Chapter Thirty Five
We've Stepped Into A Cruel World

Everybody's waiting
Everybody's watching
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your ey-eyes open

The tricky thing
Is yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers
Just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands and keeps score
~Eyes Open, Taylor Swift

I clung to the strap of my rucksack as I walked into the studio, intimidated by the people already there. They were gathered in small groups, talking and stretching. No one so much as glanced my way as I walked in, and I lingered in the doorway, feeling like a kid.

I had no idea what to do.

I hoped that someone would look up, maybe take pity on me, and help, but no such luck.

Just as I was about to finally ask someone for help, I heard my name called.

"Niamh!"

Dressed in a fitted blazer and matching skirt, Scarlett strode across the studio. She was smiling warmly at me, the first friendly face I'd seen since I dropped Robyn off at playgroup.

"Hi," I said, smiling widely at her. I was so relieved to see someone I knew, and smiling stopped me from flinging my arms around her and hugging her as tightly as I could.

"First day nerves?" she asked sympathetically.

"Just a few."

Her smile widened. "Don't worry, we're a friendly bunch. In fact - " Scarlett looked over her shoulder. "Ronnie!"

A woman who looked scarily like Scarlett broke away from a small group, gracefully crossing the studio and joining us. She smiled at me.

"Niamh, this is Ronnie. Ronnie, this is Niamh, our new recruit. Can you show her the locker room?"

"Sure." Ronnie had a nice, clear voice. "Come with me."

I followed Ronnie out of the studio and down a corridor, which split into two different rooms. Ronnie took me to the one on the left, which had several lockers and some pegs with clothes already hanging on them.

"This is where we come to get changed," Ronnie explained. "You can put your bag in one of the lockers, but no one is going to steal your stuff if you leave it out. Auntie Scarlett will make sure of that."

"Scarlett is your aunt?" I asked.

"Yeah. She was the one who got me into this group." She grimaced. "That sounds so bad."

"Don't worry, the director of my previous group was a family friend. Nepatism gets you everywhere."

Ronnie laughed. "I'll leave you to sort yourself out. You can find your way back alright?"

"I'm sure I will," I promised.

With one last grin, Ronnie practically danced out of the room. I envied her gracefulness.

Jeez, since when did I get so jealous?

Since Nellie's arrival in my life, I'd been degrading myself more and more. I was jealous of practically every woman I met for one reason or another.

Shaking my head, I quickly changed into a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a tank top. I gave my hair a quick brush, tying it back into a tight braid, and then slipped on my dance shoes.

I turned around and found myself face to face with a mirror.

I froze, taken by surprise, but then relaxed.

Taking a step forwards, I looked at my reflection.

I'd always been young looking without my make up, but now I looked postively babyish. I was pale and wide eyed, fearful or what awaited me outside this locker room. I'd lost weight from all the stress I'd been through, so I was skinnier than ever.

My gaze went down my chest, my lips curving down.

I had a little girl's chest. No, a little boy's chest.

Scowling, I turned my back on the mirror and strode out of the locker room.

Ronnie called me over when I walked into the studio, quickly introducing me to her friends. They were all very nice, smiling warmly and asking questions and giving me advice, but I still didn't feel confident.

We didn't talk for long; Scarlett called for everyone's attention.

The first thing we did was warm up. This included a lot of jumping, running and stretching.

Then we moved onto learning a new dance routine, which was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

The dances at Tim's theatre group had been rather easy and basic; they were quick to learn and easy to remember.

This, however, was completely different.

I found myself struggling to keep up, puzzled by the moves. I was out of time, messing up again and again.

"Ah!"

I bit my lip to stop myself from swearing as I clutched my ankle, tears of pain and humiliation springing to my eyes. I'd somehow tripped over, twisting my ankle in the process.

"Are you alright, Niamh?" Scarlett asked me, shooing everyone away as she knelt next to me.

"Yeah," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm fine."

Apparently Scarlett wasn't convinced; the theatre doctor came over to check my ankle.

"A mild sprain," he told me. "You ought to sit down."

"Or go home," Scarlett said.

"But - "

"There's no way you can do anything with a sprained ankle. You'll just make it worse."

My cheeks burned as Scarlett and the doctor helped me stand up; I could feel people staring at me. They watched me as I hobbled outside.

"Can you drive?" Scarlett asked me.

"Yep."

"Rest up a couple of days, alright? We can try again next week."

Scarlett waved me off as I drove away, wincing at the pain that shot through my ankle. I just hoped it would be alright by the time I went to pick up Robyn.

I hobbled up the stairs to my new apartment, unlocking the door and stumbling inside.

I fell onto my sofa, curling up and shutting my eyes.

Humiliation rolled over me like a tidal wave; I had made a complete fool of myself on my first day.

It was like secondary school all over again.

A few tears trickled down my cheeks, and I didn't wipe them away. Instead, I buried my face into a cushion.

I was an idiot.

I should've just stayed at home.

If I stayed at home, I'd be with people I knew and loved. I would be with Sweeney.

Moaning, I curled myself into a tighter ball, lifting the cushion and pulling it over my head.

Maybe I could just smother myself to death.

I had no idea that this theatre troupe would be so different from Tim's. This one was far more demanding and strenuous; people were there because they wanted to be on stage, not because it was a bit of fun or a hobby. They were totally serious about it.

And I thought I was until today.

"I'm an idiot," I muttered.

Not my best chapter but still . . .

Anyway, thank you xXFivexMinutesxToxMidnightXx , babyvfan and Sylverfire-Lilithe-Todd for reviewing!