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Chapter 37

Mercedes couldn't contain her smile as she watched Beth's little hand slap at Dwight's larger one from her spot by the doorway. She had been standing there watching them for over ten minutes, Dwight or Beth none the wiser. She loved catching moments like this with Dwight, Sam and Beth all together in the same room. Mercedes hoped one day to get pictures of the three of them. She almost wanted to take pictures now, so Sam could see how much his father loved him and his daughter. Mercedes knew Sam had doubts about how his father really felt about him, he often wondered if he was nothing but a great source of disappointment for the man. If only she could convince Sam that nothing was farther from the truth. She had been witness to the depths of Dwight's love for months. He spared no expense in his son's care, he made sure Beth was well provided for. He spent hours at Sam's bedside reading to him, talking to him, or most often just watching him, sitting silently in his company. Dwight may exude a hard exterior, cutthroat and no nonsense, but Mercedes knew how to read people. She knew the signs of hidden anguish. She could see the heartbreak behind his eyes.

Dwight sat in the chair beside the bed, even though wearing an expensive custom tan suit, he still bounced Beth, decked out in her pink and yellow striped footed pajamas, on his knee, braving drool and sour milk that always came with playing with Beth. Sam was there, a silent fixture in the room, his arms on top of his quilt, his face turned toward the wall. The sleeves on his green silk pajamas were too long and covered part of his hands. Mercedes noted to herself to roll them up when she got the chance. Sam would hate having his hands hampered by excess fabric. He was always so perfectly tailored.

"When the weather gets warmer, we got to get Beth in the water. I know she's little now, but this summer when she's eight or nine months old, she'll be ready. We just can't let Sue get wind of it. Back when I used to take you swimming as a boy, she would stand on the side of the pool shrieking, swearing I would let you drown. As if I'd ever let anything happen to you. I'd die first. You loved the water. You used to beg, 'Just a few minutes longer dad' and you'd stay in the water until you shriveled like a prune. And when you finally got out, I'd hold the towel open and you'd run into it. I wrapped it around you and scooped you up. Never told you how much I loved our swims."

Hearing the emotion in his voice she decided to make her presence known not wanting to watch him break down. Not when they were so close to getting him back. She had gotten rid of the will and it was like a dark cloud had lifted. It was a sure sign Sam would be back with them soon. She made a noise alerting Dwight to her presence.

"Mercedes," he said turning to face where she stood by the door. "We've been waiting for you."

"Sorry Kurt and I were late from dinner. I thought we were going to the BreadStix instead he took me to this little country restaurant off the interstate." She crossed the room to them, pausing to kiss Beth on the top of the head before turning to rub Sam's arm. She lounged against the bed facing Dwight, but never losing contact with Sam.

"Lola's."

"You know it?" asked Mercedes. She couldn't imagine Dwight Evans at such a casual place.

Dwight nodded. "I used to take Sam and Puck there when they were boys. I think Sam used to take Kurt." That's why he wanted to go. He'd been telling her stories about Sam the whole car ride. He must have wanted to go somewhere that reminded him of his cousin.

"Kurt's crazy about the buttermilk biscuits." He had ordered two plates of them. Kurt claimed that some of them were for her, but she never got to have any, he devoured them all. It was fine by Mercedes, she didn't have much of an appetite anyway. The soup she ordered was more than enough.

"They are good. Melt in your mouth when they are fresh out the oven. Tastes just like back home in Tennessee. Sam and Puck used to have contests to see who could eat the most. Do you remember Sam?" he asked smiling, turning toward Sam's bed. "We're going to have to take Beth there one day. Three generations of Evans having biscuits at Lola's." Dwight's smile faded as he looked at Sam's still form. He held Beth closer in his arms, gently stroking the baby's pale hair. "Don't worry I'll be sure to take her, son." He said it so quietly Mercedes almost had to strain to hear.

"You'll all go some day. I'm sure of it."

Dwight shook his head and smiled at Mercedes sadly. "Some day."

Beth squirmed in Dwight's arms as she noticed Mercedes in his eye line.

"Were you a good girl for Big Papa D?" asked Mercedes lifting her from Dwight's arms. She cradled her close and kissed her head softly.

"Mercedes you will pay if you have the girl calling me Papa D. Mark my words." Dwight scowled.

"We made grandpa grumpy. He sounds like he needs a nap," she said trying to suppress a giggle.

"Shannon says that to me all the time."

Mercedes smiled as she settled at the foot of the bed positioning Beth in her arms.

"I heard about Quinn," she said as she played with Beth, making funny faces to get her to react.

"Oh so that is what has you in a chipper mood," said Dwight with a wry smile.

"You know I'm not happy that she's in jail. What happened? I thought the judge was re-evaluating her case."

"Quinn is right where she belongs," he said gruffly. "Can't have a crazy woman running the streets."

"Running the streets? Is this about the other night when she was found outside?"

Mercedes had wondered if that stunt would come back to bite Quinn. Apparently it had. She still wasn't sure how she felt about Quinn being shipped away. Beth needed her mother and having her so far away would just make things more painful for her, especially as she got older and realized Quinn wasn't around. The state hospital did have the means to provide Quinn with better care than they did in Lima. Maybe it was for the best if Quinn were someplace where she could focus on her recovery. Mercedes looked over at Sam again wondering how he would feel about all of this. She used to think she knew, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Don't concern yourself with Quinn. You have enough to handle here with these two. We Evans can be a handful." Dwight was evading the subject, which pretty much confirmed her suspicions that he was somehow behind Quinn's sudden transfer upstate.

"Tell me about it. This little one here won't sleep enough." She sighed heavily, glancing over at Sam. "And her father sleeps too much. But soon he will be up and moving around again."

"Has something changed with his condition?" asked Dwight sitting up in his chair.

"Nothing his stats will show. I just feel good about it. I think the worst part is behind us now. Things are about to look up." She shifted Beth in her arms so she could rub Sam's leg. She wanted him to feel her there next to him.

"Mercedes, I think we need to sit down and seriously talk about what Burt told us."

"I know how you feel Dwight and we disagree. But it no longer matters." She smiled brightly. "That's all in the past."

"How do you mean?" Dwight looked puzzled.

"Just a feeling we won't have to worry about Sam much longer."

"Did you have too much wine with dinner?" he asked snarkily.

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "I'm not drunk, just optimistic."

"Nothing wrong with a positive outlook," he said rising from the chair. "But we have to stay realistic."

"Don't worry I am." She rubbed Beth's belly until a smile appeared on her face, one deep dimple in full view.

"It's getting really late I better get you two home. The limo is waiting for us out front. I just need to tell Shannon we're ready. She went to visit a sick friend upstairs."

Mercedes stood up and walked Dwight to the door. "I am going to say goodnight to Sam and we can go."

"Do you want me to take Beth?"

"No she wants to spend more time with her daddy. Don't you little princess?" She hugged the baby close to her face.

"Ok we'll be right outside," said Dwight as he left the room. As soon as the door shut, Mercedes turned back toward Sam.

"Sam you really thought you had me," she said as she walked back to the bed. "Always did like to keep me on my toes. Tried to trip me up with that living will. Not this time though. Kurt and I destroyed it. So no pulling the plug on you. I win. I'm ready for my prize."

She sat down on the bed next to him, leaning against the pillow his head was on. "What should we get as a reward Beth? Should daddy come back to us? Should that be our prize? Yes! I think so too. You're outnumbered Sam. We demand you wake up this instant." She looked down at his peaceful face, unchanged. "Okay you can take a little more time, but not too long. There's so much you need to be here for."

Mercedes sat Beth in her lap, letting her lean back against her. Her feet capturing her interest, as she tried to reach for them. "Beth is cutting a tooth I think. She's been gnawing on stuff, drooling all over me. So that stage is coming and from what I've read, it's not fun. No way are you leaving me here to deal with a teething baby alone. You've got to do some of the work too, lose some of the sleep, and pick up some of the slack. Time for you to be the dad you always wanted to be." Still he remained facing away from her.

Looking down at Beth in her lap, she hesitated. "I'm not sure I should get into this now, but I don't want to leave it until morning." She took a deep breath. "I'm sure you noticed I wasn't around for a few days. I was sick. Sort of. Really I was a little hurt. Quinn told me about the Beacon Hotel. Honestly, I don't know what to think. And I know I have no right to say anything since we were separated at the time, but it still hurt to hear you were with her. I know what you're probably thinking. How can I feel that way after everything that I put you through with Shane?" She gently stroked his hair as she spoke. "I know I'm being a hypocrite. The thing is I told you how I felt about Shane back then. This stuff with Quinn, you never said anything to me. Were you struggling with feelings for her the whole time we were together? I need you to tell me. Is this the reason you were so insistent about me believing I was not second choice? Was this something you left unsaid?"

Her mind went to a morning last spring, after the horrible truth about Shane had been revealed. Now she understood the subtext to their entire conversation, that he was battling his own guilt, more so than trying to deal with hers. The signs were all there, she had seen them, she just had interpreted them wrong. It never crossed her mind that he would sleep with someone else.

Mercedes studied Sam from across the kitchen table. He had barely said two words to her since they had sat down to eat, his attention focused on the newspaper.

"Sam?"

"Yeah," he responded without looking up.

"You're okay with what happened last night right?" She toyed with her wedding rings nervously.

"What?" He looked up in surprise. "Of course, I love being with you." He smiled almost like an afterthought, as if his real feelings were hidden behind some mask he was wearing.

"It sort of seemed like I pushed things and you just went along with it."

"Aggressive women are sexy. I liked it." He smirked, taking a sip of his tea.

She bit her lip to fight back the tears that were building. "Really? Because you hadn't touched me in days and I was thinking maybe the whole Shane kiss thing wasn't as resolved as you led me to believe."

"I told you." Sam reached for her hand and held it. "I understand and we're going to work through it."

"You're distant. What are you not telling me?" she asked her voice breaking halfway through.

He dropped her hand and ran his fingers through his hair pushing it back from his face. "I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that knowing you were going to leave me for him didn't hurt. I was wrecked."

"And Quinn made you feel better?"

He coughed, the tea he had been drinking choking him a little. "What?"

"When you went to see her that night, she made you better? Helped you." She watched him closely. He was hiding something but she didn't know what it was.

"Right. She did," he replied quickly. "I thought you were leaving me. The whole time I was with her I imagined you with him."

"Sam I'm so sorry." Mercedes buried her face in her hands, all the feelings of guilt rushing back over her. Sam had probably thought she and Shane were sleeping together that night. "You've got to know I'd never do that to you."

"It's not just about sex though. Sex I could almost handle. Knowing you had feelings for him and wanted him over me…that's what destroyed me."

"Sometimes I wonder what I really would've done if Shane had gotten that message and come to me."

"You don't think you would have left?" He folded up his paper and pushed aside his breakfast, his attention fully on her.

"I don't know. When I think about our wedding and saying our vows, I can't imagine ever having left that room without marrying you. When I said 'I do' I meant it more than anything I have ever said in my life." Looking him in the eyes, she willed him to believe her. She wanted to reach out and grab his hand, touch him in some way, but it didn't seem right. She still could sense the wall he was putting between them.

"And what about those feelings for Shane?" he asked unflinchingly, not letting her run this time.

"Is this too hard for you to hear?" she asked getting up and carrying her plate to the sink. Anything to escape his eyes. His pain was ripping her apart. "I'm scared. I feel like I'm losing you. I feel you pulling away from me. Maybe if we get all this out in the open, it'll help," she admitted as she came back to retrieve his dish.

"Come here," he said pulling her onto his lap. "You're not losing me. You'll never lose me."

She let herself sink into him, hugging him to her, relishing the feeling of being in his arms. "Never say never. I've been known to screw many things up."

"Welcome to the club," he chuckled. "I'd like to think we're different though. In some ways it feels like I've waited my whole life for this, for you." He laced his fingers through hers. "I'm not ready to just give up on that, especially not over this."

"But you said you thought I was leaving you for Shane," she said looking at him in surprise. "That's grounds for divorce for most people."

"I know. Maybe for me too, if I truly believed it. Could be I'm an idiot, but when I'm with you I just feel…" He looked at her and smiled. "It just feels right."

Resting her forehead against his, she closed her eyes as she spoke. "I think that was part of why I was so confused about Shane. How could I have feelings for him when every time I was with you I felt like it was the only place I was supposed to be? That's why I wanted to call off the wedding. It felt wrong to marry you when my heart was so divided."

"I wish you had told me that before," he said leaning back in the chair.

"I didn't want to hurt you and then when I finally did see you, I couldn't bear the idea of walking away."

"You were scared you were going to lose me?"

"Yes. Which was so wrong. How could I expect you to wait for me while I dealt with Shane? While I…" She paused searching for the right words to explain to him what she was feeling.

"While you caught up?" he asked completing her thought.

She nodded. "It was like I needed to catch up to get my heart in line with yours."

He moved her off his lap abruptly, getting up to pace the floor. "You didn't trust me. You didn't think I'd be there for you. I would break your heart."

"You had done it before, more than once," she said standing by the table, staring at her feet. "But the worse…"

"Was when I didn't pursue things with you. When I went back to Rachel," he interrupted. "I chose her over you." Their eyes connected."I would've understood all this if you had come to me."

"You were so eager to get married. I didn't want to hurt you." She sat down in the chair he had vacated.

"When I was dating Rachel you used to try to convince me that we should be together, that we were meant for each other."

"Don't remind me. I was so crazy back then," she said shaking her head, embarrassed by her behavior.

"But you were right," he said his voice softening.

"I didn't feel right as I watched you fall more and more in love with Rachel."

Sam walked over to her and took her by the hand, pulling her to her feet, to stand in front of him. "That night we made love for the first time, you told me you were waiting for me."

"I stupidly held onto the hope that you would finally see me and realize we'd be so good together."

"You waited for me to catch up, even when I was with Rachel."

"Yes."

He lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "Why didn't you trust that I would wait for you with Shane?"

"I guess I figured why would someone like you wait for someone like me?" Not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes, Mercedes walked over to the sink.

"Mercedes, don't you know how special you are? How much you mean to me?" He was behind her, his arms around her waist pulling her back into his body. He pressed gentle kisses into her hair as he continued. "I liked you from the moment I met you. You are a treasure. I am grateful every day that you even want me in your life. I love you in ways I can't even put into words. I would've waited for you. I still would. Is your heart there yet, in line with mine? Do you need time?"

She turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. "When you got sick right after our wedding with that infection in your leg, I had a nightmare. The infection has spread and there was nothing the doctors could do for you and you were going to die. I started freaking out. Even after I woke up I couldn't shake those bad feelings."

"You never told me that," he said wiping the few stray tears she couldn't contain with the pad of his thumb.

"I knew I was being stupid. It wasn't real. But for that moment, when I thought you weren't going to make it, I've never been so scared. I sort of figured out I was caught up right there."

"Thank you for telling me all this. I know you still care about Shane." Mercedes opened her mouth to protest, but Sam placed two fingers over her lips, silencing her contradiction."I know it. But I also know you want to be with me."

"I do. My heart is right here with you." She rose up on her toes and swept a kiss across his lips, pulling back before he could deepen it. Staring into his eyes she said, "Always."

"That's all I need." He grinned down at her, his eyes morphing into half moon slits on his face."As long as our hearts are in it, we can make it through anything."

"Promise me something."

"Anything," he said stroking the ends of her hair.

"Promise me that we'll always be honest like this. No matter how hard it gets. I don't want us to hide anymore."

"From this day forward. No more secrets," he said before kissing her on her forehead.

"I feel like we should be pinky swearing or something." She laughed feeling like things were getting better, that what had been broken between them was mending.

"I'm not sure real men pinky swear," he said placing both hands on each side of her, trapping her between his body and the counter. "I've got another idea about how we can seal this pact."

"Do tell," she said trying to resist losing herself in his eyes. She watched him drift closer to her, pulse pounding in her ears, his lips inches from hers.

"I'd rather show," he whispered.

She looked over at Sam grimly, then down at Beth in her lap playing with her finger. Sam had made that pact on a lie. He never told her the truth about sleeping with Quinn, even after promising to always be honest. She didn't think he had lied about anything else, she knew in her bones he had told her everything, at least she did until all the Beacon Hotel stuff came up. Their marriage had just begun. Everything was built on such a shaky foundation, she was starting to feel foolish about putting so much stock in him. She was investing all her energy into the promise that never got a real chance to be. It seemed crazy when she really thought about it, banking her whole future on a gut feeling. Sam felt like home, therefore they were meant to be. That feeling had no basis in reality, in fact everything that had happened in the course of their relationship seemed to indicate the exact opposite. But when she looked at him, touched him, closed her eyes and remembered it all, those feelings were all she needed to believe. He had been with her once, feeling like fate had finally shown them favor and brought them together. He had believed in them.

"Is your heart still in it?" she whispered.

His lips were chapped. Mercedes eased Beth up on her shoulder so she could dig her lip balm from her pocket. She generously applied it to her lips, then leaned over Sam and kissed him, leaving behind a nice coating of moisturizer. She smoothed it out with her finger, outlining the gentle rise of his lips, longing to see them curve into a smile once again. She ran her fingers through his hair briefly before kissing him again, this time on his cheek.

Beth wiggled in her arms, uncomfortable in the position she held her in while she tended to Sam. "Do you want to give daddy a kiss too?" She leaned Beth close to Sam's face. The baby just looked at him at first, then she reached out her little hand and touched Sam's nose. Sam shifted slightly his head turning toward them. Mercedes sat back, a little surprised by the response.

"Sam did you feel that?" she asked. "That was your daughter."

"Let's give him another kiss. See if we can get daddy to move again." She held Beth over Sam again, a little closer this time. The baby kicked her feet as she dangled over her father, smiling, drool escaping her mouth and hitting Sam on his cheek. Sam moved his head again in their direction, more pronounced than before. Mercedes's spirits raced. He was coming back, she could feel it.

"Good girl you drooled on daddy. What should we do next? Should I give him another kiss? Daddy likes kisses."

Mercedes sat Beth on Sam's stomach, careful to avoid the tubes she knew were under his pajama top. With one hand holding Beth steady and the other stroking Sam's hair, Mercedes kissed Sam again, on the lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away. Suddenly Sam's eyes opened, scaring Mercedes. She picked Beth up and moved off the bed. This didn't seem like just a reflex action.

Mercedes rocked Beth excitedly, walking the length of the room and back, eyes never leaving Sam. She briefly considered going out to tell Dwight or to get a doctor. This could be what they had all been praying for. But she thought better of it wanting to first make sure she just wasn't imagining it all in her head.

"Sam," she called out to him taking his hand in hers. "Sam come back to us. We need you." She squeezed his fingers gently before letting go to rub Beth's back when she started to fuss. "Sam," she said again. This time in what had to be a direct response Sam slowly moved to his side, facing her, eyes still open.

Mercedes smiled. "Sam can you hear me?" she asked excitedly, tears springing in her eyes. Sam was waking up. He moved again, his knees inching up toward his chest, his lips slowly parted. Mercedes's smile faded as she took in his new pose. He was curled in fetal position, eyes open, dimly green, mouth agape like a silent scream.

Her ears started ringing, a constant buzz like the sound of the code blue alarm. Someone was screaming, faint at first, as if they were down the hall, then louder, building in volume until they were right next to her, howling in her ear.

"Sam!" They screamed over and over. "Sam!"