CHAPTER 36

Jon followed the nurse to Clary's room. When he arrived, she was laying on the bed with her eyes closed. Her bright red hair looked like fire against the white sheets of the hospital bed. "I'll give you some time" the nurse said before walking out and closing the door behind her.

Jon took a deep breath and walked over to the side of Clary's bed. He could see the bruises on her face and the small amount of dried blood in her hairline. She needed a shower. It took everything he had not to cry.

Jon reached down and picked up her hand giving it a light reassuring squeeze. Clary's eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she saw Jon.

"Hi" she said. Jon laughed a little. Clary had been through so much and she says something as simple as hi. He gave up trying to stay tough and let his tears fall. "Hi" he said.

"Jon, I'm okay" she said. He shook his head and looked at the ground. "Look at me Jon" she said. Jon looked up and met her eyes.

"I'm really okay. They're gone, both of them, and they aren't coming back" she said.

Jon scoffed. "They said dad would never come back and look how that ended" he said.

Clary laughed a little before wincing and holding her stomach. Jon imagined that it would hurt to laugh. "Well yea, but dad had a psycho that broke him out of jail to get revenge on me for not wanting to have sex with him. I'm choosing to think that it won't happen again" she said.

Jon shuddered at what she had said. Sebastian had done all these things because she didn't want to have sex with him even after he had forced her into it anyways. Jon thought about how he never gave Sebastian a proper beating. He sighed and looked at Clary.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked. Clary's smile vanished as she looked down at her hands.

"I didn't want you to blame yourself. It's not your fault that I fell for a lunatic" she said. Jon knew she was lying or at least twisting the truth. She refused to make eye contact with him.

"There is something you aren't telling me" he said. She didn't move. "Clary, you can tell me anything. You know that right? I'll always be here to listen" he said.

Clary finally looked at him. "That's exactly it" she said. "You are always there to listen and you always have some amazing big brother thing to say afterwards to convince me that I'm not as pathetic as I think. What could you possibly have told me? You would have said you love me and that you would kill him, but that wouldn't change the fact that he made me a slut who is too weak to fight for herself" she said. Tears covered her face.

Jon couldn't believe that she thought that. "Clary, I mean every word I am about to say so listen closely. Sebastian Verlac is a bastard. He deserves to rot in hell, but I suppose prison will have to suffice. Don't think for a second that you are a slut for being raped. You didn't want that and if anybody has anything different to say about, well they can talk to me. And Clary, you don't fight for yourself. That is what weak people do. Dad fought for himself and look where he is now" he said.

"But you fight for yours-"

"I fight for you Clary. I always have and I always will. When Jace and Izzy were fighting in that basement, they were fighting for you. Simon, mom, Alec, Magnus, Luke, anybody you can think of would fight for you. Let me ask you something Clary. Why didn't you just let yourself die in that basement? What kept you wanting to live and get away from them?" Jon asked.

Clary sighed. "I knew that I had to get to you. I had to tell you that it wasn't your fault. I had to see Izzy and Simon and Magnus and Alec and tell them that they are my best friends. I had to see mom and Luke and tell them that they were the only parents I have ever known and that I am thankful. I had to find Jace and tell him that I-"she stopped talking.

Jon smiled. "You love him" he said. Clary looked shy.

"I don't know how to love anymore. I connect love with betrayal now. How do I know what is real anymore?" she asked.

Jon squeezed her hand. "Love goes both ways. Real love is when you love somebody and they return the feeling. I love you to death Clary and if you love me too, then our love for each other is real." He said.

"But how do I know if people love me? I thought dad would love me. Sebastian said he loved me. It was all a lie" she said.

Jon sighed. She was so stubborn. "Jace started professing his love for you to me like a week ago. You should have seen him when you went missing. He was a disaster. He loves you Clary, he really does. It's obvious that Simon loves you. You are the only true friend he has ever known. Izzy adores you. You're the only girl who doesn't use her to get to Jace. I wish you could've seen her kick Sebastian's ass. Alec and Magnus may seem distant, but they love you too. They watched you in the nurse's office that day when me and Jace were at football. Mom is the same way. She loves Luke and she has been with him non-stop, but you know that she would leave him if you asked her to and that is saying something. I wish you could see how much we love you Clary." He said.

"Jace told you he loved me?" she asked.

Jon chuckled. Of course she heard that part. "Yes, he did" Jon said.

"And you didn't beat him up?" she asked.

Jon shook his head. "I knew you loved him too. Besides, I never liked Verlac. I guess I just didn't know him well enough to not like him. I know Jace though. He won't hurt you" he said.

Clary smiled. "I have the best family ever" she said.

"But dad-"

"That asshole is not my dad. He is a bastard and he deserves to go to hell. Luke is the only father I have. I just wish we got to see him more" Clary interrupted.

Jon nodded. "I know" he said. "Me too. Are you feeling alright?" he asked.

Clary shrugged. "I feel like I got hit by a bus on the outside, but I feel better on the inside. It sucked trying to keep what Sebastian did from you. I was just afraid that you would get yourself in trouble and that I wouldn't get to see you anymore. I didn't want you to think it was your fault that I had so much pain" she said.

Jon frowned. "He didn't hurt you too bad did he?" Jon asked.

Clary stared at the wall. "I think you know that answer to that" she said.

Jon gasped. "I'm so sorry Clary" he said.

She snapped her head towards him. "Stop apologizing. It is not you fault. I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I love you Jon and that will never change. Just be happy that I'm ok" she said.

Jon smiled. "I am happy. I love you Clare-Bare" he said.

Clary gave him a big hug ignoring the pain that came from her stomach. "I love you too Jon. Thank you, for everything. You really are the best brother in the world" she said.

Jon pulled back. "I know right" he said jokingly. Clary playfully shoved him and they started laughing. It got quiet when there was a knock on the door.