A/N: Hi everyone! Yes, we know it's been a while, a lot longer than normal, but RL has been giving us both a real swift kick in the ass lately. But we most certainly have not abandoned this story, nor will we ever. These two are so very special to us, and we can't say enough how much we sincerely appreciate your patience with us. You guys are amazing.
On a side note, we have also been slowly working on a new short story together that will be a bit more on the M-rated side, which we are excited to announce will have its first chapter posting this Friday, August 29th. It is entitled Strong Foundations, with an architect Edward and Bella.
Summary:When an amazing opportunity finally comes up to have everything they want, will they take it? Can they remain professional for the sake of success? Celebrating never felt so good.
Tree surfing wasn't for the faint hearted. In my case, I found myself closing my eyes most of the time. I trusted Edward implicitly, but as we sailed through the air, I hid my face against his shoulder and held on for dear life. It was perfectly natural to do so, since flying through the treetops would take some getting used to with my eyes open, my boyfriend didn't mind.
Edward, for the most part, seemed to enjoy my reactions. Not necessarily my fear, but the way my heart raced, how tight I held onto him, and how I trusted him to keep me safe. The first time we had come to a stop on one of the uppermost branches of an ancient tree, the smile on his face when I opened my eyes was sweet, exhilarated, and boyish. He loved to show off, and before I knew all his secrets, he would never consider doing it. Now that he had the freedom to do so, no longer fearing my running to the hills, he felt liberated.
It was a beautiful thing to see.
We spent the rest of Saturday under draping canopies and the waning sun. Suspended a few hundred feet in the air, he told me about all his firsts when he discovered what he was when he awoke from his transformation. Running, reading, even thinking had felt so new to him. He didn't linger on his first hunt, but hinted that it was rather messy.
I asked about his journals, the hundreds of slim leather bound books that took considerable space on his shelves.
"They were something to do during my lonely nights," he said. His lips twitched into a half-smile. "I find myself lacking the time to write now." He pulled me closer, his arms a cage of loving protection, turning so that he'd take the brunt of the rough bark of the tree we stood in against his back.
I snuggled closer to his chest, unable to resist breathing deeply. I was addicted to his clean, masculine scent as he was to my soft, feminine one. I couldn't pinpoint what he smelled like, since he used unscented body wash, but it was irresistible. Maybe it was just him.
"Carlisle has left to go hunt, we can go back now." His words played with my hair, his breath cool against the top of my head.
"Yes, please." He shifted so that I was free to climb onto his back and he jumped from tree to tree, until we reached the one closest to his room. Once inside, I slipped down to the floor, aware that his shirt had ridden up, my fingers brushing on the frosty skin along his side. "That was … interesting."
If he noticed my touch, which I had no doubt he had, he said nothing of it. Was it unwelcomed? Too much? Or not enough? I didn't ask, since practicing would have to wait. The awkward conversation we had while Carlisle listened still lingered in my mind too much for that to happen yet.
"Is that Bella-speak for, 'thank you for the exhilarating experience, but please don't ever do that again'?" Edward asked with an annoyingly sweet voice.
I glared at him for the mocking. "Do I seriously sound like that?" His features morphed to one of horror, making me laugh. "I'm joking since I know I don't, though you were right about the Bella-speak." He knew me well, even without reading my mind.
His hand rose to smooth down my hair, which was a mess of wild curls and flyaways. "We don't have to travel that way again if it bothers you that much."
I denied it with murmured whisper and slipped my arms around his waist. "It'll take some getting used to, besides I do enjoy how close we are when you run with me like that." He smiled down at me, pressing his lips to my forehead, his nose grazing along mine, as our breaths mingled, cool and hot.
The kiss was sweet and soft, but my rumbling stomach put a stop to it. I groaned in embarrassment, pushing him away when he laughed. "Got to feed the human," he said, leading us toward his bedroom door. On the floor in front of it was a white piece of paper that stood out against the cherry wood floor.
I lifted it, my name on the front, and Edward said nothing about it. "Bella, don't worry about forgetting to hang out. I understand, besides there will be other weekends," I read aloud, and then looked to Edward again. "She saw our entire conversation, didn't she?"
He only nodded, wincing when I marched to the bed.
"As if I wasn't mortified enough, now Alice knows. Please tell me that at least Emmett doesn't?"
"No, but it won't be long before he figures it out." From the way he rolled his eyes, I wondered if maybe Alice was having a vision of said event.
"Okay, there is no way I'm leaving this room today." Edward tensed at my words, his eyes snapping toward his bedroom door. His lips moved, but I couldn't hear him, and after a moment, his body relaxed.
"I'll get you something to eat."
"Thank you." I fell back against Edward's bed when he was gone and sighed. What a weekend. With the promise of practicing on the horizon, I felt both cold and feverish. Admittedly, the cold seemed to come from the fact that everyone in Edward's family was aware of our intention to become more intimate, or would be before long, and we were never truly alone in his home. It also stemmed from the fact that I was wholly inexperienced. Edward at least had some visual knowledge, though that was a disturbing thought. Yet, I hadn't felt attracted to anyone before him, and that left me hungry for more.
It was all so confusing. "Stupid hormones."
The boisterous laughter from the floor below had me pulling a pillow over my face and screaming into it. "What the hell, Emmett! You're supposed to be gone!"
"No, you can't talk to her. I don't care if I'm taking away your fun!" I heard Edward grumble some more as he entered the room. Once he saw me and my flushed cheeks, he gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry, he's leaving again. He came back because he decided he wanted to give fishing a try and grabbed the pole I bought."
"I hope you have fun!" Emmett called out, from what sounded like the landing right outside the bedroom he shared with Rosalie on the floor below us. "Though, I doubt it'll be that much fun."
Edward told me to ignore him and handed me plate of warmed up pasta, setting down a glass of iced tea on his nightstand. "Esme made some before you arrived, so I just had to heat it up."
"Thank you." I hummed in pleasure, eating as he moved toward his shelves. I watched as he pulled out a few DVDs that we agreed to watch later. He left after I was done with the dishes and returned to curl up beside me as we settled in for the night.
It was perfect.
~oOo~
Something was going on, and I knew it the moment I started to stir and realized Edward was not beside me. I didn't feel his presence in the room, something I would be aware of when I woke up.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Edward said, greeting me from his bedroom door. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. I felt color rise on my face, when I saw that my legs were completely bare. I had removed my sweats sometime during the night when it was too warm. It was something I did practically in my sleep. "I'm sorry."
"It's all right," he murmured as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. A smile graced his face. "I managed to stay in bed for a while afterward, so there's that."
"Really?"
"Though it was rather difficult," he said honestly, pulling the bunched sheets at the foot of the bed over my legs and taking my hand as he sat down along the edge of the bed.
"It's one step closer," I said softly, practically mouthing the words.
"Closer?"
"Before you would've left my room. I'm sure you have when I did that in the past." I distinctly remember two such incidents where I woke up without my cutoffs or sweats.
"I did."
"If you didn't leave because of my nighttime undressing," I paused for effect, and he chuckled and half-groaned. "Then why am I waking up alone?" I danced my fingertips up his chest, settling my hand on his shoulder. He turned enough to place a kiss on a knuckle.
"It's time to head home." My eyes widened and I turned to see the time. "I let you sleep in since you decided to stay awake as long as possible last night. So I made you a late breakfast and arrangements."
"Arrangements?"
"Alice is taking you home since I'm supposed to be still camping."
"You vampires are so clever," I said, rolling my eyes. "All right, let me have a few human minutes and I'll be downstairs in a few."
He left after helping me pack my things, except for my toiletries bag. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail after freshening up and headed downstairs. It seemed relatively quiet as I stepped into the kitchen to find my boyfriend packing up a croissant sandwich for later, some fruit, and soup.
These vampires were determined to feed me. Thank God for Mom's genes, or else I'd probably end up with extra pounds.
"It would spoil otherwise," he said as he knew what I was thinking about. "Come on, you don't have much time. We want your father to see Alice dropping you off and he should be home by now, or will be soon."
"All this sneaking around is exhausting."
"Try doing it for decades," Alice said as he grabbed Edward's keys from him and left out the front door. From the corner of my eye, I swore I saw Jasper, but when I turned to look, he wasn't there.
"I'm ready." Edward walked me out the car, putting in my things into the back seat. Alice was warming up the car as she waited behind the wheel. "I'll see you tonight, right?"
"Of course," he whispered, pulling me into his arms. "I'll give you a call, claiming exhaustion for Charlie's sake and once he's asleep, I'll see you then." Something in his voice that had me wondering if something had happened. With Alice's eyes constantly shifting from aware to cloudy, I noted to remember to ask him later.
After one kiss on my lips, soft and too brief, I slipped into the passenger seat. He closed the door behind me, remaining outside as Alice drove away. I checked the mirrors, to find him staring off at the tree line, Emmett and Jasper on either side of him.
Alice was her chipper self as she drove me home, and I hoped that meant that whatever it was, wasn't life threatening. That time of the trio of nomadic vampires that they managed to steer away from town weeks earlier was scary enough.
We arrived only seconds after my dad did. "I forgot I should have shopping bags." He was going to figure out that I spent the weekend with my boyfriend. It wasn't going to be pretty, trying to come up with excuses.
"I took care of that," Alice said, gesturing toward the back seat. Four bags from a few name brand stores in Seattle sat with my overnight bag.
I cocked any eyebrow. "You're good." She giggled, smiling widely as she stepped out of the car. "You figured out a way to get me new clothes, and I can't give it back without making my dad suspicious."
"It has to be believable, besides you can't go to Florida in long sleeves and oversized jackets."
She had me there. "Hey, girls," Dad said as he took the bags from Alice. "Had a good weekend?"
"It was great, Charlie."
"I had fun," I said, nodding. "We have to do it again soon." From the look on my dad's face, he looked surprised. He said goodbye to Alice as she hopped back in the car, taking my things inside.
"See," Alice said brightly. "You're learning." She looked thoughtful for only a second. "Oh, Angela will want to finalize those plans to shop for books, you better call her." The idea of shopping for books didn't seem to appeal to her.
"Whatever you say, Alice," I said before telling her I'd see her later. "Thanks, though, for everything."
"Anytime."
An hour later, I had plans to go to Port Angeles with Angela the next morning. I worked on some laundry and marinated a steak for dinner later. It was almost four when Edward called, my father answering and asking about his trip. I appreciated Dad's effort, though I knew it wasn't easy. I was his only child, after all.
Mom even asked me to take it easy on him, since he never had to deal with the concept of me dating before. After a brief talk with Edward, noticing that the edge in his voice he had when I left was gone, or at least, not as obvious.
Edward arrived just after ten that night, as my father had already turned in due to the early morning. He slipped onto the bed beside me, watching me as I read. From the silence that lingered after a brief kiss and greeting, I knew something weighed heavily on his mind.
"What happened?" I asked, marking my spot with a bookmark. I tossed my book aside and turned my full attention on him.
"You figured something was wrong earlier?"
"Alice's face goes completely still when she's having a vision, and Jasper and Emmett were suddenly by your side as she drove me away. Those things combined rarely equate to anything good."
"Your father mentioned to Billy Black that you're heading to Florida to see you mom, with me."
"Oh, well that's not exactly new. They gossip like hens, too." Edward nodded at my statement, seemingly unsure if he should proceed. "I take it that Billy was less than pleased."
"I shouldn't even be telling you this, but since you are a part of my world, I have little choice. Sam Uley paid us a visit when he heard the news."
"Sam Uley? Who's that?" I thought the name sounded vaguely familiar, though nothing was ringing clearly in my mind.
"One of the Quileutes with the ability to shift into a werewolf." I gave him a moment, knowing he wasn't finished by the way his fingers weaved with mine. "He was the first to shift when we arrived back in Forks, and is therefore considered the alpha of the still very small pack. When he heard the news that you're leaving town with me, he came to warn us that if you don't return, none of my family can remain. The treaty would be broken."
His words took only a few seconds to sink in, and when they did, I nearly hissed, "He thinks we're leaving because you plan to change me."
"He did, especially considering the location of our intended visit, and that it was not a place in which our kind would blend. It made it highly suspicious for them." I felt Edward's free hand run along my hair in a soothing manner, and I nestled closer to him with my head on his chest. "We assured him that it was nothing more than a visit to your mother, and you would be returning completely unharmed in ten days' time. We didn't exactly clue him in on our future plans, as there is no precise date set, but he still suspects, as not much else can really result in a relationship such as ours."
I tilted my head to look up at him and his eyes met mine. "As in vampire and human, you mean?" His nod rang louder than any vocalization he could utter, and I raised myself up on my elbow beside him. "You haven't changed your mind, have you?"
Edward's finger grazed along my cheek and he slowly shook his head, meeting my lips with a gentle brush of his. "No, Bella. I have not changed my mind. We can just expect a heightened presence of the wolves from here on out. They have already been watching us pretty closely since our arrangement began after the accident, and then obviously increased as we began spending more time together. And now, they know this can only end one of two ways, and either one would result in Charlie losing you in some form. And not only is he a human, but also a dear friend to many of those on the reservation."
I lowered my cheek to Edward's chest again, snuggling against his side with my arm draped across his stomach. I understood that they were just looking out for me and my father, but it didn't really feel like they're guardians—more like spies. "So, essentially, we're never going to be truly alone again, right?"
His cool lips pressed to my hair as his hand smoothed along my side. "Not entirely, but he assured me that our privacy will be respected as much as possible. They won't be looking in our windows or pressing their ears against our doors to listen to every detail of our conversations or activities. And it won't be forever, Bella."
"Yes, it will," I sighed, shifting slightly beside him and resting my chin on my bent arm across his chest. "I've been thinking about this since yesterday. It's something that will take a lot of getting used to, but no matter what happens, as long as I'm with you, complete privacy is going to be hard to come by. And to be honest, avoiding your entire family every single time I even think they might have heard something, is impractical. So it's essentially the same thing, just with different parties. And ones that I don't need to encounter on a consistent basis."
"You're too good to be true sometimes," Edward replied, and I inched forward to kiss him gently, my lips lingering on his for a moment before pulling away. I didn't want to stop, but one creak of the mattress beneath us was all the indication I needed that we had to. I grunted, sounding remarkably like my father in that moment, and lowered myself to lay along Edward's side again with my head on his shoulder. He chuckled softly and wrapped his arms securely around me. "Get some rest, Bella. You have a long day of shopping for my birthday present tomorrow."
"I have some serious words for your sister right now, and none of them are very ladylike. She wasn't supposed to tell you about that!" I sneered, which gradually morphed into a pout. "Why did she have to tell you?"
"In her defense, it wasn't really her fault. She was planning a party, and when I told her no, she was really disappointed, and really, it was just a flicker of a thought that I happened to catch." He paused and I brought my eyes to him again in question. "Alice's disappointment is a difficult thing to bear, even with decades of practice. But yours? I don't think even a century would be enough for me to be able to withstand. And she thought of how disappointed you would be if I said no, when you had your heart set on giving me something for my birthday. She just didn't block me quick enough."
"I do have my heart set on it. It's important to me. Why didn't you tell me about your birthday?"
His face was representation of the past, morose and solemn. I was starting to hate that look, because his smiles were so much sweeter. "I haven't thought about it at all in decades, as it failed to hold any meaning for me. It is just another day of the year, and hardly something to celebrate."
"So, if I was like you, we wouldn't be celebrating my birthday?" I challenged him, raising my eyebrow. I had him there, and he knew it. The man loved to give me gifts, as rare as an occasion called for it. My birthday, he'd never overlook and it was practically around the corner by his standards, so I knew he thought it by now. "And therefore, you wouldn't be buying me presents?"
Edward sighed again, shaking his head. "Bella, I will always celebrate the day you were born. It's what led you to me."
I hugged my arms tighter around his waist and closed my eyes. "And you expect me not to do the same? No matter what year it was, you wouldn't be here with me now if you had never been born that day. That's always something to celebrate."
"You make a very good point, Miss Swan. Although, if I could make one request?" A soft hum was all I managed, but it was enough for him to continue. "I do not intend to intrude on your time with Angela, nor do I wish to ruin whatever it is you decide to do for me. So I will not insist that Alice accompany you physically, but may I request your consent to at least have her nearby?"
I could not only hear but feel the tension in his words. "Again? Edward, I need you to tell me exactly what happened in Port Angeles that still has you this nervous about me being there, even if I'm not alone. It's more than just some guys seeing me."
"I will, but not tonight." I rolled my eyes at his response, almost having expected that from him. "Only because it's late and I don't want to disrupt your sleep. There are things that would be broached that would require more time than we have tonight."
"You're lucky that I don't want to be tired for the drive to Port Angeles," I said with a yawn.
"About that," he said after a minute or two of silence. His hand ran up my back. I still had trouble comprehending how such a simple touch could elicit such different reactions. Not only did it soothe me, but it also made me extremely warm.
It's definitely time to sleep. I heard him murmur something, but his words were lost as my eyes closed. His chuckle followed me into my dreams, along with his smile and wolves that stood at the fringes of my vision.
~oOo~
"Are you sure about this?" I asked, watching as the keys drop into my hand. Apparently, in the midst of falling asleep the night before, I agreed to use his Volvo. He showed up at my door, confusing not only me, but also my dad. "Should I ask what she'll be driving?"
"Nothing recognizable, I assure you," Edward said, leaning against the door.
"How are you getting home?" I asked, looking toward the road. Dad had already left, but I had nosey neighbors who would no doubt question Edward walking all the way from my house to his.
He gestured with his head toward a black BMW, where Carlisle waved from behind the wheel. I blushed and shook my head.
"Seems like a lot of trouble just to insure my protection."
"You're worth it," he murmured, pulling me against his chest. "You're going to be late if you wait any longer."
I looked up at him, never so aware of our height differences until that moment. He was a clear head taller, and it put a crick in my neck to look at him. "You're worth it," I repeated, dazed.
He appeared somewhat confused. "Ms. Bella, I never wanted to read your mind more."
I grinned and shrugged. Stretching up to the tips of my toes, I brushed a quick kiss on his lips, too aware of eyes on us and not by the other vampire in the area, but Mrs. Miller across the street; as I said, nosey neighbors. "I'll see you later tonight?"
"Yes," he whispered, drawing me close for a second longer. "Be safe, my Bella."
~oOo~
Wherever Alice watched me from, I couldn't tell. I had a feeling she enjoyed being all stealth like. At the stoplight on the way to pick up Angela, she told me to stop looking for her in a text.
I honked the horn to give Angela a quick warning that I was coming up. She met me halfway up her walkway, looking harried and happy, carrying a box of clothes her family was donating that we were dropping off while in Port Angeles. "What's up?" As I popped the trunk with the key alarm Edward had given me, I went over our plan of attack. After dropping off the clothes at the donation center, I wanted to stop at that novelty shop for a gift for when we went to visit my mom, and then we could check out the Thai place in town Angela said she wanted to try. The bookstore would be last since we both agreed we'd spend most of our time there. It wasn't until I closed the trunk that I realized she was standing frozen on her lawn with her jaw on the floor.
"Ang? What's wrong?"
She opened and closed her mouth soundlessly a couple of times, pointing beside me. "Are my eyes deceiving me, or is that Edward's car?"
I laughed, giving a dramatic roll of my eyes and shrugging. "No, your eyes are definitely not deceiving you. He seems to have a serious trust issue when it comes to my truck, as well as the waste of finite resources my 'gas-guzzler' is. I couldn't really argue with the last part. My gas mileage really isn't the best with that old girl."
Angela began to giggle as she moved toward the car again, causing me to gaze at her questioningly. "You know it's serious when a guy actually lets you drive his car. And a car you nearly totaled at that."
I clenched my fist jokingly as she ducked into the vehicle, and by the time I got in the driver's side, we had both fallen into a fit of laughter.
The drive to Port Angeles was a lot of fun, and a short time into it, I had even nearly forgotten that we were being followed. Though at one point, Angela's eyes grew wide and stared straight at the speedometer. "You might want to ease off the gas a bit there, Bella. I don't think your Edward or your dad would appreciate the eighty miles per hour mark you're about to hit."
I quickly glanced down to the speedometer myself and my eyes bulged at the "78" on the readout. I slowly lightened the pressure on the pedal and sighed. I had completely lost track of what I was doing, and being used to the punching I had to give the gas in my truck, my lead foot kicked in. Yet, I also found myself fighting off a chuckle. Sure, my dad would be very upset with me if he knew I was driving at that speed, but if Angela only knew that even eighty would have been a snail's pace compared to the way Edward himself drove. Though, she did have a point without realizing it—while he was more than capable of handling it himself, Edward would not be happy with me driving in such a way, without his heightened reflexes. Someday, he might be proud, but that would not be now. I gave Angela an apologetic smile and a shrug. "His car really takes some getting used to. It's practically an infant compared to my beast."
Once again, the atmosphere relaxed and we set about our tasks for the day. By one o'clock, we had dropped off the clothing, stopped to buy my mother a pair of earrings to match the necklace I had gotten her last time, and we were stuffed full from the amazing lunch we had. We still had three hours before we needed to head home for dinner, but we hurried over to the bookstore nonetheless.
Nothing had stood out to me at the novelty shop by way of a gift for Edward's birthday, and as I began perusing the bookstore, I began to feel that same rush of disappointment.
"You know, for someone who wanted to come all this way to buy books, you really don't seem all that into it," Angela said, glancing at me nervously. "We could have done something else."
I shook my head quickly and reached into my jacket pocket to grab my wallet, and that time, a folded sheet of paper fell out onto the floor along with it. I crouched down to retrieve it, and upon unfolding the sheet of paper, I found a fifty dollar bill inside. I groaned softly and looked back to the paper to find Edward's handwriting inside.
Bella,
Before you jump to any conclusions, no this is not from me. Charlie asked Alice to sneak this into your pocket somehow, but she insisted that I would be less conspicuous when she handed it to me this morning. Make sure you buy something nice for yourself, too, Bella. And do not spend much on my gift, since I know you will not relent entirely. Finding you was the greatest gift I could ever receive, I wish for nothing more. Have fun with Angela and I love you. I will see you tonight.
Love,
Edward
"Those sneaks, conspiring against me!" I hissed with a laugh under my breath, turning my attention back to Angela. "No, I really do want to get some new books. It's just that Edward's birthday is coming up, and seriously, what do you get for someone who quite literally has everything."
"No one has everything, Bella. And I think Edward would like anything you gave him. You just have to put yourself in his head and think if there is one thing he would want from you, whether it's something you buy or not, what would it be? I'm sure the answer to that question would be a little more original for Edward than it would for, say Mike. And you probably have your answer right there."
I closed my eyes for a second and cleared my mind, trying exactly what Angela had just suggested. What would Edward want from me that would be special? That no one else could give him, and wouldn't be just some frivolous token for him.
"My thoughts," I vocalized the first thing that came to me and I met Angela's curious gaze. I shook my head and tried to explain as best I could, without being completely dishonest with her. "He's always saying I'm so hard to read, and most of the time it's just because I can't say what I'm thinking without completely embarrassing myself."
"Well, there's a start." Angela shrugged with a smile.
"Doesn't really help me pick a gift, though," I replied, my eyes scanning over my surrounding again, until something did in fact practically jump out at me. It was a "Sale" sign with a bright red border, but what stood behind it was what caught my attention.
The Moleskine journals stacked on the table looked almost identical to the ones in Edward's room, on sale for buy one get one half off. Instantly, I knew what I was going to do that would be both something he wanted, and unique.
I grabbed two, one black and one navy blue, and held them to my chest, earning an inquisitive look from Angela. "He likes to write."
"Ah, okay. See, it wasn't that hard." She seemed to accept my response, though she did still appear confused, like maybe she was expecting something a little more romantic. After all, it was a gift for my boyfriend.
I hated lying to her, even in a roundabout way since it wasn't entirely untrue, but it was necessary, unfortunately. Even if she didn't mean to, she could give away my idea to Edward through her thoughts in passing. While I couldn't prevent the possibility of him at least knowing what the gift was, the underlying intent could still remain a mystery. I was already running the risk of it slipping with Alice, the moment I made my decision, but I was really hoping it wouldn't.
This was something very personal between me and Edward, and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible.
~oOo~
By the time we returned to Forks just before five, Angela and I were both thoroughly exhausted, but it really had been an amazing day for both of us. We'd both made out pretty well at the bookstore, and even bought duplicate copies of a few to read and discuss with each other; something that wouldn't have been the case if I'd gone shopping with anyone else in Forks, aside from Edward.
After dropping her off, I rushed home and the first stop I made was my room to find a good hiding spot for Edward's present. For the time being, I slid the bag between my mattress and box spring, just as my phone vibrated in my back pocket.
Alice just got here and assured me that you had arrived home safely. Thank you for being so understanding. We'll be by in a little while to pick up my car. See you soon and I love you.
Surprisingly, I had thought little of Alice's presence once Angela and I had begun perusing through books and throughout our conversation all the way home. Which was a good thing, I supposed, but his text also reminded me of the promise he'd made the night before.
You'll still be coming by later tonight, right?
I hadn't even made it down the stairs on my way to make dinner before my phone chimed again with another text from Edward.
I haven't forgotten. A promise is a promise.
A smile crept across my lips as I entered the kitchen, leaning back against the counter while reading those words over a few times before I finally replied.
I'll be waiting. With nowhere to be tomorrow. I love you, too.
I loved that I didn't always have to spell things out for him; that we could communicate clearly even with such vague statements. Though, I had to admit, I was a little nervous. There seemed to have been a lot of heavy conversations between us over the last several weeks alone, increasing in frequency and intensity the closer we became. I was seriously beginning to wonder if he would ever run out of things to tell me. And what could have caused him to get so tense over my trip to Port Angeles, yet insist on waiting to tell me?
"A lot can happen in eighty years or so." I spoke to myself, reaching up into the cupboard for the macaroni to make a simple baked mac and cheese for dinner. I was both exhausted and anxious at once, and that was not a good combination for anything more complex.
I was just sliding the casserole dish into the over when Edward arrived to pick up his car, conveniently enough, just as my dad came home as well. So we barely squeezed in a quick hello and a hug, though he did manage to whisper in my ear that he would be back soon before having to leave.
As dinner passed, I actually found myself getting more antsy. With nothing else to occupy my mind, my thoughts were solely consumed by whatever Edward wanted to talk about. I calmed my anxiety down to mere anticipation by the time I was seated on my bed, waiting for him while listening for my father's door to close. On cue, Edward appeared inside my window and I rose from my bed to hurry over to him.
Edward pressed his lips to my forehead as I encircled my arms around his waist, nuzzling my cheek against his chest and mumbling that I'd missed him. "You just saw me a matter of hours ago, Bella."
"So that means I can't miss you?" I challenged, lifting my head from his chest to look up at him. "Besides, I prefer not to be in the company of others when I give my boyfriend a real kiss, especially my father."
Edward gave a breathy laugh, lowering his lips to mine and I lifted onto my toes to meet him halfway. My arms slid around his shoulders while his encircled my waist, and I couldn't resist slowly weaving my fingers into his hair. A noise that sounded halfway between a groan and a sigh escaped him, his hands coming to rest on either side of my hips. "Bella."
"Just a kiss, I promise," I whispered, reassuring him that I wasn't planning on pushing him any further than that so soon.
"No, that's not what I meant," he replied, splaying his fingers across my lower back. "You made a request last night that I intend to honor."
I pulled away from his embrace and took his hand, backing toward my bed to sit on the edge. "You make it sound like such a formal occasion."
Edward's fingers squeezed gently around mine, and he nodded. "In a sense, it is. There are things about myself that I wish you never had to know, but they are a part of who I am. And I want you to know all of me, even the parts that don't exactly shine the best light on me. So you see me with perfect clarity and know exactly who you've fallen in love with."
My brow furrowed and I tucked my legs under my backside, resting against my headboard. He didn't join me on the bed instead he sat at the very edge of the mattress. Almost as if he was waiting for me to send him away. My anxiety kicked up a notch, his eyes softening a little when my heart started to race. "I want to know everything," I whispered, placing my hand on my chest. "I appreciate you telling me what you have already, but know this. Nothing will send me away other than you."
"Never," he replied softly, lifting my hand from over my heart to kiss my fingertips. "I'm not worried about you leaving me, only that it'll change your view of who I am. What I'm about to tell you, is not something pleasant."
"Considering you believe that nothing about what you are is pleasant, it could be a broad range of things. This however, ties with Port Angeles."
"To be honest, it's not only there. Anywhere you go, I'd feel the same. In this case, however, yes, it does." He sighed and shifted so that one foot remained on the floor, the other on bed. My hand remained in his, while his gaze settled on my fingers. "Do you remember what I told you about that day?"
I thought back to all the conversations we had and remembered a short conversation about Port Angeles about that group of men that had seen me while I was in the bookstore. Keeping that in mind, there was also the day in Seattle with the man wearing too much cologne. Edward did not react well to someone thinking of me improperly then, either.
However, the tense look he had that day in Port Angeles was vastly harder, even fiercer. "You said if I had bumped into them instead of you that I would've had a much different day."
"They wanted to hurt you," he whispered gravely. Lost in the memories, he realized he was still holding my hand and placed it safely on my lap. I wanted to touch him, but understood his need to remain careful. "They were thinking the most vile thoughts, and though that is not highly unusual in most males it seems, they wanted to do more than that. They wanted to…to force themselves on you."
His body visibly shuddered, not fueled by fear, but rage. Even now, weeks since the incident, he was still angry over it.
"That's why you had to get me away as fast as you could," I said, hoping to encourage him. He seemed so lost to whatever those men were thinking that day.
"Yes," he said, shaking his head and meeting my eyes briefly. "I couldn't let them hurt you."
I couldn't hold in my need to touch him, and tentatively laid my hand over his clenched fist on his knee. His shoulders slightly relaxed, but not enough for me to believe the worst was over. Far from it, it seemed.
"That's not the only reason we had to leave as soon as possible," he said, offering me a small glimpse of ochre eyes. "I had to follow you home, not only to insure you were safe, but so that I wouldn't go after them."
I inched closer to him and began tracing my fingertip over the back of his hand, shaking my head. "And you think that would make me view you differently? Everyone has urges and thoughts like that if someone they care about is threatened in some way."
"No, the urge was not had me concerned."
"Then what?" I asked, more confused than ever.
"I know what I am capable of, Bella. And not just because of what I am, but from what I've done." My eyes widened as he spoke bluntly, my mouth open but uttering no sound. He stood from the bed and took a few steps away, his hands driving into his jeans' pockets and staring out the back window, seemingly collecting himself. "I am not proud of it, and I also do not wish to repeat my actions. I cannot justify taking a human life, killing ruthlessly, regardless of the reason."
I managed to blink a few times and swallowed hard, absorbing his words. Edward had… killed someone? The notion of such a thing was difficult for my mind to process, looking at the man standing just a few feet away from me and knowing him as I did. He had gone all the way to Alaska to keep from harming one human girl; he was stronger than that. But then a thought struck me from the conversation we'd had following our first real fight.
Your blood is difficult to fight at times even for Rosalie, who has never actually tasted human blood.
Even for Rosalie—which meant…
"Every member of your family has killed someone at some point, except for Rosalie. Carlisle? Esme? Alice, even?"
"You know about Jasper. Almost all of us have faltered at some point for one reason or another. Emmett has, and yes, even Esme found human blood very difficult, nearly impossible, to resist at times. As did Alice, despite her visions of someday finding Jasper and joining us, living this lifestyle." That surprised me, particularly with as loving as Esme had always seemed, and I somehow could not picture Alice doing that. Yet, I knew he wasn't finished, as that still left two more members of the Cullen family—Edward and Carlisle. "Four of us are proof that Carlisle has at least tasted human blood and ended life, though not for the purpose of feeding. However, I am the only one who went out with the intent of feeding on humans, not simply by instinct or accident, after solely hunting animals."
I drew in a sharp breath and held it, listening as he continued to explain what he referred to as his "rebellious period". How much he had resented Carlisle for curbing his appetite, and his decision to go off on his own to hunt as his nature dictated him. Nothing seemed to fit the Edward I knew, until he went on to explain his choice of prey. He didn't go off and randomly kill to satisfy his thirst, but instead, used his gift to track down evil men; rapists, murderers, or both, before they found their prey. Suddenly, the pieces all fell into place. "And you thought if you went after them, that was what you would do."
"I didn't think, I knew," Edward replied adamantly, finally meeting my gaze again. "Bella, those women meant nothing to me, aside from the fact that they were human beings that didn't deserve that fate. And these monsters would keep doing it, until they got caught or died themselves. So when I saw you in the minds of those men, with how much you meant to me no matter how I tried to fight it, I knew what I would do if I went back and found them. I never want to be that again, if there is any other way. Had they so much as laid a single fingertip on you…"
I immediately rose from the bed and made my way over to him, raising my palm to his cheek. "They didn't. You got me out of there, even if I was really angry about it at the time. I understand, more so now. And you're right, it does change how I see you."
Edward's face grew pained and his hands settled on my waist, holding me securely. "I'm sorry, Bella. I wish I could go back and change it, but even vampires have their limits as to what they are able to do." I glided my fingers to his mouth, pressing them to his lips to silence him. "Edward, I already know that you're not perfect, no one is. I would never expect you to be, but that is actually the most perfect thing about you." He began shaking his head, but I held it between my hands to stop him. "Everyone has faults. They mess up, make mistakes and bad decisions. I know that the generations of families that were allowed to thrive because of what you did does not make up for what you feel you've done by killing those men. But you're flawed, just like everyone else. And by telling me this, I admire you even more now than I did before. You were able to break yourself of the temptation of human blood, not once but twice, and from what you've told me, at the times when it's most difficult. Jasper is still struggling after decades, but you? You've come through it twice, and now look at you. You're dating a human under extraordinary circumstances. You didn't go back and kill those guys. You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you have given me hope."
"Seeing me in the most despicable of lights gives you hope?" he mumbled against my fingertips, raising his eyebrows skeptically.
"Yes," I answered simply, linking my arms around his neck. "I have to admit that the one thing that scares me the most about when my time comes, is not the pain. That's temporary, even though I'm sure it feels like forever. Until this moment, it was the thirst I know will follow, and messing up on an innocent person. I still am to a degree, but I know I have you. And I feel more secure that I will come through this okay, because you'll be there, with the strength I need to get me through it. You've done this twice, and you didn't choose for this to happen to you. I did."
"I will do everything in my power to prevent you from taking a human life after your transformation, but even if you somehow failed, I wouldn't see you differently."
"Then trust that I haven't, either."
He captured my hands in his and brought them up to his lips, kissing my skin and pressing his forehead against mine. "I love you."
"What's not to love?" I pressed my lips to his briefly, returning the three words on my next breath.
Edward chuckled as he led me to bed, his eyes brighter now that he had shared one of his darkest secrets. For the moment, I was content with the knowledge that he trusted me enough to share that part of himself with me, and that he really was one of the strongest men I'd ever known, vampire and otherwise.
"One thing will always be true, Edward," I whispered as he pulled me back against his chest, a blanket serving as a barrier between us. He hummed in question and I told him what I thought. "It's not just twice that you overcome temptation, but many more times since I've come into your life and I am still here."
He held me a little closer and tighter, but only for a moment. "I am stronger than I originally thought, but don't allow that to make you complacent."
"I know," I said, snuggling a little closer in an attempt to fight off my sleep. "I just think that after some time, as we become even closer, practicing is going to be very enjoyable."
I could barely keep from laughing when he groaned. "Go to sleep, Bella." He spread several kisses along my cheek. "Your father is just down the hall."
I grumbled as his reminder of my father, and that we agreed we wouldn't do anything under his roof. It was bad enough that Edward spent almost every night in my room. Finally, after shifting around to find a more comfortable position, I decided sleep was the best option.
"Some alone time would be one more thing to look forward to on your birthday," I said through a yawn. I felt him shift behind me, and I looked to find his face turned into my pillow, another groan slipping. His words too garbled to understand, but I could guess. His darkened eyes only served to prove me correct. "I love you," I whispered and waited for him to return them as he always did, and finally slept.
~oOo~
The next morning, after seeing dad off after breakfast, Edward called to tell me he planned to hunt and would drop by later. With some free I time, I decided to work on his birthday present.
I pulled out one of the journals and cracked it open. For the first time in a while, the pristine white pages didn't seem daunting. I wanted him to know my thoughts, and I had a way to give them to him. I found a pen and started on the first page.
June 14, 2005
Dear Edward,
I will have you know that you are a very difficult man to buy for, but I really did want to get you something for your birthday that wasn't typical, and would hold some meaning for you. Money can buy a lot of things, but what I most want to give you is something that I want to share with you alone, and cannot be purchased.
You are always telling me how much you wish you could know what I was thinking, and most of the time, I will tell you. There are some times when there's things I want to say to you and don't have the opportunity, can't find the right time and place, or they are embarrassing so I never get the words out. But that doesn't mean that deep down, I don't want you to know these things.
Last night, you shared with me a part of your past that I know was very difficult for you. And of all the things I said to you afterward, I don't think I ever said thank you. That may sound strange, but I am really grateful to you for trusting me enough to share that with me, and having faith in me that I wouldn't run. That meant just as much to me as the details you shared.
I know I tell you I love you all the time, but I have never loved you more than I do right now. And by the time you read this, it probably will have multiplied again, because that is how I feel every single day. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you, or see you as anything less than the amazing person you are.
I know you are about to shake your head at my last statement, if you're not already, but what you told me last night only proves me right. While acknowledging your past, you also feel regret and remorse, despite the horrendous people they were. That shows so much of your character, and the man I fell in love with, and plan to spend eternity loving.
Love forever,
Bella