Undaa, Hakar, Senes, Stardate 2270.225

"It's days like this that make me feel that I do not belong in Hakar," Kadren said, wiping away the stream of sweat that was running down the side of his face. "And we've still got another three weeks before it will probably get any cooler." It was the hottest part of the summer in Hakar, which had a considerably warmer climate than Ursai, where Kadren was originally from. "Perhaps today wasn't the best day to come here."

"Maybe one day you can go back to Ursai." Losha looked up at Kadren. They were walking through the Royal Gardens, which lay to the south of the city. The gardens were attached to a palace and several outbuildings. It had been several centuries since any part of Hakar had been ruled by a king or queen and the palace was now a museum. The outbuildings were available to rent for private events. The palace museum had closed several months after the beginning of the war, but the gardens were still maintained by volunteers.

In the weeks since Losha's mother's death, Kadren had tried to take his mind off his grief by keeping him busy. They had been to the few of the museums within the city that remained open, as well as to the city's numerous parks and historical plazas. Losha knew what Kadren was doing and, at times, he'd have rather have sat inside the shelter and let himself be consumed with grief. But he was also grateful - he was tired of grieving and longed for a day when he didn't feel completely suffocated by it.

"We could have gone back several years ago, after Yosal died. He was in power there for over forty years. But things are getting better there now that he's gone." Kadren smiled.

"So why didn't you?" They walked past a large, semi-circular display of purple and blue flowers that Losha did not know the names of. Senes was still new to him.

"At first, we didn't know how it was going to be there, whether it would be any better than before. And then, we just decided to stay here. We didn't have any family left there, and this is our home now."

"So you'll never go back?"

"I didn't used to think that I'd go back, but since the war started, I have thought about it. I can't leave now, of course, but maybe when I can leave, I will go back."

"Do you miss it?" Losha hadn't lived in any one place long enough to miss it much, but his mother had once told him that while one should not dwell on the past, she did sometimes think of the Osana Caverns on Vulcan. Losha himself sometimes thought of the ocean on Ivor Prime.

"I used to think I didn't belong there anymore," Kadren replied, "but I didn't belong here when I first came either. It's just a matter of getting used to things. I'm sure eventually I'd get used to living there again, and maybe one day it would feel like home again. But I don't know. There are painful memories there, and maybe it's best to leave them be. What about you? Do you think you'll ever go back to Vulcan?"

"I've never been to Vulcan. I was born on Regulus V." Playmates had frequently asked Losha about Vulcan, but, until now, Kadren never had. They were only just beginning to get acquainted.

"Your parents never went back to visit?"

"No." A young man and woman walked past them, hand in hand, two of the few Hakarans willing to venture out in the heat of the day this time of year. The woman glanced at them as they walked past, turning her head behind her.

"You don't have family there?"

"No." He answered as if by rote, by then realized this wasn't exactly true and he had no reason to be untruthful with Kadren, who had done so much for him. "Well, I guess I do have family there, but I don't know them."

"Maybe you can meet them someday." Kadren smiled again.

"No, we can't go there. Do you know anything about Vulcan?" he asked earnestly.

"Not much, to tell you the truth. I know Vulcans are cousins of the Romulans, but that they are peaceful. And they are great believers in logic."

"Yes, for them, everything is about logic. They repress their emotions because they think emotions aren't logical. Can you imagine living in a world where no one laughs or cries and everyone is pretending that they have no emotions?"

"Like robots?" Kadren asked.

"But robots don't have to pretend, because robots don't have feelings. On Vulcan, people are just pretending. That's why my parents left. And they can't go back - the Vulcans don't want them there, because they didn't agree with suppressing their emotions."

"So they were forced to leave because of their beliefs?" Kadren stopped as they approached a stone bench that was shaded by a canopy of vines hanging over a pergola above them.

"Yes."

"I didn't know that. Then they were in a similar situation as my family, when we lived in Ursai. But I had always heard that Vulcans believed in peace." Kadren sat down on the bench and gestured for Losha to join him.

"Yes, there has been no war there since the time of Surak, over five thousand years ago. It is peaceful - they don't believe in violence. But if you don't agree with their beliefs, you have to leave."

"What if you don't want to leave?" Kadren looked at him quizzically.

"Why would you want to stay? Who would want to live in a place like that?" Losha had never considered that anyone who did not embrace pure logic would ever want to stay on Vulcan.

"I don't know. If it's a peaceful place, and it's your home, maybe you'd want to stay. A place with no war for over five thousand years? We can't go five years without a war on Senes somewhere."

"I lived on a lot of planets where there was no war."

"Yes, you are right, I think fighting is in our blood here. But still, I think I would like to visit a place where there was no war for five thousand years, even if the people pretended to be robots."

"Then maybe you will go one day, and tell me what it's like." Losha hadn't thought of Vulcan in some time, but Kadren's questions were beginning to peak his interest.

"Would I be allowed to go there?"

"I don't know if Seenans can go there. You aren't a part of the Federation."

"But some aliens can go there?"

"Yes, aliens that are a part of the Federation." Losha wondered what Kadren was getting at.

"And presumably not all of the aliens who go there follow logic and suppress their emotions?"

"I don't know of any other people besides Vulcans who do this." Losha replied.

"So they will let aliens who don't follow their teachings visit, but they won't let Vulcans who don't follow their teachings stay?"

"I guess they don't expect aliens to be like them." Losha had never considered this before. Many Federation species (Tellarites came to mind) could be very emotional, and yet they were also Federation members and surely had to travel to Vulcan at times for business.

"And you have never been to Vulcan, right?" Kadren asked.

"No." Losha stared down at his feet. The garden path was made of finely crushed tan-colored desert stone, mixed with a few larger pebbles here and there.

"So you're an alien. And so maybe you could visit. Since you've never been there, they couldn't expect you to be like them. You'd be just like any other alien."

"They wouldn't think I'm an alien. They'd think I'm one of them." Losha did not look up. Kadren was trying to be kind, but he didn't understand.

"Because you look like them?"

"Yes." Losha began to kick the gravel back and forth in a random pattern.

"But looks don't mean anything. You could be a Romulan."

"They don't let Romulans visit!" Kadren was being ridiculous now. Romulans were enemies.

"I suppose that's true. But my point is, I don't see how they wouldn't allow you to visit. You didn't break any rules or laws there. You've never even been there. For all you know, you have family there who might want to meet you."

"No, they don't even know I exist."

"Maybe not, but maybe once they did know, they'd want to meet you." He smiled. "I know what that look on your face means. Yes, it's true that I don't know much about Vulcan. I only know that I will never be completely Hakaran, not the way someone who was born here is. Even if I had been born here, I would still be different, because of how I look. Most people in Undaa are used to seeing Ursai, but some people still stare. You know what that's like. They stare at you even more. I used to hate being stared at. Then I decided that I liked it, that I liked the attention. But that didn't last long." He laughed.

"If I went back to Ursai, I wouldn't exactly fit in, but I don't exactly fit in here either. Maybe it would be the same for you if you went to Vulcan. You wouldn't be just like them and you wouldn't exactly fit in, but how is that different from here? At least there you could walk down the street and no one would notice."

Maybe Kadren didn't exactly understand, because Senes was his planet, even if Hakar was not his country, but he did understand. Losha had never really considered that Kadren was almost as alien here as he was. He was used to being the alien wherever he went - he didn't know anything different. But perhaps it would be nice to just be like everyone else.

A memory resurfaced of him asking his mother to give him a sibling, so that they could both be alien together. He snickered, remembering that at the time, she had been ordering goods on her padd and he had thought she could order a baby from there too. He looked up from his feet and for the first time took notice of the garden bed across from them. The sign indicated they were succulents from the Minai desert. He wondered if there were plants and flowers like this in the deserts on Vulcan.