CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: James' Travels

Lily found herself in Muggle London, near Kensington Gardens. She had no idea what she was doing there, only that the serenity of the park had called to her the second she had turned to Disapparate. Trees loomed up around her in the dark, the expansive lawns of the park spreading out around her and disappearing into the darkness. There was no way to reach James, no way to contact him.

Suddenly overcome with a heavy weight in her chest, Lily sat down in the grass, her forehead resting on her knees. She could hear James' voice in her head: "You really think so little of me that you think I'd drink my troubles away?"

But the truth was, she didn't know. She didn't know him well enough at all. What if he would rather have been alone? What if he had left with no intention of returning?

A gust of cold wind rustled the leaves on the trees, chilling her to the bone. Lily was suddenly acutely aware of how late it was, and how dark it was. Her hand closed on her wand, gripping it so tightly her knuckles whitened. She got to her feet slowly, her breathing ragged. Goosebumps ran up and down her arms, her t-shirt inadequate in the frigid March weather. The snow had melted by now, but it felt as if the air itself was coated in ice.

"Tell me how to find you," Lily moaned. "How can I find you?"

It all felt hopeless. Even if she Apparated home to use the phone, she would have nowhere to call. Being a witch was bloody inconvenient at times. Wait...a witch! Of course, she was a witch. There were magical methods of communication!

As soon as her elated revelation had come, it wore off. Owls would take too long. Floo powder required her to know where the recipient was. Messenger Patronus...

Lily's head shot up, the cold nearly forgotten. She had conjured a Patronus successfully only twice—once the first time ever, and the second to demonstrate for James. She seemed to recall that the messenger version involved performing the charm nonverbally, but she doubted her abilities.

Lily took a deep breath, sucking in the freezing air. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

She cast her mind back to the first Gryffindor/Slytherin match she'd been dragged along to. The air had been just as frosty, but she'd been wrapped in James' scarf and in the stand amongst her friends. And after the game, she'd run down to the pitch...

A blush spread from her cheeks, warming her down to her fingertips Now or never.

She raised her wand, thinking furiously, Expecto Patronum!

Nothing.

Lily focused on the happiness of the moment, the utter bliss as she'd melted into the kiss, how her fingers had tangled in his hair and he'd been so startled that for a second he'd forgotten to kiss her back. Expecto Patronum!

The silvery doe burst from the tip of her wand, illuminating the trees around her and defrosting her toes. Lily held out a trembling hand to the deer, which bowed its head in response. Lily cleared her throat. "Find James Potter," she said, her voice shaking. "And ask him to please come home."

To Remus, James meant freedom. It was almost clichéd, that the sad lonely werewolf had been confined by his illness until the charismatic young boy had come along and opened his mind to possibilities of happiness.

But that was how it happened.

Remus reentered the library slowly. "James?" he began cautiously. "James, are you in here?"

He wasn't. But then, Remus had expected this. No one had doused the fire, so Remus sank into an armchair near it. He was confident James would return when he was ready. But his confidence was wavering by the minute. He could hear Sirius outside, calling James' name. Remus doubted he was there.

Maybe he was visiting his mum's grave in Godric's Hollow. No one had thought to check. Remus half-rose, about to Apparate over himself. But then he settled back again. If James had left to be alone, he wanted to be alone. No one could stop a determined James Potter, not when he'd set his mind to something.

Remus stared into the flames, his eyes blurring from exhaustion and stress. The full moon was dangerously near, just two days away. He could already feel the ache in his bones, the slight snap to his temper. Outside, the door slammed as Sirius gave up and came storming back into the house.

"That prat," he spat savagely as he burst into the library.

Remus wasn't startled, by now accustomed to Sirius' antics. Padfoot threw himself into the armchair across from Remus, the one earlier occupied by Dumbledore. "I think he's just hurting," Remus said quietly.

"Yes, but can't he hurt here," Sirius snapped impatiently. "We're worried about him."

"I know," Remus said soothingly. "And I just hope he knows too."

Mrs Evans was sat in bed with a book. Some empty nesters found the silence of an empty house unnerving, but Mrs Evans found it comforting. It wasn't distracting whenever a floorboard creaked or the house settled, she didn't jump whenever the wind blew too loudly against the windowpane. Anxiety certainly wasn't the reason she was still awake past one in the morning.

Upon hearing a loud crack outside her house she jumped again, her book falling into her lap. The crack usually accompanied her youngest daughter whenever she magicked herself into her house. Mrs Evans swung her legs out of bed, grateful to no longer be alone in the house. Though she recalled her daughter was supposed to be staying with that boyfriend of hers, in some "unplottable wizarding mansion, mum, I honestly have no idea where it is". She wondered what had brought Lily home so late at night. If that boy had done something...Mrs Evans' hand tightened on the banister. He may be a wizard, but she was a mother.

Halfway down the stairs, there was a knock at the door. Mrs Evans froze. Lily would have appeared right into the living room, or her bedroom. Perhaps the crack had had nothing to do with witches at all, and was simply a car backfiring. Perhaps it was another wizard, calling late at night because they had no sense of decency, and magical caffeine was easier to come by.

Mrs Evans wasn't sure what made magical caffeine so magical, or if it even existed at all, but she knew she wanted some. She crept her way down the stairs, pulling her dressing gown tighter around her waist. She paused in the foyer to listen. The scuffle of shoes on the front porch, then another knock, a little more frantic this time.

She pressed her cheek to the wood of the door, gazing through the peephole. It was Lily's boyfriend, James Potter. Mrs Evans' shoulders relaxed, releasing a tension she had hardly realised was there. Unless something had happened to Lily. Suddenly terrified, Mrs Evans flung the door open. "What happened?" she snapped, her eyes darting around the front lawn as if her daughter might be hiding. "Where's Lily?"

"B-back at the manor," James said, sounding terrified. Mrs Evans noticed his eyes were bloodshot, his hair rumpled. "I'm s-sorry if I woke you, Mrs Evans. I know it's late, I don't—I don't know what time it is."

Mrs Evans frowned. "Nonsense. I've been up for hours. But Lily is alright?"

"She's fine," James clarified. "I promise. B-but please. Could I come in?"

Something in her heart warmed, seeing the forlorn boy on her stoop. She may be childless at the moment, but knowing someone still needed her cheered her up instantly. "Of course, dear. In, in! I'll make tea." Mrs Evans ushered him into the parlor, seating him on the couch and bustling into the adjoining kitchen. "Biscuits, dear?"

"I'm fine," James said. "I just—I didn't know where to go, and you were the first person I thought of..." he began, his voice trailing off. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come."

"Don't be ridiculous." Mrs Evans set the pot on the stove, then brought a plate of packaged biscuits in despite his initial refusal. She set the plate down on the coffee table and sat herself on the couch beside him. "What's the matter? Shouldn't you be asleep in that mansion of yours?"

"Dumbledore's just been there," James said, his gaze still on the biscuits. "He—he was reading my father's will." His fist clenched where it rested on his knee as he said it, his eyes shining. Mrs Evans could tell he was holding back tears, and badly at that.

She blinked once in surprise. "Your father? But—"

"We've only just found out," he said miserably. "Remus and Sirius and Peter floo'd in. Lily's with them right now. He's left me everything, but I don't know how t-to live. Without him, I mean. Without both of them. I'm alone."

Mrs Evans grabbed his hands from where they rested on his thighs, clenched so the knuckles whitened. "You are not alone," she said in a low voice, the ferocity she had previously felt when she was afraid something had happened to Lily returning. "I'm glad you came. You don't feel prepared for adult responsibility—you're still a teenager, for God's sake—and I'm going to help you any way I can. I don't know much about Wizarding politics or economics, but if you need a mother, or just a friend, don't hesitate." She squeezed his hands, and she felt the tension in them releasing as James' shoulder's slumped.

She pulled him into a tight hug as he began to sob, his head on her shoulder, her hands stroking his hair. Mrs Evans' children may not have been present, but she was still a mother.

They remained like that for quite some time, until Mrs Evans gasped and released James from her embrace, rocketing to her feet. Rubbing his eyes, James looked around, blinking in confusion. "What's wrong?" he croaked, pulling his wand from the pocket of his robes.

Mrs Evans was gazing, wide-eyed, at a silver doe, standing patiently in the middle of her living room. The doe, in turn, was gazing, wide-eyed, at James. James's eyebrows flew to his hairline. "Lily?" he asked in a disbelieving voice, getting to his feet as well.

The doe opened its mouth, and Lily's voice bubbled from it. "Please come home," was all it said. A simple plea. James reached a hand out to touch the Patronus, in awe, but it faded as he drew closer.

Mrs Evans was still staring at the spot where the silvery apparition had been, her mouth a surprised 'o'. "Did that just happen?" she asked faintly, sinking back onto the couch.

James sniffed one last time, shook his head once to clear it, then spoke, his voice regaining its confidence. "Just a message from Lily. It appears she needs me." He went into the kitchen, where the kettle was whistling on the stove (how long had it been doing that?) and brought out a mug. "I should get going, and you should be sleeping. Lily would be impossibly angry with me if I let you stay up." He poured the hot water into the mug, adding a teabag and bringing the drink to Mrs Evans. "Thank you for the company."

"Of course, dear," she said, the shock from the Patronus still evident on her face. "If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call. Er, or show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night. Whichever is more convenient, I suppose."

"Thank you." James sat back down on the couch so he could hug her once more. "Thank you so much for everything, Mrs Evans."

Mrs Evans smiled weakly, clutching the mug of tea James had given her. "Don't be afraid to cry, dear. If your friends are any friends at all, they won't mind."

James said, "I know." Then he smiled one last time and vanished, twisting into nothingness with only a faint pop.

Mrs Evans eyed the spot where he'd vanished, passing the hot mug back and forth between her hands. Then she raised it to her lips and took a long sip, wishing he'd poured a good amount of brandy into it.

Lily Apparated back to the manor. "You win," she said miserably to Sirius, who was in the library conversing with Remus in low tones. "I couldn't find him. I send a Patronus message to him, but I have no idea if it worked or not. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see. Where's Peter?"

"Going through Prong's things," Sirius said dryly. "He's seeing if there's anything worth selling up there."

Lily tried to look disapproving, but she knew he was only joking. With a sigh, she squished into the armchair next to Remus. "How are you doing?" she asked. "You only have a day or so until your...problem. Shouldn't you get some sleep?"

"Probably," Remus admitted, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "But I want to stay up and worry with you all. The anxiety is good for me."

"Remus gets sarcastic around his time of the month," Sirius said wisely. "It's the best time to be around him, honestly."

The werewolf glared at him wordlessly.

Lily chewed on a hangnail nervously, listening to the grandfather clock in the corner tick away the seconds. Her eyes followed the pendulum as it swung back and forth, a small silver sphere not connected to anything, but magically counting the minutes anyway.

The three sat in silence, Sirius glaring into the fire as if it had killed his mother (or neglected to, as his sentiments towards his mother were generally negative) and Remus trying not to fall asleep. They could hear Peter's footsteps upstairs, doors opening and shutting as he checked every room of the mansion, methodically keeping himself busy.

It was nearing two in the morning when they all heard a pop in the foyer. Lily's head shot up. Sirius turned into a dog, then back into a human.

"It's probably just Dumbledore," Remus said dully.

"He also gets cynical," Sirius said. He turned back into a dog, its ears pricked up. He sniffed once, then leapt off the chair and ran from the room.

Lily got to her feet heavily, then helped Remus to his. "I suppose we ought to follow him," she said. "But I'm not cleaning up after him if he needs a walk."

"Sirius, get off, I'm fine and I'm back—ow! Don't bite me, you asshole—"

James was in the middle of the foyer, fending off Sirius with his arms.

Lily swallowed. "Did you get my message?" she asked. James, distracted, looked up, losing his battle with Sirius. He was promptly bowled over by the formerly-human dog, knocked flat on his back.

"Yes," he said, still trying to shove Sirius off of him. "I just got it. I was with—Sirius, Merlin's balls, get off—your mother."

"Don't talk about my mother and Merlin's balls in the same sentence!" Lily said, a bit of outrage creeping into her voice.

"You just did," Remus pointed out.

Lily's eye twitched. "This is ridiculous," she said finally, breathing heavily through her nose. "Utterly ridiculous. What were you doing with my mother?"

Sirius had finally backed off, and James sat up. "I needed someone," he said simply. "I thought of her."

Lily sucked on her lower lip. "She is a good mum," she admitted. She sank to her knees and pulled James into a hug. "Please don't leave again," she said. "I was so worried about you."

"We all were," Remus said, scowling. "Well, except Sirius. He wanted to sell your belongings."

James kissed the top of Lily's head. "I just wanted to be alone." He raised his eyes to Remus'. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Remus huffed. "Fine. I'll be in my room." He spun on his heel and marched up the stairs, Sirius-the-dog hot on his heels.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lily said, taking his face in her hands. "You've been through a lot. One visit to my mother can't have fixed everything—"

"It didn't," James said firmly. "I just...thought things over. Dad wouldn't have wanted me to be sad, or to forget my friends. He would want me to be happy, to remember him. So I think we should still throw the Easter party."

Lily gasped. "What? But the funeral—"

"Won't be until after," James said. "He'd want it this way."

Lily thought back to the little she'd seen of Mr Potter. "You're right," she said eventually. "He would've." She kissed him then, on the cold marble floor of his foyer, leaning into his warmth. He smelled like her house, like her mother, and a wave of homesickness enveloped her. She clung to him tighter. "Don't leave me again," she mumbled against his mouth.

"Never," he said. "Until the day I die."

A/N

What's that? A RELATIVELY FAST UPDATE FOR ME? Remember when I used to update everything three days ahahaha it's nice to look back on the past every once and a while. Remember what had once been and will never happen again.

Anyways, I've been reading the Raven Cycle OBSESSIVELY. I'm just about done with book 2, so if Sirius is sounding Ronan-like I'm sorry, I really am. The characters aren't even that SIMILAR. Anyways, I was home sick today because I've been putting this cold off all week (and if you think someone can't procrastinate on being sick, you've clearly never met me) so I figured I may as well post this chapter. I hope you love it!

Send me prompts. Critique my writing. I don't really proofread, so any and all inconsistencies are just me being lazy af.

xoxo,

Alys