Standard disclaimer applies.
Author's notes: I wrote this a loooong time ago, even before Newsflash ever popped into my head (thus, the crappiness xP). That means this has nothing to do with that little 'saga' of mine (I guess, if you want to see it like a continuation, it could be their second child's birth, though?). However, it does contain lots of fluff and humor and a suffering, terribly OOC Ichigo.

NOTE! I replaced content for one-shots and drabbles from #2 to #14 with their revised and extended versions.

Expectations
22.09.2005

Ichigo may be many things: temperamental, impatient, reckless, stubborn, reserved and cold, even antisocial. But he was neither a stupid nor a complete insensitive. And so, the day in which he returned home and found Rukia sobbing, like a Magdalene moreover, beside the bed and with both hands covering her face, he knew that something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

First of all, Rukia didn't cry for any reason, and second, she wouldn't do it in the broad of daylight. This was Rukia, after all. Not even PSM made her act like this; grumpy, yes, but not a human fountain. Now then, the dilemma remained in which approach to take. It wasn't like reaching over to comfort her was a good idea, but ignoring her was out of the question. Ignore Rukia? When she was crying? Uh-huh.

He walked over to the bed, forgetting his portfolio beside the desk. Well, he just had to be a little sensitive… "What the heck is wrong with you?"

Ouch. Was it his imagination or that didn't come out all too well?

Ichigo opened his mouth to apologize, but didn't know what to say. Being sensitive precisely with her wasn't his strongest point.

Rukia lifted up her face, showing him her red and swollen eyes, and looked at him hard, offended. "It doesn't have anything to do with you, idiot."

Ok, maybe he deserved that.

"Fool, leave me alone," she exclaimed, "Leave me alone! Everything is your fault!"

"Hey!" Ichigo complained, frowning. "This is my room." She narrowed her eyes in an act of annoyance. Wait a second; he was sure he hadn't done anything. "Besides, what the hell are you talking about?" his tone grew exasperated, "What did I do to you now?"

Rukia cleaned her face with her the back of her wrists, frowning just like him. "Rather, what have you not done! It's your fault, Kurosaki! Your fault…" And again she began weeping.

Ichigo sweated cold. Back to his initial thought, something was very wrong. Something was very, but very wrong. "Rukia?" he called the woman's name tentatively, trying to sound as understanding as possible but not succeeding, "Rukia… Tell me what happened."

She looked at him again, fixing her blue eyes on his amber ones. He kneeled next to her, and with an unusual gesture, his fingers ran over her flushed cheek. With his thumb, he cleaned the tear that threatened to cross Rukia's face that moment.

"Come on, tell me," he urged her, struggling with his patience. He watched her close her eyes, strangle another sob, and breathe deeply. Suddenly, the intense blue gaze landed on him once again. Ichigo gulped, waiting her answer as something deep inside told him not to scream.

"I'm fat," she declared.

"What the hell…?" he shouted in surprise. Rukia didn't stop staring at him, her expression becoming more serious and angrier. She remained in silence, studying Ichigo's reaction. He questioned her at once, "And how do I have to do anything with that?"

Maybe it was him who paid for food; however it was her who wiped out the food cupboard. Now that he thought about it, Rukia had been eating more than usual, but being so small, he hadn't noticed her change of weight. But it was barely visible! Although, sure, her blouse seemed to fit her tight, wasn't it his imagination anyway? Well, it wasn't like he was unpleased that her chest… Er, no, not the right time.

A small sigh awoke him from his reverie of thoughts. "You don't have to yell at me like that," Rukia's voice was barely a whisper.

"Huh?" Ichigo paled. 'What's up with her?' These mood changes were killing him, literally. He'd end up crazy without a doubt.

"See? You don't even realize what I'm telling you!" Rukia was shouting, out of control. "I've had more than two weeks trying to understand what the hell is wrong with me, why am I going hysteric every time, and why I've gotten hungrier than a troglodyte. And you don't even notice!"

"Rukia…?" He wasn't able to say anything else, for she cut him off almost immediately.

"You don't know what I have to go through every morning. I'm sick and tired of those nauseas!" Ichigo was speechless by then. "And the clothes… The damned clothes don't fit me well anymore! Do you understand now, bakamono?"

"Rukia," Ichigo was able to interrupt her before she could go on babbling. "Could you explain what the hell you are talking about? Just… To the point, woman!"

Rukia took a long breath and arched her eyebrow incredulously. "And you are the one who studied medicine?" she groaned, "In that case, remind me not to take my child to check-up with you when he or she's born."

"Why you…" Ichigo froze. "What did you say…? Your child?" The boy's skin paled visible, to the point he look as translucent as a ghost.

Rukia nodded. "I'm pregnant."

PLOP

The sound of Ichigo falling and hitting the wooden floor echoed over the whole house. He remained knocked out over the floor and unconscious before the mischievous gaze of the pale-skinned woman.

--

Several months later, after ten hours of child delivery…

"Curse you! You're gonna pay for this! Get out of here!" The girl's screams could have shattered several eardrums. "Die, bastard!" Ichigo looked with surprise how his wife made use of a quite colorful vocabulary as she breathed heavily. "Get the baby out of me, damn it!" she ordered fiercely to the impassive nurses and head doctor that seemed already used to this scene. "And you, idiot, go away!"

'Oh, God,' Ichigo thought, trying to forget about the pain. If only she let go of his hand…

"I hate you, Ichigo." She hissed at him scornfully.

Ichigo grimaced, squeezing her hand with the little strength he had. To think he had assumed that the fancy over weird food and the constant mood swings had been a nightmare. "I love you too, Rukia."