Title: Gambling With Destiny
Author: Phoebe Delos
Series: Yu-Gi-Oh! DM
Story Summary: A twist of fate during the Ceremonial Duel leaves everyone saying goodbye to the Yuugi they didn't expect to lose. The pharaoh, lost and alone, places his trust in a mysterious stranger in hopes of winning his partner back from an old enemy.
Story Rating: Teen for Language, Violence, Dark Tones, Incestuous Themes, & Suggestive Themes.
Spoilers: The end of the series, and anything prior. That includes a certain spirit's real name. Expect some mixing of anime and manga facts.
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! isn't mine.
Notes: I am so happy to have this one out- There are a number of scenes or chapters that have happened or will yet come that stand out very starkly in my mind - key things, if you will - and this is perhaps one of the 'quietest' of them but just as crucial. I hope you enjoy. :) Thank you for everyone's patience with me!

Thirty-Eighth Year in the Reign of Akhenamkhanen

"A thousand men have been ruined for
the pleasure of a little time short as a dream."
~ The Maxims of Ptahhotep

:: Chapter Thirty-Five ::

"You should go back to the banquet, my prince."

"The only reason I would go back to that feast," Atem replied, the steady, pointed punch of each syllable underlining the rage he held under wraps. "Would be to watch Shada search the souls of the guests and attendants… So that I could discover who did this and tear them apart myself."

No, if he were free to go he would be there, watching the priests and guards interrogate each and every soul who had attended the banquet or been in the palace that night.

But, he was not there, and there was no public investigation in progress. Instead, the banquet raged on as though nothing had happened. The priests sought the culprit in secret, and his brother was being publicly painted as a drunk, because he had been drugged.

Opium. Copious amounts of it, laced into his wine.

If the drink had not turned on his empty stomach so quickly… Who would dare-

The question looped over and over through his mind as he listened to his brother heave once more, and empty his stomach for what must have been a fourth time into the bowl the physician held before him.

'To purge his body' they said, before the drug could take full effect.

"Shada and Priest Akhenaden are inspecting the souls of the attendants secretly, as ordered-" Mahaad answered. "If they find the culprit, or anyone who knows anything, they will detain them."

"If- What is the point?" Atem asked, glaring down at the fist he clenched at his side. "I know who did this."

The servant girl, who had given them both drinks during the banquet.

The one who caught his brother's eye.

He had put together much of what had happened from the evidence Mahaad had brought him thus far from passing remarks heard in the hall, and further testimonies from the guards who asked nothing, but listened.

Sawheru… he had left Melinia's side, intending to return to his chair, only to be detoured by the girl. She had whispered something to him and then guided the prince away, and into a private room…

A spare few minutes later, Sawheru fell face first into the hall, vomiting.

Yes… And the only lead we have on her is a claim that she was seen rushing away moments before I arrived.

"If we find her, we will bring her to you," assured Mahaad, watching the younger prince heave and shake with grim, but steady eyes. "But we can do nothing until then."

No… No, Atem could do nothing. That had been spelled out for him quite soundly. All around him had discouraged outright confrontation with the guests. Even when he insisted that there was no way the girl acted of her own volition, he was deterred.

What would it say, Akhenaden said, if they acknowledged that the royal prince had been attacked in this way?

What would happen if they brought forth no culprit to the crime? Showed such a thing could go unpunished?

What would follow if they showed themselves to be that vulnerable?

Atem knew… Filled in many of the blanks himself. But that did nothing to ease his anger.

"Has anyone told my father?" he asked as Sawheru's coughs finally eased, prompting the physician to lower him to the bed and set aside the bowl.

"Yes, my prince. He is the one who ordered Akhenaden to join the hunt for the cause- And he spoke of coming down to see the prince for himself."

"…no," Atem breathed, much of his rage fading away as he imagined his father, too weary to even attend the feast that evening, dragging himself down to their rooms to stand vigil over the boy, getting no rest of his own in the process. "Have word sent to him- He need not come. I am looking after Sawheru… I will not leave him until he recovers."

That should please them all. He couldn't jump into the hunt if he was tied to a bedside.

Indeed, Mahaad said little, and disappeared with no more than a bow and a murmur- As though fearing Atem would change his mind if given the chance.

"…he will recover, your highness," swore the physician as he finished cleaning up and checking the vitals of the now motionless prince. "He is worn down by the purging, and will need a great deal of rest and water, but he should be himself again within a day."

"…thank you," Atem murmured, surprised himself at the quiet relief that slid down his bones.

And that was all there was to it. Whatever else that might be happening within the palace, there was nothing else to be done in that chamber- Save for the physician and the attendants to make their respects, slip away, and leave the prince alone with his thoughts… And the assurance that Sawheru would be well.

That could not settle the concerns in Atem's heart over who had done this, and whether it would happen again… But for the time being, he slid his golden stool closer to the edge of his brother's bed, and simply observed him.

A layer of sweat clung to Sawheru's brow from the exertion, and he looked alarmingly worn down, but his breath was steady and he remained undisturbed by the scrape of the stool legs, sleeping on… And for a time Atem simply watched, and let his mind wander in two directions- One stationary, caught on his kin, the other threading about with questions of why this had happened.

The thoughts twisted and turned back on themselves, running again and again into the idea that it must have been an attempt to embarrass Sawheru, make him a laughingstock or kill him in a way as to paint him the drunkard, the addict. The shameful. For the act was first and foremost meant to shame, not simply kill- Atem could see that. But, shame who? Sawheru, of course, but- Sawheru the priestling of Karnak? Sawheru the royal? Sawheru, son of the pharaoh? Sawheru, the brother of the crown prince? Or… had he other sides to him? Sides that Atem did not yet know? Could he- The quiet, uncertain, warm soul that he was, really have been targeted… Purely, on his own account?

Atem did not know, and it ate at him. Chewed away at any other considerations he might have had as time crawled by.

He had no true sense of how long he sat there. For some time, however, the only sound that entered his world was the occasional changing of the guard, just outside their room… Until, finally, movement from within disturbed his watch.

A cough signaled Sawheru's awakening, shaking his body with each hack until Atem recovered enough from his surprise to reach out and help sit upright. As the sounds softened, he offered the water already set aside for the boy's needs.

"Here, drink this-"

But the moment the edge of the bowl touched Sawheru's lips, the boy jerked back, panic running like an audible thing through his body as he smacked the bowl from Atem's hand, shattering it on the floor.

"No! Stay awa-"

"Sawheru!"

His alarm might have come out too harshly, as a reprimand, but still it prompted the flailing prince to still, dazed violet eyes slowly focusing to stare at him, bewildered. "…Atem?"

The recognition – and the twin realization that he had simply been unrecognized prior – eased Atem's own tension, and when he carefully lowered Sawheru back to the bed, his arm remained, supporting him enough to keep his head and chest elevated as they spoke. "Yes," the elder prince confirmed, eyes flickering across Sawheru's gaze and face to take in his slowly dawning awareness. "Did you not know it was me?"

"…no…" The answer was weak, slightly confused, but still the comprehension behind it was promising. What good faith Atem managed to muster, however, scattered to dust at what his brother whispered. "I thought, it was her…"

"-the servant girl?" Sawheru did not answer, or even nod, but Atem saw with a single look that he was right.

That put a new, detailed twist to the picture of events. Sawheru had flinched away from the idea of liquid, poured from the hand he mistook his to be. So, he wasn't taken completely unawares when his body rebelled against the drug. He knew. …but, then-

"Did she make you to take it?" Sawheru blinked up at him, not quite comprehending, but still Atem urged for an answer. "Did she force you to drink it somehow?"

A curious spray of emotions rushed across the boy's face- Understanding giving way to a caught, frozen turmoil, and finally? Shame. That was all it could be, though Sawheru tried to hide it, turning his eyes away. "No… I, I drank it myself. I wouldn't even have known, but, she looked so guilty after I started to lose my balance, and so I guessed-"

He trailed off, but Atem did not jump to finish his thought, or protest when the boy shrank out of his grip to drop all of his weight onto one shoulder, until he nearly faced away from him. Atem didn't need to say anything… he predicted what was to come like a natural progression, and a frown tugged at his lips even before Sawheru spoke.

"I drank it myself, like an idiot… Even after I knew, something was off- Knew I felt wrong, I went right along with it when she asked to speak to me privately. I didn't suspect a thing when she handed me the cup."

"You weren't thinking," Atem agreed, prompting a flinch, visible even with the boy nearly turned away- But there was no malice in his comment. No judgment or disapproval. Just observation, spoken aloud as he settled back on his stool with an even, steady gaze on his brother's profile. "You were too distracted by her manner to worry about something like that."

A single, silent heartbeat, and then Sawheru tilted his head enough to peer back at him.

Yes- That stare was all the confirmation he needed. Sawheru had been attracted to the girl. Atem had seen that, and likely she had, too. Whether she had sought to catch the prince's eye from the beginning, or simply taken advantage of the opportunity it afforded her, she had banked on that attraction to draw Sawheru away with nothing more than a hesitant, vague request and a blushing glance- Or something like that. Atem didn't need to know the details to guess the beats of the exchange.

She approached him, turned his head, and handed the wine right to him, without Sawheru ever knowing he had been charmed into poisoning himself.

"Do you know why she did this?" he at least had to ask that, if nothing else… But it was a long shot from the start, and he didn't feel even true disappointment when Sawheru gave a weak shake of his head, a cough rolling through his form before he found his voice to answer.

"No… She just, said she wanted a chance to talk to me, alone…"

The flat, small way he said that- It caught like tar in the cogs of Atem's mind and dragged all of his focus in one instant to the boy- Not to what had happened to him, or what it meant, but to him, lying there, weak and dejected.

The awareness was a sharp, unsettling thing, and the older prince strove to press it back by checking, "-do you still feel ill? I could call for fresh water."

"No," Sawheru breathed, shaking his head slightly, "I just feel tired… And foolish. I am sorry, I should never have fallen for such an obvious trap."

"-you don't need to apologize for that," Atem insisted, but his words sounded shallow in his own ear, and when his brother did not even look at him, he pressed on, pulling a veil of ease and confidence over his voice. "It is only natural you weren't of a mind to suspect her, considering. You will just have to be more cautious next time."

"…next time?" That at least got Sawheru's attention, even if he only leveled a mystified stare his way.

"Yes, the next time you seek a rendezvous with someone."

"A… what?!" The sun suddenly burned in the boy's cheeks, and all Atem could do in the face of that wide-eyed, stumbling blush, was quirk a brow. "I- I wasn't- Why do you think-"

"-that you thought the servant wanted to arrange a tryst with you?" It seemed so simple, but the glitter of amusement shimmered in Atem's mind as his surprise at Sawheru's manner passed, and the boy's embarrassment only grew. "What else would you expect the girl to want, drawing you away to be alone like that?"

Sawheru opened his mouth- Only to freeze, and slowly shut it as his face burned just a little brighter, in perfect sync with the slight twitch that took to Atem's lips.

It must have been visible, for Sawheru suddenly turned away again, fingers attacking the back of his head with a rough scratch. "Ah- I don't know! I wasn't really, thinking at all. …and what do you even mean, be cautious?"

The turn of that question brought Atem's attention back to his very point, and with that his weak grin slid away… Silence hanging long enough that his brother hesitantly glanced back at him. Finally, Atem found his voice once more. "I mean, it could happen again. Likely will, if not soon, then at some point. After all, that is a very easy way to catch you in a vulnerable position, and someone else might try to do the same- Use their charm or smiles to trick you, harm you, get you alone with them… Some may even try to play a longer game- Truly be with you, but attempt to use you to influence the court, and make moves that benefit them… Or whoever paid them to approach you in the first place."

It wouldn't be the first time someone in the court had weaseled their way into someone's bed, just to get into the occupant's head.

But, Sawheru… All bright embarrassment drained out of him as Atem explained, his reddened skin blanched pale with obvious, palatable revulsion. "You- You think someone would really do that to me? To… That they would try to use me like that? That… They could, do it? That I would…"

He started off so affronted, and yet by the end of his question a clear, visible doubt took over Sawheru's features. In the end, he was left staring at his own shoulder, lost uncertainty clear as day on his face.

The sight was enough to curb the simple confirmation borne in Atem's mind, and hone it into a softer, if still firm reply. "No, not if you are careful. You will learn… You simply have to learn to judge who you can, and cannot trust."

Though in Atem's opinion, most everyone in the palace fell into the second group.

But Sawheru looked less than comforted by his point, and the older prince… He had hesitated over stating his point too bluntly, but after a long, uncertain beat, frowning at Sawheru as he frowned at the wall, Atem shook off his own reservations and simply said it. "And, if that is what you want, it would probably be best if you sought out someone for yourself."

Sawheru- Turned and stared at him. He did not say a word, and yet the disbelief shone on his face as loudly as any scream.

And Atem ignored it, speaking on with the same even ease as before. "If you do that, you can decide for yourself if the person is as worthy of your trust as your attention, before risking anything. And if you take the initiative, you won't likely to be walking into a trap."

"Well, yes, but-" The words stumbled out of the boy without clear consideration behind them, and it seemed even acknowledging what Atem said was too much for him- For his face quickly changed color again, disbelief and humiliation warring for dominance of his face. "That, doesn't mean- I wasn't even looking…"

"But you were intrigued enough by the prospect to follow her," Atem prodded, gentle but firm, refusing to even acknowledge Sawheru's distress. He was not any more comfortable with the subject, but it had to be said. "Even if you don't act on those impulses, you should at least acknowledge them and consider what you want, before someone else takes advantage of you- Someone like that girl."

Sawheru went very still, tense with the reactions bottled within him, but he was clearly thinking about what Atem said… And his response, while defensive, was bound up in that fact. "That is so, matter-of-fact! If I did that, looked for someone with all of that in mind… I would feel so cold."

He probably would. But that truth did not change Atem's opinion. It simply left his grim. "It is the only way to go about it that will soften the risk- The only way for us." Someone may always come along who liked Sawheru, simply for himself… But it was foolish, even dangerous to forget who he was in the matter, for no one else would.

"Then… That's the way you go about it?"

The question was not accusing- No. If anything, it was incredulous. Skeptical.

But it struck Atem all the same, his sober composure shot.

And Sawheru, turning with some word on his lips – some clarification, some demand – froze at whatever he saw on his face.

In one breath, Atem was instantly aware, yet uncertain of his own body, left doubting his sense of touch, his sense of hearing. That his face was forming the expression he was telling it to- That he felt himself making.

That doubt left him tense, and he could do nothing but stare back at his brother, and watch the thoughts churn behind his violet eyes- Shock, and hesitance. "You… Have done that yourself, right? …'sought', someone?"

It was impossible to mistake Sawheru's meaning, and really, it was only Atem's own probing turned back on him… But, where he should have displayed the same nonchalance he had expected from the younger boy, he instead found himself tongue-tied, stuck in a long, drawn out silence in an effort to cover his own discomfort… Until he finally fought back the reluctance and said "No" with little emphasis- Or feeling.

"-oh," Sawheru echoed, in a near perfect mirror of the Atem's flatness. But the question in boy's eyes sparked up as quickly as it died away, all the stronger for the disbelief behind it- The doubt in his own interpretation of his older brother's meaning. "Oh, then, you- You never… Wait-" The incomprehension stamped on his face might well have been comical… If not for the unexpected exposure of it all, stifling Atem's breath. "…have you, ever…"

It seemed Sawheru was too embarrassed to even ask directly, but watching him struggle proved far more excruciating for Atem than the idea of answering- So he did, as a simply as he could. "No, I never have." He gestured dismissively at nothing, more to give his restlessness an outlet than anything else. "I was simply taught that I should be careful who I chose from the court as a partner, if I ever did."

Sawheru, slowly shut his mouth, and fell flat on his back to stare at the ceiling, like it all didn't make sense.

It was probably just the contradiction of Atem's confidence and ignorance that prompted his confusion, but still he could not help but frown at his brother and ask, "-is it that surprising?"

"Well, yes-" It was like something finally snapped. Sawheru rolled back to face Atem and his wary eyes straight on, searching confusion in his own gaze. "I mean, it was surprising enough to me when I came here and learned that you aren't even married yet."

…he, really should have seen that coming. It hadn't occurred to Atem, among all of the changes of late, that that might come as a surprise to the long banished prince. It was common practice for royals to marry as soon as they came of age, and yet here he was- A good two or so years passed that, still unwed.

But that, at least, had a simple enough explanation, and he answered it readily enough once the surprise passed. "Father has been hesitant over what sort of match to make me. He might not show it, but he distrusts the court as much as I do… And if he chooses someone from outside of the court, it would cause a backlash from all sides. And if the bride were foreign-" Atem cut himself off there, but he could see the pained understanding flinch across Sawheru's face- The same awareness that plagued the elder prince, when he bothered to muse on the subject.

They both well knew the trials that would face a foreign queen in that palace.

That point, alone, might well have been enough to end the subject… And yet, beneath the harsh reminder Atem saw in his brother's eyes, he could still see confusion- Uncertainty. An awareness that something did not quite add up.

Atem had seen that look before, from others. Many had asked when he would wed, when he would start striving for heirs of his own… And most seemed to think the reasons for delay weak in the face of a dynasty on the brink of dying out.

In most cases, Atem simply ignored the looks and moved on… But, he also recalled the awkwardness that could arise from the dodge- The distance between him and those who wondered. The mutual awareness of his evasion sitting between them like a palpable distance.

Usually, he didn't care, but- The idea of chancing that, with Sawheru? It warred for a breath against his usual reluctance, until…

"…I, think he is also reluctant to 'force' a match upon me, even if I do not protest. He, did say that I could find someone of my own liking," Atem volunteered with little warning, drawing a surprised blink from his brother that he did not meet directly, choosing instead to focus on the gardens, visible through the doorway just beyond the bed. "If there was nothing truly inappropriate about my choice. Even political backlashes could be dealt with, after all… I just, haven't."

"But… You haven't found anyone?" There was some movement on the bed, and Atem glanced back to find Sawheru striving to sit up. The elder jolted to help him, impulsively steadying him until the boy sat upright. But Sawheru wasn't to be distracted by the struggle- he just kept peering up at him, questioning with his eyes as well as his words. "I mean, you could even marry them, with Father's blessing, but… Even outside the court, traveling the length of the country, you haven't found anyone-? Not even someone you considered? No one who caught your eye?"

"No, no one." The answer came naturally, without thought, but the surprised doubt he saw in Sawheru's eyes prompted him to slow, to consider… To realize himself what he said. The weight behind the truth. "…no one."

"Oh…" That, was all Sawheru seemed capable of, but really, what was there to say? It was a strange truth, but true nonetheless, and where Atem lived that reality, it was new to his brother- Likely a new concept all together.

And one he apparently still did not comprehend properly, for Sawheru stumbled into another checking question. "-do you not, like… women?"

Atem's eyes widened for the unexpected, almost refreshingly direct question, and answered with a simple "No, I don't."

"Oh, so then you're- I-" One moment the boy was easing into a revelation, the next his cheeks burned again and his words caught, stumbling for clarity. "I mean, I know that some people do feel that way. I even knew some priests, back in the temple…"

"-what do you mean?"

Sawheru tripped into silence as Atem stared at him, striving to piece together his meaning- But it wasn't difficult, and the boy's further ramblings only solidified his own presumption into fact. "Well they would, well- Devote themselves, to each other. And, if you are like that, if you like men-"

"I don't."

Sawheru snapped his mouth shut, a new wave of surprise crashing over him as they stared at one another. "…huh?"

What did it say, Atem pondered, that where Sawheru had been shocked before, disbelieving, he looked truly lost at that claim?

Atem could not let himself think on it. He simply answered, mind and expression a blank fog. "I don't like men either, Sawheru."

He watched the confusion process in his brother's eyes, turn and twist in on itself without outlet or satisfaction, all without any real thought or feeling of his own- Save an impulse to watch every twitch in the boy's face as he gathered his wits enough to speak… Or at least stumble and trip forward. "…you, you don't like anyone? I- I mean, I don't… You do know I don't mean emotionally, right? I just mean… There's no one that's even attractive to y-"

"No," Atem cut in, telling himself he did so simply to get to the point. He, did not, need to hear… It does not matter. He swiveled his gaze back to the trees in the courtyard. "I've never, felt like that, about anyone."

Silence followed, and with it rose the growing certainty that he should not have voiced such things. They were truths he had long kept to himself- Since he was barely of age, and realized that he never felt whatever it was that prompted people to stare at each other like they sometimes did- With the look his brother gave that servant girl, or the focus Sawheru turned on those dancers. Atem had observed the same looks from countless souls around him, even been the object of some of those looks, but… He had never known the sensation behind it. Never felt the longing he heard of in songs and tales.

It had been an easy enough secret to keep, and yet, when he had sensed it may come between him and Sawheru- After all of their efforts to understand one another? It just burst out into the open.

That didn't make it the right move, however, and when Sawheru finally mumbled "I, didn't know that was, possible…" all Atem could do was lift his shoulders and wave a hand, vague and sliding in the motion.

"Such as it is." He wanted to forget it- To move on. There was nothing to gain from this, and when Atem dared eye Sawheru directly, saw the hanging doubt in his face, he strove to dismiss the subject. "It does not matter."

"But, you aren't concerned about it? That you don't, want…"

"It is not required. As long as I fulfill my duties when Father finds me a bride – or brides - that is all I need do." He was healthy enough, that he knew. It might be… awkward, and any marriage he formed would undoubtedly be one of obligation, not passion. But that was no danger to crown or country.

"Then, you don't plan to ever, take a lover-" The word burst new splash of color across the young prince's face, and despite himself, Atem felt a smile twitch at his lips. "You aren't interested in doing that?"

-it really was a wonder, how Sawheru's clear discomfort in asking acted as a balm against Atem's reluctance to answer. No, if anything, he felt like the boy had earned some honesty with his courage. "I do wonder what the appeal is at times, and if I might discover it if I actively sought it myself," He allowed… But the ghost of a smirk at his lips died away, his manner left somber once more as he added, "But it would be foolish to risk such a thing for something as trivial as simple curiosity."

"…risk?"

They stared at one another for a breath, mutually searching the other's thoughts, until Atem nodded, shifting into a more comfortable position on his seat as he asked, "Have you ever heard tell of Simut? Our first brother?"

It was clear at a glance that the answer was no, for beneath Sawheru's confusion of what that had to do anything lay another layer, of wonder for the name. "…no. I thought Khamet, the son of Father's sister-wife Iset, was our eldest brother. Wasn't he the prince who died of a sickness before we were born, along with the others?"

"Yes," Atem confirmed, frowning a breath for the tragedy he had not been alive to witness, but certainly knew of. He saw the impact of it anytime those lost family members were mentioned in his father's hearing. The king had lost not only his heir Khamet in that plague, but two daughters – Takhat, Khamet's sister-wife, and Ahset, Akhenamkhanen's only remaining child by his own favorite wife, Meritamen… And with them went all three of the royal grandchildren. The heirs of the next generation.

The old pharaoh, then wifeless but secure in his dynasty, lost every remaining member of his family in a single stroke.

It was said that many thought he would disappear into his grief, and Akhenaden would have to take the throne in the end… But then, their mother appeared.

But that was neither here nor there.

"Khamet was always the heir," Atem went on, "but he was not the first born. There was another brother before him. Siamun told me of him… Simut was born to a merchant's daughter Father fell in love with, just after he came of age." Sawheru's eyes widened in surprise, and really, Atem could not blame him. It had been a shock to him, too, hearing that their grand, ever-suffering father, had done something so impulsive and passionate at their age. The very idea was surreal…

But, the young Akhenamkhanen's story was one of caution, not daring, and Atem frowned as he went on. "But our father's father, King Ramose, worried that a child of common blood could never hold the throne… Not when the throne was so shaken by the wars. So he had Simut and his mother sent away, and pushed Father to devote himself to Iset."

It was clear this turn in the tale did not please Sawheru, but the name quickly distracted him into scrunching his brow, as he visibly tried to recall- "Khamet's mother… She was Father's first wife, right? The one who murdered Father's sons by their younger sister, Meritamen?"

"Yes." That was its own tale, though… For Father took Meritamen to wife the instant he ascended the throne, some ten years after Simut's birth. All knew that the young Princess Meritamen had been reserved for some political alliance of King Ramose's making, but Father kept her to himself. And the Great Royal Wife Iset grew jealous, feared her son Khamet would be set aside in favor of any boys Meritamen bore… So she killed them in the cradle, and covered the poisonings as infant sicknesses. When the truth finally came out with the death of the fourth babe, Father had her executed.

And then Meritamen died anyway, some months later in child bed.

Just like their mother.

So much blood spilt… And so much by those who should have loved each other- All over these feelings Atem did not understand, and to secure a crown that weighed on Father like a millstone.

"-what happened to him?" The question pulled Atem out of his daze, and he blinked questioningly at Sawheru until the younger clarified. "Simut."

"Ah… I don't know." He shook his head, as much to banish his distraction as to answer. "Long dead, I am sure, or truly lost. Father would have surely brought him back to court if he could have- After his own father died."

"Would he have?" The question was soft, no more than a breath, but the frown didn't lift from Sawheru's face when Atem cocked a brow at him- No, he simply went on and explained, "Perhaps he feared he would be killed, like his other sons."

"…perhaps." He couldn't deny the possibility, after all… Iset was still alive then, and- The court… It was hard to guess what their father might have thought on the matter. Atem knew he must have loved all of his children, as he loved them now, but he also knew the king thought first and foremost of the kingdom- And its needs always had to be weighed against what he wished for his own blood.

The proof of that had come, years ago, when he sent away Sawheru…

Atem had nearly lost his own point in the wanderings of his thoughts, but Sawheru proved that he understood his meaning, even after he himself forgot it. "…and, you don't want to even try to be with someone – at least anybody without rank - because you're afraid to father a child like Simut- A son from a woman you can't make a queen." Atem met his brother's eye again, saw the awareness there… And a compassion that he would have never thought to look for. "Do you really think Father would send your son away, for being common-born?"

"…no." Or, at least he hoped so- But with nothing likely to come to counter the claim, Atem chose to believe it. Still, he shook his head. "But I do think our grandfather may have been right, in a sense." Sawheru jolted, looked ready to sit upright in his shock and protest, but the elder raised his hand in a staying motion. "A son like that would struggle to hold the throne- And would likely live in fear all his life of a knife in his back- Or at his own family's necks. And a threat to the royal family is a threat to the stability of the kingdom… And I will not chance a child who may suffer, and share that suffering so widely- Not when I can spare that possibility so easily." Father would surely settle on a wife for him in time, after all, and those offspring would hopefully never face such dark possibilities. At least, not because of something Atem recklessly caused himself.

And, he could see his brother understood that… But still Sawheru stared at him, and the concern sparking in his eyes prompted a reassuring smile to rise naturally to Atem's face. "Do not worry, Sawheru. I do not mind- I truly do not wish for anyone in that way, remember? So it is no loss." The faltering in the boy's distress gave Atem the confidence to even chuckle lightly as he rested his arms back on his legs. "If it were only that, I would simply choose my partner with a mind to avoid children."

"But-" Sawheru tried, only to stumble for his words- The combination of embarrassment and doubt flashing across his face sobering Atem's humor as he stared back at him expectantly. "Should- Should I not-"

…Atem, slowly, smiled- Understanding rising with a dash of regret that he quickly sought to fix. "If you feel such needs, Sawheru, then you should not ignore them- At least, not as long as you trust the person, whoever he or she may be." There was perhaps a split second delay, and then the younger boy's uncertainty cracked under a reaction that left him stiff, staring with no discernible emotion beyond shock- But Atem did not stall long enough to scrutinize it, or question. "And I cannot imagine Father minding. If you wish for that sort of company, that is your right- Though you may find it a struggle, as long as we're focused on solving the Pendant's puzzle, and are limited to the court." Even the servants that served them directly couldn't be put above suspicion, for bribery and spying were ever a threat to their privacy. Even that very conversation was not truly confidential- The chance to speak softly to one another with only a guard or two within speaking distance was simply the closest thing they could hope for.

But, if the boy could find someone? He should be free to. Sawheru did not need to worry for the succession as fervently as Atem did, after all. Even if something happened to him, the drama of having to hand the crown to Sawheru would likely mask any concern over his chosen mate or children…. At least, for a time. And the slight gamble did not come with the same certain risk Atem faced.

Still, Sawheru continued to look troubled, even after he nodded weakly and laid back again, frowning at the painted ceiling. And Atem left him to his thoughts, speaking only to check again if he would like water to be sent for- And falling silent when his brother refused once more.

No, it was only natural that the boy would have a lot to think about, between what had happened to him at the banquet, and the things Atem told him. And he must be exhausted, after having those drugs purged from him so violently… Deciding how to conduct himself with potential bedmates likely ranked rather low on his priority list at that moment.

And yet, when Sawheru finally chanced a glance at him again, and spoke? "-but, you do not need intimate company? Of any sort?"

Atem, could only stare at him for a breath. Had he not already covered this? But before he could say so, Sawheru beat him to it with a weak shake of his head. "I know, you do not feel attracted to anyone, but I noticed- Even if you are friends with others here, no one has come to pass the time with you. Not outside of court business or studying or…"

The boy trailed off, and Atem- He couldn't think of what to say. That wasn't what he had expected to hear at all, and the sudden shift of the ground beneath him knocked him off balance.

Friends? He had friends. What, did-

Sawheru's expression slowly darkened, however, and when he asked "Is it, because I am here? Am I keeping you from others?" Atem knew he had to speak- Whatever might come out.

"-no." He shifted again on his stool- Only to rise, and shift to his feet instead… Coming to sit impulsively at the foot of the bed, near Sawheru's legs as he frowned at the wall. "Mahaad used to travel with me when I was younger, and Mana with us. And they are both still precious to me, but there is little chance for us to be together now, and Mahaad is-" He, ran out of words, not knowing how to voice that particularly distance.

Movement on the bed prompted him to look at his brother again, and he found Sawheru sitting up on his elbows, the better to look at Atem in his new position. His stare should have been unnerving- But instead Atem only felt an urge to lift the weight he saw in those violet eyes, however he might. "-I suppose Siamun may be free to travel with me soon, now that he has passed on the Key." He had theorized that much, at least.

But Sawheru remained unsatisfied. "But that's not the same, is it?"

…the same as what? Having a lover? Of course not- But Sawheru had already expanded to the idea of all emotional ties, so what was his point? "I know I can confide in any of them, if need be. I trust them, and they are there. …I do not see what this has to do with lovers or wives."

And he wondered if Sawheru himself understood what he meant, but clearly the boy was trying to make himself clear- Make some point. So Atem listened as he visibly, and verbally struggled to make it. "I just meant… Lovers, or close friends? They're both supposed to be people you can, be yourself with, right? Who won't just support you, but who you can be… Forthright with. Sincere. Someone you can share your fears with, and desires-" Sawheru had twisted his fingers into the fabric of the plain shendyt that he had been stripped to when he was put to bed, but the boy did not shy away from his own words. He stared directly at him as he spoke, all timidity lost to his earnestness. "Just… Someone, you don't have to be strong for all of the time, who you can show your heart to? Know that they will always support you without condition? Never have to worry what they will think of you…?"

Atem… he had long lost the ability to do anything but stare, breath caught, at the boy as he suggested such things. Sawheru was talking about, someone he could be vulnerable with. That was exactly the sort of thing he had been told never to be- Doubts were to be denied, not shared. Fears controlled and channeled, not voiced or vented. Even affections and desires should be tempered by necessity and a circumspect outlook. He had to think, at all times, how he came off to others- What sort of example he was setting.

And so, it was only natural that he answered, "No, I do not have someone like that." And he should not have someone like that. Even if it were a wife, his entire role in life was tied up in how he related to others- As a leader. Even the king, the one person he could directly look up to, rather than be an example to, needed to see that Atem was a son he could trust to preserve his legacy. He needed to know that Atem would not drop the burden he would pass to him. A leader could not be vulnerable to those who needed his guidance.

It was simple, a point of fact, and Atem actively repeated it to himself, striving to press away the wonder that he felt at Sawheru's suggestions-

"-you could with me."

-Atem's thoughts, stopped.

He had been looking at his brother the whole time, with a stiff, guarded expression, so he could not deny the speaker. He also could not mistake the words, for Sawheru had said them steadily, staring directly at him, nothing but the simple sincerity of his offer in his gaze.

That didn't mean Atem had the words to reply, dazed as he was, and the silence stretched on until the younger boy's certainty wavered, and he fell quickly back into quiet ramblings. "I mean, I don't want you to feel alone, like you can't talk to anyone at all- And helping each other is what I am here for, and, I want to know you, so…"

It wasn't that the older prince spoke, or motioned for him to stop. But, slowly the boy's anxiety faded away, and a quiet, uncertain smile formed on his face… To match the one that had sparked on Atem's own.

He knew the very concept was flawed, could prove a slippery slope, or might not last depending on what became of them both, after they mastered the Pendant, but… Atem could not hide the fact that he understood- That, the thought, vague as it was, contrary as it was, appealed to him.

His confidence quietly restored, Sawheru went on, shrugging slightly with that curl still at his lips. "I just, wanted you to know… You can tell me anything, no matter what. I really don't mind." Something flickered in his gaze, and Atem's stomach clenched as he flashed back to just earlier, to Sawheru's shock when Atem told him, about himself. There was no proof that that was what Sawheru referred to right then, but- "And I'll help you however I can- Tell you what I think."

"…I see…" Atem finally managed, words short but a strange dizzy, light, tired feeling swam through his head and flowed through his voice. It was like standing up too fast, that jarring drag up into tentative delight.

He didn't know how to accept Sawheru's declaration. He still wasn't certain he should, but- He settled on the fact that, at least, he would like to…

Sawheru didn't seem to mind his silence, though. His grin was strained from the exhaustion he had long pressed back, but it was still there. Genuine. "Though, I can't promise much insight when it comes to palace intrigues… Obviously."

The reference to what had happened earlier- It should have disturbed the mood, but instead Atem could only smirk with a sniff, shaking his head. "No… You have something far better than skill at gossip or scheming. You have sense. The heart to care and the mind to consider what to do about it." He had seen that much from that first night at Karnak. No… Sawheru had been like that all along, hadn't he?

-the younger prince's smile did not grow, but it took on a new light, Sawheru's eyes shot through with a sharp exhilaration, a happiness tinged in pained relief.

It was sudden, and took Atem's breath away… But he recovered quickly as he watched the look soften, freeing him enough to reach back and grasp Sawheru's leg in a gentle hold, before patting it lightly. "Lie back down, you should be resting."

Sawheru bent his head, nodding mutely before he shifted to lie back on the bed, going still within a heartbeat as he obediently shut his eyes.

All things considered, Atem probably could have left at that point. Sawheru was clearly well enough, and he felt no more worry for his health. He could try to find the priests, and see if their search had turned up any leads on the servant girl or the culprit- Or if they were still blind to the hand that had sought to hurt them.

Instead he lingered in the room for a long time in a soft, almost thoughtless haze, perched on the edge of the bed as he watched the boy's profile… Completely mute and still, save for one point, not long after the sleeper closed his eyes, when he muttered "…thank you, Sawheru."

He did not reply, but for some time, Atem was convinced he had seen his lips quirk in a smile.

Ancient Egyptian Terms
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Original Egyptian Incarnations
Sawheru – Yuugi
Melinia – Mai
Shukura – Shizuka
Kasiya – Jounouchi
Hondo – Honda
Azizi – Anzu
Userhet – ?
Priest of Ptah – ?
Priest of Montu – ?

Summoners & Spirits Seen
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