Sunday,
May 25th, 2014
"No! It's Sunday, we have to go!"
"You're sick. Cat will understand."
"I'm totally fine, Tori."
Tori pushed out an irritated breath, then pressed her lips together and looked away from the sick woman. She almost rolled her eyes when loud coughs spilled out of Jade's mouth but stopped herself by taking in a deep breath. Yeah. So much for being totally fine. "Jade, I'm telling you-"
"You know, you don't have to go if you don't want to. I'll go by myself then."
This time Tori couldn't stop her eyes from rolling. "Don't be ridiculous."
"I'm not being ridiculous," Jade huffed after clearing her throat. "I'm feeling better, so let's just go."
"Why are you so intent on going?" Tori shook her head as Jade left the living room without another word and followed her into the bedroom, where she began to rip out clothes from her closet. "Jade, I'm talking to you."
"I'm not talking to you though, Tori," she snapped sharply, turning to glare at the brunette who really had no idea how to deal with her right now. Tori's teeth took a hold of her lip, her eyes dropping to the floor. A sigh was heard. "Look. I just want to go. I feel better today so there's no reason for me to cancel. Got it?"
This time, it was Tori's turn to stay quiet. Her eyes lifted timidly when quiet footsteps made their way over to her, meeting Jade's blue ones very hesitantly. The two women stared at each other for a moment before Tori gave in with a small sigh. "I got it. If you're sure…"
With a nod, Jade turned away from her and dedicated her clothes her full attention again.
…
Tori bit the inside of her cheek and looked to the side when a string of vicious coughs tumbled out of Jade's mouth, the woman trying to muffle them into the inside of her elbow. "Sorry," she croaked out after her coughs subsided and Tori turned back toward her, lips pressed together.
Robbie cracked a smile at the sick woman sitting across from him. "No problem."
It took all of Tori's effort not to grab Jade right then and there, bundle her up in her jacket and take her home this instant. She bit her tongue, refraining herself from proposing even the thought of getting her home, when Cat stuck her head into the room, brown eyes settling on Tori. "Hey Tori, could you help me with something?"
"Yeah, sure."
Some weird sort of relief came over Tori as she got up from her seat on the sofa, leaving Jade alone with Robbie. At least she didn't have to witness Jade coughing out her soul, without being able to utter a single word because she knew exactly that Jade would just get mad again. So she gladly began to cut carrots when Cat asked her to, her attention focusing on the blade piercing through the orange vegetable and being careful not to get her cast dirty.
"She's pretty sick, huh?" Cat jutted her thumb in the direction of the living room, her eyebrows raised. Tori sighed, nodded her head and kept cutting carrots. "Yeah. I've been telling her to stay home but she refused to listen."
"Hm. Well, you can't tell Jade what to do, it's like talking to a wall." Cat giggled and shook her head. "That's just the way she is."
"I'm not complaining about that, I mean… I like that she's not doing anything she doesn't want but… she's pretty sick and I'm worried."
"Don't be. She's a tough cookie. When we were in high school Jade got through a protracted pneumonia. A little flu won't bring her down that easily."
She knew Cat's words were meant to soothe her worries but somehow knowing that Jade had pneumonia in the past only unsettled her more. What if this cough wasn't just the flu but something serious? What if she made a mistake by not dragging her to a doctor yesterday? But Aiden had said that it was just a fever and maybe she was a little too overprotective and maybe she really should cut Jade some slack. If she wasn't feeling better until Wednesday, then Tori would most definitely get her to see a doctor.
"How is it going with you and Jade?"
Forgetting her worry for a moment, a smile made its way onto the brunette's lips. "It's actually going pretty great," she said softly, hand stilling and eyes looking down at the table. "I mean, I don't really know what I expected but it's… different. She's so different in a relationship. Affectionate and… softer, somehow."
Cat smiled and kept her attention on stirring the soup. "Yeah. Amelia used to say that, too."
At the mention of her girlfriend's ex-fiancée her smile dropped. Completely setting the knife down, she slowly nodded her head. "Right…" At the start of their relationship, hell, even before then, Tori had known that the deceased blonde woman would always be a part in Jade's life, and therefore also in hers. It had been okay for her, it still was okay. They talked about Amelia, occasionally, and Tori actually really liked to hear Jade's stories about her and their life together. It made her envious sometimes, to hear about Jade and Lia's young love. She wished she had experienced a love like they had when she had been in high school. But it also made her hopeful that maybe… Jade and she would be just as happy as Jade and Amelia had been.
When Tori's silence stretched on for too long, Cat glanced over at her. "What's wrong?"
It was okay that Amelia was a part of their life. It was okay that Jade still loved her. It was okay that Jade still thought about her. But to some extent… it scared Tori. Her eyes lifted from the table and met Cat's worried ones. For a moment, she hesitated. Should she really tell Cat about her fears? Was that really okay? She's Jade's best friend. Don't bring her into a position where she will probably feel uncomfortable. No, it wasn't okay, she decided. So Tori forced out a smile, stood up from the table and grabbed the chopping board with the small pieces of carrots lying on it, bringing it over to the redhead. "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong," she told her but Cat's worry was unrelenting, her wide brown eyes only leaving Tori when the kitchen door opened.
"Do you need any help?"
Tori bit her lip when she heard Jade's voice, dumping the carrots into the soup when Cat told her that they had everything under control. But instead of hearing the kitchen door open and close again, Tori felt two arms slip around her waist, a warm body pressing into her back. "Do you need any help?" Jade quietly murmured into Tori's ear and Tori couldn't do anything else but smile, leaning back into Jade's embrace.
"I'm good," she mumbled back just as quietly, slightly craning her neck to get a glimpse at the other woman whose eyes closed as she took in a deep breath. She buried her nose in Tori's soft hair, her arms tightening around the brunette.
"Thanks for looking out for me."
"It's no problem."
"I should appreciate you more," she mumbled into brunette hair almost regretfully, "You're just… perfect. You should know that."
With a sigh, Tori turned her head back to look into the soup, beginning to pull away from Jade. "No one is perfect, Jade."
"You are." Jade pulled her back against her body, then gently kissed Tori's neck. For a moment, Tori's heart stopped. This would be the perfect moment. Just three words. Three simple words tumbling out of Jade's mouth at this moment, without the influence of a fever, that was all Tori wanted. But disappointment slowly bubbled up within her with every short second passed and not one syllable left Jade's mouth. Instead, she felt another kiss against her neck, then another briefer one against her cheek before Jade's arms disappeared from around her.
When Tori turned around, she realized that only she and Cat remained in the kitchen, the redhead standing in the far end of the room with her arms loosely crossed and a soft smile on her face. "You're really cute together," she said which caused Tori to blush and smile. "But I know there's something bothering you." The redhead walked closer again until she stood right next to the taller woman. "What's up?"
Again, she hesitated. Again the same thoughts as earlier went through her mind. She's Jade's best friend. But this time, she crumbled. She was her friend too, after all. "It's just that… sometimes I'm scared that she's not really… seeing me. I mean… I would never want to replace Amelia. Her shoes are big ones to fill, I wouldn't even dream of trying to fill them out. But… what if Jade expects that from me? What if… I will disappoint her? I'm just afraid that when she's looking at me… she's not really seeing me. She's seeing Lia."
Cat frowned. "I'm sure she's not. She's seeing you. She fell in love with Tori, not Amelia 2.0."
"Yeah, I know but-" She broke off with a sigh, sinking down on a kitchen chair, her hand rubbing her forehead. She felt stupid for thinking like that but… it was just the way she felt. She couldn't do anything about it, as much as she wanted to. "I- Yesterday… Jade had a really high fever and… she kind of hallucinated. She thought I was Amelia." Tori glanced up at Cat. Her eyebrows were creased together as she sat down on a chair opposite from Tori. "She was telling… "Lia"… that she's in love with me. But that she still loves her too. And I mean, I know she does but… I'm just afraid that I'm not enough for her. That her love for me won't stand a chance in comparison to her love for Lia. Maybe she will… realize that and… and I…"
"She won't." Troubled brown eyes looked up into determined ones. "I know she won't."
"But-"
The kitchen door suddenly burst open and Tori and Cat turned to look at Jade standing in the doorway. Tori smiled at her. "Hey, what's-"
"I want to go home."
"What, but-"
"I think I'm getting a fever," she interrupted Cat, her eyes however, staying locked on Tori's confused ones, "I want to go home."
Cat carefully turned back to Tori, then flicked her gaze back to Jade as neither of the women dared to break eye contact with each other. After what felt like minutes, but in reality were just a couple of seconds, Tori blinked, then sighed and got up from the table. "Okay then."
…
"Jade?" No answer. "Aren't we… getting out?"
The woman in the driver's seat sighed loudly, forcefully ripped the key out of the ignition and jumped out of the car without another word, making Tori flinch at the loud bang that sounded when she slammed the car door shut. In her mind Tori began thinking about every little thing that had happened at Cat's that could have led to Jade's horrible mood but by the time she followed Jade up the stairs and Jade almost ripped the door out of its hinges, she came up with absolutely nothing. Was it something Robbie said or did? Jade's keys flew onto the coffee table with a loud clang as Jade walked into the kitchen area, got a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Tori settled for standing by the door, watching Jade drink before she finally found herself able to pluck up the courage to approach her. "What got you so mad?"
She flinched when Jade forcefully slammed the glass onto the counter, a couple of droplets spilling out. Tori dared to walk closer until she stood on the other side of the counter, right across from Jade. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Did I?" Jade's glittering eyes challenged her to answer her but Tori felt herself being unable to speak. After a couple of seconds of silence, Jade pushed out a deep breath through her nose. "I heard what you said to Cat. That I'm not... seeing you? Really Tori? You think that?"
She didn't answer, only looked down at her shoes which seemed to make Jade only angrier. "Oh, and wouldn't want to forget the part about you not being enough for me, right? God, what the hell is wrong with you? Did I ever give you a reason for thinking like that?"
"No-"
"Did I ever make you feel inferior to Amelia?"
Tori sighed shakily. "No."
"Then what in the world has you thinking that kind of stuff?!"
In a small voice, her eyes lifting from her shoes, Tori said, "Tell me how you feel about me."
Tori swallowed as Jade's eyes narrowed. "What?"
She repeated her previous sentence but all Jade did was stare at her as if she had two heads. A sigh escaped Tori's lips as she turned her head away. "You told me you love me yesterday."
Jade's response was immediate. "I don't remember that."
A scoff left her lips at that and she turned her eyes back on Jade, shaking her head. "And that makes it any less true?"
Blue eyes dropped to the counter. Brown ones filled with tears. The silence was ridiculously loud but neither of them could find the courage to break it. Would words just make everything worse right now? Would they make it better? Both of them weren't sure, both of them didn't want to risk it. But after two minutes, Jade couldn't take it anymore. Her quiet voice sounded. "So what now? Are you breaking up with me?"
"God Jade… I would wait forever for you, don't you understand that? It's just… I know that I don't stand a chance, okay? I know that if Lia would magically come back from the dead you would forget about me in an instant. But I don't care. And call me stupid but that's the way it is. I love you. And I can't… I can't understand why you… why you just can't say it back."
"You turn everything on me now? You know, I'm trying. I'm actually trying very hard. For you. For me. For us. Because I want you, I want us to work. I just…" Jade's hands let go of the counter, her mouth released a long sigh. "I'm sorry that I got mad at you. I'm sorry that I can't… say what you want to hear yet. It's… I just can't. Not yet, Tor."
Tori sniffled and wiped the back of her hand over her eye when Jade started to round the counter and her eyes pleaded with her. "But we've come so far already, don't you think? We're going to manage the last couple of yards too…"
"I'm sure we will," Tori mumbled and although she believed Jade's words, that they were definitely going to manage, she just… couldn't do this right now. Pulling in a shaky breath, Tori looked at Jade with glassy eyes. "I'm a little tired. I think, um… I think I should go home now."
Jade's hand found Tori's. "You can stay here, if you want," she offered softly, but knew it was the wrong thing to say when Tori shook her head. She took a deep breath, her thumb running over Tori's knuckles before she let go of her. "Do you want me to dr-"
"I'll walk. It's fine."
Jade sent her a hesitant nod before she watched her go to the door where she paused and turned her head one more time. "I'll see you tomorrow," she softly said, smiled, and was gone the next second.
A/N: I don't know if the next chapter will be the last one or if there will be another one. I will definitely finish it, I can guarantee you that, even if it takes a little longer.