Chapter 35 TNB

"No!" He shouted and moved forward as Lexi gasped and tearfully asked Damon why.

Damon was so calm, so collected and causal about it as she fell to a heap, dead. He began to shake and looked at him, ashen faced as Damon brushed himself down as though she had been nothing. His heart clenched and he felt bile rise in his throat. This was the Damon he'd read about – the evil one who had set out to destroy his brother's life. They'd talked about that time and it wasn't as if this side of Damon's past was new to him, but still, seeing it played out before him…how could Damon be the same person? How could his Damon whisper such words of love to him but be capable of this? Lexi was his best friend – Stefan Salvatore's best friend. How could Damon do it? If he could do it to his own brother, whom Stefan knew he had loved – it had been so evident during their whole relationship how much Damon loved his brother, it had caused them endless problems and heartache and yet…

He ran from the door and slammed it behind him as he felt on the verge of tears.

"Damon. Damon." He choked and he heard Iman talking again.

"Keep going Stefan." She advised and he choked again. "Do you want to stop?"

"No." He whispered and saw himself standing in the hallway again.

He turned and locked the door he'd just come away from. He didn't know how to feel about it but he knew he certainly didn't want to remember it. Let it remain a page on the journals he'd read. Damon would explain it later, he knew Damon would be able to explain.

He soldiered on, through rooms filled with wars, love affairs, more ripper horror and then he saw Damon again. He leant against the door, terrified of seeing more horror when he realised Damon was dying. He was near death and dressed in old fashioned clothes. He moved forwards and sat nearby as he watched him curiously. Was Damon human? Stefan Salvatore appeared, drunk and covered in blood and Stefan stood up and backed away. Why did he want to watch? He was supposed to be going in, checking and then locking the door. Why was he staying to watch some of these?

He watched in surprise at his other self trying to coax and force Damon into becoming a vampire. How much more like his lover, this human Damon seemed. It oddly made him feel better, until his other self forced him to become a demon and he growled. Stefan Salvatore ruins things again. Damon had been innocent, human and dying and he'd forced him! He moved with his teeth barred when he realised they were unaware of him completely and he couldn't touch them. He watched as Damon slowly became the monster version. He left the room saddened and angry and locked it behind him. That memory was between the two of them and he didn't want it. For a ghost of a second he pondered on it though. He'd felt it – the brotherhood between them. He thought when he'd seen it, it would make him afraid and resistant but instead he felt awed.

He and Damon had something special, but clearly Damon and his brother had shared something very different but equally powerful. If only he could have both feelings without it ruining their future together.

He moved towards a room which had a red door. The door itself seemed to glow almost as though it was alive and he regarded it carefully for a few seconds. He opened it and stepped inside.

This was Damon's room.

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"God dammit Bonnie!" Damon growled as they raced his car towards Stefan's apartment. "Why the hell didn't you call me this afternoon?!"

"You have no phone remember?" She shouted back at him and he gripped the steering wheel tight.

"What the hell is he thinking?!"

"He wants to keep you, that's what he's thinking! He thinks this is the solution."

Damon shook his head, tortured as she looked over at him. He was sweating and slamming his hands down on the steering wheel as he growled agitated.

"What'll happen if he does this?" He looked over at her and she swallowed.

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on Bonnie! You're supposed to be a goddamn witch so witch it up!" He snapped and she gritted her teeth and exhaled.

"He's messing with his brain, it's chemistry. If he's not careful about what he tries to block he could block things that make him who he is now, or he might erase everything, or…"

"Or?" He butt in.

"Or he might remember everything too."

"What?" He frowned.

"The mind is a complex thing Damon. Your brain finds ways of overcoming your subconscious barriers – that's what it's started doing and it will continue. The only thing that would stop your brain doing that is brain damage."

He gaped at her in horror.

"He'd heal." He almost vomited at the thought of Stefan's precious brain being damaged in any way.

"Not if there's magical involvement. Even you guys are affected by that." She pointed out and he looked to the road again full of intention as he hammered the speed even more to the limit.

Within 3 minutes they were there and he blurred from the car before she even had her seat belt off.

"Damon no!" She shouted, quickly trying to run after him as he disappeared inside. "If you stop it, it might be worse!" She shouted, knowing he'd hear her.

She ran inside and up the stairs, hearing commotion as she reached the top and moved inside. Damon was screaming and on the floor holding his head as Iman held her hand out towards him. She looked to Bonnie and raised her hand too, but Bonnie opened her bag and held up her grimoire. The witch looked at her in surprise and lowered her hands as Damon groaned and collapsed in a heap.

"Who are you?"

"Bonnie Bennett." Bonnie held her chin up proudly and the witch almost gaped.

"A Bennett witch? I thought they were all gone."

"I was the last one." Bonnie said with authority and Iman gave a brief nod. "What kind of spell are you doing?" She flicked her eyes over to the form of Stefan who looked like he was hypnotised.

"He's sealing off the doors in his mind and I am binding them with his blood and energy from both lives."

"Doors? Is there a thread between the ones he's closing?" Bonnie frowned and Damon got to his knees and looked over to Stefan.

"Thread?" Iman raised an eyebrow and Bonnie felt her anxiety levels increase by 100%.

"Most memories are threaded together like a tapestry. You can't just cut out some without the others connected to them unravelling. How much has he done?" She asked urgently.

"He made the choice to close the ones he did." Iman said simply and Bonnie clenched her jaw and sat down, opening her grimoire.

"You will help me undo this before his whole mind collapses." She commanded and Iman flared her nostrils indignantly.

Damon gathered himself and moved to Stefan, pulling him into his lap as he stroked the hair from his face.

"You're the brother." Iman said, watching him and he scowled at her.

"I'm his partner."

"And his brother. You should really have left him alone. His desperation to maintain your relationship drove him to this." She commented and Bonnie cleared her throat in command for Iman to sit with her and look over the grimoire.

Damon swallowed hard and looked down at Stefan's face again.

"Stefan?" He whispered.

"He's in his mind, awaiting my instructions." Iman interrupted.

"Wake him."

"I don't think he will heed me. His intent was clear." She advised.

"Stefan don't do this." He whispered. "Don't change who you are."

He placed a small kiss on his lips and closed his eyes tight whilst Bonnie tried to figure out how to put the spell in reverse.

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Stefan had watched Damon kill his friends, steal his girlfriend, beat and torture him. He'd seen the depths of a depraved and evil soul. He sat shivering, unable to move as more of it played out before him. Where was his gentle, loving Damon who had such a big heart? The Damon who'd saved him, rescued him and cared for him. Suddenly Ripper Stefan wasn't the only villain in here.

"Stefan…don't change who you are." He heard Damon's voice and reflexively held himself.

That voice, spoken in such rage and hatred in this room. How could it sound so full of love at the same time? Was it all just a game? Was Damon some kind of sociopath? Did he really feel emotions? Maybe Stefan offering a clean slate had spurred on his ability to feel, or maybe he was capable of flipping backwards and forwards. Damon had a bite to his manner sometimes. He was sharp witted and clever. He could manipulate when he wanted to and now that he'd seen it, Stefan Salvatore didn't seem like such an asshole anymore. He was still a sorry excuse for a man, but at least he was understandable now.

Stefan couldn't relate to either of these men. Both Salvatore's had done monstrous things and hurt people, especially each other. Maybe neither of them deserved to be remembered. He stood up resolutely. He'd lock this door forever and the old Damon would die with the old Stefan. There was symmetry to that idea. Close the door on both of these people and let all of the shit they'd done to each other disappear into the void while he and his Damon – the one who would never hurt him and would love him like he had been, could really start fresh.

He exited the room and closed the door, taking a deep breath.

"Stefan." Bonnie's voice. "Stefan don't lock any more doors, do you understand?"

He paused, confused and waited, the lock on the door in front of him pulsing red now too. This door was alive.

"We have to reverse the spell or it could harm your brain." She added and he held tight.

No, he didn't want to reverse anything! He'd seen so much horror and if he didn't finish the spell then he'd remember all of this in full Technicolor. What he had seen today was bad enough without actually remembering it. He was still an outsider to the emotions involved in these memories so it was easier for him to be objective when locking them away, but if he remembered them happening to him…he couldn't take feeling like that.

He shook his head and reached for the lock on the door.

"Stefan, you need to wake up and come back to us. Damon is here."

No. He had to be strong. He had to get through this. He had to seal Stefan and Damon Salvatore off forever.

"No. Got to get rid of bad Damon." He said out loud.

"Stefan no!" Damon shouted.

He twisted the lock, sealing it off when he felt the door pushed outwards, bulging towards him. He stepped back in fear as lots of voices filled his mind.

Iman was chanting again and it was so noisy he put his hands over his ears.

"Stefan if you lock old Damon away you will erase him!"

"I know!" He shouted, grunting in pain as his head began to throb.

"You'll forget all of him! Everything!" She shouted desperately and Stefan panicked.

If he sealed off the Damon room forever, he'd erase Damon completely from his memory? Everything? Even…even from now? He grabbed the lock on the door, fighting to open it again but it wouldn't move. He started to shout and scream in frustration as the door bulged and grew hot in his hands.

"Damon! Damon!" He screamed now, frantic and teary.

It seemed like everyone was screaming and suddenly the door burst open and threw him with such force that he was propelled back into his body again and flew up from the couch into Damon's embrace as he screamed. Damon held him, sobbing, as he gasped for air and looked around wildly. Bonnie and Iman were searching his face acutely.

"Stefan?" Bonnie asked and he nodded as he put his arms around Damon's weeping form.

He hadn't seen Damon cry like this before. He rubbed his back soothingly to calm him down, even though he himself was wound up so tight he felt claustrophobic at their presence.

"Do you know who I am?" Bonnie asked and he felt his body grow fuzzy. "Stefan?"

"I…" He mumbled, swaying a little as he tried to focus and Damon pulled back in fear and held him as he passed out.

"Stefan! Stefan?" Damon cried out and cradled his head as he spoke to him. "What's happening?!" Damon shouted at the women and Bonnie stood up and touched Stefan's face lightly.

"Did you reverse it?" Damon asked her, staring at her wide eyed and she sighed and looked to Iman.

Of course. Bonnie couldn't reverse it. She wasn't a witch anymore. She'd been making Iman reverse it. So had she?

"I tried. We will have to wait and see when he wakes up." Iman said and Damon lay Stefan's head against his shoulder and embraced him.

"This is my fault." He croaked and Iman rose to collect her things.

She stepped over to them and placed her hand on Stefan's head as Damon watched her expression.

"You should have let us continue. Under my guidance he would have been ok." She said and Bonnie crossed her arms.

"It's not your job to mess with the natural order. That's not our job. You didn't account for his memories being connected together with his current thought processes and it's probably caused his brain to shortcut." Bonnie accused.

"You're how old Bonnie? When you've lived as long as I have and had to fight just to keep yourself alive, from vampires who would use your power as they saw fit, then you might think a little differently about taking what you need from them for a change. I have a family to feed. You'd be surprised how quickly your morals leave you when your children are hungry."

Bonnie was speechless. She blushed, feeling like a child but kept her face straight. No matter what the reasons, interfering with someone's mind with magic was not acceptable. Not when it was how things were supposed to be. Stefan just had to let himself come to terms with the facts about his life. He couldn't run forever.

"I can remove your problem for you." Damon growled, his teeth bared. "You don't have to have anyone to feed if I find your family."

She snorted at his anger and threat and stepped back boldly.

"Control yourself demon. You might have bigger problems than me. Who knows what damage you have done to his brain by forcing the end to this spell. He might not know you when he wakes up. Perhaps that would be the best thing for him."

Damon looked down at Stefan's face worriedly as he lay limp against him. He looked to Bonnie and she sighed and put her face in her hands.

"Bonnie?"

"I don't know Damon. We don't know what he did before we got here." She said sadly and he shook his head in disbelief.

"No." He whispered and pulled Stefan into his arms as he stood and carried him to their bedroom.

He lay him on the bed gently and curled around him, holding him to him so he could see his face.

"I can't lose you both. Not both of you." Damon whispered as tears filled his eyes. "Not both of you." He chanted, rocking their bodies back and forth as he clung to Stefan's body.