Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

Also, sorry for any errors and thank you all for your support. it'shere

Alfred went to practice with Ivan Wednesday morning, he felt a bit awkward at first as they ran and did their stretches but noticed the other was not even looking at him. Ivan was off in his own mind somewhere, so maybe he didn't care that Alfred was gay, he said so yesterday but Alfred couldn't tell what kind of person Ivan was. For a moment he thought he was being shunned but Ivan wasn't the type to just sulk and give the cold shoulder. It was weird to say but he too was a hot head.

Ivan was determined and passionate, he had a docile personality at first glance but Alfred knew the beast of a man that was hiding within. Of course, Ivan was also mature and wise for a kid his age. He was the same year as Alfred, they would be juniors soon, which were cool in Alfred's mind, but they weren't that old.

It seemed Ivan just had things figured out. He knew what he liked, what he didn't like and he knew what kind of person he wanted to be. That was something Alfred envied. There were actually a lot of things Alfred envied about Ivan but pride wouldn't let him even think it.

All in all, Alfred knew Ivan and he knew he could trust him. It's been so long and they've been through so much but he knew he could trust him now. He was….dare he say it?

A friend.

Maybe, since he knew Alfred's supposed secret he was an even closer friend. Alfred could talk to Ivan about it. This was all knew to Alfred so it would be nice to have some advice from someone he doesn't have to explain the situation to. It was actually pretty great, no awkward conversation with Kiku, Toris or his brother and who knows what they'd think. Alfred was pretty sure they were all straight so they wouldn't be able to identify with him and his problem. Alfred had no idea if Ivan was straight or not, Alfred just assumed asexual.

After a silent morning workout they went to school and Ivan was quiet as usual. When lunch came around Alfred told his friends he wanted to talk to Ivan for lunch and he'll see them later.

Alfred ran to where Ivan usually sat and saw him talking to Eduard and Raivis. They seemed nervous as Ivan smiled down coldly at them. Alfred ran up it with a big grin.

"Yo!" He cheered to them; the two smaller boys looked to Alfred and gave small smiles.

"Alfred, good to see you. We were just talking to Ivan about going back to ice skating, a-and we're going to go now!" Eduard took his friends hand and ran off after that.

"Dude, what was that about?" Alfred asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Who knows." Ivan commented and sat down.

"You probably said something weird right?" Alfred asked with a smirk and sat down in front of Ivan.

"I did nothing of the sort." Ivan said dryly.

"Haha, you don't know it but you say weird stuff all the time! Or it's like, the way you say it, with your face and all."

"My face is normal."

Alfred started to laugh, and Ivan sent him an un-amused look. Alfred began to chuckle and stopped laughing. "Sorry, dude, I know you so it sounds funny to me."

"Nyet."

"Huh?"

"You don't know me."

"Sure I do! I hang out with you all the time! Like right now, and this morning, we're partners. I know you." Alfred argued.

"The time you spend with me does not mean you know me."

"Ugh, okay…fine, whatever. Why are you in such a bad mood?"

"Nothing." Ivan sighed out.

"Dude."

"Drop it." Ivan said.

"…" Alfred stared at him then got out his lunch with a huff and started eating. Ivan was being a dick to him for no reason, what was the deal? For a moment Alfred wanted to call him out on it but with the small amount of maturity he's grown in the past few months he decided to just change the subject.

"So….you know how I like my tutor." Alfred meandered.

Ivan stiffened then gave a nod.

"You haven't told anyone right?"

Ivan slowly looked to Alfred and he wore a smile on his face. "Why would I tell anyone such an important secret?"

Alfred's heart sped up and he smiled. "Oh man, I knew I could trust you. For all your weird Russian ways you're a good guy. It means a lot!" Alfred put his fist up to bump fists.

Ivan stared at the fist, he's seen kids doing it all the time so he knew what it was about but he didn't want to do it.

" Dude, don't leave me hanging!" Alfred shouted with a slight pout

Ivan sighed and couldn't resist, even just a pout was cute. He bumped the others fist. In a way this was good, they were becoming close friends, which was nice but only half of what Ivan wanted. He sat there tortured as Alfred got his words together to talk about his feelings for Arthur, and talk about the other.

Ivan stared passively but with each moment resentment for Arthur grew. His heart twisted and ached as Alfred smiled and talked about a story or two. Honestly, Alfred was looking way to deeply into little moments he's had together with Arthur, what were just simple kind gestures he took as some loving, doting adoration.

Alfred was oblivious to Ivan's pain but Ivan himself took great lengths to hide.

"So…I think the next time I see him I'm going to ask him out to the movies or something." Alfred's cheeks were flushed from the adrenaline of being able to talk like this and actually putting it in words he was going to ask Arthur out.

Ivan was silent but he smiled, his smile cold and forced.

"Just a movie, and something he'll like so he'll know I'm considerate." Alfred chuckled.

"Mhm." Was Ivan's only response.

"You think it's a good idea?"

"I…" No, Ivan hated the idea but he could only hope that Arthur would deny him and finally get it through Alfred's thick skull that they weren't meant to be. "I think so"

Alfred smirked and raised his fist to give another bump. "Awesome! I'll try it! Wish me luck!"

Ivan bumped his fist. "I will wish you luck, but if it doesn't go as planned you can come to my place." Ivan offered

"Haha, cool, but I'm not planning on letting it fail. It'll happen you'll see!" Alfred grinned and clenched his fists. The bell rang and it was off to class then to practice.

During figure skating it was time for Alfred to perfect his double axel and get ahold of the triple axel. Alfred went home with many bruises, on his legs, arms and probably his butt. Dinner was good and Alfred watched TV with his brother. As the night wore on he began to get nervous, his heart beat faster and faster because tomorrow was the day.

Ivan on the other hand grew gloomy and tired, it was probably depression but he wouldn't admit to having such a condition. He was upset, his heart ached and he was all alone in his house. He wanted to hurt someone but he wanted to be loved, he didn't want to force his feelings but at the same time he did. He wanted people to stop trampling over his feelings. Why could no one hear him? He felt as if he was screaming all the time and no one heard a sound.

Ivan went to bed without dinner, didn't feel like making any, he slept a deep dark sleep, not even thoughts of fiery blonde could warm him this night.

Xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

Thursday Alfred woke up hyper, he went to morning practice with a lot of energy and half way through school he seemed content on spacing out. Only when the other half came around did he start to get apprehensive. It showed in practice how he tripped and fell more than usual. Coach Winter pulled him to the side to talk about it, and Alfred just said he had a headache. He was allowed a few minutes to sit and drink some water before he was out on the ice again.

He cleared his head somewhat and was back to his usual self, higher and more powerful jumps than he needed to do. He was going faster and ultimately whipping out more. Coach Winter just sighed but he noticed how Ivan didn't help nor did he tease. Something was wrong.

Coach Winter decided to watch carefully for the next few days, there was nothing he could do now. When practice was over each went home and Coach Winter could only speculate what was wrong, maybe they lost their focus because the others were joining again. Well, that seemed right for Alfred but not for Ivan. Ivan wasn't any less focused but he was acting different, something happened.

Xoxoxoxooxxoxoxoxo

At home Alfred went right to the kitchen table and sat down. He was going to get his books and everything out so he looked mature and scholarly. He waited apprehensively for Arthur to arrive. He was late.

He was never late, why was he late?

Alfred's heart seemed to be throwing itself against his rib cage making it thump loudly in his chest. The door opened and Alfred got up quickly and almost knocked the chair over.

"Sorry I'm late, the bloody car wouldn't start and I was forced to take the trolley. Bloody hell, dirty inconsiderate wan-" Arthur closed his mouth and cleared his throat "S-Sorry, about that."

Alfred thought it was so cute how Arthur's accent grew thicker when he was angry and his little British mannerisms that didn't make sense to Alfred made it even cuter. Alfred laughed and sat back down.

"No problem!"

Arthur sat down and looked at Alfred's papers all ready and his books out. "You're prepared, I'm glad" Arthur commented.

"Oh, hahaha just thought I'd try it out." Came Alfred's sheepish reply.

Arthur smiled a proud smile. "Well, lets not waste anymore time then."

They got to work and Alfred tried his best to sound smart and competent. He didn't want to ask to many questions and he paid close attention. After close to an hour and a half the sun had set and the stars were coming out.

"We got a lot done, I think it's time to call it a night." Arthur said and closed his books and started to stack his papers.

"Yeah, I feel I really get it now." Alfred commented with a smile and watched the other. Okay, here it goes, time to ask.

Wait, Arthur came on the bus right? Doesn't that mean he doesn't have a car? Does that mean he's going to stay the night. Alfred blushed a little and got lost in the idea. Maybe they can watch a movie together on the couch.

Alfred slowly put his things away and looked at Arthur. "So uhmm…mom should be done with dinner soon. Are you going to stay?" He asked, trying to make it sound like an innocent question.

"I'd love to really, but I'm going to be picked up soon." Arthur said and he too began to blush.

"Really? By who?"

"Well, it's actually-" Right then the doorbell rang and Arthur straightened his back. He cleared his throat and seemed to take a deep breath.

"It's him…" Arthur said and got up to get the door, Alfred followed after him. Arthur opened the door to a man just a little taller than Arthur with shoulder length blond hair and these blue eyes that almost looked purple.

"You're late." Arthur said with a pout and furrowed eyebrows.

The man chuckled; it was a soft, almost seductive little laugh. "Sorry, sorry dear. Did you wait so long? Did you miss me?" The man reached and placed a hand on Arthurs hip. Arthur blushed and pushed the other away.

"N-Not in front of Alfred." He chided.

"Oh? Is this Alfred?" The man asked and looked to Alfred who seemed hurt and confused.

"Yes, this is Alfred. Oh! Where are my manners! Alfred, this is Francis, Francis this Alfred. Francis is…well, he's my boyfriend." Arthur seemed nervous to say the last part, he was afraid Alfred would resent him now.

Alfred stared at the two and his eyes began to get glassy. "Boyfriend?"

"Oui! It's nice to meet you Alfred, Arthur has told me all about you! You are very handsome just like he says." Francis came up and gave Alfred a kiss on the cheek, which made Alfred's hair stand on end and his cheeks flair.

"D-Don't just kiss him!" Arthur said in a protective manner.

"It was a greeting!" He argued.

"It's not a proper greeting."

Alfred could only stare at them as his heart slowly broke into many pieces. This sucked, Alfred would have liked it better if Arthur was straight, and at least then he'd be able to say he just didn't have a chance, but Arthur was gay. Arthur could love him but he loves someone else, someone else has his heart and there's nothing he could do. Alfred can't use sexuality as a scapegoat; Arthur didn't want him because he didn't want 'him'.

It hurt, it hurt to see those two flirting and it hurt to know that these two have been together for a long time and Alfred had no idea.

There was a lump in Alfred's throat and he felt his eyes burning. He wanted to cry, he wanted to hit and he wanted to scream.

"Sorry Alfred, Francis doesn't understand personal space. Now, ahem, I think we'll be going. I'll see you next week?" Arthur asked, he was concerned Alfred wasn't going to take it well, that he'd reject Arthur for being gay.

He didn't want to lose his relationship with Alfred, he was very important to Arthur.

"Of course he will. Now, lets hurry, we have to make it for the dinner reservations." Francis interrupted with a chuckles and Arthur blushed.

Alfred felt sick. "Yeah sure…I'm going to go see my friend!"

Alfred yelled the last part fast so his mom could hear and ran out the door. Arthur called after him then looked to Matthew who was sitting on the couch. Matthew sighed and got up off the couch, he gave Arthur a saddened look. Not that it was exactly Arthur's fault, actually it wasn't Arthur's fault at all but his brother's feelings were still hurt.

"He's probably going to go see Ivan." Matthew clarified. He knew this because Ivan was closest to their house and he's noticed how Alfred's been on friendly terms with him. Alfred would probably want a quiet place to clear his head and cool down so what better place than Ivan's?

"Oh…"Arthur said and looks disappointed.

"He'll be okay, he likes you." Matthew said gently and gave a soft smile.

"Thank you Matthew. We best be going now." Arthur said and turned to Francis who seemed a bit perplexed.

Francis clasped his hand around Arthurs and they said goodbye to Matthew's mom before leaving. When they left Matthew went to help his mother in the kitchen and told her where Alfred went. She knew in a way that Alfred liked Arthur though she assumed it was in a platonic way. Her poor son, she'll let him go but she better get a call when he gets there or he'd get another week of being grounded.

Alfred on the other hand ran as fast as his legs could carry him, he didn't know why he was running but he knew he needed to run and get far away. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going but his legs slowed down to a stop right in front of Ivan's house. He panted as he looked at the house then jogged up the walkway to the door.

He knocked on it a few times and waited. It was a minute before the door open Ivan peered down at him in surprise.

"Fredka?"

"D-Dude….can I stay here?" Alfred's voice was hoarse, it hurt to speak, his eyebrows were knitted together and his cheeks were flushed.

"I suppose. What is wrong?" Ivan asked and back up to let the other in.

"Uhmmm…." Alfred didn't want to say and went right to the couch. "I-I'm just upset."

Ivan watched him carefully and sat down on the other side of the couch, giving him room. It was silent as Alfred got his breathing back to normal. He relaxed a bit then Ivan saw his lower lip tremble.

"Fredka?" Was he rejected?

"I-it's nothing." Alfred's words were shaky and his eyes started to get glassy. He wanted to cry.

"Is it Arthur?" Ivan questioned.

"…I'm so stupid." Alfred muttered into his hands.

"You are…not, these things happen. You can move on." Ivan stated.

Alfred's teeth clenched and he glared at Ivan. " Dude! I really liked him! I really liked being with him, and talking to him and he made me feel good! I can't just-"

He was screaming in anger and pain with a red face when Ivan lunged at him, grabbed him by the collar and pushed him down on the arm of the couch. Alfred's eyes widened in shock and he stared up at Ivan.

"L-Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to explo-"

"You don't understand anything, you think only of yourself. It hurts when you talk about someone else, when you talk about how much you like him when I'm the one right in front of you. "

"W-Wha?" Alfred seemed horrified but couldn't tear his eyes away from Ivan's violet that were mixed with anger and sadness.

"It's not fair that the one I like likes someone else, it's not fair that you talk about him all the time right in front of me when I have these feelings for you. I like you, an idiot like you who only hurts me, cause me pain. "

Alfred's heart sank as Ivan's expression lost its cold angered edge and grew pleading and sad. Ivan liked him? How long has this been going on? Why has this been going over his head? What was going on? Alfred's head was spinning, because this was too much for one night. He didn't know what was causing him more distress, was it Arthur or was it Ivan? It was all mixing together and just making him feel like crap.

Ivan didn't pull back though; he moved closer and pressed his lips to Alfred's. Alfred didn't know how to kiss and he almost didn't understand he was being kissed until a few moments later. His eyes widened and he blushed as he finally processed the feeling of the others lips on his own.

Alfred wasn't sure about this, he hasn't really thought about Ivan in any romantic sense so it was just strange, but it felt good. Alfred pulled his lips away and turned his head to the side.

"H-Hey!" He protested and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to push the other away.

Ivan grabbed his wrists and gripped them tightly. Alfred opened his eyes to look at the other.

It was a tense moment of them staring at each other. Alfred was just confused and didn't know if he should be upset or if it was okay to let it go. Ivan stared at him trying to judge his feelings but he could tell Alfred was confused.

Ivan let go of his wrists and wrapped his arms around the others waist. He leaned back in for a more softer, gentler kiss. He just pressed them against Alfred's lips and maintained a light pressure.

Alfred shivered at the touch but didn't move. He didn't kiss back but he didn't pull away. He felt something was being filled, a rift that had opened just moments ago was filling with another feeling, a happier feeling.

This was wrong, what Ivan was doing was wrong but it made him feel wanted, needed. It was something he's always yearned for, that feeling of someone devouring him. It was a secret deep down in him; he's always had it. He's always wanted others attention, he wanted to be a hero and he wanted everyone to love him.

He wanted his dad to love him; he wanted his brother to love him, his mother, Arthur, his friends and even Ivan. Love him, look up to him, and want him as much as he wanted and loved them.

Alfred shakily grabbed Ivan's shoulders, he didn't do anything then gently pushed Ivan away. Ivan didn't fight it and stared at the others as he moved back. Alfred gulped and slowly sat up; he used his sleeve to wipe his lips and looked to the side with a blush.

"I…I…." God, what was the right thing to say? Should he be angry? He thought he should but he felt guilty too.

"…I will get you a blanket." Ivan said gently and got up. He came back later and gave it to Alfred who couldn't look him face to face.

"You should call your mother." Ivan added and handed Alfred the phone.

That snapped Alfred out of his daze, he could call his mom to pick him up. He took the phone and started dialing.

This was the scene I originally wanted when I first started making this fanfic.

I do love slow build but I like being realistic and life has this great way of throwing things on already tough situations. When you're upset others things tend to happen that you wouldn't have expected, sometimes good sometimes bad.

Alfred has a lot to think about and so does Ivan. Alfred didn't reject him but he didn't accept and Ivan knows very well he basically took advantage of Alfred but he was upset and lets not forget he's the same age as Alfred. Despite how mature he is he's still a kid.

Thank you all for your reviews they mean so much to me.