That awkward moment when you are spelling Kaidan as Kaiden and nobody tells you otherwise...

I really had no idea that I was misspelling his name until I saw something on Tumblr! I feel like such an idiot.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter and thank you for the reviews as always!

xoxo

THR

Chapter 35

Your name was Commander Liz Shepard and you were waiting outside of the Normandy's seldom used comm room. It was being used as an interview and meeting room instead of a place where you used to get lectured about Cerberus related business.

The room contained a multitude of people. Hackett and Garrus were considered to be the most crucial people inside. The Admiral had wanted one last private meeting with the Turian before he accepted him into a temporary Alliance position. The man could never be too careful with who he let in. As much as you wanted to just thrust Garrus into the mission, there was no way that protocol would allow it. Because of this, all you could do was wait behind closed doors while the final discussions took place. Once the deal was solidified, everything would begin to fall into place.

You thought that you were alone in the hallway that bridged the lab area with the armory quarters. The quiet overwhelmed your entire being as you leaned up against the metallic walls.

Footsteps interrupted the silence and you wanted to run away once you figured out who had been lurking in the shadows. In full uniform, Kaidan Alenko stood in front of you with a less than pleased expression painted upon his face. He was more attractive than you had remembered, but you figured that the whole marine outfit that was on his fit body was toying at your former turn on for military men. As much as you wanted to apologize and explain, you couldn't. Standing there like a displaced person was just about all you felt like you could do at that moment in time.

Instead of waiting for you like he had done in countless situations before, he began to speak. As reluctant as you were, you had to listen. You felt like you at least owed him that.

"I don't want you to try and explain anything to me." he warned. His words had been brief so far, but that didn't mean that they still stung like harsh venom.

"Kaidan, I'm well aware of how I fucked things up between us. Don't rub it in."

His voice rose to a tone that you feared would interrupt the summit going on a few feet away from you.

"I'll rub it in as much as I want to, Shepard! You died and then rose from the dead and you didn't think your boyfriend would care?! Working with Cerberus wasn't a good idea and I'm sorry for Horizon, but Garrus? You left me for a Turian? I'm not the judgmental type and he's a nice guy and all—"

"If you loved me like you said you did before, you would have been aboard the Normandy within a second without questioning my reasons for working with Cerberus. I didn't like them either! You left me with no other option!"

Your words hurt just as much as his did. He flinched and looked down at the ground with a scornful face.

"Choosing between you and the Alliance was something that I had to do! If you think I enjoyed any second of it, then you're wrong. I thought long and hard about what happened, but it all became clear to me once I figured out what Cerberus was. It was a terrorist group! How is it even possible for you to work with them?! Is that a good enough reason for me to doubt you or do I have to make up lies like you do?!"

He had a point and thinking of a rebuttal was starting to look too hard for you. If this was how he was going to work with you on the upcoming assignment, you wondered if you would make it out of the Terminus System alive. Better yet, it would be more practical to ask if he would be the one living through it.

"This isn't the place for your lovesick arguments, alright? Shut your mouth and do as you're told." you barked. It had been a while since you had given orders to someone, and it had felt better than you had been expecting. Having authority over someone gave you a logical sense of control.

"With all due respect, I do believe that Alliance records still indicate that you were killed in action." he sneered. "Until that changes, you have no right to issue an order to me."

He stormed off into the elevator for no particular reason and you prayed that he wasn't planning on invading your quarters.

Besides, you hadn't cleaned up in there since leaving New York. You would rather not have the brunette see some of the questionable things you had stashed in there.

Your name was Commander Liz Shepard, and you could say that your official reunion with Kaidan went as smoothly as you had been expecting.

Your name was Joker Moreau and you were in total disbelief of the information sitting in front of you.

You could recall the day you asked Shepard to help you with EDI and her repairs. It hadn't been that long ago. In fact, it had been over a lackluster dinner that you had attempted to cook for her. You were no Michelin star chef, but you had to admit that your grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches weren't all that bad.

She had thanked you for the grub with a reassuring smile and dug into the soupy mess while you picked at your own food from the other side of the table. Garrus had run out to purchase his own fare. Your Turian cuisine skills were limited and he had mentioned something about not wanting to end up with his face in the toilet bowl that night.

The topic had come up in a spontaneous way. To be honest, sharing a wholesome conversation with the Commander was a seldom experience since the war. When she wasn't out of it, she was trying to rekindle things with Garrus or watching vids that didn't seem to pertain to her. You wondered how she was able to sit around and live such a sedentary lifestyle after facing life as a marine. Sometimes you could swear that you saw her just staring at a mirror with the same lifeless look in her eyes. Other times she would be looking out into the Presidium with longing eyes. Even though her house arrest wasn't valid anymore, she stayed inside for her own sake. As many times as you tried to talk to her as a trusted friend, she shot you down. You couldn't even begin to recall how many times she had confided in you while still on the Normandy. Now, you were nothing more than a body that took up space in her life.

Your dinner table conversation was a push against her antisocial tendencies that had been coming up since being homebound.

"I heard from EDI the other day. She's still as feisty as ever." you had mentioned in the most casual way possible. Shepard's soft spot for EDI had been well known by everyone aboard her ship. She took time away from her day to answer the AI's questions about human life and culture back when the sentient synthetic was still in her glory.

"Oh yeah. I remember you mentioning something." the redhead responded. It was almost painful for you to have to further the conversation yourself.

"She's been wanting me to get her back off of the Normandy so she can still function in her body. Being installed on a little desktop isn't allowing her to do much as of now."

She had nodded at you and then looked up from her food, which was starting to cover the sides of her mouth.

"So you're saying that you want to get her blue box off of the Normandy along with her hardware? You really think that you'll be able to do that?"

Her tone was annoyingly sarcastic, and you would have sighed and walked away if you hadn't known better.

"I've got some research done. Initiating a remote startup of her systems shouldn't be that hard. The ship's docked on the Citadel somewhere. I bet it's worth a try."

She chortled a bit and wiped the remnants of her meal off of her face with her arm.

"I need something to keep me distracted." she replied. "Let me see your notes."

Your secondary escapades with her started there. Over time, Shepard had taken your notes and made them into an entire report. All of the AI and tech research that she could find had been complied into two datapads worth of info. If her calculations were correct, a remote startup of the Normandy to launch EDI's systems back up would be possible with a few decryptions and manual overrides. After linking her Normandy systems to the ones on your personal computer, reactivating her would be a breeze.

You were shocked with the amount of information she presented to you. Day by day she would update you with her progress. You felt like it gave her some sort of confidence to be working on something again, even if it didn't involve toting around a gun. Being able to give that to her made a massive difference in your life alone.

You looked around the penthouse, which was now empty. When you had walked in and relayed a message to your other two housemates, they had been engaged in a rather raunchy rendezvous on the couch. It wasn't the first time that you had interrupted one of Shepard's romantic pursuits, but you could tell that this time it had been rather bittersweet for her.

The pair had been out for quite a while and you assumed that they were at Huerta. You had been there earlier that day and it had been awkward being pulled away by a C-Sec agent.

The entire situation with the Commander's scandal seemed shady. Everywhere you turned it felt like someone was watching all three of you. Business between the Council and all of you was conducted in secret. Something wasn't adding up, especially since you had been assigned to be a messenger for the Council themselves.

As soon as you had started to doubt certain people's motives, the door to the penthouse opened and the couple of the hour stepped in. They appeared to be exhausted.

"How'd it go?" you asked, your voice cheery.

They didn't respond well to your tone.

Shepard, who appeared to be dazed, sat down on her white leather sectional. Her glassy eyes looked at you with remorse and you knew that whatever had been revealed to her hadn't been good news.

Garrus put a hand on your arm and you took it as a sign that your departure would be the best thing for the two of them right now.

With a lack of enthusiasm, you limped away and found your way upstairs. A bedroom of your own had been given to you since Garrus had jokingly said that he felt guilty about making a cripple sleep on the couch. The mood between the two of you had gotten lighter in the past few weeks. Jokes made everything seem better on the outside when they weren't on the inside.

"EDI, you there?" you asked with two fingers up against your right ear. You plopped down on your own bed and stayed hunched down towards the floor.

"Is there something you need, Jeff?"

You found comfort in the AI's technological voice. Her surreal quality evoked a sense in you that you couldn't even understand yet.

"Access Shepard's most current medical records and see what you can find. I think something bad happened."

A pause was initiated between the two of you before EDI came back with her information.

"The most recent visit she has had was earlier today. She was diagnosed with moderate to severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, infertility due to unknown causes and instability with her biotic implants. She was seen by Dr. Chakwas."

You took a second to take in all of what she had just reported. None of the diagnoses came as a surprise to you except the second one. You felt bad that Liz couldn't have kids. It wasn't something that she had mentioned to you before, but you could bet that it wasn't a good feeling to know that you couldn't procreate.

"I have a personal question and would like some insight."

You perked up as if EDI was in front of you and uncrossed your arms.

"Shoot." you replied.

"Is it normal to be worried about your friends in a passionate way? I am very concerned about Shepard and her medical problems and wish to help in some way. Do you feel similar?"

The question was rigid yet simple to answer. You reckoned that EDI knew the answer already and was looking for nothing more than clarification.

"They wouldn't be a friend if they didn't care about you, EDI." you said. "I've wanted to help her since day one and I think I have. I mean, at least I think I did."

"I see." she answered back.

Your name was Joker Moreau and you were starting to realize how much you really did want EDI back for real this time.

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you were trying to continue to be the supportive boyfriend that you knew you couldn't be.

Joker had left the room a few minutes prior. After his departure, Shepard didn't hesitate in getting physical. You had kissed her forehead while she climbed into your lap, which she somehow found inviting. With her legs wrapped around your waist just how she liked it, she sobbed and sobbed until she couldn't anymore. No matter how many times you petted her hair or rubbed her arms that were wrapped around your neck, it was no use.

"I'm sorry," she whispered repeatedly. You almost found yourself crying, too. Hearing the galaxy's strongest woman sounding so helpless made your heartstings feel like they were splitting apart. Perhaps you had gained some emotions within the past twenty hour hours or maybe you were just starting to understand how much she was faced with.

Her once capable fists were shaking like a crying child's. Her perfect hair was scattered across her shoulders and knotted to the point of no return. Her ghost white face had turned red with rage and depression. Tear stains outnumbered her freckles for the first time ever.

You didn't know what to do with her. Instincts that were supposed to be kicking in right about now had run dry. Staying in your current position was all that you felt like doing. Risking a wrong move and upsetting her felt too high risk.

"You're a coward," you thought. "Alenko would know what to do in a time like this."

You froze and stopped giving her a proper hug. Allowing your thoughts to get the best of you was never something that you wanted to allow yourself to do. When it happened, the thoughts of Kaidan seemed to take over.

No matter how much she wanted you, it would never make a difference. The fear of hearing her scream out that other man's name when she was in the height of passion would haunt you until the day you died. One day she would ask for him instead of you when something detrimental occurred. Instead of looking for you to help her on the battlefield, she would rely on his biotics instead of your gun expertise.

"Garrus?"

Her voice was unrecognizable behind mucus and tears.

"I'm sorry, Shepard, I just—"

You stopped speaking and put a hand up to rub your forehead.

"You should go take a nap. I don't want to bother you."

Your name was Garrus Vakarian and you slipped Shepard out of your grip.

She really did deserve better no matter what she told you.