A/N. I like this chapter. I really do. It's fun and light and full of laughs for the Marauders. And let's face it - they need a laugh.
A lot of you are waiting for some more Voldemort - but you will be disappointed for this chapter. But NEXT CHAPTER, I PROMISE YOU THERE WILL BE A DARK LORD APPEARANCE. Not this one, though.
I feel like Hermione needs breathers from her life so that she doesn't jump off the room of Grimauld.
Also, next chapter - Horcrux stuff!
AUTHOR FUN FACT: My favorite slash pairing (and if you read Prisoner, you KNOW I love slash pairings) is actually Remus/Sirius. Don't ask my why - something about those two going at it is really hot: FACT.
ENJOY!
...~oOo~...
Chapter Thirty-Seven: Food For Thought
"Hermione, I'm unhappy."
Hermione sighed. This was going to be fun. "Why, Sirius, are you unhappy?"
"I have been to the pub once a week for the past two months with two wonderful people."
Hermione raised an eyebrow at her brother. "And why does that make you unhappy?"
"Because I should be going to the pub with three wonderful people."
Deciding to ignore him from that point on, Hermione looked back down at the book she was reading and turned the page.
"Come to the pub tonight. James and Lily are getting married in only a month and we need to soak up as much time with James as possible beforehand," Sirius said, leaning forward across the table to try and get her attention. They were in the dining room at 12 Grimauld Place and Hermione was trying to enjoy her tea and quiet time - it was the weekend and she'd have to be at Auror training on Monday - but Sirius was making that difficult.
"I'm not going to the pub," Hermione told him firmly. "You know I can't. Remus and I have finally come to an agreement we can live with."
"What a load of bullocks!" Sirius barked. "Remus may be doing a pretty good act of dealing with it, but you're nowhere even near masking it! You're fucking zimbie-ing around the house with your books and coming and going with that same blank, sad expression. Wake up, Hermione! It's time to live again!"
"Sirius, I'm warning you," Hermione said coldly. "Leave me alone."
"Have you even been on a single date since you and Remus decided you weren't going to go in circles anymore?"
"You know I can't date! I'm the mistress of a psychopath!"
Sirius groaned and threw his hands in the air. "Always the same excuses! Just go on a bloody date, for crying out loud! It's not that difficult - you let a bloke buy you dinner and maybe go dancing. It's really effortless, I promise. Now. I heard Fabian Prewett and you chatting at the last Order meeting and I had a drink with him afterwards and I think, maybe if you play your cards right, he could -"
"No! Merlin, no, Sirius!" Hermione shouted, covering her ears. "I'm not going on a date - not with Fabian, not with anyone!"
"Just floo Fabian and invite him to the pub tonight, he's a great guy, I promise -"
"No! No no no!"
"Ack!" Siriurs tossed his head back with frustration. "FINE, YOU BLOODY SECLUSE. Fine! But I swear, Hermione, you will regret not coming to the pub tonight - I promise you that!" He began storming out of the room and Hermione, on a split-second decision, chucked her book at him, the hardcover missing him by three seconds and hitting the wall instead.
Then she hurried over to apologize to the book.
...
Hours later Sirius poked his head into the parlor where Hermione was writing up reports for the Auror program and he said, "This is your last chance to come along!" He was slipping on his favorite leather jacket and buttoning the cuffs.
"Sirius Orion Black, you could threaten to skin my alive and I would still say I wasn't coming to the pub," she told him without looking up from her paperwork. "Anyway, I'm already in my pajamas. It's a done deal."
"Boo-hoo," he mocked. "She's got her blasted jammies on. God for-fucking-bid that she change out of them." Sirius rolled his eyes and left the room, calling out after him, "Have fun being a prudish hermit, love!"
The distinctive sound of the front door slamming shut followed.
Hermione continued signing the bottom of all her reports. She was currently beginning to be a third-party observer in interrogations and investigations at the Auror office. She'd been in the field a few times and seen the handiwork of her fellow Death Eaters. Only a few more months and she and Sirius would be junior Aurors. They would have been sooner, but because of the whole suspect-for-murder thing and the suspension things got a little rocky and they had to repeat a few previous processes.
Then there was a knock on the front door and Hermione reluctantly stood and huffed, knowing it was Sirius - he'd either forgotten something or come back to drag her with him.
But when she opened the door, it wasn't Sirius.
He'd been right, though. Hermione was definitely regretting not going to the pub.
...~oOo~...
The three boys all counted to three and threw back their shots. James and Sirius cringed, but Remus just let out a breath and patted the bar for another.
"Someone's aiming to get bladdered quick tonight," James remarked, raising an eyebrow. "Slow down, Moons! We've got all night!"
"I'm a little edgy," Remus explained. "The full moon is in a few days."
"Ah, indeed," Sirius said with a nod. "The furry little problem comes out to play! Tom, lad! Bring a pint for my friend with the long face! He obviously needs it!"
James took a swig from his own tankard and asked the question he knew Remus was waiting to hear the answer to: "How's Whiskers doing, Pads?"
Remus's ears perked up at that, like a dog on sudden alert and paying attention eagerly.
"Can't say she's been doing too good, Prongsy," Sirius said, shaking his head. "Better, but not great. She's going on a date with Fabian Prewett, though."
Remus tried to sound nonchalant as he asked, "Really?"
"Oh, yeah," Sirius said, nodding his head. "She just has no clue yet. I'm going to talk to him about it at the next meeting. See if he'd be interested in taking her out dancing or drinking, something to loosen her up."
"They better go somewhere Muggle," James said. "Wouldn't want any of her Death Eaters catching sight of her 'cheating' on the boyfriend. We all know how jealous that one is."
All three men shuddered.
"But, hey!" James said, trying to brighten the mood. "At least she had company tonight, right?"
"Indeed!" Sirius said, looking at the clock on the wall. "They should be enjoying themselves by now, don't you think?"
Remus didn't like the look in his friends' eyes. "What did you two do?"
"Oh, nothing," James said with a shark's smile.
"Nothing at all," Sirius joined in, wearing the same smile.
"Whatever you did to Hermione," Remus said, looking at Sirius, "you're going to wish you never had. In case you've forgotten, you live in the same house with her. It wouldn't take much to kill you when you're sleeping."
Sirius's smile vanished. "...Hadn't thought of that," he mumbled.
James clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, mate. If all goes according to plan, she'll be thanking you once the night's over."
"I like living..." Sirius kept mumbling.
James said, "Anyway, a little girls' night won't kill her. It's time that she and Lily -"
Remus's jaw hit the bar. "You sent over Lily? Are you mental?"
...
"Um...Lily," Hermione said slowly as the redhead waltzed right into the house, "at the risk of sounding impolite, what are you doing here?"
The young woman was wearing a simple flower-print frock with a ribbon around her waist, her auburn hair falling around her shoulders, and carried a large bag of what looked like cooking ingrediants, the bag of flour poking out the top.
"Well, you see, Sirius floo'd James -"
"That's all you need to say," Hermione cut her off, her jaw grinding. "I should have known Sirius would pull something like this."
"Actually," Lily said, sounding a little uncomfortable, "Sirius wanted to have one of James's cousins come over - there is an awful lot of them - and I overhead them and volunteered myself."
Hermione sighed. "I know I may seem like a charity case," she said, "but, really, I'm content."
"The motives behind my 'volunteering' were actually sort of selfish," Lily confessed begrudgingly. "You see, I'm supposed to be finding out what kind of cake I want served at the wedding and Dorea and I were supposed to be making some samplers, but she's feeling a bit under the weather, and your kitchen is much nicer than mine, so I was thinking...maybe you could help me?" She held up the back of ingrediants.
Hermione looked back and forth between Lily's awkward smile and the bag of baking things. The brunette let out a long breath and scratched her head, trying to work it all out in her head.
"I'm really an awful baker," Hermione admitted, absently rubbing at her neck.
"Good thing I'm a brilliant one, then," Lily said with a genuine smile then.
It took a long minute, but Hermione said, "Why not? Kitchen's through there." She pointed at archway.
"Wonderful!" Lily enthused with a grin. "Come one, let's make some cake."
About a half hour, each of them were stirring the batter to two separate types of cakes. Hermione was stirring all the clumps out of a chocolate one and Lily's was lemon, the goo of it was a faint yellowish color. Hermione was one of the few people in the world who found the batter tasted better than the actualy baked product, so giving her such a job wasn't the best idea.
"If you keep dipping your fingers in," Lily said with a somwhat taunting tone, "there won't be any for the pan."
Hermione rolled her eyes, but withdrew her hand from the bowl.
It was quiet for another stretch.
"Hermione, I'd like you to be my maid of honor."
Hermione choked on her uvula. "I'm sorry...what?"
"I want you to be my maid of honor," Lily repeated, not a hint of joking in her tone but sounding borderline determined.
"But...why?"
"It's time for us to get over our petty disagreements," Lily said, "and become friends."
"And who made this decision?" Hermione asked, a little bewildered.
"I did," Lily said confidently. "In the past, I admit, I haven't been the most...hospitable..."
Hermione couldn't help but snort. "You can say that again."
"But then again, you've played a part in our animosity too, you know," Lily said, pursing her lips and giving Hermione a sobering look.
"Only after you called me a know-it-all, incestuous slag," Hermione pointed out.
Lily took a deep, calming breath. "You're right. It was my fault."
Hermione didn't say anything, just nodded.
"But...I'm apologizing now," Lily said, lifting her chin. "Which is what matters, right? Better late than never?"
"I guess..." Hermione answered, suspiciously. "But I still don't understand why you want me as your maid of honor."
"It would mean the world to James, he's been wanting us to get along for a very long time and nothing would make him happier," Lily explained. "Anyway, with Sirius as the best man, may as well complete the Black brother-sister package, right?" She gave a hesitant smile.
"I...I don't know, Lily," Hermione said. "It's your wedding day. Don't you want someone you actually like as your maid of honor?"
"Despite what you may believe," Lily sniffed, "I do actually like you."
Snort. "Yeah. Right."
"No, really! I admire you, actually," Lily said. "You've kept James and I safe all of this time, haven't you? With that." She pointed to the Dark Mark on Hermione's forearm. "James and I were both asked to join his ranks and refused and you've made it so we haven't been killed for it. I admire that loyalty and risk."
"Gee, thanks," Hermione said wryly. "Only took you how long?"
Lily glared. "I don't have to be saying any of this, you know that?"
"I know," Hermione said sincerely. "And I appreciate it, I really do, but I still don't know if I want to be your maid of honor."
"Too bad," Lily said haughtily. "I've already ordered your dress with meaurements Sirius gave me and I'll hex you to that alter if I need to."
"How does Sirius know my dress measurements?"
"I was going to ask you that."
"No clue."
"That's...slightly perturbing."
"It is," Hermione agreed. She paused for a moment and then said, "Fine. I'll be your maid of honor."
"Be careful," Lily said blandly, "wouldn't want to strain something from all of that excitement."
"I'm sorry, honestly," Hermione said, shaking her head. "That was rude. I should be more excited about this. It's just a lot to take in."
With a very James-like smile, Lily asked, "Will this make it easier?"
And with a sudden flash of white, Hermione was caught in the face with a fistful of flour.
...
The three men were all hurrying through the door of 12 Grimauld Place.
From the kitchen there was a short scream.
The Marauders all shared frantic looks, Sirius muttering, "Oh, shit!"
They all sprinted for the kitchen and when they entered the did not find what they thought they would. In lieu of the blood they expected was splatters of flour and crushed eggs. The squealing was coming from one lily-white Lily ducking behind a chair, trying to protect herself from Hermione's egg-pitching onslaught.
Lily was holding her own, though. She'd bewitched all the spoons in the kitchen to fly from their drawers and stick to Hermione's skin. The redhead was using a steel bowl as a helmet and Hermione had taken off her milk-drenched flannel pants and was left in her tank top and a pair of boxers.
Both squealing and laughing girls stopped abruptly when they realized they had an audience.
Dazed, Remus murmured, "This..."
Sirius added, "Is..."
And James finished with a jump, "AWESOME! A Moony made it sound like we'd walk in to find bodies! This is so much better! This is like...numbers 2, 4, and 7 on my fantasies list checked off!"
"James!" Hermione and Lily snapped in harmony.
"THEY'RE SPEAKING IN UNISON!" James celebrated, punching the air victoriously. He took Remus by the collar and gave him and excited shake. "Did you hear that, Moons? THEY'RE FRIENDS!"
"I don't know if you'd necessarily call us 'friends'," Lily hedged.
"More like...we're tolerating one another," Hermione agreed.
"SAME THING!" James enthused, laughing. He swooped in, grabbed his fiancee up into his arms and spun her around, the flour flying off of her in little white clouds. He kissed her hard on the mouth. "You taste like dessert, love!"
"James, put me down!" Lily giggled.
"And you!" James said once Lily's feet were planted firmly back on the ground. He pointed at Hermione. "Oh, if Lily wasn't here right now, I'd kiss you too!"
"James!"
James ignored his future bride and wrapped his arms around Hermione too. "Oh, my pretty kitten...I love you."
"I love you too, James, now let me go, please," Hermione was laughing.
"No."
"Seriously, James. Let go."
"Never."
Hermione looked over James's shoulder to the two other men standing in the room, still looking a little shell-shocked from the food-fight development. "Can one of you help with this?"
"Oi! Prongs! Off my sister!" Sirius literally kicked his friend in the rump. "Only I'm allowed to touch her like that!"
Everyone in the room laughed as James let go and it was one of those moments Hermione wished she could live in forever. She hadn't felt so liberated and happy in a long time. If she was being honest, the last time she laughed so hard was with Ron and Harry before their war.
Then she was slammed with a sadness so profound she had to fight of tears, but still she couldn't not smile. She'd never been so conflicted between happiness and misery.
Lily explained to the other Maruaders how the food fight had started with actual baking and they all took out their wands and the group began cleaning up the mess.
"We'll help you bake, darling," James said, planting a big kiss on Lily's cheek. "Since Hermione's cookies taste like charcoal."
Hermione protested, "Oi!"
Everyone halted and then busted out in another uncontrollable fit of laughter.
"Oh my God!" Remus said, holding his stomach from laughing so hard. "You really are Sirius's sister!"
"I've never...heard you...sound so much...like him before!" James gasped between cackles.
Sirius exclaimed, "If you any of you ever say she and I aren't alike ever again, I'm reminding you all of this moment!"
Even Hermione couldn't help but laugh. He looked around at the people around the table where all of the ingredients and bowls were. The chocolate batter was still in fair shape, but the lemon was in Lily's hair and dress.
"Chocolate it is, then," Lily giggled with a shrug.
Beaming, Hermione dove her finger into the batter and brought it towards her mouth, but halfway her wrist was snatched and a different mouth descended on her fingers and sucked it clean.
Everyone watching with curious amusement until Remus licked his lips, nodded, and said, "Yeah. Definitely the chocolate."
...~oOo~...
Challenge: 1. How long do you think before Lily and Hermione can't stand each other again? 2. Favorite part and line? 3. Who did you originally think was at the door when Hermione answered it? Did you know it was Lily? 4. Predictions?
~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~