Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran high school host club.

Chapter 37: LMFAO

Kaoru basically had a heart attack as his phone started vibrating on the bedside table. He'd just managed to slip into bed without waking Kyoya up when the sound of the plastic hitting wood sounded, loud due to the silence of the sleeping household. He stared at it like it was a dangerous animal before he remembered that he should probably hang up. A quick glance at the caller ID though, and he changed his mind. "Haruhi?" he whispered as quietly as he could. "Just give me a second, okay? I don't want to wake Kyoya. Call you back in a bit."

He pulled a jumper over his clothes and managed to slip out of the house. Deciding that he'd done enough treks up the stairs to last a lifetime, he vowed to not go back up to his room until strictly necessary. Plonking himself on a garden bench, he dialled her number. "I'm sorry," he said, just as she did.

"Is this a bad time? I can call back later if you want?"

"No! No… you've actually called at a brilliant time. This is brilliant." Kaoru nodded to himself, rubbing the faint scar on the back of his head. "You wouldn't happen to be in contact with the others would you?"

Haruhi paused, cautious. "If I said yes, why would you want to know?"

Kaoru frowned. He had expected more rejoicing at his eagerness, not wariness. "Uhm… I can't… really… tell you on the phone." He hadn't thought of it 'til then, but phone hacking did happen quite a lot. He was lucky to have remembered, and he could hear Haruhi clocking at the same time he had.

She sighed, but not the tired one she had grown accustomed to throughout her life; it was an almost happy one. "Well, I was actually just about to invite you and your husband to a party. Would that be convenient?"

"It… uhm… depends on what kind of party." If it were some large social gathering, there would be no chance to talk to his friends in private.

"It'll just be us. Our host club… or, I guess, more accurately, it'll be…" she paused as she thought about it. "I don't even know what to call us anymore… the Host Club with a bit on the side? The gang? Sometimes, and this is very, very occasionally, I hate not having the creative flare that you lot have."

"Hey, I'm the one with the most arty degree out of all of us; I take that as a personal attack."

"Attack?" Haruhi laughed a sort of 'you'd think I would even *try* to bother to attack you?' sort of laugh, the barriers in her voice breaking down a little.

"So… who's coming?"

"Your brother, Mori, Hunny, Nekoza… ah… uh… Umehito-san, Tamaki of course and-" She was cut off as her other mobile (her work one,) started to buzz. "Sorry, I have to get… oh, it's a text… from your damned brother. I knew I shouldn't have given him my work numbeuhh… okay, he seems to be illiterate now. Do you have any idea what 'ADGJ JMPTW MPA DTTT' means?"

"Uh…" Kaoru closed his eyes, trying to think what the combination could possibly mean. Wincing, he found he was disappointed and more than slightly saddened by the possibility that for one of the first times in his life, he couldn't understand what his brother was trying to say… "No idea, sorr-"

"Oh, no, hold that thought, appears like that was Ageha, stole Hikaru's phone. Again."

Relieved, Kaoru let out a laugh. "Oh aye, and what did Age-chan want to say to you?"

"I have no clue. Your brother texts just as well as she does; I mean, what the heck does 'Sry, Age stole phone, lol. Brb, ttyl' mean?"

"Ahh, I think you have discovered the monster that is text speak. He says he's sorry, Ageha stole his phone, he 'laughed out loud' and says he'll be right back, talk to you later."

"…I feel as if you're mocking me right now, Mister Hitachiin."

"Hey. If you can't keep up with technological advances from the 90's, then I have free right to mock you."

"The 90's? Surely not that long ag-"

"Nope, even longer. Did you know that it was in a letter addressed to the much loved British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill that the phrase 'OMG' was first used? And that in return, he replied that he was 'laughing heartily out loud!'? Makes you think, dunnit."

"Uh… and this has to do with…"

"Nothing really, just thought you might want to know. Pass's the time, doesn't it."

"Uh…Kaoru? Are you… okay?"

"…I'm… perfectly…" He stopped. Held back a choke. Breathed in. Out. "…fine."

"Oh Kaoru… that didn't sound like you were okay to me."

"Haruhi, I'm fine. What day did you say the party was on? What time?"

"The 25th… hey, stop trying to change the topic. Kaoru, is something wrong?" There was a linger in her voice which asked more questions than her simple on had done. 'Is he dead?' 'Is he close to dying?' 'Is there something wrong with Kyoya?' 'Have you found out what's wrong with the company?'

"What time?"

"Huh?" Remembering her manner lessons, she rephrased. "Pardon?"

"What time is the party, Haruhi?"

"Oh. Uhm… arrive for 3pm."

"Okay, then I'll see you then."

"Kaor-"

They walked in to see Mori dancing to 'Sexy and I know it'.

If there was one thing that nobody expected in their lives, this was it.

Porcelain lay smashed on the ground where Hikaru had obviously been sitting moments before.

Antique probably.

Really, really expensive china.

Though who could blame him. It was Mori. Who also happened to be his boyfriend. Anyone in that situation who's able to hold onto their teacup deserves a medal. A shiny, gold one. The size of a planet.

"You're kidding me." Kaoru couldn't help but explode with laughter. It seemed he wasn't the only one. The only person with a straight face in the room was Mori himself, the rest of them either clapping along or trying desperately to wipe the tears of laughter from their eyes. "I don't even think I want to know what's happening right now," he managed to say through bursts of laughter.

Even Haruhi, slowly rocking back and forth with laughter in the corner of a sofa, could only give him nonsensical replies until after the music died down. "Tamaki asked what we thought the theme tunes to our life would be… H.. Hikaru suggested LMFAO for Mori…"

"Hey! It was a joke! I wasn't being serious-" He caught Mori's eye and looked down at the floor. "…truthful as it is…" Instantly, he was surrounded by various wolf whistles and someone singing a rather strange rendition of 'MORI AND HIKARU SITTING IN A TREE-'.

"Oioi, what's with you being all adorable now? Did weeks without my presence soften you brother?" Kaoru punched him (not so lightly) on the shoulder, summoning the cheekiest smile he could muster. All too quickly, he felt the air in the room die, as a collective breath was held. "Okay, c'mon now, we're not that fragile." He rolled his eyes, hooking his arm through Kyoya's unsuspecting one and yanking him close. "Hey guys, we're back from the dead. You can stop whispering around us now."

Kyoya's frown grew and melted in the same second, becoming his usual cocky smile. "I hear you've all been pitying me…" he cracked his knuckles playfully, pulling himself up so that he seemed like he was the tallest in the room. "I'll soon change that." The gaze that used to freeze anyone who came under it seemed to have the opposite effect now; the room thawing into relaxed laughter.

"It's good to have you back, Kao-chan, Kyo-chan." The man's voice still sounded strange coming from Hunny, but it wasn't as terrifying now as when he'd first had his growth spurt.

"It's nice to see you, too, Hunny-semp… Hunny." Kaoru grinned, remembering how Hunny had told them to drop all of the formalities once they were out of uni, though it was still hard as nails about half a decade later. "It's nice to see all of you again. It's been a while…"

"Oh stop it, you'll make me go all teary-eyed," Hikaru said teasingly before being punched again by his brother.

"I wasn't finished dearest brother. Ahem." He pretended to collect himself, as if in front of a massive crowd awaiting a speech. He looked around the room like a King before his minions. "Hey, where's Ageha? She's the only reason I came." Grinning as the room scowled at him, he stuck his tongue out.

"She and Natsume-kun are being looked after by Kirimi-chan today…" She sounded a bit apprehensive before shrugging at the other Nekozawa.

Kaoru did a double take as he noticed the man for the first time after coming into the room. "Wha- uh… hi there… I see you still have your way with... entrances…"

Umehito raised a curious eyebrow. "I've been standing here the whole time… even before you two came in…" then he cocked his head slightly. "And this is my…" he looked at Hunny- "our house… how could you not know I was here?"

"This is your house?!" Kaoru gaped at them, openly surprised. "But I thought… I just thought that Tamaki and Haruhi had moved here, that's why their address was different…" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw multiple face-palms occur. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I haven't exactly been up to date on the whole 'social' thing recently. Did you know, Kyoya?"

"Uhh…" The man in question turned to stare at a really interesting spot on the wall.

"You're kidding! You mean I'm the only one who didn't know?"

"Uhh…" A few sheepish grins were flashed at him, along with a collection of apologies.

Kaoru pouted, squeezing onto a sofa between Hikaru and Mori, (as any good brother would do to protect his brother's innocence…) "Fine, fine, I get the idea, I'm still the young, stu-" He paused, counted some numbers off on his hands. "…am I the youngest one here?" The group looked between themselves. Mori, Hunny and Umehito were all in the same year. Kyoya and Tamaki were the same. That left Hikaru, Haruhi and himself… "Oh shit, I am. How have I never realised this before? Is this another thing you all knew that I didn't?"

"Uhh…." The third 'uhh' in under three minutes told Kaoru that he was once again, the only clueless one in the room.

"Oh wow. Wow. Not that it's important or anything…" He'd been drinking since he was old enough to be seen at formal junctions, so he'd never worried about having to need fake licenses or whatever to go out clubbing…

"Yeah… it's kind of hard to notice that you're the youngest when you're surrounded by those two…" Haruhi was pointing at two blondes who, at some point during Kaoru's dilemma, had lost interest and were playing some sort of game like IT. "For goodness sake, they're in their late twenties and they're still playing games for four year olds…"

Tamaki and Hunny giggled as they ran about each other, dodging in probably the most dangerous game played in the history of IT. All eyes stared, horrified, as they danced about each other, barely missing hitting priceless vases, cabinets full of one-of-a-kind china and a mounted Russian-looking gun (which, given the Nekozawa family tree, was probably loaded.) Haruhi paled considerably whenever either of them came near a particularly large vase, no doubt causing her some seriously stressful déjà vu, whereas Umehito himself seemed more concerned about the safety of one particular player.

"Okay stop, before one of you gets killed." Neither seemed to hear her over their own laughter, much to the annoyance of Haruhi, who seemed ready to kill someone herself. Her hackles raised, she was about to go and beat some sense into them, but Mori stood, placed a consoling hand on her shoulder, then walked over to them, easily separating them from the tangle they had somehow gotten into and sitting them down in panting heaps on the nearest chairs.

"So let me get this straight. Together, they probably own a fifteenth of the world's money, one is part of an almost Royal-line whilst the other is known for causing destruction comparable with nuclear bombs. They probably own about 5 brain cells between them. They're playing a playground game. And I'm younger than them. Oh lord, I can feel the grey hairs coming already…" Kaoru sighed, sinking into the sofa some more as Hunny grinned at him.

"Kao-chan, you forgot something that Tama-chan and I share!"

"Oh? I did? Do I really want to know?"

"We both still have Usa-chan and Kuma-chan!"

"Of course. You both still play with stuffed animals."

"And, and and!" Tamaki raised his hand, grinning like a 5 year-old with an answer.

"Yes, Suoh-kun?"

"We're both blonde!"

Would anyone like some facepalm with their tea?

A/N: I don't think I'm very good at writing drama xD I keep reverting back to stupidity :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUROHIIRAGI-CHAN, MY WONDERFULLY INSANE DAUGHTER XD