A/N: So it's been awhile again. With trying to get my foot better and trying to work to make money to pay for my dumb butt breaking my foot I had less time than I thought to update. But never fear if anyone is actually still reading this I have the next chapter done as well so as soon as I get some reviews I'll post another one for you.

I sat reading a book while Ash slept in the locker room for the night in wherever the hell we were Canada. I missed the little twink so much when she was gone with Chris while he played with Fozzy for a couple of days. And I missed Chris too. More that I ever thought possible. I felt like there was a piece of myself missing. I jump as the door is flung open and with a crash the knob hits the wall. "Of all the low down slimy things for Vince to pull. I can't fucking believe this."

"Wait what happened." I asked

"I was just told by Johnny Ace that creative doesn't have anything for me right now." Chris said in a mocking voice.

"What?"

"Yeah, apparently they want to give me some time at home with my daughter. And they have some things they are about to take off they had planned while I was out and they aren't going to be able to change them after all. I'm being put in a you're fired match with John Cena." I think I may have sputtered out some response but I'm not really sure what it was. "Yeah I can't believe this. Why did he even let me come back in the first place?"

"Well haven't you been working with creative? Can't you just figure something out to work yourself in?"

"I was in the beginning but I was not having enough time to devote to my rehab so that I could be cleared to come back to the ring for the original time we planned on. So Vince agreed that in the ring was where I was needed so I let working with creative go. Man what am I going to do?" He plopped down on the couch next to me. I slide over and he gladly allows me to pull him into my arms.

"I'm so sorry this is all my fault. This isn't about you at all it's about me. I should go talk to Vince." I say.

"I think the only thing that would do is get you in more trouble." Chris groans "This sucks."

"I just can't stand the fact that you are getting hurt because of me. I promise that I will make this right somehow."

"I'm just glad you're here. I don't know what I would do if you weren't right now." Chris sits up and turns toward me. "Shawn, I'm in love with you."

The words exploded from his mouth like a bomb. My emotions went into overdrive as I felt about 50 different things at once. My heart started beating about 1,000 beats a minute. First of all panic; I'm not ready for this, it's too fast. Isn't it? What if I open my heart to him and I get hurt again I don't think I would survive it. Then again probably neither would he. I can't believe he actually loves me. This is incredible. I love him too, I'm sure of it. "I….I…I…" The words are there, they're on the tip of my tongue just ready to spill out. I desperately want to say those words back, hell Chris deserves to hear them but something keeps them trapped inside. "have something I need to go do." I stand up and quickly walk out of the room. I can hear Chris calling after me but my daze keeps me from answering him. I get in our rental car and start to drive. Like I told him there's something I need to do. Hopefully when I do, I'll be able to get those words out. Two and a half hours later I find myself entering Montreal. There's a part of me that hates this place. After what happened I would have been totally fine with never going back again. I soon pulled into the arena that held such bitter sweet memories for me. I sat for a moment before getting out of the car. I walked up to the doors and explained who I was and the person at the door lets me pass. I found the area that we used as locker rooms and then the stairs that lead to the roof. I hadn't been back here in a few years. When Brett and I got together our families weren't exactly thrilled with the idea. Brett's father pretty much ended up denying that he existed. When Brett died he knew his family wouldn't allow him to be buried in their family plot so he wanted to be cremated and in an ultimate act of irony have his ashes scattered off the roof of the arena in Montreal. The place that ultimately brought us together. I take a deep breath and stepped out on to the roof. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like he's really out here. I sit down with cross legs and look up toward the sky. "Hey Brett face." I said using the nickname I came up with for him. I thought it sounded like butt face, which he was. "I'm sorry I haven't come back." My voice cracks a little but I force myself to continue, I need to do this. "When I scattered you're ashes it felt so final and it hurt so much I just couldn't bring myself to relive it. I miss you so much. And not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I realize now that I will always love you. And as much as I may have tried you're not going anywhere. It's time for me to live my life. So I need you to do this one last thing for me. I need you to help me let go. Stephanie was right. You would want me to be happy. And Chris makes me so happy, and I love him. I have you to thank for that because you showed me what love is in the first place." I take a second to wipe the tears that had formed in my eyes. "I know you know all this because I'm sure that you're up there watching over me. How else could I have made it through all the crazy things I've done since you died. I just felt like I had to come here and get it all off my chest and say it to your face as best I could." I let out a huge sigh and let myself fall back laying down on the roof. "God I wish you could meet Cameron hon. He's such an amazing kid and he's so smart, he' obviously gets that from his mother…" And I started to talk. I unloaded all the baggage I've been carrying since Brett died. It feels really good actually. And something tells me he heard me. I talked until my voice grew horse. "I better go I know Chris needs me right now and he must be really worried about me by now especially after the way I ran out of there." I shouldn't have done that. "I will be back soon I promise." I stood up feeling lighter. I can't wait to get back to Chris, the man that I love. It feels so good to say. I love him. I love him. I can't wait to tell him. I sigh, I just hope he's not to mad at me. It's late. I should probably just get a hotel room for the night. I walk down the stairs and out to the car. I take my cell phone out of the cup holder 7 missed calls. Damn. That's all I got before my cell turned itself off, low battery. "Shit."

How could he do this? Those five words have been echoing in my head since last night. The only explanation I have from him was a brief message on my cell that he said long after I had fallen asleep despite my worry. How could he run out like that? I feel like such an idiot. But things were going so well…minus Vince. I hadn't really planned on telling him I loved him but I knew I meant it as soon as I said it. Then he ran out…I've never felt so rejected in my entire life. He could have said I'm ready to say it back. Even if he freaked out a little bit because of something to do with Brett I would have understood. Maybe I was wrong about what was going on between us all along. Come on Chris you don't really believe that. That's why what you're doing is so hard. The door to my hotel room opens and I turn to see Shawn walk in. Relief rushes over me. He's ok, now I can kick his ass. I turned back to my task.

"Hi." Shawn said

I turned toward him "Hi."

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Shawn said

"Yeah so am I."

"You're packing. Why are you packing?" Shawn said, I sensed a slight touch of panic in his voice.

"Frank my manager for Fozzy called me earlier. There's been interest from Australia to have us do some dates. I had him book it. I don't think it could have come at a better time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Shawn I did not spend months in rehab to sit around on my ass for the rest of my life. I am a wrestler and a musician. That's all I know how to do, that's all I ever wanted to do. And this is a good opportunity for the band. And I have my daughter to think about now. Who knows what's going to happen down the road with her being born too early. Seh could have all sortof of health problems. I really have no idea. I have to be prepared and I can't do that with out a job."

"How long will you be gone?" Shawn asked quietly

"A month at least."

"A month? What about us?"

I sigh "What about us?"

"If this is about last night you don't understand."

"I understand that you couldn't get out of the room fast enough. And then I didn't hear from you for hours. You have no idea how stupid I feel right now. I really thought I had made a dent in that heart of yours. I thought I meant as much to you as you mean to me but I guess I was wrong. I guess I don't really know why I'm mad you just did what you always do, run away."

"I suppose I deserve that." Shawn said. There was a long silence before he spoke again. "So what happens now?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Last night you love me now you don't know?"

"I do love you. But you know Shawn, I think that I finally understand that old saying sometimes love isn't enough. That maybe love isn't supposed to be this hard. We've been together what 2 weeks and look at what we've been through just to get here."

"If that's how you feel then I guess you should finish packing." Shawn says obviously hurt. He turns around walks into the bathroom slamming the door shut. Oh Jesus. What did I just do? I'm so confused. I love him so much. Until he can stop running away every time we talk about something serious then we won't work. I really thought we were passed the point where we were running from each other. I guess I was wrong. The thing is I'm pretty sure he loves me too. I shouldn't have to wonder about that. My boyfriend shouldn't be making me second guess his feelings for me. I think I deserve more than that. I shut my suit case. I can do this. I need to do this. I turn around and the bathroom door opens and Shawn steps forward leaning in the doorway. I catch his eye for a second but he lowers his gaze to the floor. Please, please god let him say something, anything. Let him stop me. But he doesn't. I don't know how I'm managing to walk carrying my suitcase and Ash because my entire body is shaking so bad I struggle with every agonizing step. Appropriately enough Ash starts to cry. I just keep going because if I don't leave now I won't be able to. I can feel my heart literally breaking as the door to the hotel room shuts behind me.

come on you didn't think i'd make things that easy for them did you?