Author's Note: I have re-written this chapter a total of four times - I sincerely apologize if it is (still) messy. Every attempt to improve it currently ends up having the exact opposite effect.

Chapter 37

"Alexis likes a boy! Alexis likes a boy!"

"I do not!"

"Do too. Alexis likes a boy!"

Alexis groaned and kicked at Louis' school bag which had been carelessly dropped by the door. "I do not like him! Stop saying that."

"Don't kick that!" Louis protested. "And you have to say 'please'." When Alexis' lips remained clamped together, he started again. "Alexis likes a-"

"Louis!" Kate called from her spot at the elevator, giving Castle's neighbor an apologizing smile, but the elderly woman kept ranting about the unfriendly repairman that checked the air conditioning of the whole building and left muddy shoe prints everywhere he went.

She'd been listening to the woman repeat herself for the last five minutes, but she figured she should get to know some of this building's inhabitants if she was going to live here soon. She was basically here all the time already, it was just her furniture that was still at her apartment.

"I don't have to say please; you have to stop," she heard Alexis argue, accompanied by Louis' giggle.

"Alexis likes a boy, Alexis likes a boy!"

Kate could actually see them through the open door of the loft, and Louis was teasing Alexis mercilessly, and the girl was slowly beginning to get frustrated.

"I'm sorry, Mrs.-"

"-Goldstein-"

"-Mrs. Goldstein, but-" She pointed at the fighting children, and the woman from the apartment across the hall nodded in understanding and called for the elevator. "I'll make sure to ask the repairman to take off his shoes. Thank you. Thank you so much."

Mrs. Goldstein reached out give her hand a maternal pat, and Kate quickly disappeared into the loft, calling Louis' name again.

"I don't like him!" she heard Alexis yell and then Louis was jumping over the back of the couch, headed for Castle's office with Alexis chasing him in a flash of red.

Kate darted forward to catch the girl's arm before she could hop over the couch as well, and Alexis let out a frustrated growl and jerked her arm out of Kate's grip.

"He started it," she immediately complained, her voice thick with anger and incoming tears.

Louis was leaning against the bookshelves, holding his belly and laughing. Only when he didn't get a response did he stop and look up. He sucked in a breath when he saw his mother had her cop face on.

"Oops," he murmured, eyes darting around the room while he tried to come up with a way to get himself out of this mess. "I-I told her to say 'please'?" he tried, a poor attempt at defending himself, but his mouth was twisting into a small grin, like he couldn't believe himself he was even trying.

"You know the drill, Louis. Your room. One hour. I want you to think about why you're being so mean. And when I come to get you, I want you to have an honest apology for Alexis."

"But we were gonna cook lunch, mom," Louis whined, pushing further and stomping his foot, but he jerked upright when Kate took a threatening step closer. "You just ruined that for yourself. Now, don't make me drag you upstairs."

That did it; Louis pushed off the bookshelves and went up to his room. Not without scowling and trampling of course, but one glare of Kate's had him scurrying.

Just loud enough for them to hear, he chanted "Alexis likes a boy" one last time, before quickly banging the door closed, but Kate didn't react. He was just trying to provoke her and if she went upstairs now, he'd get the attention he wanted.

She sighed deeply, frustrated and disappointed with the turn this afternoon had taken. It had been a promising day; she'd closed a case in the early morning, had taken a nap with Castle who then had to leave for a meeting at Black Pawn, leaving her to have a fun afternoon with the children.

But her plan of cooking lunch, helping them with homework, and then going ice skating had just been ruined by her son who was currently going through a phase of obstinacy.

She didn't know where he got this behavior from-probably school-but Louis was testing her, teasing Alexis, and being quite nasty in general. The only one he never talked back to was Castle.

"Did we ruin lunch?" Alexis asked timidly at her side and Kate ran her hand through her fiery hair, entangling a few strands as she went.

"It's not ruined," Kate promised. "It'll simply be just the two of us preparing it."

"What are we having anyway?"

"I thought stuffed peppers and rice? Your dad should be home soon and he's probably very hungry, so I thought a big lunch and then just sandwiches for dinner sounded good?"

"Yeah, sounds great," Alexis agreed and followed her to the kitchen where she washed her hands. "I dropped my yogurt at school, so I'm really hungry anyway."

"Do you want a yogurt now? Or can you wait another hour or so till lunch is ready?"

"I can wait. I'll just snack on the peppers." Alexis grinned up at her and Kate pressed a smacking kiss to her forehead, so very glad that one of her two children was still her chipper self.

"And you know, I really don't like the boy. He tries to copy my homework!"

Kate bit back a grin as she measured the rice for their lunch, listening to Alexis grouse about the boy, envisioning the two of them having a very similar talk in about five years from now. She was looking forward to it.

XXX

He heard the squabbling before he even twisted the key in the lock.

"Hey daddy!" Alexis shouted from the table, grinning widely, and he lifted a tired hand, totally drained from dealing with Gina and Paula.

"Hi Rick," Louis grinned around a bite of something red, and he watched as Kate reached out to catch a piece of the veggie that was on its way to stain Louis' sweater.

"Louis," Kate groaned. "What did I tell you about speaking with your mouth full?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders, some rice still on his chin, and Castle assessed the situation from his spot at the door. Alexis was glaring at Louis and Kate looked like she was about to murder someone. Trouble in paradise, then.

"The rice is a nice touch," Castle said, pointing at Louis' chin, and the boy's hand immediately came up to wipe it away.

"There's a stuffed pepper in the kitchen for you. Want me to get it for you while you freshen up?" Kate offered, but he waved off. She looked as tired as he felt. "Got it. Thanks, babe."

He came back with his plate, trailed his free hand over her back in passing and she gave him a small smile.

"Did your meetings go well, daddy?" Alexis asked as he sat down next to her.

"As well as meetings with both Gina and Paula present can go. But we haven't come to a conclusion as to where I'm signing this winter if that's what you mean." He brushed a piece of hair back for Alexis and she chewed happily on her pepper.

"But are we flying far away again?"

He saw Kate pause mid-movement, fork hovering in front of her mouth. They hadn't discussed it yet. To be honest, it had completely slipped his mind, too.

"No, we're staying close to home. It'll be just a few days and we're staying in the same time zone."

Kate resumed eating but she still looked at him warily.

"Have you guys been to the park yet?" he asked instead, trying to tell Kate with a look that they'd talk about his upcoming book tour later.

"No," Louis then pouted, glaring at Kate who had her eyebrows raised at him in warning. "I had to stay in my room for a whole hour."

"You're a liar!" Alexis shouted and slid down in her chair to get at Louis's shin. Castle pulled her chair back just in time, and Alexis turned to him, furious. "We got him after half an hour and he even helped us cook."

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and pointer finger, and Louis dropped his fork on the table. "You should have just said 'please'."

"You're just like the others. A stupid boy."

Louis pushed his chair back, but Kate made him sit again, shaking her head 'no' at Alexis. "Mom! She called me- She called me stupid! She insulted me. Do something!"

Castle rescued the glass Alexis almost toppled when she reached across the table to slap at Louis' fingers. She let out an angry screech when he attempted to box her, and while Kate caught Louis' fist, barking, "Enough you two!", he got up, grabbed Alexis by the shoulders and steered her away from the table and into his office before more insults or limbs flew around.

Slapping and kicking was a no-go in his household.

He pushed Alexis into his office, closed the door behind her, and started to clear the table. Lunch was over.

Louis sat in his chair, red-faced and unapproachable, the echo of Kate's angry hiss still in the air.

She brought the last of the silverware into the kitchen and stood with her hands on either side of the sink, head bowed.

"This been going on all day?" he asked, coming up behind her and rubbing his knuckles between her shoulder blades to ease some of the tension.

"Pretty much. Yeah," she sighed, and closed her eyes when his circles became firmer.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, and he really was. Days like this had been more frequent since the summer, and it's the first time in their history that Louis acted up like this.

"'S okay. It's just a phase," she replied, giving him a weak smile, and he couldn't help but brush his lips over her temple and along her hairline, trying to somehow ease the pain.

"You want me to talk to him?"

"Please. I just don't know what to do. He's not listening to me at the moment and I feel like everything I try is just making it worse."

"I'll talk to Louis first, then Alexis."

"Thanks, babe."

Castle smirked at her and she rolled her eyes when she noticed that the pet name had slipped out - again. It always did when she was tired or unconcentrated.

She threw a dish towel at him. "Go deal with those little monsters."

XXX

Louis didn't show any reaction when he called his name, so he twisted his chair around and sank to his haunches in front of it.

"It wasn't right of Alexis to call you stupid. I don't know what went on here while I was gone-"

"She kicked at my-"

"-and I don't want to hear it, but she didn't have the right to call you that. You're not stupid. I'll talk to her about it right now. And I'll also talk to her about kicking."

Louis hands flew to his right leg, but Castle stopped his process of pulling up his pant leg and showing him the imaginary bruise that he was sure the boy would point to.

"Do I get a free pass for kicking her?" he asked with his hands crossed over his chest, a saturnine look on his face and the question-though not meant completely serious-knocked Castle out of his stride.

"What's gotten into you, Louis?" he asked, truly shocked. "You're not a bully; so what's going on? Did something happen we don't know about?"

"Of course I'm not a bully!" Louis yelled, still worked up, but Castle remained calm.

"But what you were doing - teasing Alexis, teasing her more when she asks you to stop, that's bullying," Castle explained and watched the boy's eyes grow wide.

"But she kicked-" he tried again, only to be cut off by Castle again. "There must have been a good reason why she kicked you. Talk to me."

Louis dropped his gaze to his hands, started knotting them together, and visibly deflated. "Mom looked sad. I made her sad."

"No," Castle corrected. "Your behavior today did. But she still loves you."

"I love her, too," Louis sighed, his brown eyes muddy with unshed tears. "But- It's just, it's always her and Alexis all the time."

He shrank further into his seat upon his admission and Castle had to hold onto the leg of the chair to remain upright. This is what this was all about?

"And you want to spend more time alone with your mom?"

"Yes, but also- Alexis is not shy, Alexis is really good in school, Alexis can make jokes, and everyone just loves her." His cheeks were pink and Castle found his knee, squeezed it to tell him it was okay to voice all these things.

Castle made sure Kate was listening to all of this. This was important. "Everyone just loves you too, Louis," Castle promised. "But you're shy, so people are a little more shy around you. Do you want my mother to hug and squeeze and kiss you the way she does Alexis?"

"No," Louis admitted.

"See, that's why she doesn't. It doesn't mean she loves you less, she just doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. This is her way of loving you. And hey, who's the genius that maps out whole Lego cities in their room and builds them? Or can squeeze himself between the drawer and the wall and get me every time we play laser tag?"

Louis' lips curved into a small but proud smile. "Me."

"Exactly. But maybe your mom and I have done a bad job of showing you how special you are."

Kate had been creeping ever closer and was now dropping to her haunches next to Castle. "Louis, baby, I had no idea you were feeling this way."

"I didn't know how to tell you."

"Just do," Kate replied, sounding a little frantic and shaken as she reached for her son's hands. "Don't start bullying because you don't know how else to deal with a situation. Bullying is never an option, do you understand?"

"Yes mommy. I'm sorry. I didn't actually mean to."

"I know you didn't. But you did, and imagine how horrible Alexis must feel right now."

"I wanna apologize," Louis mumbled and a small smile flickered to life on Kate's face. He had a good heart; he knew what's right.

"Go apologize to Alexis, and then we'll think of a plan. We'll figure this out, okay?"

XXX

"Castle, tell me honestly, have I been neglecting my son?"

"Woah, Kate. No. How can you even think that? No. Never."

She was pacing in front of the large window in his office, one hand pressed against her mouth, the other curled around her ribs as if she had to physically hold herself together.

"He's had days like this ever since the end of the summer, and I thought it had something to do with school, but I read the signs all wrong. I-" She broke off, rubbed her hands down her face and then stared at the city lights in remorseful silence.

"You wanna know what I think?"

She nodded; she was at a complete loss. This wasn't supposed to be this hard.

"I think a lot has happened this past year, and it's not easy. For neither of us. Alexis is like me; she's open about things that bother her. You Becketts, you are harder to read, and even harder to read correctly. You're mysterious; all of you."

Despite herself, she had to smile. She really wasn't the easiest person to be with. But she hadn't known that applied to Louis as well. And it made her sad.

"And I believe Louis didn't do it consciously. I think, at first, he himself didn't even know what was going on, or why he was behaving the way he did. It was just - an instinct maybe?"

She sighed and came to a stop before the window. "It's just that I thought I was dividing my time up so well between work and all three of you. Louis is my son, but Alexis, she's- I'm not her mother but I feel...motherly about her, you know?"

"I know the feeling. And just so you know, you're the closest thing she has to a mother. She'd probably introduce you as such if she weren't uncertain whether it's correct."

"I love her Rick," she stated and he smiled a tender, fragile thing, but so full of love.

"That's all that matters to her."

"I know, and I'm trying not do differentiate between the children, I don't want one child to feel less loved than the other. But maybe that was the wrong thing to do? Maybe Louis just needs a little more? Needs to feel a little more special?"

She resumed to pace. "But then again, you treat both children exactly the same and it works."

"Kate, you're making me nauseous. And you can't compare the children, that's unfair-to both of them. Maybe we'll have to take a step back, go slower, let him adjust and settle in. That doesn't happen in the course of one summer; it needs time. And you see, I'm basically available all the time. Sure, I write from time to time, but I'm still here. Alone time with you is more sacred than alone time with me."

She closed her eyes for a moment and pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers, trying to get to the bottom of this.

Maybe time really was all they needed. Time, space, and lots of talks.

She felt Castle's fingers weave through hers and he was tugging until she was sitting across his lap, his body supporting hers just like his love and presence did her in everything she did every single day.

He truly was their rock in the tossing sea. They would be nothing without him. And she didn't tell him that nearly often enough. "Alone time with you is still special. You know that, right? Your constant availability is not being taken for granted."

He nuzzled his nose into the hair at her temple and she felt him smile against her skin. "I know. But it's always good to hear."

"For what it's worth; alone time with you is my favorite time of the day."

He groaned against her scalp and she felt it reverberate all the way down to her toes. "Don't say things like that when I can't do anything about it," he complained, his eyes straying from her face and slipping along her body.

She smirked, leaned in to press an apologetic kiss to his jaw, and when he returned his focus to her face again, she asked, "What did happen to your writing? You said you had been working on something."

"Ah, yes," he grinned, excitement erasing the last traces of lust from his features. "But first I need to ask you: do you think we would've met if it weren't for our children?"

After the inital surprise of the question wore off, she lifted an eyebrow and gave him a sideway glance. "I don't know, Castle. Maybe I would've been the Officer to arrest you for stealing a police horse."

His face split into a grin. "Oh, that would have been cool. But I don't think you were with the Acadamy yet when I borrowed the police horse."

"Borrowed? Still sticking to that, huh?" She shook her head, not chastisizing him though, and started toying with a loose thread at the hem of her sweater. Sometimes she wondered if she would have done similar things, had the death of her mother not forced her to lay off her rebellious and immature behavior and demanded she grow up.

"'S the truth. I fully intended to give it back," Castle went on. "I mean, I left my clothing at the tree where it was tied to. I thought that made it clear that I was going to come back eventually."

"And why again are we talking about this? And not your writing?" she asked, although not unkindly. Just wondering.

That spark in his eyes promised nothing good.

"I thought you liked the words 'leather', 'skin' and 'ride' in the same senten-" Her hand over his mouth cut him off, and she checked to make sure there weren't any little ears around.

"But currently, I have a picture of you, naked, on a poor horse in my head, and that's not an image I want to conjure when I think of leather. So stop talking or I'm never wearing that outfit again."

"Would be a pity," he said dreamily. "That leather is so buttery-"

She clamped her hand over his mouth with one final, warning glare. The picture of that poor horse was still in her head.

"Go' it, go' it," Castle mumbled behind the barrier of her hand and she removed it. "So, uh, do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Believe that we would have met, Beckett." He took such pride in calling her by her last name. Louis didn't understand it at all, and his head jerked up every time Castle called her that, thinking, someone had called his name. "If our children hadn't brought us together, I mean."

"New York's a big place, Castle. I don't know. But, uh, we have met before."

"We- we have? When? Where?"

"I came to see you at a book signing," she admitted with a smile, allowed for the words to sink in before she continued. "It was right after my mom died. I had saved her collection of books from my dad's burst of temper, and I re-read all of them in the weeks following her death. And then I saw on the news that you'd be signing in a book store in New York, and I wanted to feel close to my mom, so I went. I never planned to stay in line for an hour, I just wanted to see you in real life for a second, but then I did end up waiting."

He blinked a few times, making sure he heard correctly. "You never told me that. That- that's amazing, Kate. Nine years ago-that's when I had Alexis. Means I was trying to grow up at that time. Tell me I was nice. Not a jerk."

He looked at her, eyes squinted together as if he was actually afraid of the answer, and she laughed, splayed her fingers at his cheek. "You were sweet, Castle. Maybe a little tired from sleepless nights with the baby, but meeting you was truly the highlight of - that year after mom's death, I guess?"

"I'm glad I was able to do that for you."

She stretched up, met his lips in a tender, loving kiss.

"You know you still do that, right? You are one of the few good things that happened to me after mom died."

"It's uncanny how fast you can get me to tear up. But that's why I think the universe would have led us to one another in a different world."

"The universe?" she mused, pressing her lips together.

"Fate?"

She shook her head.

"Fine. What do you believe in? Karma?"

"None of the above. But why are you thinking about this? Is this what you've been doing when you said you were supposedly writing?"

"I was writing! I wrote those four chapters I told you about."

"Oh no. Don't tell me- This is what you've been writing about? The universe and fate? Castle! I thought you were doing real work."

"I was- I am doing real work! Look." He almost dumped her off his lap in his haste to get to his laptop, and she sent him a glare that made him stumble.

"I'm just- I've kind of fallen in love with this idea," he apologized when he returned with is laptop and sat down next to her. "It's not edited or anything, very raw actually, but I won't type anything else unless I have your okay."

"Since when do you need my okay for anything, Castle?" she grumped as she reached for the laptop.

"Just- just read it, okay?"

XXX

She did. Read it. And when she was done, she shut the laptop, set it aside, and found Castle's way too innocent smile directed at her.

"Is this what I think it is?" she asked, looking him straight in the eye when she quoted his own words back to him. "Or was she just recalling herself back when she was the one in The Loss Chair, nineteen years old with her world suddenly imploding around her?"

Castle's gaze turned from innocent to frightful. "This was really not the best line to quote, but, aren't you - flattered?"

"Flattered? Castle, this is me. My life. Hell, you even dragged my best friend into this. Of course I'm not flattered; what were you thinking?"

She got up, leaned her back against the cold window and stared up at the ceiling. Of course, the way he portrayed her, the way he saw her, that was kind of- No. No, no, no.

"Hear me out," he asked and got off the couch as well, stepping a little closer. "That day at the precinct with you - seeing you in action, that was- everything just clicked into place, you know? The way you walk, the way everyone looks up at you, even the way you sit at your desk. There is just something about you, and I want to capture a little of that mysterious, intruiging aura for the whole world to see."

"But what if I don't want the whole world to see that?" she argued back. "This is my life you're talking about, Castle."

"Nobody will know it's you," he promised, coming yet closer.

"I don't like it, Castle," she told him honestly. "I don't like it at all. And wait - does this Detective Nikki Heat-" she spat the name and he knew they weren't done talking about this yet- "have a kid? Because, Rick, if you-"

"No," he interrupted loudly, waving his hands wildly. "No. No, no. That is sacred. Our private life is sacred. You'll never find anything of that in anything I write."

"Good. But I still don't like it."

He looked crushed. Utterly crushed. He wasn't even giving her the puppy dog look and that implied he was really serious about this. "Will you at least think about it? Or read over my shoulder while I write and tell me when I need to change something?"

Shit. She covered her face with her hands, breathed deeply. He was so earnest, a hint of heartbroken-ness in his eyes and she was actually intrigued to see where he was going with these four chapters. She would regret this later on for sure, but if she could give Castle back the thing he loves-writing-she could come to terms with the idea that her life was to be immortalized on paper.

She stepped into him, hands on his shoulders, stroking. "I love the chapters. I love the way you see me, it's vey sweet, but you know, you know, how private I am. But - keep writing, okay? If this is what you've set your mind on, then we'll figure out something for sure."

"Yeah?" he replied, a hopeful little thing.

"Yeah," she promised. "Just like everything else, we'll figure it out."

XXX

Kate and Louis had left to spend the rest of the week in their own apartment, Alexis was in bed and he was...juggling the ring box.

He'd picked it up on his way to Black Pawn earlier. It's a stunning ring. And it's going to torment him from its spot in his bedside drawer for the next few weeks. Or even months. He'd give Louis however long he needed.

Didn't meant that he wasn't saddened, but this, this was it. His last proposal, his last wedding. It had to be absolutely perfect, therefore he could manage to wait a little longer.

He threw the box up in the air again, caught, threw it up again, ca-

"Daddy, what is that?"

His hands were uncoordinated when he tried to catch it and the black velvet box ended up landing in his lap.

"What is what, sweetie?" he asked, trying to appear completely unfazed.

"The box. What's in it?"

"Hey, I thought you went to bed an hour ago?"

"I couldn't sleep and wanted to ask you to supervise me cooking milk. But daddy, was that a-" Her voice dropped to a whisper here, "-ring box?"

He sighed. "There's nobody here, you can say it. Yes, it's a ring box. How do you know what that looks like in the first place?"

"Grams showed me hers," she replied, padding a little closer on her bare feet. "Show me again."

He showed her the box and watched her eyes light up. "Are you gonna propose?" she spluttered, only now registering its meaning.

He patted his thighs. "Come here for a sec."

"What's wrong?" Alexis asked and got comfortable.

"This is an engagement ring," he said, showing her the black velvet box again. "But I won't ask Kate to marry me unless you're okay with. One-hundred percent okay," he emphasized and paused to make sure the words sank in. "And you also need to be okay with the consequences."

Alexis' tired face was a mask of uncertainty and she tensed. "What consequences?"

"Eventually, Kate will move in with us. And so will Louis."

"I'm okay with that," Alexis quickly promised, but Castle held up a hand to stop her.

"You and Louis will have to share. Everything. Alone time with mom and dad, weekend activities, the TV. You'll need to learn how to compromise."

"We can learn that, daddy! And I promise we won't fight. Ever again."

He laughed quietly. "You can't promise me that, and I don't expect you to. Just remember what we talked about earlier - no kicking or scratching or pinching. Use your words. And try to be the smarter one and walk away."

"I will," Alexis agreed quickly. Too quickly for his taste. "We will!"

Things with Louis had shaken him up a little as well, so he looked her deep in the eyes. "The moment something bothers you, you come talk to me or Kate, alright?"

"I will," she sighed but there was a promise glittering in her clear blue eyes. She was old and mature enough to understand how serious he was about this defining and life-changing moment. "Can I see the ring now?"

He handed her the box and she curled into a ball on his lap, opened the box with her small fingers and stared at the ring glinting in the low light for a good minute. "It's so pretty," she sighed. "It's so different, but it's so pretty."

"You want to know what the stones mean? The black one is for Louis, and the golden one, that one is for you."

"And where is your stone?"

"I don't need a stone," he laughed. "I am the ring. Stuck on her finger forever."

"I have a golden stone for my golden halo 'cause I'm an angel," Alexis giggled, her body lose and sleepy and heavy in his lap. "Are you gonna propose to Kate?" she asked, yawning and squinting her eyes against the low light of his desk lamp.

He let out a soft laugh, plucked the ring from her fingers and set it on his desk. He gathered her against his chest and got out of his chair, slowly made his way up the stairs. "Yes, I'll propose to Kate. One day."

"She's a great mom," Alexis mumbled and Castle put her down on her bed, tucked her in, and kissed her cheek.

"She is," he agreed. "Sleep tight, sweetie. Love you."

Alexis gave a non-committal grunt, eyes already closed.

But when he was about to hit the light, she spoke again, her voice slurred. "Daddy, 're you gonna propose to Kate?"

He shut the door behind him, laughing.