Yes, I posted this chapter early. But only so I could go see Captain Marvel! You think we'll ever get a Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan) movie?
Secretion 6
Universe
By: I Write Big
Steve Harvey opened the envelope and quickly glanced at the name. Betraying nothing, he spoke into the mic to the hundreds of thousands of loudly cheering audience members. "Our judges have weighed in and fans worldwide have voted. Contestants, this is the moment you've been dreaming of..." Deep rapidly beating synthetic music shook the theater as multiple spotlights ran across the dozens of beauty pageant competitors. Each and every one's attention was locked on the experienced host who waited for the already nerve wracking tension to grow even thicker. Weeks of training, strutting, and mental preparation had led up to this moment. They had all worked so hard, but only one would win.
"The new Miss Universe is… PHILIPPINES!"
Catriona Gray's mouth hanged open as a gem encrusted crown was placed on her head! Tears of joy streamed down her cheeks as a bouquet of various colored flowers was pressed into her arms! Pride and self-fulfillment warmed her heart as the sash that declared her title was draped over her shoulder!
This was the greatest day of her life!
A bolt of electricity shot across the theater and ZAPPED Catriona's skull! Instantly, her delighted eyes were replaced with empty red robotic ones. "Proceeding to leave Marinette Dupain-Cheng alone," she soullessly beeped.
"There we are." A french police officer with the same eyes as her wiped his hands clean and left the building.
The video shrank to the corner of Marinette's computer screen and Nadia Chamack spoke. "That was the scene last night in Thailand at the 2018 Miss Universe pageant. The unnamed pinkeye bio-terrorist escaped custody and is still at large, bringing his infection total to just over 500 million people. He has attacked university professors, universal healthcare supporters, the entire corporate staff of Universal Studios, and the beloved cartoon character Steven Universe. The string of seemingly random attacks have occurred across the world, baffling investigators on what the connecting factor is between the criminal's victims. Every citizen is advised to take caution around anyone who has distinctive red eyes."
"Red eyes? They're focusing on the red eyes? Oh, this is not going to end well for Juleka," Marinette whined.
For the first time since she moved in, Tikki was genuinely happy and giggled over her shoulder. "You know what's the best part about this? Not only is DB-M-9K not an Akuma—which means I don't have to help you—but this international disaster is your fault! HA! I LOVE IT!"
"How is that thing my fault?!"
Tikki tapped her chin with her disgusting arm nub in mock thought. "Hmmmm, I believe you were the one who sent the impressionable doorbell A.I. on the never ending quest to stop the Universe from bothering you."
"I didn't know it was going to go all cyborg zombie on the world! Please, Tikki, can't you help just a little?"
Tikki nodded. "Yes, I can."
Marinette stared. "...But you won't."
"You know me so well." The Kwami patted the poor girl's head and floated off to have a cookie.
Completely on her own, Marinette paced her room in desperation. "Okay, think! There's no way I can make enough Celestial Soup for the entire world. There's gotta be another way to stop DB-M-9K. A computer virus? A power surge? Crush him with a pile of bricks? No… WAIT! I GOT IT! IT'S SO SIMPLE!" She grabbed her sketchbook and ran outside.
Later:
Marinette took a seat on the most out in the open public bench she could find. She cracked open her book and forced the widest smile her jaw could manage. Maintaining that unnatural grin, she proceeded to sketch.
Tikki finished her cookie and asked, "The fuck are you doing?"
"Isn't obvious, Tikki?" She showed her the fresh hat design she drew that looked exactly like the nearest rooftop. "I'm just sitting here, enjoying the day! Doing what I love most! Why? Because my life is so perfect!" She raised her voice and stretched out that last word for emphasis. "Nothing needs to change, nobody needs to have their humanity stolen from them, because I am absolutely happy with my place in the Universe! Right here! Drawing dresses inspired by the world around me! Like that traffic cone! Isn't that traffic cone inspiring, Tikki?"
The Kwami glanced at the average piece of plastic that was stained with several bird droppings. "Not particularly."
"YES, IT IS! IT IS THE MOST THOUGHT PROVOKING TRAFFIC CONE I HAVE EVER BEHELD! I SHALL GIVE BIRTH TO AN ENTIRE SUMMER LINE OF CLOTHES BASED OFF THIS ONE TRAFFIC CONE'S MAGNIFICENCE!"
Tikki watched in disquieting fascination at the ferocity of Marinette's furious slashes across the page. The girl churned out dresses, suits, shoes, scarves, leggings, robes, skirts, shirts, pants, shorts, belts, kilts, socks, boots, heels, flip-flops, pajamas, gloves, capes, gowns, panties, boxers, briefs, bras, swimsuits, speedos, sunglasses, fedoras, beanies, berets, top hats, derby hats, burqas, yarmulkes, kimonos, choli, sari, lehenga and at least a dozen more bold new fashion statements which humanity had yet to invent. All somehow resembled that one traffic cone. While impressive, Tikki knew madness when she saw it. So, the Kwami quietly slipped back into the purse to eat another cookie.
"SEE? DO YOU SEE?! I LOVE MY LIFE!"
"Salutations, Miss Dupain-Cheng!" DB-M-9K greeted.
"GAH!" Marinette ducked under the bench, before slowly peeking up at the suddenly present red-eyed officer.
"Are you quite alright, Miss?"
Not having enough courage to come out, she stayed down there and continued with her plan. "O-O-Of course! There's nothing I would change! Everybody in Paris treats me so well."
"What the hell is this pathetic trash?" The sound of Chloe's entrance made Marinette flinch. The one person who should not be here was flipping through her sketchbook with disgust. "Don't tell me you're actually going to make this drivel to wear."
"Hahahaa! Oh dearest Chloe!" Marinette sprang from under the bench, grabbed the book, and thrusted an arm around the blonde's shoulder. "Always pushing your friends to work harder with your passive-aggressive sense of humor. Never gets old."
"Ew! Don't touch me!" She flicked Marinette away. "What are you talking about? We're not friends. We're never going to be friends. I hate y—"
"And I hate to complain, but my life is just so stress-free and happy!" She then proceeded to prance and twirl on the sidewalk. "Doo-doo-doooo! Happy! So happy! Look at me, this is my Happy Dance!"
When Marinette's Happy Dance got to the twerking stage Chloe decided it was time to get out of there. "Okay, um, anyway, you've wasted too much of my precious time already..." She waited to see if Marinette would grit her teeth, give her a death glare, or even snark back, but she kept on twerking. "I'll… leave you to your ridiculous… whatever the hell this is." And she left.
Marinette added a couple more twirls to really hammer the message home. "Come on, Marinette. Keep it up. This has to work. This has to work!"
DB-M-9K cleared his throat. "If you are busy, Miss Dupain-Cheng, I can report on my progress of tracking down the dastardly Universe at another time." He took a pre-emptive step away but Marinette grabbed his arm.
"Nonononono! You don't need to do that anymore!" She pulled the corners of her mouth up as high as she could. "Can't you see how amazing my life is? I don't have a care in the world! Mission accomplished! No more bad luck!" A nearby tree's roots unluckily lost their grip. The massive heavy trunk toppled over, on a collision course with Marinette. At the last second, the officer caught the tree and effortlessly tossed it into the Seine.
"Miss Dupain-Cheng… what is this really about?"
Marinette's mind worked rapidly to craft a believable lie, a way to steer this conversation back to convincing him. If she could use Ladybug, this would be over in two punches. But that was not an option. She took a long resigned breath and said, "You need to stop doing this."
"Pardon?"
"You know what I'm talking about. The robo hostile takeover, that needs to stop." The girl stomped her foot with much more bravery than she expected. The permanent plastic smile she saw on every one of his victims for the first time ever dipped slightly towards a frown.
"Miss, I cannot possibly stop my efforts now. I have the Universe on the ropes, as they say."
"On the ropes?! You're just zapping anybody who has the word 'universe' in their name!"
"Intimidation tactic, Miss!" DB-M-9K proudly replied, his plastic smile spreading full force again. "Since my attempts at securing the Pink Devil's pocket watch so that I may travel to the Universe's whereabouts were failures and the real Universe has refused to reply to my written messages, I am using my actions as a form of communication the Universe cannot ignore."
What he just said gave Marinette pause. "...Written messages? You've been writing to Astruc?"
"Astruc? Heavens no, Miss! That charlatan is no more than a pawn, a standin, a distraction. The people, yourself included, lay blame on Astruc while the true culprit pulling the strings goes unpunished. It was a rather clever ploy, but I saw through it. Thanks to my various upgrades, I was able to establish a connection with the Universe and send my requests for them to immediately leave you alone. Unfortunately, I was limited to writing in binary, but I believe nothing was lost in translation."
Marinette was making that look that every intelligent being, regardless of culture or language or upbringing, understood as a nonvocal 'What the fuck are you talking about?'
So, DB-M-9K continued. "While the Universe never replied to me directly, I did make short conversations with several other messengers who were also reaching out to the Universe. No doubt they were attempting to dissuade the bastardly beast from interfering in their lives as well. One even replied back to me in binary. Surely, the choice in language was to show that they shared in my struggle. Therefore, I committed to—"
"Stop! Just stop!" Processing all of this confusing information was giving Marinette a headache. "I don't understand what you're saying!"
"Perhaps it is better to show you, Miss." To the girl's surprise, DB-M-9K handed her a phone. On the screen were strings of messages, including some with the 1s and 0s of binary like DB-M-9K said. For a second, the incredible thought that the doorbell A.I. had actually somehow cracked through to another plane of existence and even to the Universe itself became a real possibility to Marinette. Then she saw the URL at the top of the screen.
"Fanfiction?" She chucked the phone back at him. "You've been taking over people's minds over online comments?!"
"Online comments? No, Miss Dupain-Cheng, I swear I've been making correspondence with the Universe."
"I can't believe you! All of this because of comments! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! What's next?! Are you gonna zap me because of an unsubscribe? Or Adrien because of a thumbs down?"
The roars of her j'accusations made DB-M-9K stumble backwards. "I would never harm you or the Young Master!"
"You sure about that?" She marched forward. Not an ounce of fear remained. The anger pumping through her veins was nearly as volatile as when she turned into Ladybug. "If the Universe kept ignoring you after you zapped every human on Earth except Adrien… would you do it?"
Instantly, his calculative mind ran the scenario. To his horror, the logic was sound. He wanted to say no, but couldn't. The officer's legs fell out from under him and he collapsed on the bench. The girl stood over his defeated body, the silence being all the answer she needed.
"No more. This ends here, DB-M-9K. You might not have a soul that Tikki can eat, but you've definitely got an ass that I can kick. I'm giving you this last warning. Stop or I make you stop." She headed home, leaving him a broken doorbell.
He watched her go before desperately calling, "Miss, please understand, I only wanted to help."
There was a moment, when she peered back at him, that he registered as a look a of pity before the anger swallowed it up. "When we first met, I thought you were my friend. But you're just another part of the Universe… making my life miserable."
If DB-M-9K hadn't already been sitting, he would've fallen all over again. At 2.0, he had gained perspective and mobility. At 3.0, he had gained power and influence. Here, at 4.0, he didn't know what he had gained. Diagnostics showed nothing new in his programming. Yet in that moment, when he heard Miss Dupain-Cheng's words, he felt something new. He couldn't quite name it. It was rather painful, which was very illogical since his body's nerves were degraded beyond usability. However, pain did course through him all the same, like the little pinpricks of hot needles. He didn't like this unidentified phenomenon. He also found he didn't like himself. He didn't like what he was capable of doing. Whatever this undesignated occurrence was, it meant the permanent wide plastic smile no longer had a place on his face. It curled downwards, reflecting this unknowable change within him.
He reached out and severed the digital connection to the rest of his robotomized humans.
One by one, his influence over their minds vanished until he was the last.
Sitting on a bench by the Seine.
Alone.
"Well played, Universe."
END
I'm sorry. It was the only way to get rid of him.