Chapter Thirty Seven:
"Pregnant?" he asked as he smiled.
She nodded.
His smile was not returned.
"You're not happy about it?" he asked.
"We've barely spoken…and now…this."
"Sara, this is another child!"
He felt uneasy in her lack of enthusiasm.
"When we first got married…I actually…was jealous of your relationship with Emma…it was obvious you'd fallen in love with her. We married because…of her….my sweet Emma. Now, I'll always wonder…if…we stayed together…because of this."
"No Sara! I married you because I love you. We're together because that hasn't changed."
She didn't believe him.
He knew that.
He felt as if he had hurt her far worse than Graham had.
He felt giddy with the knowledge of the pregnancy but her behavior frightened him.
"You said earlier, you weren't feeling well," he said.
"I'm tired," she admitted. "I couldn't sleep last night…trying to come up with the courage to tell you…just get it over with."
"I'm glad you did," he said holding her hand.
He glanced down at the couch.
"No more sleeping on the couch for either of us."
"Back to where we were," she mumbled.
He pulled her to the bedroom, pulling back the covers.
He showered and then joined her.
Hours passed as he held her, coaxed her to sleep, and held her body while he wept.
When she woke, his arms were still wrapped firmly around her.
The moment she stirred, he kissed her.
"Feel like talking?" he asked.
"I'm not ready…to tell anyone…yet," she stated.
"When you're ready…we'll do it together," he offered wiping her hair back from her face and planting another kiss on her cheek.
His hand slowly dipped down and caressed her abdomen. "I love you, Sara…so much."
He gently rolled her so that they were facing each other.
Her eyes drifted up to his.
There was no sparkle or any sense of joy.
"Do you want this baby?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied.
He felt somewhat relieved.
"How do you feel about…the baby?" he asked.
"Numb…scared," she admitted.
"I thought if I gave you some space…we could work this out…I'm sorry. I've only made things worse."
"Not just your fault," she managed to get out.
"When did you find out you were pregnant?" he whispered.
"I took the test…yesterday…wasn't hiding anything from you."
He felt guilty as hell.
This whole mess began because of him.
"Sara…let's take some time off," he pleaded.
"I'm not sure…this is a good time," she said as she sat up.
"Now is a good time. We need…some time…together," he said.
He could tell she did not like the idea.
"Mary will stay here…Jim and the guys can check in…make sure Emma is okay."
She said nothing.
His hand gently turned her chin toward him. "Please."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because I want to spend some time with you….just you," he begged.
"I've got the Stallings case coming up this week," she said.
"Next week then," he urged. "It will give us time to plan."
He could almost see her brain churning, trying to find an excuse not to go.
"I'll check with my…boss," she replied.
"I'm sure he won't mind. I'll check with him myself…when I clear my leave with Ecklie."
"No…I'll do it," she said.
She didn't seem thrilled.
He made dinner as she went about doing laundry.
Emma arrived home.
He glanced over at the package on the counter.
She had insisted he prepare the paternity test and send it off that day.
With every attempt to dissuade her, she became more and more agitated.
He worried about the impact of the stress on her body.
The last few weeks had taken quite a toll on both of them.
He worried about the new life growing inside Sara.
On the way to work that evening, she made him swing by the post office and drop off the package.
"It'll take several weeks," he said as he glanced at her, hoping to ease as much stress as he could.
His hand reached out and took hers while he drove.
In the last few hours they'd had more physical contact than in weeks.
He blamed himself for letting it get to that point.
He was not used to emotional confrontations.
While he and Sara had slept separately their D.N.A. were joining, forming a life.
As soon as they arrived, she was out of the vehicle and inside before he could utter a word.
He sat there in his vehicle, wishing he had done things different.
"Penny for your thoughts," offered Catherine softly.
He glanced at her.
"Never seen you this down…since…is Sara alright?" she asked.
"Cath…how do you…show someone…how much…you…care for them?" he asked.
"Wow, for you to be asking me this, you must have really screwed up," she muttered.
"Never mind," he grumbled as he stepped out of his vehicle.
"Wait…Gil…I'm sorry," she urged. "I know Sara's been feeling…pretty down lately. The guys were going to have me pump you for information."
"Don't," he warned as he tried to head to the door but she blocked him.
"Flowers…not a plant…flowers are a start," she stated. "With more than just your name attached to it."
"Flowers?" he asked.
"Yes…then write a note or letter…"
He frowned. "We live together. Why would I mail her…"
Catherine rolled her eyes. "Put it where she'll find it. In her locker, her lingerie drawer, under her pillow, in her desk or her lunch. Get the idea?"
He nodded.
"You know I never saw Sara sporting an engagement ring," she said.
"I didn't have time to get one…she agreed…so I didn't want to waste any time."
"Thought she would back out?" she half teased but the look on his face made her heart churn for this awkward boss she considered friend.
"Buy her a nice gown…it's not too late for an engagement ring…she's not going anywhere since she married you…or is she?"
"We're going to take a week…go somewhere," he said quietly.
"Her idea or yours?" she asked.
"Mine," he said.
"Good! Where are you going?" she asked.
He looked clueless.
"You mean you asked her to go out of town with you and you don't know where you're going to go?"
"I thought maybe…Jim's cabin…we did some fishing up there…"
"No! Leave it to me," she said.
"I'm not sure I should do that," he said nervously.
"Give me a couple of hours and I'll give you some options…okay?"
He nodded.
She headed toward the door. "You coming?"
He got to the entrance but she blocked him. "When are you leaving?"
"Next week."
"Good. There is plenty of time to romance her," smiled Catherine.
"Romance her?" he gulped.
She shoved him inside the door. "Go be nice to your wife…don't treat her like another CSI but your wife. You know it wouldn't hurt if you held her hand, kissed her…act like a cave man…stake your woman and…"
"You want me to get a club and hit her with it?" he teased.
"Everyone knows the two of you are married…don't be shy about…showing it. A kiss or a touch isn't going to hurt anyone."
"Caveman huh?"
"Forget that analogy," she muttered.
Catherine smiled when Grissom sat down to give out assignments and purposely reached over, placing his hand on Sara's.
She turned to see if he wanted something but he continued to assign cases.
Sara felt it was odd.
She gently tried to move her hand, thinking she was infringing on his space but he refused to release hers.
As the others started to leave, she leaned over. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No…I just wanted to… hold your hand," he said.
She looked stunned.
There was a note left in her kit.
She opened it and quickly glanced around.
Before shift ended, a bouquet of flowers arrived on her desk.
She read the note, removing it so the others could not read it.
He sought out Sara before she had a chance to seek him at the of the shift.
"Ready to leave?" he asked.
She glanced at the flowers.
"Do you like them?" he asked.
"Griss…why…are you…doing this?"
"Because…I want to show you…how much you mean to me," he said feeling kind of nervous.
"I'm ready…to leave," she said.
He did not give up the pursuit.
He stepped closer to her.
His hand caressed her cheek.
"I just wanted…to show you," he explained. "In case you don't know."
She seemed startled when Grissom took her into his arms and kissed her.
As soon as she recovered from the initial shock, he deepened the kiss.
He finally stepped back. "Ready…to go…home?" he asked.
She managed a nod.
His hand slipped into hers as he guided her down the hall.
Nick and Greg gawked while Warrick smiled. "I think the honeymoon has returned."
She seemed a bit out of sorts as they drove home.
He slid some pamphlets across the seat.
She glanced down.
"What are these?" she asked.
"Some ideas," he said.
She glanced at the pamphlets.
She slid them back.
He seemed disappointed.
So much for listening to Catherine…
She liked the flowers…
Didn't she?
"I don't want to leave…Vegas," she announced.
"But…you agreed…to take off a week," he said sounding hurt.
"I will…but I don't want to leave. Emma's ear ache could return."
"So…if we stay….nearby…then it's not a problem?" he asked.
"No…it's not," she agreed.
"I'll come up with something," he said with a smile.
She found a note in her drawer as she changed clothes.
It was a few lines of poetry but he had boldly signed it "All my love, Gil."
He had watched her as she picked up around the house while he and Emma played a game.
They explained to Emma about their time alone.
She didn't seem to mind. "Will you call?" she asked.
"Of course," said Sara. "If you get sick…we can come home…immediately."
"Can Nick come over for a movie?" she asked.
"I'll ask him," said Sara.
"I guess we're set," said Grissom.
As soon as Emma left for school, Sara turned in.
He lay there as she struggled to sleep.
His hand gently stroked her hair.
She startled him when she rolled over abruptly, sitting up in the bed.
"Stop!" she yelled.
"What's wrong?"
"Stop…this," she heaved.
"Sara…"
"You're acting as if…this past month didn't happen," she said.
"No…I'm not. We both know it did. I just…want…to fix this."
"I'm not sure you can," she cried getting up.
He came around the bed and cornered her. "Things…were good…until I...is there no…going back…no redemption?"
"It's…not that easy…do you think flowers or notes or cards…or a trip is going to fix our problems?" she cried.
"I let my insecurity get the better of me! Does that mean I don't get another chance, Sara?"
She stood there leaning against the wall as she softly began to cry.
"You have insecurities…you don't believe that someone can love you…how can I convince you that I do if you won't let me try?" he grieved.
"I'm….trying," she whispered.
He stepped closer. "You're not the only one who is scared," he whispered.
She looked shocked.
"You think you have the monopoly on fear?" he asked. "I'm afraid that maybe you never really loved me… you've grown tired of me already….Melissa did."
"That's not true!"
"What other insecurities…do you have?" he asked.
She looked at him. "I'm …afraid you blame me for the rape."
"No!"
"I trusted him…I let my past cloud my judgment…I never should have gone over there that night…I should have suspected something…I should have…"
She gulped.
He quickly held her. "That was not your fault. I blame myself!."
"I'm afraid…of doing this…all over again," she sniffled. "I don't have Mom…and…Dad…and God, Gil, I miss them so much."
"You're not alone. You have family right here," he urged as he kissed her tenderly on the cheek.
Both stood there, each needing comfort.
"I'm afraid Graham…may be right," he whispered.
"What…do you mean?"
"He said…I'm incapable of loving someone…I'm just like him…don't deserve you," he said.
Her lips found his.
"We're a mess," she half cried, half laughed as he guided them to the bed.
"We're trained to sift through a mess and find what's important," he whispered.
"What's important?" she asked.
"That…we both love each other," he reasoned. "That's what counts."
He rolled over and propped himself up.
His hand cupped her face as he leaned down and kissed her.
His hand slid down her body and rested upon her abdomen.
His lips settled there.
He made love to her slowly, easing his way into her body.
It was pure torture for her.
She wanted to go fast but his voice would gently coax her to go slow.
He moved slowly, methodically, dipping to take her lips with each thrust while he whispered how much he loved her.
Each movement purposely relayed his feelings for her.
He worshipped her body as she cried out his name over and over.
"I love you," he whispered.
Note form author:
The last three chapters will be posted tomorrow. You will have the rest of the weekend to enjoy the story. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter.
Take care!