Fuel to the Fire

Chapter35: Childish? yes.

Peyton's POV.

"I made the biggest mistake of my life by listening to her, Pey. If I'd just come to you and asked... then everything could have been avoided" He hung his head and ran a hand through his hair again.

I just stared at my hands. Regulus had lied. Marlene had lied. The only person who hadn't lied was sitting right next to me.

"It was convenient for Regulus to tell me that you only kissed me to get me back. I don't know why he did it though..." I trailed off. Sirius tentatively reached for my hands.

"Because he could... because he knew how angry you'd be with me... and what I'd lose" He squeezed my hands between his when I didn't say anything. "I told you, my brother is evil and wants nothing more than to see me suffer... and suffer I have"

I glanced at Sirius, not knowing what to say. Everything he'd just painstakingly told me made sense but it was just so much to take in right now.

"Sirius... I don't know what to say... It's so..."

"I know! Complicated" He let out a barking laugh that didn't quite match his expression. "I know things won't be the same. I know things will be different from now on... but just... know that I love you. I always have, even when I was with someone else" He sighed. I held his hand so it couldn't run through his hair again.

"Just... calm down for a minute, ok?" I shook my head. "If you loved me, you would have told me sooner" I said as tactfully as I could.

"You could have too" He shot back, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I've only liked you since the beginning of 6th year... and you were all 'involved' with Marlene for pretty much the whole time" I quoted with my hands.

"I was only involved with Marlene because I didn't know how to tell you I liked you" He shrugged. I scoffed. "No it's true" He held his hands up to silence me. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Pey, I come from a place where emotions are banned. Where my parents didn't love anything but their money and where my family kicked me out because I was different... I didn't understand what I felt toward you when we were 12 and you kicked my ass in the Quidditch trials. I just knew you were different from all the other girls" He sighed and kicked a stone with the tip of his shoe. I smiled, remembering the day well. "You still are different but what was I supposed to do about it? You terrified me. You didn't fall for my shit like the other girls... and I couldn't work out why" He laughed, staring at the floor. "But I guess I lost right?" He looked back at me. His eyes looked black in the dim light. "I'm so sorry"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. He'd just simultaneously told me what a prat he'd been AND that he loved me but was too terrified to tell me. It was a lot for one girl to take it.

"Peyton..."

"Sirius I don't... know what to say" I sighed, my breath crystallising in air in front of my face.

"Then don't" He murmured. I bit my lip as he brushed his knuckles over my cheek and leant forward. His lips pressed softly against mine but I pushed him away.

"I'm sorry" I gasped, struggling to find my voice. Every instinct in my body was screaming at me to run. "I can't do this" I shook my head, standing and running away.

He didn't come after me. For that, I was grateful. I had to think about everything he'd told me. I had to figure out my head before I let my heart do anything.

I pushed my way back through the crowded ball room, making a beeline for the door. I was hoping I wouldn't be stopped by anyone but life isn't exactly easy at the moment is it? So of course was stopped by someone I didn't really want to see.

"Peyton, there you are... I got held up with Narcissa and – "

"Get off me" I snarled, shaking the arm that Regulus had latched onto. I saw a look of surprise cross his features before I turned and walked out of the door. I pulled my hair from its pony tail, letting it cascade around my shoulders as I tried to ignore the stabbing pain of humiliation in my side.

"Peyton! Wait!" Regulus called out to me. He caught up with me easily.

Damn the stupid heels making it hard to walk fast.

"Peyton, what's wrong. Talk to me, please..."

"How could you do it, Regulus?" I snarled, turning around finally to face him.

"How could I do wh –"

"Lie to me! Tell me something that wasn't true and make a situation ten times as worse!" I exploded, throwing my arms into the air.

"What did I lie to you about?" He frowned, dropping his hands to his sides.

"Sirius never asked Marlene to the ball because of revenge... he asked her because she's a jealous whore who lied to him!" I blinked rapidly as I felt my eyes sting. I would not cry in front of him. "You just made it ten times worse by saying it was for revenge"

"Oh I didn't lie..." He shook his head slowly. I could almost hear the clogs clicking over in his head "I just... planted a thought in your head and let you do the rest" Regulus smirked. My mouth dropped open.

Well I hadn't been expecting that.

"Why... why would you do that?" I blinked, totally stunned by his bluntness.

"Why not?" He let out a sigh and dropped his hand from my arm. I stared at the person standing before me, horrified by what I saw. "My brother always seems to come out on top doesn't he?" He started, his voice taking on an edge I'd never heard before. It was cold and mean and bitter. "He was a Black placed in Gryffindor yet he acquired a bunch of 'totally awesome' friends who didn't seem to care about his heritage" He held one finger up, his eyes shining with unforseen rage. "He got kicked out of home, and suddenly he had a great new life with the Potters" he held a second finger up, his lips twitching in a smirk. "He got everything he wanted... except for you" Regulus shook his head, laughing slightly, the tip of his left index finger on the tip of his right third finger, not quite up but not quite down at the same time. "But then that changed too. I could see you were falling for his stupid charms and I decided that there was one thing in this world he couldn't have"

"But why, Regulus? I don't understand why" I bit my lip, not taking my eyes off him.

"Because he's better than me and always has been. And I wanted to make him suffer" Regulus' voice rose, making me jump slightly. "And he is... because he knows, just as well as you know, that nothing will ever be the same between the two of you" Regulus' face smiled, that brilliant smile that I always called mine was gone. In its place something cold and ruthless. Something that I swore he wasn't.

"You're disgusting"

"No. I'm just sick of being second best. But you'd know all about that though, wouldn't you?" Regulus sneered. "It was so easy to trick you, with your vulnerability and insecurity over Marlene McKinnon. So easy for you to trust me" He smiled cockily. "I guess luck was in my favour that Marlene lied to Sirius... but tell me Pey... You were happy when you were with me, weren't you?"

Waves of nausea rolled over my body as his words sunk in. He'd played me like a goddamned fool.

"I was" I admitted "But you were different... you were you... this... isn't you" I whispered, shaking my head. My hair fell around me like a curtain.

"Me? What the hell would you know about me?" He laughed. "From what my brother says this is who I really am. An evil, vindictive, spiteful, Death Eater"

"This isn't you, Regulus" I whispered again, closing my eyes to fight the tears.

"You know nothing about me"

"I know you're not like this. I could see that you don't want to be like your family. You want to be like Sirius. I know you" My voice was barely a whisper, my eyes still closed.

"You know nothing about me" Regulus hissed through gritted teeth, his hands drawing around my shoulders to squeeze me tightly. "I don't want to be like my brother. My brother is an idiot. I want to be like the Dark Lord – cunning, ruthless, powerful"

"You're lying" I shook my head. "You and I both know you are lying"

He let out a growl before shoving me away from him. My back hit the wall and I stumbled. When I opened my eyes, he was gone.

I stayed with my back against the wall until my breathing slowed and my knees stopped shaking. In one night I had seen one brother beg for forgiveness and admit he loved me, and the other brother change into a monster.

I guess it's true when people say life isn't easy... but they never tell you that things can get so hard.

I trudged up the stairs with one place in mind – my four poster bed, with its curtains to block out the world and its duvet to make me feel safe. I would curl up there and not move until I had to.

Childish? Yes. But really it was the only thing my mind was telling me to do right now.

Plea's Note:

Hey guys. I'm trying to catch up on the review alerts but literally as I'm answering more are coming in :P I love you all!

Plea