Glazed Feelings
Part 35
Rizzoli and Isles are the property of TNT and Tess Gerritson. I am just borrowing them for a little angst. Ummm, hold on to your hats. This section has an M rating! Please know there will be the beginning of amorous loving in this part. Your humble bard, Deanlu
"What is going on out here?" Jane looked drawn and tired still, but she seemed to be more alert. She was looking at the two women like they had grown horns. Jane could tell Maura had been crying and was still upset. She had woken from a coughing fit. One she was loath to tell Maura about. She noticed it was light out and had a vague remembrance of Maura and Dr. Fontaine putting her to bed. She just couldn't remember why at the moment as her thoughts were muddled. Jane carried her coffee to the table setting it down and then turning to Maura. She ran her hands along Maura's cheeks and bent down kissing her softly on the lips. Maura for her part had heard Dr. Fontaine loud and clear. She responded by deepening the kiss and pulling Jane to her. The doctor walked down to the beach heading toward her cabin. Long minutes later Jane broke the kiss resting her head against Maura's.
"Okay, I'm a little confused right now. Did something happen?" Jane asked raising her head and looking deeply into Maura's eyes. She saw so much racing behind those intelligent orbs. Confusion, pain, anger, hurt, shame, and love were rolling through Maura. It was like the Irish woman was on overload. A few tears fell as Maura nodded. "Hey, if I've done something wrong I'm sorry Maura. I really am." Maura just cried harder at Jane's words finally seeing how fearful Jane was from their separation. Maura pulled Jane back kissing her again and resting their foreheads together.
"No, no. It wasn't something you did. It was something I did, without really considering what consequences my actions would have. Oh Jane, I have been so stupid." Maura cried clinging to Jane who was too bewildered by this turn of events to do anything more than hold Maura.
"Hey, come on. How about we walk on the beach? It will give you time to calm down and talk to me. Okay?" Jane rose not waiting for Maura's answer. She pulled her girlfriend into her side and guided her down the steps to the sandy beach. They walked along snuggled together with Jane laying soft kisses on Maura's cheek and ear. Jane found a nice spot and pulled Maura down in the sand next to her to sit. "Now tell me what is going on?"
"I hadn't… Oh God why is this so hard?" Maura said wringing her hands and looking toward the ocean. Jane reached around Maura's face taking hold of her cheek and turning her girlfriend's face toward her.
"Listen to me, there is nothing you could say that would turn me away from you. Maura, we knew when we agreed to Dr. Fontaine we would have to look at ourselves deep inside. I want to be whole for you. You told me you want to be whole for me. It's time to stop running away from our fears and conquer them. Don't you think?" Maura looked into Jane's dusky, darkened eyes and found hope staring back at her.
"Yes, you're right." Maura closed her eyes for a moment and centered herself. "Please understand this is very hard for me Jane. I feel ashamed, afraid you will leave me, and not sure how to make things right." Jane nodded as Maura waited for her acknowledgement. "I never realized how deeply I hurt you Jane. How truly malicious and vile I had been to you? I embarrassed you in front of your friends, family, and colleagues to make sure you felt shame and hurt as deeply as I hurt." Jane kept an arm around Maura while taking her hands into her free one. She had waited for so long to hear an explanation from Maura that she was shocked it was coming now. "I tossed everything I knew about your loyalty, faithfulness, and love aside for a man I barely knew because I was desperate to have information on my mother. Even more though, to feel like I was wanted and needed from birth, that I was not…." Maura looked out at the ocean now watching the tide roll in and out. She struggled to explain to Jane everything she had tried to keep hidden inside. "...an accident, a freak of nature that was unwanted and unneeded by anyone." Silent tears ran down Maura's face. "I messed up everything in my desperation to have what I wanted, because I have always felt I didn't measure up…Maura, bora…the girl who is only good for a fling, but not good enough to marry…to stay with…for anyone to want to stay with. Oh God Jane, I have always felt you would leave me…that I wasn't capable of having a long term friend, let alone lover…" Maura looked at Jane. "…or a wife. I am so sorry Jane. I am so sorry I betrayed your trust, your belief in me, and your love." Maura looked away not wanting to see the rejection in her lover and fiancée's eyes. Jane was silent for a long time watching the wave's move in and out washing away a layer of sand each time. She wished she could wash away the pain and hurt her and Maura had suffered, but she couldn't. She could only accept that it happened and choose her path now. She had to decide if she wanted to live her life with or without Maura.
"Do you truly love me Maura Isles?" Jane asked softly watching Maura as she turned to face her. Maura nodded watching those intelligent eyes assess her.
"More than anything Jane. I want us to be whole again. I want you to have back what I stole from you." Maura said in a breathless whisper of wonder. Jane looked out at the waves again. Did she really want to risk this type of pain and devastation again? Yes, she had asked Maura to marry her yesterday, but what Maura was saying now would mean she would have to risk her heart she had securely shielded from Maura. It hadn't meant that she wouldn't marry her and love her. She would just have never given all of her just in case this hurt happened again. Jane made up her mind. She rose off the sand and pull Maura up. For her part Maura was extremely confused. Jane looked Maura in the eye seeing the fear hidden just behind a glimmer of hope. Jane leaned forward kissing Maura slowly at first and then deepening it. Her hands drifted under Maura's shirt caressing up her side. "Jane, Jane we need to go back to the house." Maura was quickly losing her sense of reason as Jane branded her with kisses across her face, down her jaw to her neck. Jane stopped momentarily getting a wicked grin across her face. "Jane? Jane what are you thinking…" Maura started backing up slowly. She had seen that face before, before Jane and she had separated. While she was thrilled to see it she knew what it meant.
"I think Maura we need to cool off for now." Maura glanced back at the waves and started shaking her head.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no…" Maura took off running down the beach toward the house. Jane was in hot pursuit though she needed to bring Maura down quickly because she felt several things starting to protest in her healing body at her sudden activity. Jane stopped suddenly, grabbing at her side where the surgery to her lung had been done. Maura had slowed and was turning as Jane collapsed to the sand the tide rushing in to engulf her body. Maura froze in mid step changing her direction toward Jane. "Jane! Jane!" She ran hard pounding into the sand as another wave of water engulfed Jane nearly rolling her over. Maura grabbed for Jane to anchor her before the tide could wash her out. "Jane speak to me, pleaseee…" Maura's please turned into a squeal as Jane surged up from the water on the beach promptly dumping the medical examiner in the water. Jane had her pinned to the sand as the water rushed in around them. Maura looked up into Jane's eyes seeing a wild, tempest storming in her eyes. She knew Jane was about to claim her again completely and wholly hers. The storm broke as Jane leaned down kissing Maura hard and rough. Her lips and hands demanding Maura's surrender. Maura capitulated completely letting Jane stoke this passionate exchange.
"Maura…mine…" Jane's hands roamed all over Maura playing her like a violin each stroke and touch igniting a fire within the medical examiner. Maura opened herself to Jane allowing the cold, hollowness she had felt inside to be burned away by the raging inferno of Jane's love.
"Yes…yours…Jane…please…" Maura's moans and screams echoed across the beach. There was no one to hear as it was too early in the season for tourists and too private for others to come to unless they lived in one of the homes. Most of these remained empty during the week. Maura held nothing back taking and giving to Jane. The feeling of fire from Jane's touch and ice from the water threw Maura's mind into a spin as Jane's assault on her body intensified. The spring skirt Maura had been wearing now road up high as Jane claimed Maura in the Atlantic surf. Deep, strong strokes meant to build Maura's passion and fervor into a blazing conflagration. Maura came exploding from Jane's feral assault in intensity even as Jane came from the passion they both shared. The detective collapsed on top of Maura surrounding her with her essence. Both ladies were gasping for air astonished at the strength of their ardor and the bravery of Jane's public exhibition.
"Jane?" Maura said breathing heavily. Jane pushed herself up with what little strength she had left.
"Yes?" Jane asked trembling from the energy it was taking to keep herself elevated above Maura.
"Take me home and love me again." Maura said looking at Jane with open eyes. Jane looked into Maura finally seeing what had so long been shuttered to her. Jane smiled softly lowering herself back down on Maura and kissing her.
"As you wish." Jane said softly.