Part 7: Babysitter
--
As long as Dean remained calm he knew he could fix this. He just had to stay calm. And. Fix. This. Sanctifying the rest of the grounds still seemed like the best bet, especially since Sam never actually finished the job before things went bad.
Bad. Right. Bad didn't even begin to describe the situation. Dean had two grown men with the mental capacity of five-year-olds in his car. The strange thing had been when both of them went for their usual doors. Maybe there was still some sense memory left. That didn't actually make Dean feel any better about this. A five-year-old Sammy wouldn't have powers and a five-year-old Sasha would have few. But if their bodies remembered otherwise then things could get complicated real fast.
For right now Dean concentrated on keeping an eye on them. And it was a sharp eye too. When about halfway to the motel Sam shifted uncomfortably in the front seat only to reach back and pull out the piece that had been tucked securely into his jeans Dean immediately snatched it away.
"Easy rule, Sammy. What is it?" Dean said, slipping the gun under his seat.
Sam's eyes were bugged out from having found the gun at all. "Never play with guns," he replied, a trained response John had taught him early since there was always a chance the youngest Winchester might find one.
"That's right," Dean nodded. He glanced up at Sasha in the rearview mirror. "I'm gonna need yours too, pal," he said. Dean wasn't oblivious to how his speech patterns were changing as he talked to them. It just came so natural to talk that way when he saw their wide wobbly eyes. It took the puppy look to a whole new level.
Sasha's was in true form too, his head slightly lowered and his body hunched like he wanted to curl into a ball and hide. He reached to the back of his jeans hesitantly and found a gun just as Sam had. His hands shook when he passed it up to Dean.
"Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of you guys," Dean said reassuringly, turning his head back to Sasha just long enough to smile and then placing Sasha's gun under his seat with Sam's, "We just…we just gotta figure this out. We'll have to move to another motel too. The one we're at now knows you guys as…well, normal. Safer to find a new one."
"M-Motel…?" Sasha's uncharacteristically soft voice stuttered from the back seat.
Dean glanced up at the mirror again and caught Sasha's frightened expression. This was a five-year-old incubus he was dealing with. There was a whole other world of anxieties Sasha was facing that Sam wasn't. It made Dean's stomach turn to think that Sasha was caught somewhere between really trusting him and fearing him.
Thinking quickly of a way to comfort the redhead, Dean reached across to flip Sam's visor down where there was a small mirror.
"Hey, take a look at yourselves, huh," Dean said, nodding up at the rearview mirror for Sasha to look too. They both obeyed, curiosity getting the better of them most likely, and stared at their unfamiliar reflections. Sam touched his whole face, pushing fingertips into his cheeks like the whole thing had to be a mask.
"I look like Dad too," Sam grinned. Family resemblance was definitely helping Sam in the trust department, but Dean had to go a step further for Sasha.
"You look more like Dad than me, I think," Dean smiled back at his brother. He looked up to catch Sasha then, who was still gauging the image of himself in the mirror and touching his face like Sam had. Dean already had his phone out and was covertly searching through pictures. When he found the one he wanted he passed it over to Sam first. "Check that out," he said.
Sam was at first awed by the phone itself, this being 2008 not 1988. Then his whole face lit up as his eyes fell upon the picture. "It's us!" he cried happily, and without Dean having to prompt him he passed the phone back to Sasha.
Those same shaky hands accepted the phone and while Sasha's eyes did widen it wasn't a look of excitement like Sam was still wearing. It was pure wonder. "That's me…" he said, touching a finger to the screen. It was a picture Dean had taken during his birthday before the trouble started. It was at an awkward angle since Dean had simply stretched his arm out to fit them all into it. All three of them were visible though, Sasha in the middle with an arm around both brothers. They were smiling.
"See," Dean said, "Friends. I'm not going to hurt you," he said to Sasha's reflection. Bright, watery blue eyes looked up at him. "I'm not going to do anything to you but try and get your brains back to the age of your bodies. Shit," Dean said suddenly. He'd almost run a red light for one. He'd also just remembered something. "You guys got any knives on you? Any other weapons? Give yourselves a pat down. I don't want you cutting yourselves."
The response from the others was equally confused and shocked stares. Dean was pulling into the motel finally. He had passed another one on the way that would do well enough for them to move to.
"What?" Dean pressed, since they were both just looking at him.
It was Sam who replied with a whispered, "You swore."
God damn it. Dean tried not to grit his teeth. He had to remind himself that he was in the company of little kids; he had to be as patient and kind as possible. "Sorry, Sammy. I'll try not to do that," he said evenly, "Now can you two pat yourselves down?" Dean pulled into a spot in the motel's lot and shifted into PARK, but when he looked at the others again they were still staring at him. "Here. Like this," Dean said, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning towards Sam. He placed the flat of his palms on Sam's chest and gave two firm pats. "You just pat down your body like this and see if you feel anything under your clothes that isn't…you."
Dean basically did Sam's pat down for him then, from Sam's chest, down his stomach, and then down his legs too. Sam squirmed the whole time as if it tickled.
"Actually," Dean said, opening Sam's jacket and reaching into one of his pockets. Sam usually kept extra weapons in more accessible places and indeed Dean pulled out a fairly good sized knife.
Sam gaped.
"Don't worry, Sammy. You know I'd never let anything happen to you, right?" Dean opened the glove box and quickly stored Sam's knife in there.
"I know, Dean. You're my brother," Sam said in a small voice. When Dean looked at him though, Sam's smile was wide and blinding, filled with the pure, untainted love of a child. Dean had forgotten how Sam used to look at him like that. These days those looks came with a helping of sorrow, desperation, and sometimes even pity, and it marred them more than Dean could stand.
There was a sudden tinny thud from behind them. Dean turned to look back and saw that Sasha was shaking, staring at the knife he must have just found and then dropped between the seats.
Dean immediately reached to pick the knife up, looking on sympathetically at what was so clearly the little boy in his backseat. Sasha just looked so scared. Dean hated to see fear on the face of someone he knew was usually so strong.
"Careful. Careful, it's okay," Dean said slow and steady to Sasha, "I think this one's iron so you gotta watch out."
Those too blue eyes stretched wide and Sasha gathered his feet up onto the seat, trying to hug himself into a ball. His body was too large for him to really do it though and he just looked so desperately sad.
"It's okay," Dean said again, quickly disposing of Sasha's knife in the glove box next to Sam's. When Dean turned back to Sasha, however, there were tears filling the incubus' eyes and he was shaking harder. "Sasha…" Dean tried, reaching for one of Sasha's knees.
The redhead flinched back and pressed himself against the door. "I wanna go home…" he said pitifully, his tears breaking like a dam finally and falling freely.
"It's okay, Sasha," only it was Sam speaking this time not Dean, "Dean's a good big brother. He can help. You don't hafta be scared. We're friends in the picture, 'member?"
Dean had a sudden flash from his childhood when he and Sammy had snuck off to a town fair. They went on a ride together that went up real high and Dean had gotten scared. Waiting out the rest of the ride little Sammy spent the whole time rubbing Dean's arm and saying, "It's okay, Dean. Don't cry. It's not scary."
That same soothing voice accompanied by Sam's dimpled smile seemed to work on Sasha too. The incubus stared at Dean's phone that was lying next to him in the backseat. It was still open, still displaying that same picture. Sasha reached out for it with trembling fingers and looked at the image again. "We're…friends," he said softly, touching the screen of Dean's phone, "But I'm an incubus," only the word came out sounding more like 'inky-bus' and Dean tried not to laugh, "You don't…you don't c-care?"
Reaching back farther so that this time he succeeded when he grabbed hold of one of Sasha's knees, Dean forced his eyes to look as soft and kind as he could. "Not even a little, pal. In fact, I think it's kinda cool," Dean admitted with a smirk, "Never been a doubt you're a good guy. That's all that matters. Friends mean that's all that matters."
This time Sasha relaxed under Dean's touch instead of shrinking away. He nodded meekly and tried to smile back at Dean, still so obviously timid. "Okay. Dean. S-Sam. No need…to be scared." Sasha nodded again as if he was convincing himself.
"No need to be scared at all," Dean affirmed, "Or any need to be all quiet, either. Hard to believe even a five-year-old incubus would ever be shy."
A blush spread across Sasha's cheeks. He uncurled and placed his feet on the floor of the Impala again, allowing Dean's hand to move to the top of his thigh where it patted a few times supportively. "My aunt says…she says I-I'll…grow out of it."
Dean couldn't help smirking at that. "You do. Believe me."
"Dean?" interjected Sam.
Pulling his hand back from Sasha's thigh, Dean turned to his brother.
"What's an incubus?"
Crap. "Uhh…look. Let's just get through closing things out at the motel first. We can talk more when we get to the new one. I just need to settle the bill. You guys stay here." Dean was about to turn off the engine but considering how cold it was in late January in Maine, he decided to leave the car running.
One thing Dean couldn't have been more grateful for was that they had gotten into the habit of keeping their things mostly packed and taking everything with them if all of them were going to be gone from their current hotel at one time. The need for quick getaways was too great. They'd learned that the hard way.
This place was small and unique in that it hadn't made them pay up front. Dean would have been fine with ditching the bill completely if they weren't going to be staying in town for what he hoped was only a few days more than originally planned.
"You're leaving us?" Sasha asked in a small, breathy voice, frightened all over again.
"Just for a couple minutes. Can't risk taking you in with me and having to answer questions. The next place will be different. I just gotta pay. Now I normally wouldn't think it was a good idea to leave two five-year-olds alone in a car for even one minute, but you guys are gonna behave for me, right?"
Sasha and Sam looked too nervous to do anything but nod.
"Good. And you don't have to worry about anyone trying to kidnap you. Anyone looks in here you know what they're gonna find?" Dean asked, not really expecting an answer, "Two rough-looking guys, that's what. No one can tell you're kids. Just give me five minutes. Look at the rest of the pictures on my phone. You just press the button there," Dean reached back and showed Sasha how, who still had the phone clutched in his hand, "You guys can get to know each other. You don't have to tell Sam what an incubus is if you don't want to," he added to Sasha.
In an instant Sam had on the most ridiculous pout.
"You already know, you just don't remember," Dean said in exasperation, "And the last thing I need right now is for you two to freak out on each other."
Now Sam looked even more curious and maybe a little worried.
Dean sighed. He smiled at Sasha quickly before turning his attention back on Sam. "Think of it as a big secret that nobody knows but us. You can't tell anyone. Normally, you know what an incubus is and you're fine with it, but it'll be different…harder for you to understand at this age. If he does tell you…" Dean flicked his eyes to Sasha again who just looked sort of frozen, "Just…just remember it doesn't change that he's our friend. Five minutes," Dean reminded them and got out of the car.
To be honest Dean didn't care how well-behaved they might be or that passerbys would see them as adults; he did not want to leave them alone. Therefore, he made quick work of settling the bill for their one night stay and hurried back to the car.
Dean breathed relief as soon as he could see them. Sam had climbed into the back with Sasha and they were chatting excitedly while looking at the pictures on Dean's phone. Well, Sam was chatting excitedly. Sasha was smiling and saying things occasionally, but he still had his head slightly bowed.
As soon as Dean could go back to the Animus house, he would sanctify the grounds, read the incantation, and everything would be…
Dean stopped dead in his tracks only a few feet from the car. The journal. Dad's journal. It had flown out of Sam's hands. Dean never dug it out of the wreckage, if it was even still in tact. He couldn't sanctify anything without that incantation. Dean had wanted to avoid calling Bobby on this one but now he might have no choice. Bobby had to have a sanctifying spell in his library somewhere.
Wiping a hand over his face, Dean tried not to think about it right now. He wouldn't be able to go back to the Animus house until at the earliest nightfall. Until then he would just have to put up with the rugrats. At least they were getting along.
"All set," Dean said as he slid into the driver's seat. He glanced into the back and saw that Sam and Sasha both had curious looks on their faces while staring at the phone. He couldn't see what picture they were looking at. "What's up?" he said.
Sam's brow furrowed and he took the phone from Sasha. "These pictures are weird, Dean. What's this one?" Sam turned the phone around and it held it out towards Dean's face.
Shit. Dean really should have remembered those pictures were still on there. He immediately snatched the phone out of Sam's hand. "They're, uhh…nothing important. Just goofing around. You guys ready to go?" Dean shifted into REVERSE to get out of the parking spot and deposited his phone back into his jacket pocket.
Those pictures were far from nothing. They were from right after leaving the Roadhouse when they went to Texas. While investigating for demons, Dean and Sasha had both gotten caught at a crime scene when the cops showed up for a final once-over. They had been on opposite floors, keeping in contact on their cell phones. Sam wasn't with them, having gone to the coroner's office. When the cops came, Sasha and Dean bolted into different closets to wait them out. They had immediately turned their phones to silent and started texting.
After a period of nothing from the redhead with Dean getting more and more bored waiting for the cops to clear out, a new picture message had suddenly vibrated in Dean's pocket. He looked and saw that it was a close-up of Sasha's grin. Dean had almost laughed aloud when he saw it. Then another picture came, this next one of Sasha's collarbone. The pictures continued to pour in, a minute or so apart, and Dean started to notice how each one was lower and lower down Sasha's body. Finally there was a picture of Sasha's pelvic tattoo, the incubus having rolled his shirt up so that he could hold the phone and still have a free hand to tug down his jeans a little. It was low enough for there to even be a tiny bit of bright red hair visible.
And of course that was the picture the five-year-olds found. Dean was just happy they hadn't gotten to the next one. That would have been awkward. Any further past that wouldn't have been much better, because they would have found the picture of Dean and Sasha kissing that Jo forwarded to him. Dean just didn't think he had it in him to explain to a couple kids the details of all that, even if Sasha was an incubus and probably knew more about that stuff than little Sammy.
Sam put on his seatbelt and stayed in the back with Sasha. Sasha put his seatbelt back on too. At least Dean had what were probably the best behaved five-year-olds in existence. "Okay, now when we get to the new motel," Dean said, "Just follow my lead."
--
The new motel was a lot like the first one actually. Small, cozy, family run. Only this place was smart enough that they did require payment up front. Dean had left all of their things in the car to be brought in after they acquired a room, but this time he had brought the 'kids' inside with him. He knew that in some situations it was better to be completely up front about things to avoid questions later. Dean didn't say anything specific about his companions to the demurely pretty clerk at the front desk, he just let Sam and Sasha be themselves and waited for her to comment.
"Your car's really cool, Dean," Sasha said in that strangely soft voice he had with his childlike mentality. He was peering out the window at the Impala while Dean waited for the clerk to grab them the keys to their room. Dean had obviously only gotten one.
"That's not Dean's car," Sam spoke up immediately. He was sitting in a chair in the small lobby, stretching out his long legs and lifting them off the ground like they were the coolest thing ever. "It's our Dad's. Right, Dean?"
Dean felt a stab of pain strike his chest. There were just so many things he took for granted that Sam knew, when in actuality there was no end to all the painful, horrible things this version of Sammy didn't know. "It's my car now, buddy," Dean said, making sure he talked as though talking to children, and not just for Sam and Sasha's sake, "Dad got himself a big black monster of a truck. You'd love it." Dean had no intention of telling Sammy that Dad was dead.
"Cool!" Sam exclaimed.
"Here are your keys, Mr. Crawford," the clerk said with a sweet smile, handing three sets of keys over to Dean. Dean had made sure to choose a card that still referred to him as 'Dean' but luckily even five-year-old Sam knew not to ask questions if the last name didn't fit.
The clerk was actually kind of cute in that schoolgirl, bookish, shy sort of way. Dean liked to think he had a place in his heart for all types of women. Well, he used to. This particular girl looked a year or two out of college, had a short blonde pixie cut with a slight curl, and had very pretty blue-green eyes. She was tall too. Dean couldn't help tossing her his signature grin and instead of a simple blush, the girl's whole face went red. She looked immediately embarrassed by it too.
"You know," she said, probably to change the subject and distract Dean from her reddened face—which he actually thought made her look even cuter, "It's really sweet that you take care of them. Your brother and…is he a friend, I guess? Seems like this must be a special outing for you guys. Do they usually live in a home?"
Dean returned the clerk's smile. He knew she would immediately think that Sam and Sasha were 'special' in some way, and judging by most rules of tact he knew she wouldn't actually ask what was 'wrong' with them. "I look after them now," he said, which was the best way he could explain things without lying, "And yeah, we're on a bit of trip. They're actually angels so it's not as hard as you might think."
"Dean!" Sam said, suddenly up on his feet and right next to Dean, standing on tip-toe to tower over his older brother even though it was hardly necessary, "Look how much taller I am! I'm taller than you! I bet I'm taller than Dad too!" He sounded so excited about that, probably because he was such a little shrimp when he was a little kid.
"Yeah, buddy, you're an oak tree," Dean said with a light chuckle.
"Dean…" came Sasha's voice then, also close but on Dean's other side. Sasha accompanied his words with the most adorable tug on the edge of Dean's coat. He still had that slouch about him that said he was bashful. "Can we have something to eat? I'm hungry."
"Me too!" Sam said immediately, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Dean supposed he couldn't expect both of them to be shy and quietly contained. He remembered well how spastic Sam had been at times.
"Yeah, sure," Dean said, "We didn't get breakfast." It was still early, only eight o'clock since they had gone to the Animus house before dawn. Dean turned back to look at the clerk, who was smiling so genuinely at both Sam and Sasha. "Excuse me, uhh…" Dean pointed to her with a sharp, playful finger.
She blushed again. "Umm…Ula. My parents are big Mel Brooks fans."
"The Producers," Dean said with a happy nod. His first instinct was to grin, remembering how he and Sam and Sasha had just watched that together. Last night. Before this damn mess and now they were five years old and everything was fucked. Dean had to fight to keep his grin in place as that washed over him. "Hey, when ya got it, right?" Dean said with a wink, "I don't suppose you have room service or anything here."
"Oh, sure. I can send something up after you. The kitchen opened at seven so you're fine. What would you like?"
Dean turned to Sam and grabbed his brother's arm before the younger Winchester could start rattling off every sweet thing his stunted brain could think of. "Why don't we go with pancakes and eggs and keep it simple. That okay, guys?" Dean asked, giving Sam a look that said 'don't be difficult' and then looking to Sasha too.
Sasha nodded right away, smiling subtly. Sam looked like he wanted to add to that list of food but one look at Dean's stern expression and he crumbled. "That's good," Sam said, "Thank you," he smiled to Ula.
Ula beamed back at them all. "Three orders then. Would you rather pay now or just add that to a tab for later?"
Dean opened his mouth to say 'tab' but Sam beat him to it. "Can I pay!" he said, so damn loud too—as always from what Dean remembered, "I found my wallet. I have money. Can I pay, Dean?"
Paying for food or lodging was never that big of a deal between them. When it was something they both needed and did together, it never really mattered who dished out the cash or credit card. Dean figured adult Sam wouldn't mind finding some cash missing. Breakfast couldn't be all that expensive anyway.
Sam had already taken his wallet out and was leafing through bills. Dean leaned over and pointed to a twenty.
"Bet one of those should cover it, right?" Dean said, winking at Ula again.
"Of course."
Sam was grinning so wide his dimples looked like they hurt. He passed the twenty to Ula, she rang them up, and then handed Sam back his change. With slightly awkward fingers Sam squished the few bills back into the wallet but then he stared at the change in his hand and said, "What do I do with these? They don't go in a wallet."
"That's what pockets are for, dork," Dean said affectionately. He could almost enjoy himself with this if he didn't feel so anxious. He kept his eyes on the prize, on knowing that he could fix this and that when everything was back to normal he would have more things to tease both of them about than ever before.
Sam pocketed the change and grinned at Ula again. "Do we have to wait long for the food?"
"Sam," Dean said chidingly. Huh. He didn't know he could sound chiding.
"Oh, not long," Ula said, hardly offended, "I'm sure I'll have it up to you by the time you finish bringing in your things. I'll go back right now and make sure it gets started, okay?"
Sam's expression was blinding again, literally like looking into the sun. He never looked that happy anymore. Maybe no one did. It was a whole other world for children. Growing up didn't allow for much purity in bliss and Dean was pretty sure he hated that.
Before they headed out the door to grab their things, Ula turned to Sasha, who she seemed to be able to tell was shy, and said, "I really like your hair. What's your name again?"
"Sasha," the incubus answered quietly.
"Well, Sasha, I can tell you have really nice friends. Were you guys out hiking early this morning? That must have been fun. Maine's usually so blustery about this time, but you lucked out with a nice, sunny day today."
A confused look took over Sasha's face. Luckily, Dean jumped in before either 'kid' could say anything incriminating. "Yeah, thought we'd get an early start before checking in. Guess we're still a little dirty." Dean made a point of dusting off Sasha's leather coat, to which the redhead seemed a little startled but allowed it. Dean had managed to wipe both of their faces off a little, but they were all a little smudged and dirty yet, what with Dean being thrown out of the house and Sam and Sasha ending up under tons of rubble.
"I'll have your breakfast up in a jiffy!" Ula called after them. That made Dean smile. Jiffy. He liked Ula. The last thing they needed was a not so understanding hotel clerk, and she was anything but that.
Sam and Sasha both helped bring in their things, seemingly enjoying how much stronger they both were than recent memory served them. Dean left several things in the trunk though, like the guitar and Sam's laptop. Dean took Sasha's laptop for himself, knowing he might need it and figuring he'd be able to get away with borrowing the redhead's more than he would borrowing Sam's.
Breakfast didn't need to be brought up actually; their room was just down the hall from the lobby on the main floor. Dean was fine with that. There were so many things he had to be more conscientious of now that he was babysitting. They got their things situated and Dean set up Sasha's laptop on the table. The others ogled it—laptops weren't big in 1988 either, of course—but Dean explained very firmly that it was expensive and very important and that they were not allowed to touch it unless he was there to watch them.
After they were settled, Sasha sat down on the edge of one of the beds, looking rather out of place, and Sam suddenly jumped up in front of Dean. "Dean?" he asked, sounding almost as unsure of himself as Sasha did lately.
"Yeah, pal, what is it?"
Sam leaned real close to Dean's ear, like he was sharing the deepest secret, and said, "I gotta go potty."
There wasn't enough alcohol or patience in the world. "So go," Dean said, "You're toilet trained. You know what you're doing. It's right over there." Dean pointed to the bathroom. The door was open so it was obvious what the little room was.
"I can go alone?" Sam asked. And then Dean remembered. Sam hadn't been allowed to do pretty much anything alone when he was that young.
Dean allowed the frustration to slip from his face. "Yeah, dude, you can go alone," he said more tenderly, "It's good that you asked me. I gotta keep an eye on you guys."
Sam nodded and started immediately for the bathroom.
Like a watchful mother, Dean called after him, "And wash your hands!"
Then Dean was alone with Sasha and he took small comfort in that. At least it was quieter. Of course Dean's main priority had to be making sure that Sasha was okay. Half the time Dean still worried he might say or do something to make his friend bolt. That would be a disaster.
Right. As if this wasn't one already.
"How you doing, bab—" Dean literally bit his tongue, "Buddy," he amended, hoping Sasha hadn't noticed his slip, "You holding up okay? I know this is weird, but you're not having any doubts about trusting us anymore, are you? Sammy didn't scare you in the car or anything?" Dean grinned as he crouched down in front of Sasha rather than joining him on the bed.
"No," Sasha said, forever with that small voice. His eyes were downcast too, just barely peaking up at Dean. "It's just…I-I'm not…I'm not u-used to…" Sasha scowled at his inability to say what he wanted. Finally, he gave a very large child-like huff, leaned forward off the bed to get closer to Dean, and said, "You feel really loud."
Dean blinked. "I feel really…" Then he got it and he couldn't help grinning as he realized what Sasha meant. "My emotions," Dean reiterated, "You're not used to being able to feel them from people as strong as you can now. Right?"
Sasha nodded.
"Well, I'm sorry for being loud," Dean said with a smile, "I kinda do everything loud. Bet Sammy's not much better, huh? But you gotta know then with what you can feel from us how much we care about you. We couldn't fake that."
Again, Sasha nodded. Which was why Dean didn't really understand why the incubus was still being so timid. If it was just a matter of Sasha being shy, Dean might be able to let it go, but he got the feeling it was more than that.
"There something else?" Dean pressed, soft of voice to make Sasha feel more comfortable.
Another nod, but Sasha didn't immediately say anything. The incubus actually looked close to embarrassed, and when he finally spoke again his voice was so soft and quiet that Dean had to strain to catch what Sasha said. "I can…see them on you. The…pheromones." Just as 'incubus' had come out sounding kind of funny, 'pheromones' sounded more like 'fair-moans'. Dean couldn't even begin to think about laughing this time though.
His assumption had definitely been correct; Sam and Sasha's bodies still contained all the same abilities, it was just their minds that had been stunted. Dean tried to remain calm after knowing that. "Right," he said slowly, "And you…know what that means?" Dean wasn't sure if he really wanted an answer to that.
Not surprisingly, Sasha nodded. His eyes looked so big and wide, perfectly reflecting the child inside of him. "You're not…mad?" Sasha questioned.
Okay, that wasn't where Dean expected the conversation to go. "Mad?"
"Aren't you mad that I-I'm…feeding from you?"
God. Dean just wanted to hug the poor kid. Had Sasha always been this insecure? Apparently so, seeing as how he was only five right now. "Sasha, I couldn't be mad about that. It's not like you're sneaking into my bed while I'm sleeping. It's…it's a mutual decision."
Sasha tilted his head.
"It means we both know about it and we're both okay with it. We…both want it," Dean said, feeling sort of weird discussing this with someone mentally so young. But then Sasha was an incubus, so of course he knew some of this stuff already. It was part of his very makeup, even if he wouldn't need to feed from sex until he was sixteen. Dean had a pretty good idea that Sasha probably didn't know all of the details involved in sex yet anyway. Still he reassured his friend by saying, "You don't have to worry. You're, uhh…pretty freshly fed. Just a couple days ago. You won't need to even think about it. I'll have you back to normal long before that."
At last, Sasha looked relieved and soothed enough that Dean saw the incubus' shoulders relax. He smiled and it was much realer than any Dean had seen so far. "Okay, Dean. Thank you. You're really nice."
Dean felt a chuckle build at the irony of that. Usually—even though it was mostly meant jokingly—Sasha was calling him a jerk or an asshole. "Thanks. But, uhh…would you mind keeping this whole pheromone, you're feeding from me thing a secret from Sammy? I don't think he'd understand. Seems you didn't tell him what an incubus is anyway, right?"
Sasha sat up straighter. "No. I told him. You said it was okay."
Hearing Sasha sound all worried again made Dean speak up quickly. "I did. I did say it was okay. You're not in trouble," Dean assured him, placing both hands on Sasha's knees since he was still crouched in front of the bed, "Just, umm…what exactly did you tell him?"
"Well…I said that an incubus," sounding like 'inky-bus' again, "is just like a human but…we're stronger, and we can fly, and some other stuff too. But even though some people think we're scary, we're not. We just need to be around people coz we feed off how they feel. Like food. Only I need real food too." Sasha nodded, his eyes far away like he was checking his memory to be sure that was everything. "Yeah," he said, "That's all. Was…that okay?"
That was a mouthful. Dean had started to doubt that Sasha could talk that much as a five-year-old. He knew better now. "That was fine," Dean said with a smile, squeezing Sasha's knees, "And…what did Sammy say to all that?"
"He just said he thought that sounded real cool, and that he wants to see me fly sometime. I said I wasn't sure I could show him coz I'm too young to do a glamour, but my body seems to know, I guess. I just don't wanna change and not be able to change back. Oh!" Sasha exclaimed suddenly, as if just remembering something, "And he asked what a hunter is, but I didn't tell him coz you didn't say I could, so we just looked at your pictures."
And another mouthful. Dean chuckled a little, partially because he couldn't help it and also because he knew it would make Sasha feel more at ease. "Good job," Dean said, reaching up with one hand to smooth back Sasha's hair, "That's perfect. I'll take the burden of explaining the hunter bit. Later. Did it once before. Course Sammy was a little older…"
Sammy. Where was Sammy? He had been in the bathroom for a long time now.
"Hang on a sec," Dean told Sasha, and then he got up and walked over to the bathroom. He knocked a couple times before calling out, "Sammy! What you doing in there! Food's gonna be here soon!"
But even as Dean said all that it started to dawn on him what Sam was almost certainly preoccupied with in the bathroom. There were definitely some differences between a five-year-old body and a twenty-five-year-old one. Dean grimaced. He suddenly really didn't want Sam to answer honestly.
"Never mind!" he called quickly, "Just…just hurry it up, okay!"
The bathroom door opened and there was Sam, blinking at Dean innocently. "I'm done," he said before stepping out, "I was just—"
"I haven't even heard it yet and it's too much information," Dean broke in, a hand held up like a stop sign to make sure Sam didn't speak further, "Just, uhh…keep some things to yourself, okay?"
There was a knock at the main door before Sam could say anything in response. Sam and amazingly even Sasha both bounced excitedly at the prospect of food. Dean shoved Sam in Sasha's direction so he could answer the door in peace and avoid the food being instantly snatched from Ula's hands.
"I got it," he said firmly to the others. Dean answered the door and the smell of pancakes and eggs hit him full in the face, startling him with how hungry he really was now that food was right in front of him. He smiled warmly at Ula. "You're a lifesaver. These guys were about to cannibalize me if they didn't get food quick."
Ula's smile was bright in response and she seemed to have gotten a better handle on blushing around Dean. Only her cheeks were red this time. "I would have been here a little sooner," she said, wheeling in a very old fashioned-looking cart with three covered plates. The whole thing was a little more vintage than the simple motel. "But," Ula said, grabbing a basket from underneath, "I thought you boys might like a few things to do if you get bored." The basket looked like it had coloring books, crayons, maybe a small board game, and a couple DVDs.
Dean could tell that Ula was a little nervous about her offering since it was all so obviously for little kids and she didn't want to offend anyone. "You're awesome," Dean said assuredly, and then leaned in close to whisper, "Think of them like…five-year-olds. This'll be perfect. Okay, guys!" Dean said loudly after pulling away, "Breakfast first then you can go for the basket."
It would be good to have them distracted while Dean sorted things out. He'd have to listen to the police scanner and check for when the Animus House was clear. He also needed to ask Bobby for that sanctifying spell. Getting the journal back would have to stay low on the priorities list for now.
Somehow, Dean managed to get Sam and Sasha to sit at the table instead of them attacking the cart. Ula helped him set out the food and placed the basket on one of the beds. She kept casting Dean timid glances and smiles. Normally, Dean would have eaten the whole thing up, but the womanizing Winchester was half of a couple now and happy for it. Ula was cute though and sweet so Dean didn't want to be standoffish. He decided to be politely sneaky instead.
When Ula's back was turned, Dean slipped the silver ring off his right ring finger and moved it to his left. He made a point of using his hands a lot more after that and he saw the moment Ula noticed. There was brief disappointment but Dean knew this would be easier on her than him fumbling for explanations or lies.
By the time everything was set, Ula was beaming brightly again. "You boys enjoy, and let me know if you need anything, okay?" she said to Sam and Sasha. They both had mouthfuls of pancake and said 'thank you' around their food like good little boys.
Dean walked Ula to the door. She wheeled the cart out but before leaving she gave Dean one more bashful glance and shrugged.
"You're a sweetheart," she said, "I hope whoever wears the other half to that knows how lucky they are." A nod indicated Dean's ring.
Dean found her use of a gender neutral 'they' miraculously fitting. He looked at his ring. He had had it for years; it wasn't from Sasha—and whoa would that be crazy if it was. Dean smirked anyway. "Yeah, well…no doubt there," he said.
Ula's smile broadened. "They weren't lying, you know. When they said all the good ones are either taken or gay. I learned that one the hard way," she sighed, "Again, let me know if you need anything," and she took off down the hall.
Dean was positive he didn't want to know how she had learned that lesson the hard way.
--
"No, Bobby, course not. I know where it is. Just not…easily accessible right now."
Dean had decided to leave out certain bits of the truth when telling Bobby what was going on. Like pretty much everything. They had put Bobby through too much lately to worry him over something Dean knew he could handle on his own. The police were still combing the remains of the Animus House but eventually it would be fair game. They wouldn't haul the debris away tonight. Dean doubted that would even matter.
"Just read it off to me and I'll copy it down," Dean said into the phone. He covered the mouthpiece then and whispered to the pair on one of the beds. They were laughing loudly while watching Shrek—after being amazed by the new technology of a DVD of course. "Hey, guys. Keep it down, will ya? I'm on the phone."
Sam and Sasha laughed again, but in more hushed tones. They really were better behaved than average. Dean listened more carefully than he ever had as he jotted down the sanctifying spell. Bobby said it was the same one from their Dad's journal even, since John had gotten it from Bobby originally.
Dean thanked Bobby profusely before hanging up and when Bobby asked how Sam and Sasha were doing he just said, "Well they certainly seem to be enjoying themselves right now. I'll talk to you later, Bobby." Dean felt guilt swirl in his gut when he clicked his phone closed, but he felt too responsible to let anyone else in on this secret right now. As long as the sanctifying worked, it wouldn't matter.
The day wasn't all that bad either. Sam and Sasha watched a couple more movies on and off, actually colored in the coloring books and were very pleased at how their more dexterous hands helped them stay in the lines better. Dean even played the little travel version of Monopoly with them, which of course neither really understood but had plenty of fun with anyway.
Sasha was slowly coming out of his shell and acting more outgoing and boisterous like Sam. Dean allowed himself to enjoy it, seeing both of them so carefree with only the memories of youth. There were still bad memories for both of them at that time—Sasha had lost his parents and Sam had to deal with Dad being gone all the time and no Mom. But this was…almost like a vacation. A vacation from harsher realities.
Dean stuck to room service for lunch and dinner, not wanting to take the others out anywhere. The sunshine hadn't lasted long anyway and it was overcast and snowing now. As long as Dean could keep them distracted and put them to bed early, he knew he could sneak out to the Animus House and solve this.
Of course he didn't think about one other thing.
"But Dean I don' wanna go to bed. I'm all dirty. I need a bath," Sam whined.
When they got to the motel Dean hadn't even changed their clothes. He just didn't want to deal with them naked or anywhere near it. It was too awkward—kids in adult bodies. Way too awkward. But there was definitely no way in hell he was giving either of them a bath. Leave it to Sam to be one of those kids who liked bath time.
Looking at Sasha proved he was the same type too. He was wrinkling his nose at his dusty, dirty clothing. Really, Dean couldn't blame them. He wouldn't have wanted to change into PJs and crawl under clean sheets if he was still dirty. He had planned to wait to shower until he got back from the Animus House.
"Dean," Sam whined again, sounding strangely like normal Sam really. Dean would have to remember that for later teasing purposes.
"Dude, you're an adult. You're not gonna drown in the bath by yourself. If you want to get clean, go do it yourself," Dean said. He was not going to budge on this.
"But, Dean," Sam argued, "I don't wanna be in there alone. Can't you sit in there with me?" Sam's eyes were all puppied-out and he had on that same pout again.
Dean reminded himself that by the time he woke up in the morning this would all be behind him as something to look back on and laugh about. "Sam, no offence, but I am not in the mood to watch you take a bath. Since you're both in the same boat, why don't you have Sasha stay in there with you? Then he can take a bath when you're done and you can stay with him." Dean actually hated that idea for some reason but he knew it wouldn't matter since they were both in the mindset of being five.
"We can take a bath together," Sasha suggested suddenly, completely oblivious to how unbelievable wrong that was.
"No," Dean said firmly, "Besides the fact that there is no way you would both fit in one of those little tubs at the same time, it is not okay for adult guys to bathe together. Unless they're a couple. And you two are not a couple."
Sam stared at Dean with wide eyes and Dean realized that he had just said something very uncharacteristic of the Dean Sammy knew. "Guys can't be a couple, Dean," he said, confident in his preschool logic, "Only a boy and girl can. That's how you make babies. You need a Mommy and Daddy."
Oh how Dean so did not want to get dragged into this discussion. "Sammy…"
"That's not true. Boys can be a couple too," broke in Sasha, sounding more forceful than Dean had yet heard from him, "My friends Eppy and Atty, they have two Dads."
This was too much. Dean didn't want to talk about gay adoption with five-year-olds. But…wait. Adoption? He had never heard anything about incubus/succubus adoption from Sasha. That didn't make any sense. But then…did that mean two of the same kind could…?
Okay, that was a question Dean definitely did not want answered right now.
"Really?" Sam was saying, more inclined to believe Sasha than argue, "I didn't know you could have two Dads. Dean, you and Dad said it had to be a Mommy and a Daddy. Can boys really be a couple too?"
Dean decided to just go with the less painful route. "Yes. Now get in the tub and clean yourselves separately. My stuff's already in there. You can use that."
The puppy eyes blinked at him. "Will you get it ready for me?" Sam asked. At least he had dropped the boy on boy discussion.
"Fine. When you're done I'll run a fresh one for Sasha, okay?"
The bathing part actually went fine, except for when Sam came out of the bathroom to tell Dean he was done while still being completely naked and a little wet. Dean had quickly gathered a towel and finished drying Sam off, avoiding certain areas and trying to tell himself that this was his little brother Sammy, not a very adult Sam. At least Sam was able to dress himself while Dean drained the dirty bath water and got it ready again for Sasha.
Of course Sasha, having the same lacking sense of decency, started stripping while Dean was still in the room. Dean had a very hard time keeping his eyes directed away from the body he usually found so attractive and desirable. Especially when Sasha started running his hand over his pelvic tattoo.
"They're all filled in now," Sasha said with a wide smile. He looked up at Dean, completely oblivious to how Dean was blushing. "Aunt Shi says we're like big cats with spots and stripes. When we're little they don't show up. But when we get big, there they are! I like them. Sam!" he called happily and Sam immediately showed up in the bathroom wearing boxers and a T-shirt, "Aren't my marks cool?"
"Just get in the tub," Dean said quickly, ushering Sasha over to the bathtub, "Standing around naked in front of everyone is for actual five-year-olds. Sam does not need to see your—"
"Cool! There's some on your back too!" Sam declared.
"I wanna see!" Sasha said immediately, spinning around as he unsuccessfully tried to get a look at his back.
"Later!" Dean said maybe a little too harshly, grabbing Sasha by the arms and holding him in place. He could tell right away that he had startled the kid because Sasha's eyes were all big and wobbly like they had been earlier in the day. "Just…get in the tub. And get clean. Sam can stay in here til you're done. This is really disturbing and I just want you both in bed. Okay?"
Sasha nodded meekly. He gingerly lifted his feet over the edge of the tub and lowered himself down into the hot water. Again, Dean really didn't like that Sam would be sitting in here watching his boyfriend bathe, but at least it would be less awkward than if all of them stayed.
Twenty minutes later Dean had both of them in bed. In one bed because neither of them wanted to sleep alone and Dean had said he wouldn't be joining them yet. He figured he could sneak out once they were asleep, handle the Animus House, and be back in less than an hour. He would wake them up then and they would all have a good laugh over everything. Maybe Dean would even find Dad's journal out there somewhere. The police scanner had been silent for some time so he knew the coast was clear.
It didn't take long before Sam and Sasha were asleep, exhausted after hauling around large bodies for the first time, and considering how early they had all gotten up that day.
Dean waited a good half hour to make sure they were both deeply asleep before slipping out. He left by way of the front lobby to check if Ula was still working. Luckily, she was. "Hey," Dean said, leaning on the counter and smiling all kinds of friendly, "I know this is a lot to ask, but I need to take care of something important and I can't take the guys with me. They're asleep and they should be fine, but could you maybe check on them in the next hour? I won't be long. I know it's awful of me to leave them."
Ula looked a little startled by this request but not disapproving. She nodded and returned Dean's smile. "I get off in half an hour. I can check on them then. This errand," she added before Dean could get away, "Is it anything I can help with?"
It amazed Dean sometimes how there were still decent people in the world. "Nah. Just something I didn't get to finish this morning. Thanks though. You're a doll. Really." Dean headed out to the car with one thing on his mind.
This had damn well better work.
--
No cops. The rubble still looked mostly undisturbed. And no late-night walkers or watchers. Dean set to work quickly. He cast holy water over every inch of the debris and foundation, over every damn inch of the grounds, and went through the sanctifying spell several times for good measure.
Like with most cursed spots, Dean felt the relief that flooded away from the remains of the Animus House once the curse was fully broken. It was like a deep, exhaled breath, one Dean had been holding all day too. It gave Dean hope that things were settled and he packed up to return to the hotel.
He had scoured the place for his father's journal while he walked the grounds, but he couldn't find a trace of it, and probably wouldn't until the debris was cleaned away. Dean was fine with staying a few more days to wait that out and would happily dumpster and landfill dive if he had to in order to find the journal eventually. For now he called it a night.
Everything was quiet and peaceful when he returned, slipping inside the room to find Sam and Sasha safe and still asleep, curled in towards each other. It was actually kind of cute, not that Dean would ever tell them that. His gut burned with a little jealousy though. He couldn't help it.
Dean would wake them in a minute. They looked so content. He'd just take a shower first. Then he would think of some really wicked way to rouse them. Grinning to himself as he made way for the bathroom, Dean happily stripped down and took a long, hot, soothing shower. His shoulder was still so damn sore, not made much better by the whole being thrown out of house thing. It was still pretty bruised up and seemed to hurt more now that there wasn't any swelling. Dean was really sleepy when he finally got out of the shower, but he couldn't bring himself to go to bed without waking Sam and Sasha.
Just as he was about to leave, however, he immediately jumped back after opening the bathroom door at the sight of a tall, shadowy figure standing in the darkness. "Jesus, Sammy," Dean said, running a hand through his wet hair. He knew Sam's profile too well to think it was anyone else. "What are you doing? You back to normal?"
Sam didn't respond at first and Dean wondered if something was wrong. He tried to take a step forward to get a better look at Sam's face but suddenly he was being grabbed and forced back into the bathroom. Dean instinctively struggled even if it was Sam, but all the fight fell out of him when he finally caught sight of Sam's eyes.
Yellow. Just like last night. And the night before.
Pushing Dean all the way back into the bathroom Sam then moved very slow and deliberate as he turned around and shut the bathroom door behind them. Dean felt panic rise in his throat, nearly choking him. Had he done something wrong? Did snapping Sam back to adulthood mess with him somehow? Or maybe it didn't matter. Maybe it was too late and every night Sam would be one step closer to being Yellow Eyes completely.
No. No fucking way would Dean allow that. "Sam," he said forcefully, even though he was still pressed back against the sink where Sam had pushed him, "What are you doing? Snap out of it. This isn't you. You're not him. You're Sam, you hear me. You're Sam." Dean tried to take a step forward as Sam came closer, but when Sam didn't stop advancing or say anything in reply, when he just kept coming and reached out towards Dean like he had reached for Sasha last night, it was too much. Dean swung his fist…and punched Sam clean across the jaw.
For a minute everything stopped. Sam's face was turned to the side, hiding his eyes. Dean didn't know what to expect in retaliation. What he certainly didn't expect though was the wide hazel eyes that turned back to him and that were quickly filling with tears and a look of accusation.
"Sammy…?" Dean whispered.
"Dean?" Sam said in that small five-year-old voice, "You…you hit me? It hurts. Why did you hit me? Did I do something bad?"
Fuck. Fuck. Not only were those yellow eyes still coming out to play, but Sam's mind hadn't been released from the curse. It didn't make any sense. The curse had been broken. Dean had felt it. "Sammy, I…I didn't mean to hit you, I…I thought you were someone else. I'm so sorry." Dean went forward and pulled Sam into his arms the way he used to when they were kids. It was a little harder what with all 6' 4" of him now.
Sam seemed to notice that too. "I'm too big," he sniffled, "You can't hold me anymore."
"Sure I can," Dean said right back, hugging Sam tight. He didn't do this with Sam anymore unless the situation was so extreme he had to, like Sam coming back from the dead or Sasha almost dying. "Just coz you're bigger doesn't mean I can't hold you. Still counts if it's like this. Still means I love you, Sammy."
I love you, Dean thought desperately. But I don't know how to help you. I don't know how to fix this. Any of this.
Dean calmed Sam down as best he could and managed to coax him back into bed, but not without Dean following in after him. Sasha had woken up too, all worried of course and also still in the mindset of a five-year-old, and he was just as insistent to have Dean in bed with them.
It was an insult to injury the way it reminded Dean again of The Producers and how they had all crowded in one bed to watch it. Now they were all trying to squeeze in one bed again. It was a mess of long limbs and muscle, but the body heat was kind of nice on a cold winter night. Sam and Sasha snuggled in against Dean—Dean being in the middle—and while it might have been awkward any other time, right now it was just what Dean wanted.
He would protect them. He would always protect them. And god damn it he would find a way to fix this. Fix everything. He would just have to work this case a little harder. There had to be an explanation for why breaking the curse wasn't enough to help those already affected. Dean also couldn't do this alone. He wouldn't call Bobby. He didn't need Bobby. He just needed someone to look out for the rugrats while he figured things out.
As soon as he woke up the next morning, Dean untangled himself from the secure hold Sam and Sasha had on him and grabbed Sasha's cell phone from the incubus' leather jacket. It rang only once before a familiar voice answered.
"Hello, sweetheart," Shiarra said far too chipper, "Everything all right?"
"It's Dean."
Silence. Then, "What happened?"
Dean swallowed thickly and spoke as steady as possible. "I need your help."
tbc...
A/N: So tired...long week...LONG chapter. Damn those cute boys, they just kept DOING things. Anyway, not as easy as Dean was hoping, and Shiarra is back! Woohoo! Had to bring her back eventually. Thoughts on this yet another LONG chapter? You're still all with me right? I have such plans for them...
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