepped past the threshold, looking around the room with a wary cast to her eye before turning back to Hawke.
"I think maybe Cullen was trying to make something of a statement, putting you here," she remarked lightly. "I haven't seen the inside of these rooms since before he died."
"Cullen mentioned you refused to take the rooms."
"I was a little afraid of what I might find," Vistana replied honestly, "Even after the Templars had cleaned them."
Hawke looked at the desk sat discreetly in the in the corner of the living area and had to admit that she had avoided it as well, even knowing that Cullen would have cleaned it out thoroughly.
"Maybe he thought to surprise a reaction from you, considering what came out concerning your mother."
Hawke's head snapped away, her eyes closed. Holding a hand up to warn the First Enchanter off that subject she turned away. When she refused to meet his eye, Fenris looked at the First Enchanter thoughtfully, wondering just who this mage was. When she sighed and regarded Hawke's back sadly, Fenris returned to the couch he'd been sitting in before she had come to the door, making a point to lean his sword against the arm, his hand light on the hilt. Now that her attention had been drawn to him, Vistana studied the elf a moment, taking in the tattoos that ran along his throat. Cullen had told her of this elf, wanting to know if she knew anything about his condition. Deciding maybe a change of tactic was in order, she pointed to Fenris.
"I've heard of those," she murmured, "Seen references in some of the Tevinter books. They speak of books far older than the Tevinter Empire, of warriors gilded with lyrium to augment their skills. I never would have thought anyone insane enough to try it."
"You haven't been to Tevinter," Hawke said flatly before Fenris could think to reply.
"And you have?"
Hawke turned to look at Vistana, the seriousness of her expression making the First Enchanter blink.
"Yes."
Deciding she didn't want to know the reason for her visit, Vistana looked back at Fenris.
"You are?"
"Fenris," he supplied tersely, not much caring to be talked over.
"Fenris," Vistana nodded thoughtfully as Hawke walked away to look out the window. "I am Vistana, First Enchanter of the Kirkwall Circle of Magi. Long title that basically means I work with Knight-Commander Cullen to make sure that all the mages brought here learn to master their magic. Maybe even find a way to use it for the betterment of Thedas. One never knows."
"Yes," Fenris replied ironically, "One does never know."
Cocking her head Vistana tried to read something out of that short statement except for his Tevinter accent. His face certainly gave away nothing except a mild hostility which she was sure had something to do with her upsetting Hawke. She got the strangest sense of magic off him and had to assume that was the lyrium under his skin. Odd elf, she mused.
"Vistana why are you here?" Hawke asked from the window looking down over the Gallows courtyard.
"To see why you are here."
Hawke turned to look at her a moment before going back to the view.
"In good time."
Vistana sighed sharply and Hawke looked at her out of the corner of her eye, seeing that she was not the least happy. Hawke had never particularly liked this woman but even as Viscount she couldn't argue that she wasn't a good choice for the job. Much like Orsino her first concern was always her charges and their welfare and she had watched her doggedly go against Cullen on a few occasions because of it. But Vistana did not trust Hawke, did not trust a mage not trained by the Circle and would not do more than be polite to the apostate ruler of Kirkwall. Hawke knew she was working up to arguing with her. Vistana was not one to fly off the handle; she had to work up to her righteous anger.
"If it concerns Cullen then it concerns me as well. Contrary to what they think out there we rule in here together. It takes us both to make this Circle work."
"I know."
"Then why…."
"I approached Cullen because it was expedient to do so. Cullen can, if he so chooses, protect me against the Seekers - you can't. I fully intend that you be involved in the discussion Vistana because you are right, it does concern you and your mages." Hawke sighed and looked over her shoulder at the older woman. "But you will have to wait like the rest."
Vistana blinked at her, digesting that for several moments. Pulling herself up she nodded. There was nothing in Hawke's words she could argue with, much as she wanted to. Sighing, she looked at Fenris.
"The texts say that only the strongest warriors could survive the trial of having that done. I imagine it couldn't have been pleasant."
Fenris just looked at her, mouth bowed thoughtfully as he tried to decide how to respond to this abrupt mage.
"No. Nothing about them is pleasant, even now."
Nodding sharply, she shot a look at Hawke who was back to contemplating the view.
"I understand."
"No, you don't," Fenris growled, deciding to nip this in the bud. "And you never will."
Vistana drew herself up at his tone, deciding perhaps now was not the time. Nodding, she made her exit without benefit of politeness, not saying another word. Hawke knew that some Circle mages spent so much time inside their gilded cage, hidden among the books and artifacts that Templars collected 'for the common good,' studying the monster that puberty had awakened inside them that they lost all sense for the niceties of polite society. Vistana was, in her own way one of them and Hawke was not offended by her abrupt departure. In a very real way, whether they would admit to it or not, most mages feared the reception they received outside the Circle almost as much as the outside world feared them. It was this lack of understanding that created men like Anders and women like Meredith and so the cycle would continue, pushing good people like Orsino into acts that would forever mark them as they were ground to dust. And there was no clear answer she knew, this reality of the Circles was the only middle ground to be had, just as she understood how she flouted this compromise even as she defended it. She was the grey to Vistana's black and Cullen's white.
Shaking herself, realizing that she was staring at the door that Vistana had closed quietly behind her, she sighed. Glancing at Fenris she saw he was studying her closely, an odd look on his own face.
"What?"
Fenris tipped his head, trying to decide how best to approach this subject. It was one of the many he had until now shied away from, knowing it would upset her but now he had decided he had seen and heard enough. He wanted to know the truth. Setting his sword aside he held his hand out, knowing this would draw her to him. Once she was sat next to him, her hand in his and a vaguely worried look on her face, he sighed.
"What happened to your mother?"
Hawke didn't react right away. She'd known this moment would come, knew she would have no choice but to talk about this now that she was in Kirkwall, just as she knew she would be forced to account for a great many more things as well. Decisions she knew were like a drop of water into a still pond, the ripples spread out and sometimes had unknowable consequences, even years later. Looking sadly at Fenris, not bothering to try and hide the pain his question brought up inside her, she laid her head on his shoulder.
"It all started when Carver and I were trying to come up with the money to help fund Bartrand's Deep Roads expedition. We were taking on any work we could find and this notice in the High Town market seemed straightforward enough. A minor Orlesian noble had in effect lost his wife. After we talked to him, I could rather see why she would go off and not tell him." Pausing when Fenris chuckled, she sighed. "He gave us as much information as he had, including that his wife frequented the Hightown brothel and spent time with one of the men working there. I think it offended him more that he thought Jethann had sent white lilies to their home than that she had a lover in the first place.
"So we went to the Blooming Rose to talk to Jethann. As it would turn out he was a feisty little elf who was very fond of Ninette. It didn't take long to see that he didn't have her, was in fact worried himself about her sudden disappearance and had just assumed that she had finally left her husband until a Templar showed up at his doorstep asking questions about her. This Templar had told Jethann he was going to Darktown to follow some leads and if he heard anything to get in touch. So, we were off to Darktown to track down this Emeric fellow."
"Starting to sound less and less straightforward," Fenris commented lightly and felt her nod.
"We finally track him down and find out he's an older Templar, the ones the order usually tries to find light duties for, and here he was in Darktown just begging for someone to decide to make a name for themselves by beating a Templar. Sometimes the Templars are as naive as the mages, never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, we find him and by this time he's decided that curious as he is, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. So he tells us what he knows, which frankly wasn't much.
"Around the same time that Ninette disappeared one of his Circle mages had gone missing as well. That was what got him involved in the first place because everyone in the Circle just assumed she had escaped, but he seemed to believe that she wasn't the type. So in investigating her disappearance he had discovered that a total of four women had done missing in a fairly short period of time. All of them older women, all of them without close ties to anyone except possibly for Ninette. And his Circle mage had received white lilies as well. The City Guard wasn't interested, assuming the women had just left. The Templars weren't interested, assuming their missing mage had escaped. No one it seemed cared but Ghyslain and Emeric, and Ghyslain only cared because he feared repercussions concerning Ninette's family in Orlais.
"Well we took his findings, spare as they were and followed them to a Lowtown foundry. We caught sight of someone but they disappeared before we could catch them and poking around in the abandoned foundry we found a bag filled with… bits of things. One thing in there was a finger with a ring on it and Ghyslain confirmed that it was Ninette's wedding ring. Emeric tried to get the Guards interested but they insisted the things in that bag could have come from anywhere and shut him down again.
"If there is anything in this I regret? It was not searching that foundry more thoroughly. If we had we might have prevented…." Hawke's voice seemed to run out of steam, getting quieter and quieter until it fell to silence. Fenris, having decided that he didn't care much for where he saw this leading, simply slipped an arm around her shoulders, squeezing the hand he still had clasped in his own. Perhaps now had not been a good time for this he decided. She had not slept, had instead paced and he'd forgiven it because he knew she needed this outlet.
"You don't need to finish."
"But," Hawke whispered as she nestled her face against his neck, "I want to."
"Later," Fenris replied releasing her hand and running his fingers along her jaw. "Sleep."
He felt her nod as he laid his chin on her temple and soon he knew she was gone. Hoping his presence would keep her dreams mild he sighed and stared out a window across the room, the one that framed Kirkwall's distant Hightown. Something inside Hawke was broken and he suspected that this city held at least some of the answers.
"You would have turned her over to Cullen and you know it Aveline," Varric quipped as he sat back in one of the rather uncomfortable chairs that Aveline kept in her office, "She just took that decision out of your hands."
Aveline sighed. The dwarf was right but that still didn't make it easier to swallow.
"Cullen is a hard man to know Varric, he might keep her."
"I'm sure Hawke considered that." Or at least he hoped so anyway. "Her note said that Isabella and I were to keep strictly clear of the Gallows and that you should too unless you have business there. I don't know if the Seekers would be watching Kirkwall or not, but she seems determined to assume they are."
"Oh," Aveline assured him, "I suspect they are. They were not the least happy with the answers they got while they were here, but since we were all essentially saying the same things they couldn't move against Cullen without direct orders. The woman in charge wasn't happy with that."
Varric folded his arms and stared at the Templar shield that was hung on the wall behind her, the one memento of her first husband. Wesley may be an odd twenty years gone but his presence was still very much a part of Aveline and Varric vaguely wondered how Donnic dealt with that fact. Sighing he regarded the ginger Guard Captain a moment, trying to decide how to decide how best to go about completing the task Hawke's note had sent him on. Finally, considering this was Aveline after all and how she was as direct as Hawke had ever been, he decided to just out with it.
"You've noticed the Crows I'm sure."
Aveline's attention was immediately riveted to him in a way he had always found uncomfortable. Covering that with an amused chuckle, he nodded.
"Thought so. They are here at Hawke's request and she asked me to tell you that they will cause you no problems."
"Varric I am getting reports of encampments of strangers all along the Wounded Coast and even up on Sundermont. All told there must be," she paused to think a moment and finally shrugged, "At least a good hundred or so of them just outside the city. Who knows how many are in it. A good number that I do know because the patrols were noticing them before we even knew Hawke was coming. Back in Ferelden we used to call big flocks of crows 'murders,' and I can't think of a better description of what is going on outside of Kirkwall right now. Why?"
Varric sighed. She wasn't going to be happy.
"I can't tell you."
Aveline stood suddenly and slapped the flat of her hand down on the desk.
"Dammit Varric, Hawke is asking a lot!"
Varric slapped a hand to his chest dramatically.
"My heart Aveline! I'm not a young man anymore!"
"Oh stuff it you smartass," Aveline fired back without pause, refusing to be sidetracked. "I know you know what is going on and I resent her just expecting that I will follow blindly along!"
Looking at her a moment, he knew she was truly pissed because her face was almost as red as her hair, Varric considered his words carefully.
"Aveline, Hawke stumbled into something big, something that should concern the whole of Thedas but won't. Why? Because in the right now it concerns Tevinter and when the Chantry is dealing with mages refusing to behave, Templars refusing to behave the last thing they are going to concern themselves with is Tevinter."
Aveline cocked her head, and regarded the dwarf thoughtfully a moment.
"And the Qunari woman you have on the Siren's Call?"
Varric shrugged and refused to comment further. Leave it to Aveline to keep tabs on them all. Sighing, Aveline simply pointed at the door and Varric knew his welcome was ended. Nodding, he slid from the chair and left Aveline to her thoughts.
Carver stood at the window, looking down on a garden that the Circle mages kept. It was hidden deep inside the Gallows complex, surrounded on all sides by high walls and buildings. Parts of it were kept so that food and various herbs could be grown but a large part of it had been put aside for trees and flowers, creating a little green space inside an otherwise bleak world of granite. The chill of autumn had killed back all but the hardiest of the plants, but even now some bright colors shown through. Today had dawned bright and the sun had brought mildness to the day so it didn't surprise him when Cullen informed him that Hawke was out in the garden. She always had enjoyed the outdoors, even in Ferelden and had much preferred to be outside with him and their father than inside with Bethany and their mother. It was one of the reasons he was sure she so loved it in Seheron.
"She's been remarkably quiet these last few days. The only requests she's made were to be allowed into the garden," Cullen remarked lightly from behind Carver, wondering at the Regent's thoughts. "Vistana decided to approach her and was apparently sent away none the wiser. She's still holding her cards to her chest, insisting on waiting for Sebastian."
"And it's likely to be weeks before he can get here," Carver sighed.
"Yes."
Carver fell silent, watching the distant Hawke as she sat under a tree aflame with the colors of autumn with a platinum haired man he did not recognize, a book open in his lap. He seemed to be reading to her from it. Looking over his shoulder, he tipped his head to the window.
"That the elf?"
Cullen nodded and Carver studied them both. When Cullen had told him about the marked elf Carver had been pulled up short. None of Malcolm Hawke's children had been raised to look down on anyone; indeed Malcolm himself had held elves in some regard though he'd never said precisely why. That she had chosen to apparently take one as a lover didn't shock him, but the fact that this man was a former Tevinter slave… well that made him wonder. What exactly had Hawke been doing for all these years that she hadn't included in her letters?
"Well shall we go see what they are up to?" Cullen held a hand out to indicate the staff that Carver had leaned against the wall next to the door on his arrival, eyebrow cocked inquisitively.
"Our father's staff, the one he got while he was here in the Gallows. He kept it even if he never used it, gave it to Hawke when he decided she was old enough," Carver explained as he retrieved it. "She left it when she took off. I thought she might like to have it."
"Ah," Cullen mused aloud as he followed Carver out into the hall, "A peace offering perhaps?"
Carver didn't reply right away, just looked at Cullen with an inscrutable look.
"Something like that."
Not much caring for the tone, Cullen waved the two Templars guarding his office to follow.
Hawke sat silent, head leaned back against the rough bark of the tree with her eyes focused on the brilliant display of reds over their head as Fenris worked his way through a volume on elven history they had found on the shelves in Orsino's rooms. He really was getting quite good at this, she mused as he made it through an entire paragraph without needing to stop and work out any of the words. She wished they had been able to bring Danarius's book because they were now well into the third volume but she hadn't wished to bring anything she wasn't strictly willing to leave behind if it came to that. Fenris had given the books to Hassrath, asking him to please keep them safe from the prying eyes of either Varric or Isabella and the Kossith warrior had taken this charge much like he took any other – very seriously. That Fenris so trusted the Tal-Vashoth spoke volumes to anyone paying attention and it pleased Hawke no end that he had made an honest friend of the man even if his reaction to her left her a little leery of him.
Her musings were interrupted when a sharp bark of wind found its way past all the fortifications surrounding the garden and leaves began shaking themselves loose from the swaying branches. Indeed the leaves lying about from all the trees began to dance on the air currents, creating a storm of color. Shielding her eyes she smiled broadly at Fenris; moments like this transported her back to Lothering and her childhood. Standing, she chased after a whirlwind of leaves and finding herself inside it, began twirling around and laughing. Fenris laid the book aside and stood leaning against the tree watching with smile of his own until he heard the vague sound of metal to metal over the eruption of rustling and knew that someone was approaching. Glancing over his shoulder he saw it was Cullen and his usually present guards. The stranger with them and the only one not in full armor piqued his interest because he knew this man to be Hawke's brother by the thin coronet on his head.
Carver stopped, watching Hawke as she played in the leaves unaware of their approach. He remembered her and Bethany doing this same thing in the forests around Lothering during the autumn months. Both seemed to regard the season as their favorite though he'd never quite understood why. He himself had always preferred the spring with its air of promise, the fall always a reminder that all things came to an end and the only promise here was death even if it was glorious. Glancing to where the elf stood watching him curiously, he inclined his head politely before looking back to his sister.
She had noticed them and stood silent and still, watching as he suddenly took several steps and threw the staff in his hand. Hawke watched as it flew gracefully to her and at the last moment reached up caught it before it could sail over her head. Knowing this weapon like she knew every line of her own hands, she snatched it from the air at its pivot point and understanding its balance began twirling the simple wooden staff. Stretching muscles that hadn't worked in this sort of concert for a decade she whirled it in a circle over her head a moment before bringing it down hard on the earth before her, scaring up a dusting of leaves that were just starting to settle as the wind had changed. Fenris watched, his arms crossed and his face impassive as he realized this was her weapon of choice. It showed in the comfort with which she handled it, not even looking at what her hands were doing, instead meeting her brother's eye boldly as she showed off her skill.
"It's nice to know," Carver commented lightly, "That some things never change. Still handy with a big stick I see."
"Just as you," Hawke fired back promptly, an eyebrow rising slowly, "Are still handy with the big knife I see across your back. Or at least I assume so anyway, you never struck me as the type to enjoy sitting at a desk."
Carver cocked his head and nodded.
"You're right," he conceded. "The hours I have to spend sitting listening to people bitch and complain are not the highlights of my day."
"Thought not," Hawke smirked before looking at the staff he had thrown at her. "I almost took this with me you know."
"Why didn't you? You didn't take any of the staves you collected over the years. I certainly had no use for them."
Hawke looked sadly at the staff her father had given her not long before his death.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Wouldn't I now?"
Hawke fired an irritated look at her brother, knowing he was trying to bait her and not caring.
"No."
"Just abandoned them," Carver held his arms out, a disapproving look painted across his face. "Just like you abandoned your Mabari?"
Hawke pulled herself straight, firing a fierce look at her brother before replying.
"I did not 'abandon' him. I left him with you."
Carver waved a dismissive hand at her.
"He pined for you for years you know. The servants told me how he would lie at the door waiting for you."
"The servants told you? What was he doing when you were there Carver?" When he didn't answer right away Hawke sighed. "Let me guess he was laying no more than the length of this staff from you right? Never once occurred to you he was waiting for you."
"He wasn't my dog Hawke. I was just an acceptable substitute was all."
"Maybe so, but you would rather I took him along with me? Old as he was? Tired as he was? I think the journey would have killed him faster than leaving him with you."
"You left a great many things to me when you left Hawke."
"No," Hawke cocked her head at him, her eyebrows drawn together a moment before she threw the staff back at him. Watching as he caught it without any of the flourish she had, she pointed at him and finished sadly, "I entrusted a great many things to you Carver. Because I knew you could do it. I thought you understood that but I guess I was wrong."
Carver stood staring at the staff he held as she marched over to the tree to pick up the book Fenris had left sitting among the leaves. When she went to walk past him, having decided this conversation was going nowhere, he reached out and snagged her arm to stop her, looking thoughtfully at her.
"You entrusted me with a life not my own Marian."
"But you made it yours didn't you? You wear that coronet easier than I ever did." Hawke pulled her arm free. "You are the perfect man to govern here, son and brother to apostate mages, former Templar. You understand both sides, you understand the truth and you don't come equipped with the same baggage as me. I'm just the one that stood when no one else could," Turning, as she left she fired a weary, "Or would."
Both Carver and Cullen watched as she left, Cullen noticing long before Carver that the elf didn't follow her. Instead Fenris remained leaned against the tree, regarding Carver closely. When Carver noticed Cullen's thoughtful look, he followed it to the elf that he had frankly forgotten. Fenris met his eye boldly, not bothering to hide what he thought of this exchange. He knew Hawke was better than this, he assumed Carver to be as well or he wouldn't be allowed to make decisions that affected the lives of thousands. Slowly uncrossing his arms he pushed away from the tree and followed the path Hawke had taken, pausing next to the Regent as he did. Not looking at Carver, Fenris shook his head.
"She cares deeply about you," he growled lowly so that Cullen wouldn't hear, "Otherwise your barbs would not make her bleed."
With that said he continued on, leaving Carver staring after him.