Hey every body!!! Sorry it's taken me awhile to get the chapter done. Thanksgiving week was pretty crazy. But it was a wonderful week with family and friends. So here you; hope you enjoy. I own nothing.

Chapter 36

Jude sat listening to everyone share their stories in group. She still didn't know what she could say that would seem even remotely similar to everyone else. Every time she thought she might speak up, her stomach would feel sick.

"Jude, do you have anything to share?" Stacey the facilitator asked.

"I'm not really sure what to say." She answered with a shrug.

"Tell us what brought you here." Another person in the group said.

"Drinking and pills mainly."

"When did you start using?" Stacey asked.

"After my mom died. Sometimes it was to feel something and sometimes it was to feel nothing. I didn't even realize it was getting to be a problem. One night I got into a bad accident and ended up unconscious for four days. My friends and family were finally able to make me see that I needed help."

"And how do you feel now?" Someone asked.

"I'm not really sure. I still have a lot of issues to work out that I have kept buried over the years." She said wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"We've all been there. You just have to open up." Stacey said giving her a smile. "Every substance abuse whether it be drugs or alcohol steams from something. Amie, why don't you tell us about the night you checked in?"

Jude felt a bit better opening up. Listening to everyone share a story showed her that they all had some common ground in there. The only problem was that she still had the crushing pressure in her chest. By the end of the session, she felt like she was going into full panic mode. She stayed in her seat watching everyone leave the room. She didn't want them to see her loose it.

"Thanks for sharing with us." Stacey said sitting down beside her. Jude couldn't find her voice, so she just nodded. "Are you okay?"

She nodded again taking a couple of deep breaths. "It's hard to breathe sometimes."

"You know I was in your shoes once. I lost my father very suddenly when I was younger. I was always daddy's little girl. Without him around I didn't know what to do with myself. I started out just drinking to forget about my pain, but the next day the pain was still there. Then I experimented with several different drugs. Every time one would stop doing the job, I would move on to the next. My mom sent me to several different programs before I finally realized what I was doing."

"Do you still miss him?"

"Everyday, but I know he would want me to live my life to the fullest and not wasted at a bar every night. The pain is still there, but I choose to use that pain to help others."

"I just want to get back to my life." Jude said with a heavy sigh.

"You will. Do you feel like you can breathe again?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you go get a nap? Rest sometimes can help more than anything else." Stacey stood up and helped Jude up. "If you feel like you need to talk more let me know."

"Thank you." Jude slowly made her way back to her room. She knew Stacey was right about getting some rest. She just hoped her brain would shut up long enough for her to fall asleep.

By the end of the day, Tommy decided to try to sleep on the couch in his office. Everything was running together and his head was pounding. After two hours with Suzie he wondered how she was one of the front runners. Sure she had a good voice, but her attitude was such a turn off. He knew she'd had the song picked out since Tuesday night, but she barely knew it. Every time he would have her redo a part, she would forget another part. It was almost more than he could handle.

He got lucky with the other two. They both were well prepared. But that didn't mean they were that talented. One girl screamed her lyrics constantly. He knew it was because it was a bad song choice, but it was too late to change it.

His plan was to sleep a couple of hours then work the rest of the night on mixing for the band. Going home would just mean another night of staring at the ceiling. Half way to his office he was stopped by Suzie. She'd completely come out of no where.

"Do you think we could work some more on my song? Karma had to go home." She said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Tomorrow's session will be longer." He said in a yawn covering his face. He knew his eyes had to be blood shot. Couldn't she see this?

"But I think I'm finally getting it."

"Then keep practicing on your own. Aren't all of you supposed to be out to dinner now anyway?" He tried to keep from rolling his eyes at her.

Suzie batted her eyes and smiled. "How am I supposed to win if I…"

"Tom, there you are." Sadie said interrupting Suzie in the middle of her sentence.

"Hey, Sadie, I was just about to grab a small nap." He said ignoring the fact that Suzie was completely fuming.

"Well, make it short. Dad is cooking for you, me and Kwest tonight. He said dinner should be ready by eight."

Tommy looked at his watch and it was already six thirty. "I'll be there." He said with a nod. "Suzie, keep practicing and I expect you to know all the lyrics tomorrow." He said and continued on to his office. If he slept an hour he could still get to Stuart's in time.

The weekend seemed to drag on for Jude. It was the same thing everyday; get ready, session, lunch, group, nap, dinner, session, and bed. She felt like she was repeating herself over and over again. Lessa had her bringing up stories from her childhood she'd forgotten all about. It made her heart sad and happy at the same time talking about her mom. Her sessions weren't really like therapy; they were more like talking with a friend. Lessa tried to make everything really casual for her.

"How are you feeling tonight?" Lessa asked coming in on Sunday night.

"I just feel overwhelmed. The whole weekend is finally getting to me; I guess." She said with a shrug.

"It will get better. I want to talk about something different tonight." She said sitting by her bed.

"Okay." Jude wasn't sure what could be different.

"I want to talk about Tommy. You mentioned the other day he was everything to you, but you also mentioned when you left for London you left without him."

"We got back together after I moved home. I had thought he'd moved on while I was gone, but it turned out that we both still had feeling for each other."

"Well, tell me about your relationship with him over the years."

"Like I said he was my producer after I won Instant Star. He took his job really serious, but I only saw him for his boy band past. But when I got to know him, he was nothing like I thought. I fell for him after one day at the pier. He was helping me get ready for my first big performance. He only saw me as a kid. I was only fifteen, but we became fast friends."

"What was that like? Just being friends with someone you wanted more from?"

Jude shrugged. "It was okay because I fought hard against it. I tried to push it aside as a childish crush."

"And did that work out for you?"

"I wish." Jude said with a laugh. "I started dating someone else. Looking back on it, I did it just to prove I was over Tommy. Shay ended up being a huge mistake. He broke up with me and embarrassed me in front of everyone at my sweet sixteen. That was the first night Tommy acted on his feelings for me."

"What happened?"

"He kissed me. It was sudden, but it meant so much to me." Jude couldn't help but cry thinking about that night when her heart soared and broke in a matter of minutes. "But he took it back. He said if we wanted to continue working together, we had to act like the kiss never happened."

"You must have been heart broken."

"I was completely heart broken. Life really seemed to spiral out of control after that, too. I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I was really lost for a while, but I still had my music. I still had Tommy; just not the way I wanted him. Our friendship seemed to really grow afterwards. He was my constant."

"I bet that was nice; considering."

"Yeah, it was until I found out he was dating my sister." Jude said in a snort.

"Your sister?" Lessa couldn't help but laugh.

"Yep, Sadie had been completely in love with him since she was younger. His posters were all over her wall." She laughed thinking back on it now.

"Sounds like she was in love with an image."

"That's actually true and she realizes that now, but my sister was all about image back then. It's really strange to think back on. By the time they were done and over I was seventeen and we went right back to skipping around our feelings." Jude said with a sad smile.

"Why don't we pick this back up tomorrow? You should get some rest."

Jude nodded pulling the covers up over her. She wasn't really that sleepy, but felt the pressure building in her chest. She really missed Tommy. Closing her eyes, she let the tears flow. She wished he was there to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Tommy felt like he was going to pull his hair out by the end of the weekend. He'd taken aspirin, but his headache never went away. Sunday was always the busiest day getting ready for the show on Monday. The worst part of the day was dodging Suzie every time he walked through the lobby. She was relentless. It was always something she could ask him during their scheduled studio time. Then when he was working with her, she still didn't know her song that well.

"Okay, time to wrap up." Tommy said shutting his laptop. It was eleven o'clock and after four hours, he couldn't handle it anymore.

"But…"

"It's eleven at night. If we need to work on anything else we will have time before the show tomorrow. You need to go get some sleep. Sadie has a full schedule for all of you in the morning."

"I can go on little sleep." She said batting her eyes.

"Well, I can't." He said walking out without turning back.

Getting in his car, he had no clue where to go. He really didn't want to go home. All he did was mope around thinking about Jude. The last two nights he hadn't even gone home. Friday night he'd stayed at Stuart's and Saturday night he stayed at Kwest's. Now he was driving around aimlessly. He decided to give everyone time to clear out of G Major then he'd just go back and sleep on the couch in his office.

Walking into his office he didn't even turn the light on. He just plopped down on the couch. When his head didn't hit the usual pillow, he completely froze.

"I knew you'd come back." A sultry voice said.

Jude tossed and turned in her bed. She was in a deep and restless sleep. Every few minutes one dream would shift into another. Some dreams were about her mom and others were about Tommy. The ones about Tommy always ended the same way; he'd move on while she was away. She woke up in a cold sweat after hearing his voice clearly saying 'we're over.'

Over the next few weeks I am sure how many updates there will be. Christmas time is usually pretty busy for me. I'll still be writing, but I might not post very regular. Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season. You can follow me on Titter karalynn79. I'm always posting my progress and spoilers on there and also on my profile I posted a link to my website. I will be blogging spoilers and information about the chapters and my future ideas there. Please remember to review. I love reading what everyone thinks.