Oh my god guys over 4000 words. This is the longest chapter I have ever written.

WARNING UM, MAKE OUT SCENE SO UM, YEA. MENTIONS OF SEX. BEWARE.

I wake up, numb and cold. That dull ache in my chest hasn't gone away and I still feel like crying. My eyes feel puffy and and red. I was probably crying in my sleep. My dreams were haunted by an insane face, and a ghost of the boy I love.

I hear my door slide open and I curl up into a ball and bury my face in my pillow. " Louisa you have to get up. " My brother says. " It's almost 10 in the morning. "

" Go away. " I mumble. I hear his footsteps get closer to me and he yanks the blanket off of me.

" Get up! " He says while jerking my pillow out from under me. I don't care. I simply rest my head on the mattress.

Noah begins to shake my shoulders and I groan. " Stop. "

" Mom's waiting on you. " Noah says in an attempt to make me move.

" I don't care. Just let me be. " I say into the mattress.

" C'mon Lo, " Noah pulls my shoulder and forces me to look at him. " Woah what happened to you? "

" It's nothing. " I say rolling back over to face the wall. " I'm fine. "

" Don't give me that bullshit Lo. " Noah says while sitting down on the bed. " What happened last night? "

When I don't say anything, he continues talking. " I saw you run out of the cafeteria. Lee immediately went after you. Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you? " Noah asks, his voice taking on an intensity that I haven't heard before.

" He told me something that I wasn't ready to hear. " I say, " That's all. "

I decide to sit up and face him. I rest my back against the wall and look at him. My eyes itch from all the crying I did.

" What would you do if Brenda wasn't immune? " I ask him. Noah seems taken aback by my question, but I have no idea how to handle this. I need advice.

" I would spend as much time with her as possible. " Noah says after thinking for a moment.

" But what if you couldn't get to her? " I ask, my voice cracking. I bring my knees to my chest and rest my chin on one.

" I'd get to her somehow. " Noah says and he seems to put the pieces together in his mind. " This is about Newt, isn't it? "

I nod my head yes. " But if he sees me, WICKED will kill him. "

" You have to wait for him to get out of the Maze. " Noah says, " The Gladers will be here a week before they move on to phase 2. You can see him then. "

" It could be months before they get out. "

" Teresa is the last person we're sending up. And she's leaving in an hour. "

" Really? " I ask, letting a bit of hope show in my voice. I need to spend as much time with Newt as possible before he goes, you know… Maybe I can convince Chancellor Ava Paige to let me go into the Scorch with them instead of Brenda and Jorge.

" Yea. " He says, putting a hand on my arm. " Everything will be okay. "

I nod and bite my lip, not trusting my voice to work properly. " I'll tell everyone you're sick. " Noah says before leaving my room.

My movements are slow as I get up to get my pillow and blanket. I throw them both back on my bed and collapse on them. I wrap myself up like a burrito, and try to sleep away the days that are left before I can see Newt.

…..

I watch as Newt runs away from a dark figure. I want to help him, but my feet won't move. His face is panic-stricken and his eyes are wide. He runs as fast as he can, but his limp slows him down. He finally sees me and screams out.

" Help! Louisa help me! Please! " Newt screams, glancing back over his shoulder. The dark figure is right behind him. I try to scream out, but it's like I've lost my voice. The figure tackles him, and I expect a fight. But that doesn't happen. Newt absorbed the dark figure. It went inside him.

I watch mortified as Newt clutches his head and groans. He stands on shaky legs, still clutching his head. I'm looking at his back, and the blood that stains his shirt. His hair is ruffled and sticking up everywhere and his clothes are filthy. He slowly turns to face me and I would fall over in shock if I could. Newt's eyes are wild and crazy. His face is smeared with blood—it's impossible to tell if it's his or not.

He scowls at me as he walks over to me. Newt slams me against the Maze wall and I groan as my head collides with it. " I hate you! " He screams as he punches the wall next to my head. " I bloody hate you! You and this bloody maze! Why didn't you help me? Why? "

Newt's eyes are clouded with insanity and I just want to fold in on myself and cry. Why didn't I help him?

" I know how you can help me. " He says softly. He hands me the machete he always carries. " Kill me. "

My mind is screaming no. My heart is screaming no. So why is my arm lifting to swing the machete down? My body brings the machete down on Newt's head, full force. I hear a sickening crack and—

….

I wake up with a scream. My body is trembling and I have tears running down my face. Newt's voice plays over in my head like a broken record. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Was that Newt as a crank? Is that what he'll be like when he finally loses it?

My head snaps up at the sound of my door opening. Lee is standing in my doorway, wide eyed and staring at me. " Are you okay? "

" Yea. I'm fine. " I say, my voice surprisingly staying steady.

" I heard a scream and I thought- "

" It was just a nightmare. " I say. He nods and turns to leave when something leaves my mouth that I don't expect. " Lee, can you stay? "

" Yea. " He says making his way over to me. Lee can be a distraction from the hell that I actually live in.

I scoot over and he lays down next to me. I curl into him and relish in the comfort. Lee is familiar, someone I can cling too. I may not love him the way he wants me to, but that doesn't mean I can like him as a friend. Friends comfort friends, right?

I can hear his heartbeat, and it's beating fast. " Why is your heart beating so fast? " I ask him. It's not like mine isn't racing, but it's because of the nightmare.

" You. " Lee says. " That's what happens every time I see you, every time you touch me. "

I look up at him and smile. Granted, it's forced, but a smile nonetheless.

" Every time we kiss. " Lee adds in a husky voice. My heart beat should speed up, I should have butterflies in my stomach, but no. My heart beat calms as the dream fades away and Lee fills my mind. The way his eyes pierce into mine just before we kiss. The way his hands trail down and touch the bare skin on my lower back as I straddle him. The way he smiles into the kiss as my hands trail up his shirt and rest on his chest.

I trail kisses down his jawline and then I kiss his neck and suck on it gently. Lee moans softly and I smile into the kiss I'm placing.

" Is this why you wanted me to stay? " He asks, breathless. I move back to his lips and place a kiss there.

" I need you. " I mumble against his lips.

Next thing I know, our positions are switched. Lee's looking down on me, his hair hanging in front of his lust-filled eyes. His hands go under my shirt, and they rest on my hips. All of a sudden, panic fills my chest and my mind is flashes back to that night in the Map room. Reed pulls me out of the corner, and begins to unbutton my pants. My back slams against the dirt ground and I try to get back up. His hands slam down on my hips, and I know it's going to bruise. Next thing I know, my pants and underwear are off, leaving me completely vulnerable to Reed.

I stop kissing back and I try to shrink away from Lee. I don't mean to, I know he's not going to hurt me, but I'm so scared. " Stop. " I say in a shaky voice. Lee immediately stops, and leans back, giving me space. I breathe a sigh of relief, and I run a hand over my face.

" What happened Louisa? " Lee asks while getting off of me and I sit up and rest my back against the headboard of the bed.

" I'm sorry. " I say. " It's just.. "

" I shouldn't have pushed you. " Lee says and I rest my hand on his shoulder. He can't think this is his fault.

" It's not your fault. I just wasn't ready and I pushed myself too far. " I say, and I can't help but feel really embarrassed. I was willing to, I was, oh my God.

He nods and an awkward silence fills the room. I fidget with the loose strands of cloth on my shirt, and think about what the hell just happened. I had a nightmare and I needed a distraction. I almost had sex with Lee trying to get that distraction. I wrapped myself with lust trying to forget the fact that Newt will die. Should I separate myself from Newt to save myself from the pain? Should I give Lee and actual try and try to move on? Is Newt a lost cause?

No. I will not give up on Newt. He's going to need someone, and I'm going to be the one there for him. But for now, it doesn't hurt to forget, even for a little while. I deserve to forget about the pain after all I've been through. Just let me forget.

My stomach growls, snapping me out of my thoughts. Lee laughs, and I weakly smile. " I think I'm hungry. " I say.

" Let's go get lunch. " I say, and then Lee stops me.

" You mean dinner? " He asks. " It's 5:30. "

I've slept the day away. Just what I wanted to accomplish. " Dinner it is then. " I say with a true smile this time. I'm one day closer to seeing them.

We leave the room and walk down the hallway. Lee's hand brushes mine, and I let our fingers intertwine. He leans down and places a kiss on top of my head.

" Are you okay? " He asks, referring to my breakdown in my room. I feel my face heat up and I simply nod.

We enter the cafeteria, hand in hand, and we get our dinner. It's chicken stir-fry, another one of my favorite foods. Really, the only food I hate is lunch meat. It's just so unnatural in my opinion. It doesn't taste that good either.

I drop Lee's hand as we sit down, and Nathaniel just glances up from his food. Then, he looks back up, eyes wide, staring at Lee's neck. I pay no attention to him as I dig into my food. I haven't eaten all day and this could be a simple apple and I'd still devour it as hungrily.

" What did you two do? " Nathaniel exclaims. I look up at him, startled. What, how, why, how, what? He leans in closer to us and whispers " Did you- "

" No! " I nearly scream. Two more people sit down at our table and that stops the conversation. My brother and Brenda just sat down when Nathaniel was talking about me with Lee. That's just perfect.

" What are you guys talking about? " Brenda says while picking up her fork.

" That hickey on Lee's neck. " Nathaniel says and I scoot my tray forward, and drop my head on the table. Lee on the other hand, simply smirks. How can he not feel embarrassed?

" The what! " My brother exclaims and I turn my head to look at him. He's staring down at me with a look of disapproval. Then he glares at Lee. " Did you take my baby sister's innocence? "

I just want to disappear.

Brenda puts an hand on Noah's arm. " Calm down. You know how Lee feels so leave the poor kid alone. "

" I know exactly how he feels! And no one can feel like that around Louisa. "

" Noah shut up. " I groan. My face feels like it's on fire. " We didn't have sex. "

" We almost did though. " Lee says. " She was all over me like syrup on a pancake. If I hadn't stopped her- "

I cut him off by slapping him on the arm. " Shut up. " I bring my head off of the table but I cover my face with my hair. I shovel my food into my mouth as fast as I can, wanting to go do something besides be taunted about this.

" Louisa. Is this true? " Noah says, sending a pointed look my way.

" Maybe. " I say quietly.

" What the hell! When I was in your room this morning you were a mess. Then you go and, and you , do that? " Noah says, putting his head in his hands.

" It's not like I hadn't done it before. " I say, starting to get angry. Everybody stops chewing and looks at me. " What? "

" I had the feeling you knew what you were doing. " Lee says putting an arm around me. Then he leans closer to me and whispers, " But I can teach you so much more. "

The feeling of Lee's breath on my ear sends a shiver down my spine. Noah glares at Lee, Brenda calms him down, and Nathaniel claps Lee on the back. " Way to go man! "

I get up and leave, annoyed with the conversation. If I had known that kissing my boyfriend would lead to this I wouldn't have done it. My boyfriend. The words sound weird in my mind.

" Where are you going? " Noah yells. " I have to give you the talk. "

" I'm going into the maze to get away from y'all. " I say, waving at them over my shoulder. I can get away there.

I take my time going to the Maze. I'm not in that big of a hurry. If I go after 7, the walls will be closed and there's no way a Glader will see me. That's the way it has to be because of the Chancellor Ava Paige. It's her fault I can't see them. It's her fault I can't help them. It's her fault I'm stuck here living like a damn princess and Newt is suffering in the Maze. I don't belong here. As much as I hated most of the Gladers, I belong with them.

Even though my life in the Maze was hell, I learned a few things from it. One of the main things was that even if you feel like you're all alone, you're not. There's always someone who cares, always someone who is there for you. I also learned that people are not what they seem, and that people can be real mean sometimes. You just have to learn how to trust the right people.

Or you could be like me and become friends with a rapist. Granted, he was under WICKED's influence when he was abusing me, but that doesn't excuse what he did. Or you could also fall in love with someone that's going to die and develop a small amount of feelings for their best friend. I swear, sometimes when I take a step back and look at myself, I see a bitch. A cunning, conniving, depressed, little bitch.

I'm about to open the door and enter the Maze when a man's voice stops me.

" Would you mind waiting for a second? " The voice says. I turn around and see a man with a crooked nose. I've seen him before, but I can't really remember him. All I know, is that he looks like a rat.

" Sure. " I say, slowly moving away from the door to the Maze.

" I'm Janson. " The man says outstretching a hand. I grab it and shake it—it feels boney and dry, like the withering skin of an old man.

" Louisa. " I say with a forced smile.

" Oh, I know. " He says with a smile that's too big for his face. I almost cringe, but I manage to keep my face a neutral slate. " You're a bit of a celebrity around here. "

" Did you need something? " I ask bluntly, not in the mood for games. His smile falters for a second, but he seems able to keep it on his face.

" Yes. I know you're doing you're nightly run in the Maze. " Janson says. " I would like you to put this note on the wall opposite the Maze doors. Somewhere they will see it. "

He hands me the note and I have to resist to read it. I smile and nod. " Sure thing. "

I turn and run into the Maze, severely creeped out by Ratman. What the hell was his problem? His nose was crooked, like someone had punched it and it healed wrong. His hair was gray and patchy and his lab coat looked a few sizes too big on his skinny frame. He looked like a crackhead.

In a way, I hate running the Maze. I'm so close to Newt, yet so far. If I could just run into the Glade and see him, hug him, and tell him everything will be okay, then things would be so much better. Maze maintenance is kind of like torture to me because of that.

Over the past month I've been with WICKED I've realized something—I'm slowly going crazy. Without Newt I have this hole in my chest that can't be filled. Without Newt I can't concentrate on anything except him. Without Newt I'm lost. I need him like I need air to breathe. When I was down he picked me up and told me everything would be okay. He kept me from killing myself. He was the one who was there for me. I need him like I need the blood that courses through my veins.

I slow to a stop as I get a light cramp in my ribs from running. I'm halfway to the Glade, so I slide my back down one of the Maze walls and rest. I remember the note I shoved in my pocket thirty minutes ago, and decide to open it. I have to know what it says. What does Janson want the Gladers to know?

You are on you're own. Find the way out in the next week or she dies.

WICKED

Or who dies? Who the hell is she? Are they talking about Teresa? I swear to God if they touch one hair on her head I will go crazy. WICKED can't just threaten the lives of others to get what they want. They threatened Newt's life and now they're threatening—

Wait. What if they're talking about me? What if I'm the one they're going to kill if the Glader's don't find a way out? They all think I'm dead anyway, it's not like it's much motivation to find the way out. How can they save someone they already think is dead?

Labored breathing causes me to shove the note in my pocket and look up. My blood freezes I see that it's Ben. His veins are bluish and purple and his eyes are nearly black. He's obviously been stung.

" They need you. " He says, then coughs and spits out blood. I shrink away from him. This isn't the Ben I know. This Ben is crazy. This Ben is suffering from the effects of the Changing. He probably didn't get the serum in time and now he's lost his mind. It's slowly killing him. I doubt he'll last the night.

" Look. Ben. I don't want any problems. " I say standing up.

" They need you. " He repeats. " Get them out. "

" I don't know what you're talking about. " I say, raising my hands and slowly backing away. He pushes closer to me.

With a mad scream Ben charges forward, raising his hand over his head. He's holding a rock, that much is obvious. What he intends to do with it is also obvious. He's going to try to knock me out with it, maybe even kill me.

I dart out of his way suddenly thankful for the training with Brenda now. Muscle memory kicks in and I dodge his attacks with ease. That is, until I get a splitting headache. One of my hands goes to my head and I groan. The Maze starts to spin and Ben's crazed face blurs with it. A sick smile seems to spread across his face as I drop to my knees and hold my nauseous stomach. A sharp pain erupts on the side of my head and the last thing I see is the ground of the Maze as I black out.

…..

" You are very crucial to the Trials Louisa. " My mom says while pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. " We have to protect you at all costs. "

" Why am I so important? " I ask, my voice sounding like it belongs to a younger person.

" You're relationship with the subjects will prove invaluable when we send you in. Keep in mind that you won't be there for long. About a month or so. " She says and I cock my head to one side. " We're going to take you out, and we predict that the brain waves the subjects will emit will be the key to creating the cure. You will be a hero. "

" Really? " I ask, " I can't wait! "

" But you have to promise me one thing. " Mom says and I nod. " Never fall in love. "

" But love fixes everything. Love makes people stronger. It made you stronger! " I say, confused.

" No. It broke me. "

….

When I wake up I feel dried blood on my forehead. I'm staring up at the sky, and I feel relieved to find it light, and not dark. I realize the memory I just had. My mom had the man she loved ripped away from her by the Flare. The same thing is happening to me. I need her.

A rumble resonates throughout the Maze and I feel it in my bones. I sit up, to stare at the entrance to the Glade. Lucky me, the walls are closed. On the other side of these doors is the man I love. I find myself reaching out, and touching the walls. So close to being happy. So close to him.

Then I realize that the walls are moving. I know Minho is on the other side, ready to run and find a way out. He could see me. Oh my god he could see me. WICKED would kill him. I can't let him see me. He would die. I can't lose them both.

I immediately get up to my feet and dart in the opposite direction. I run harder and faster than I ever thought possible. My feet are light on the pavement—it's almost as if I'm floating. The reason why is simple. I'm not running for my life. I'm running for his.

I turn the corner and run straight into the slimy body of a Griever. I wait for it to attack, sting me, and kill me, but nothing happens. I pry myself off of the gooey and slimy skin and look at it's face. It looks like a puppy almost. It's not responding to me. WICKED must be controlling it.

I smile at it, and it seems to smile back. It's extremely creepy and I think I might have nightmares now that the—

" Louisa? " My heart drops to my stomach and I am frozen to the spot. The familiar voice sends chills down my spine. Minho saw me. He found me. He knows I'm alive. WICKED is going to kill him.

Minho is going to die because of me.

Oh my gosh guys that was intense, I hope. I wasn't expecting that last part. Oh and clarification on the whole fight scene with Ben just in case you might get confused. Ben hit her in the head as she was blacking out.

Sorry it took so long to get this up, I've started working on an original story. :)

Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you all later! ( not really see you but talk to you later? not even that more like a text you later type of thing )