A/N: I'm a day late - I hope I didn't scare anyone! I was at a conference and I thought I'd have time to get on my computer when I got home but I fell asleep instead! I just realized I didn't post it, so here you go. Sorry it's late. Thanks for all of your kind reviews guys. Heads up - another Author's Note at the end.
I don't know this story or these words, just my plot.
"Bella, really, it's alright." Angela set down her margarita and rolled her eyes at my frown, which did nothing to make me feel better. Alice had disappeared to the kitchen the moment the topic was brought up, and Nessie was awkwardly stirring her own margarita with her straw.
"Angela, I feel really bad."
"Okay, Bella did you ask him to take me out of the script?"
"No! Of course not! I wouldn't –"
" – then you have nothing to worry about!" I frowned into my drink.
"Angela, you were there for all of this just as much as Alice was. You deserve to be in the movie too. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you as a friend."
"Bella, I get why they did it. They don't have a huge budget to make this movie, we knew that going in. Does it really matter whether you have one best friend or two? That's one less person they have to hire."
"It matters to me."
"Okay, how about this. How about they make Alice coole – um – more sarcastic, and into video games. Then it'll be like this Alice is the both of us. Maybe you can call her A the entire time, and then you'll never have to know who she is at all." Angela laughed, but I glanced towards Nessie.
"It's not the worst idea…" Nessie looked back towards me, and I nodded.
"I don't know if he'll go for calling her A, but I definitely think that he can make Alice in the movie more like you. He sat down with both of you, he knows your personalities, it shouldn't be too hard."
"Alice, what do you think?"
"Whatever Angela wants!" Alice called back in response to Nessie's question – proving she had been listening in.
"Fine. Cool. Alice/Angela hybrid it is. Now that that's straightened out Bella, will you please tell us what you actually thought? I thought we came here to get drunk and talk about the script. And when are Edward and Masen getting back?"
"Actually, Edward and Mase let us have the apartment for the night in case we get too drunk and people want to get rides back. Way cheaper than commuting from his parents' place. I think they're having a family dinner with his parents."
"That was so nice!" "Without you?" Nessie and Angela spoke at the same time, and then the 2 of us stared at Angela's weird comment.
"What? Bella you've been living with his parents for months now. You've got to admit, you're practically family. I think Esme's been sizing you for wedding dresses in your sleep."
"Ha, ha, Angela. And yeah Ness, that's what I said, but Edward said that since he knows what happens when we all get drunk he'd feel better if we were here."
"Too soon!" Alice called from the kitchen, making us all burst out in laughter. But then I thought about it. In a weird way, I was surprised that I didn't think it was too soon. If he'd made that joke even a month or two earlier there would have been some awkwardness and discomfort. But when he'd said it, I'd laughed.
"Oh no, you're overthinking something." Nessie groaned, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"What?" Alice finally came out of the kitchen with a tray of little baked pigs in a blanket that I didn't remember her bringing in or unwrapping.
"That's the face Dad makes when he's overthinking. Bella's overthinking something."
"No I'm not!" It was a reflex, and when I realized how childish I sounded I felt my face get warm. I cleared my throat to change the subject.
"Speaking of, Nessie did Mom tell you what she wants to change? The one thing she focused on within the whole entire script?"
"No but I'm guessing it'll be weird. Did she want them to specify that her hair was 'sooooo long' when you were kidnapped? She literally always complains about how cutting it off to get a bob when I was seven was a mistake." Alice giggled at that, and I fought not to laugh too.
"No. I mean now we have to get that added to the script, but no. There's one line in the script where she says she hates my…she hates Tanya, and Mom wants it gone. She says she'd never say that. And she wouldn't. But she called Vlad on his vacation to tell him to take it out."
"Sounds like Mom."
"Are we good now?" Angela cut in, eyebrow raised. I shrugged.
"I am if you are." I smiled. Alice clapped.
"Great! Let's talk about something else!"
Two days later, I sat down to have the last conversation I was going to have about the script. Right after I got it, I'd bought myself a bottle of wine and I'd read it by myself. It was very different from reading a script for a play, which I hadn't expected, and it took a while to get used to the format. But one I had, I got really into it. Obviously, it wasn't word for word but all of the moments were there – all of the crazy things that had happened to me over the past couple of months. The first time I read it, I really got a feel for how well Vlad's vision supported Shelly's.
The second time I read it, I started flagging the things that I wanted to change and the people I wanted to talk to. Right away I'd flagged the Angela/Alice issue, and a scene that Vlad had written where Jane and I got into an argument. Then, I flagged the order of certain events. Vlad had left Sam out of the script entirely which was a big deal for me because I didn't want anyone to doubt that Edward had done the right thing. I wanted to flag all of the romantic scenes but I knew that realistically the movie that most people would want to see did include my relationship with Edward. As much as I wanted the heartfelt meeting of my parents the way that Vlad wrote it, I flagged that too to be more true to what actually happened. The only thing I couldn't bring myself to flag was the ending. That now-iconic ending of me telling Edward that I finally felt free was so romantic, so comforting, that I couldn't bear to change it. Besides, even though I'd never had that one moment with Edward or my parents or even Kate, I had slowly been getting better. I thought that was worth celebrating.
I gave it one week, waiting until Christmas had passed before I started calling people to talk to them about the script. I started with mom and dad, calling them as soon as I got back from work. Dad was just fine with just about everything. If anything, he thought he had too many lines, but Mom wouldn't let him cut them. Mom had a few more suggestions, and I had to fight not to laugh when she told me about calling Vlad. There were a few things that we agreed to change, especially the scene where we met. I had been uncomfortable bringing it up, and I was surprised and relieved that they agreed that the way it was written was too gushy and too far from how it really was. Getting off the phone with them made me feel better about talking to my girls and my sister.
It was Alice's idea to have us all meet in person. And, once the Angela issue was settled, it ended up being a fun night. To my surprise, Nessie was the most vocal about places where she felt that there were opportunities to bring a little of Angela's personality out in Alice's character. Other than that, nobody really disagreed with any of the changes I brought up. Even Alice was less opinionated than I expected her to be.
Still, it didn't stop me from being nervous to meet with Edward. Even though we'd both done our best to brush off that moment in his apartment and move forward, some awkwardness had settled in to our relationship in the weeks after our date night. We had gone back to our usual interactions of him coming to visit me and also visit his parents and also hang out with Masen. It wasn't intentional on either of our parts, but we hadn't really spent any time alone. So I asked to have the conversation at his place, and I asked him if we could be alone.
Even though I knew I had nothing to worry about, I was once again nervous when I knocked on his door. He looked just as nervous when he opened it, eyebrows furrowed, like he was inches away from pinching his nose.
"Come in." He said, stepping aside for me to walk past him. He wouldn't meet my eyes, and that made me more uncomfortable than anything else. I wanted to ask him what was going on, but I couldn't think of what to say, so I just stepped in and hugged him. I looked up at him but when he didn't lean down I leaned up and kissed his jaw. When he finally looked at me I kissed him, grabbing his face and leaning into it. It took him a second to kiss me back, but right before he did I felt his shoulders relax from tension I didn't even realize he'd had. I was the first to step back, and he broke the kiss but didn't let me go.
"I've missed you." I said, resting my head on his chest. He sighed in a long, heavy release, kissing my head.
"I thought you were coming here to break up with me." He said it all so fast I almost wasn't sure I heard him right. Then I forced my way out of his arms to look at him.
"What?" He looked apologetic, but he looked away from me as he answered.
"It's been almost a month since we really spoke. Even on Christmas, we didn't really do anything just the two of us. And then you said that you wanted to talk and we needed to be alone…" he trailed off. I was floored.
"Do you…want to break up?" I hated to ask, but I had to know.
"Of course not!" He sounded horrified at the thought, and my lungs unclenched in relief.
"I'm sorry I made you feel like that. And I'm sorry I was vague when I texted you. I think I just kind of…assumed that you would know I was talking about the script." I smiled apologetically.
"I still can't read your mind, Bella Swan." He teased, so much lighter than before.
"Why did you think I wanted to break up with you? Why wouldn't you talk to me about it before now? I know I haven't been great recently but I didn't think it was bothering you that badly. I'm sorry."
"It's not just that." Edward scrubbed a hand over his face, and then started towards the couches. I followed him, sitting on the other side of the couch so I could turn and look at him.
"When the trial was going on, and right after, you placed a lot of trust and faith in me. You needed me, even before we started dating. It would be really normal for you to get through all of this and decide that you didn't need me anymore and wanted to put this relationship behind you with the case. And then that night…Bella I know you brushed it off for my benefit and I appreciate that but part of me felt like now without the case to distract you maybe you started to decide that I wasn't worth waiting for."
I wanted to be offended. I was, deep down. But I could see how much it took for Edward to admit that to me. Regardless of how I felt, I knew that I hadn't been close with him and his feelings were a direct response to my actions. Instead of asking how he could possibly think that about me, I scooted over to him on the couch, and kissed his forehead. I settled down until we were eye to eye, and I grabbed his shoulders.
"Edward you're right, I did need you. But you're making it sound like any random guy could have filled that spot, and that's not true. I needed you. Exactly how you are, exactly who you are, all the things that make you so perfect for me. I'm not going to stop needing you just because the trial is over. To be honest, I don't know if I'm ever going to stop needing you."
"Bella" he stared me back in the eyes looking so relieved and so happy, "Bella, I" then he was kissing me again. Slowly and calmly like we had all the time in the world, which I guess he finally believed we did.
This is selfish of me but before that moment it had never occurred to me that I could truly hurt Edward. If I had acted the same way with any other past boyfriend including Mike, who I'd thought I would marry at one point, I don't think he would have been so hurt or so vulnerable. But letting it sink in that our relationship was truly a two-way street, I realized that I would have to do better.
"Edward, if I make you feel like that again can you tell me, please? I want to know."
"You have a lot going on."
"Yeah, most importantly my relationship with you. I've been distant, and that sucks and it was really selfish. If I do something like that, I need you to call me out. You know by now that I'll do the same for you." He cracked a smile at that.
"Okay, so now, about the script."
It turns out Edward had a lot of changes that he wanted, but most of them were police protocol that was wrong. He agreed with me about Sam, and he thought the ending seemed more cheesy than romantic but he didn't put up a fuss since I liked it. When he asked me how I felt about the story overall I said that it was definitely what I wanted. The script almost made everything feel like a fairytale – far from the nightmare it actually was at some points – and I thought it was a great blend between telling my story and telling a story people would pay money to see.
On New Year's Eve, instead of going to the party that Alice was throwing downtown, Edward and I rang in the New Year in his apartment by ourselves. I celebrated with Edward, champagne, and finally getting to third base. A week later, Alice compiled everyone's complaints and requests and demands on one version of the script and sent it to Vlad.
When he got back, I thought it would take him another month to get through the changes. It barely took him 2 weeks. By mid-January we all had a new copy to read. It wasn't 100% what I wanted, I still thought he should just add in Angela and that some of the scenes were way more romantic or sweet than they were in real life, but I signed off on it. So did everyone else. By the end of the month, the script was officially approved.
The first foreign concept that I had to contend with was the press releases. As soon as all of us signed off on the script, Shelly's studio put out a press release that stated that the script was approved and casting was set to begin in the Pacific Northwest. We all knew that for the smaller, lower-budget film local talent would be our best bet. I didn't expect the frenzy that happened at the announcement.
Within 48 Hours Alice forwarded me links to a few social media accounts and an entire website dedicated to giving "fans" of mine and Edward's "love story" the insider scoop about casting for the film. The craziest part was that none of them were official studio accounts – they were all run by actual people. I almost followed one too, until Alice told me that it was the fastest way to have a bunch of obsessive people trying to meet me in real life.
It all got even stranger when Shelly invited Edward and I to be part of casting alongside Alice. I hadn't even known that Alice planned on being involved, and I definitely hadn't. I wanted to say no but both Shelly and Alice told me that it would be very helpful for the casting director to get my opinions on actors – everything from their look to their acting – to be as authentic as possible. I knew that I'd asked that of Shelly, I liked her true-to-life vision. So I said yes right away.
It turns out, when you're starting a cast you typically start with your stars. But our casting director Heidi wasn't getting any submissions for me or for Edward that she felt were acceptable, so she decided to move forward with the people she felt were good candidates.
Even though she was only in 3 scenes, they took the casting of my boss very seriously. The first weekend in February Heidi had me come in and look at 3 videos of women reading lines for Mary. Instead of telling me to pick one, they asked me what I liked and disliked about each. One of the women was too curt, and another was too pitying, but the women they showed me first I felt was a pretty good representation. Except for her braids she didn't look that much like Mary, the third woman looked the most like her. But, she captured something about the firm kindness and sympathy that Mary showed everyone on her floor.
Two days later, she was the first casting announcement leaked on the fan website – before any of us were even officially informed. Mary even called me into her office to ask if it was true. I thought she might be upset about the casting, but she laughed and told me that she just hadn't realized she was going to make it into the movie!
One that I took a lot more seriously was the casting of the girl to play my sister. They hadn't expected to cast Nessie before they cast me. Heidi said that ideally, she would have liked to cast me first and then cast Nessie based on how much the actresses looked related, among other things. But, she had 2 girls that she really loved very early on and she didn't want to risk losing the right girl to another project.
Heidi had the girls auditioning meet Nessie first. Each of them spent a day with her in school, which caused somewhat of a stir, and then went to dinner with her and mom and dad. I wanted to go, but Heidi wanted Alice and I to have fresh eyes when they read for us. Live. Rather than shooting video, they wanted us to see them in person.
Both girls were fantastic. I could tell how much it meant to them to get this role, because both of them were embodying Nessie right down to their mannerisms. They each did 3 scenes with Heidi reading for me. Looking at their resumes, I learned that even though this was a little indie film, both girls had come up from Los Angeles to audition. After the first two scenes, I felt useless. Alice had a lot of comments and she and Heidi were having in-depth conversations but all I could contribute was that I was blown away.
The real difference for me was in their readings for the last scene. It was the scene where Nessie tells me stories about mom and dad. It was really supposed to be a filler scene interrupted by Jake telling us that we looked like sisters, a light moment before the drama with me and mom and dad deciding if we would take the stand. The first actress I thought completely captured Nessie. Even with Heidi reading the lines almost monotone back to her, it was funny and cute and charming. But the second actress took the scene in a completely different direction. She made it feel so intimate, like she and Heidi were really connecting. She captured Nessie, but she also made the moment feel tender and important instead of funny. By the time Heidi stopped her and sent her away, I realized I was almost in tears.
Alice took one look at my face the second the door closed and turned to Heidi.
"If you don't hire that girl, I don't think Bella will ever forgive you." She smiled. Heidi nodded.
"That was something. If she can deliver like that on camera in the film, that girl has a long career ahead of her."
Three days later it was not only on the fan sites, it was on gossip sites too. Young, unknown actress Bree Tanner cast to play Vanessa Swan in upcoming child kidnap case film. When that announcement came out, Nessie was actually followed to her dorm by an earnest paparazzi before the school had him hauled off by the police as a warning. That same night Shelly reached out to my family, Edward's family, and all of our friends telling us all to prepare ourselves for the incoming press presence as the movie announcements continued to come out.
A/N Part 2: Alright, I have a few ideas for what fic I want to do next when I'm done with Swansong. Hopefully you guys would want to read something else that I write. Right now I'm kind of attached to a Seth story with an emotionally delicate AU, a story where modern Europe is still ruled by King and Queens and Princess Isabella is vying for future king Edward's heart, and a pretty twisted and dark vampire AU with a Darkward and a very naive Bella. Let me know in the review if any of these sound interesting to you - they're all probably very different from this one!