Author's Note:
I know a lot of you were surprised by the direction of the story in my last chapter. I hadn't planned it, but a part of me felt compelled to write that chapter to express a story in me that needed to be told. Nearly six years ago, I moved to the East Coast, not because of a job, or that I enjoyed the area, but because of family. In one night, both my sister's life and mine was completely changed.
I took my sister for granted, speaking/writing to her maybe once or twice a year. We were separated by more than miles. Then, a phone call changed it all. My brother-in-law was admitted to the hospital, and by the time I arrived, he had passed away. He was thirty-two years old and my niece was nearly three. I dropped everything back home and stayed to help both her and my niece.
I've never lost someone that was a part of every waking, breathing moment of my life, I've never had to awaken from a nightmare only to realize that it was real and that the person that I wanted most in my life was no longer beside me. I've never felt that, but my sister did. This chapter is dedicated to her. I hope you feel as deeply reading it, as I did writing it. Thanks again, for reading and commenting on all my stories.
Chapter 37
Lulu was awakened by sunlight streaming in through the bedside window, the rays warming her face, as she clung tightly to her pillow, refusing to open her eyes.
"Lulu, are you awake?" she heard someone whisper, as a smile formed upon her face.
"Mm, is that coffee I smell," she said out loud, turning toward what should have been his side of the bed, using her elbows to support her weight.
It was empty.
She frowned, the smile disappearing from her face, as confusion set in.
There was no sign that he had slept there, no indent on his side of the bed.
This wasn't his bedroom.
"Lulu," she heard again, turning toward the door.
"Mom? What are you-" she started to say, as the horror of the night before slowly resurfaced.
Oh God, the fire.
She could see the flames, destroying everything in their path, as she fought to break free of her brother's arms. Every instinct in her body screaming that he needed her. And then she remembered the body bag.
The tears streamed down her face, her reddened eyes revealing her pain, as she turned toward the pillow.
She wanted so badly to smell his scent, not of cologne, for he never wore any, but that of a man's clean, male essence, clinging to it.
She wanted to hear his voice, whispering in her ear that this was all just a mistake, that it was nothing more than a bad dream.
She clenched her eyes tightly, willing him to appear, wanting so desperately for him to materialize next to her and tell her that everything would be all right.
She prayed so strongly that she was sure for one split second that her wish had come true, that he was standing there, wearing his chef's coat, with hands folded.
But, when she opened her eyes, he wasn't there.
No dark, mussed-up hair with wayward strands that fell across his face.
No sign of the dimples that transformed his face when he grinned at one of her comments.
Instead, staring back at her was her mother, her blond wavy hair loose and resting upon her shoulders.
"Go away," Lulu answered, in an anguished voice, her body numb. She looked down by her side and noticed his slippers laying next to her.
That was when reality sunk in, the pain gripping her chest like a clamp, its grip becoming tighter and tighter.
Nothing about this made any sense.
She half expected him to walk in this very room, telling her to get her lazy butt out of bed, or she would be late for class. Again.
She could picture him standing there, a sexy grin spreading across his face, revealing his dimples. as he scolded her for sleeping in, using every means he could think of to coerce her out of bed.
In her dreams, he was beside her, she felt his warmth, his touch upon her skin and lips. She heard his voice whispering softly, could hear his laughter, as they talked about nothing, reveling in the act of sleeping in on a Saturday morning.
In her dreams, they spoke of their life together, the new life they had created, their excitement for the future, the worries that they shared. They held nothing back, completely open with each other, their souls bared for each to see.
In her dreams he was tangible.
"You have to eat something. We're worried about you. Why don't you come downstairs?" her mother pleaded, with a concerned look upon her face.
"I'm not hungry. I don't want to see anyone," Lulu answered, her voice emotionless, her body so completely drained.
She just wanted to disappear.
To stop the memories that flooded her mind and had shattered her heart.
To remove the pain that spread like that fire, threatening to consume her.
Food. How could anyone think about food.
Didn't they understand what she had lost?
The emptiness that she felt inside. The hole that was lodged in her heart. The sickness that she felt in her stomach.
Nothing could fill that void, that desolate feeling that gripped her tightly.
Why couldn't anyone understand that?
Why couldn't they just leave her alone?
Didn't they know that she had to struggle for every breath?
Couldn't they see her body's exhaustion, the unbearable weight that pressed upon it?
Maybe if she just stopped struggling, maybe if she just accepted what fate had decided, maybe if she just...stopped.
Would the pain disappear? Would she see his face again, feel his touch?
If everything just ceased to exist.
She turned her face toward the pillow, burying it in the feathery softness. But, she could not feel it upon her face, she was not comforted by its touch.
Her hands gripped the slippers more forcefully, pulling them toward her stomach, as she curled into a ball, the tears falling faster, her face hot to the touch.
Laura Spencer placed the tray next to Lulu's bedside lamp, slowly moving toward her daughter, reaching for her and wrapping her in her arms.
She whispered a mother's words, her soft voice attempting to soothe her daughter's aches. With her arms, she cradled her, rocking her, praying that God would be merciful, that he would ease her anguish.
She felt the tremors, the shivers that racked Lulu's body and she heard the sobs that were tearing her apart.
"Mommy's here, baby. Everything is going to be ok. You'll see. One day at a time," Laura told her in a quiet voice, wondering if Lulu could even hear her under all of that grief.
"I want to know the second those results are confirmed," Detective Lucky Spencer ordered the Forensics team, "I have a feeling...something just doesn't add up," he said, hanging up the phone and diverting his eyes to the file on his desk.
Five days had passed since the fire and still he was no closer to the answers he sought.
The fire appeared accidental, but this was Sonny Corrinthos' son. Anything was possible.
Then, there was Detective Logan Hayes.
They had yet to find a body and if he were alive, well then he was a ghost. No credit card receipts, no ATM withdrawals, no sightings whatsoever. Vanished without a trace.
And last but not least, Matt Hunter, Chef Falconeri's student and recently discovered fugitive. He was missing at the moment as well, his apartment empty, his personal belongings gone. How was he involved in all of this? Was he responsible for the fire that night?
The DNA results he was waiting on had been rushed, but even with all his connections it still took nearly a week, and yet here he sat still waiting.
He needed answers. For Lulu's sake, he hoped they were the answers he sought.
"Detective Spencer," Lucky said, answering his cell phone.
"It's Maxie."
"Hey," he said, lowering his voice and scanning the precinct for eavesdroppers, "You were gone when I woke this morning."
"I just needed to think. This whole thing with Lulu, it's just made me realize how truly important life is. I wanted to let you know that I am going over to see her. How is she?"
"Mom got her to eat something again. She refuses to leave the room. She just lays there, no lights, holding onto those damn slippers. I tried to get her to just go outside, but she wouldn't budge. She's just wasting away and I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless, Maxie," Lucky admitted, his eyes turning red from tears.
"Lulu's a fighter, Lucky. She just needs someone to remind her."
"If anyone can do it, it's you, Maxie."
"I'll call you later, after I see Lulu. We need to talk," Maxie told him, having just made a decision that would change her life.
"You know where to find me."
"And Maxie," Lucky said, as she answered, "Yes?"
"Thanks. You have no idea what this means to me."
"Lulu's like a sister, Lucky. I love her."
"I know. We'll talk later," he replied, disconnecting the call.
Across town, Maxie Jones held the cell phone in her hands a few seconds longer, contemplating how she was going to move forward if he didn't give her the answer she was looking for. She had made a decision, life was too short and she didn't want to sit around waiting for love to find her. He had shared his body for months, she wanted his heart. If he couldn't share that part of himself, was what they had worth sticking around? She wanted more.
Placing the phone in her Coco Chanel bag, she tossed a few dollars in cash on the counter at Kelly's and exited the restaurant, heading toward the Spencer's residence.
"Brace yourself, Lulu. It's time for an intervention," she said out loud, mustering the courage to do what needed to be done. Both for herself, and for Lulu.
It had taken him a short plane ride to the states, a limo ride to the hotel, before Sonny Corrinthos was able to connect with his wife, Olivia Falconeri. They had been married for over ten years now and the fact that she kept her maiden name still irritated him. She said that she was maintaining her identity, he said that she was being stubborn, and then there was Dante.
He had asked when he was younger, why his name wasn't Corrinthos, Olivia had answered that he was born a Falconeri and that the name was something to be proud of. Dante said that his father's name was something to be proud of too, and she had replied that in some circles it was something to be feared.
Sonny had always prided himself on protecting his family, his son and shielding him from the dangers of his business. He never once considered that Dante could be hurt by someone outside of his business. Detective Logan Hayes was trouble from the start, Sonny saw that, he knew that dating Lulu Spencer was going to end up hurting Dante. He just didn't know how much.
"Honey, what are you doing here?" Olivia asked, entering the hotel room with several shopping bags weighing her down, she placed them at her feet and closed the door behind her.
"I'm happy to see you, but-"
"Not here, Olivia. I'll tell you everything on the plane. But, we need to go."
"Sonny, what aren't you telling me? What's wrong? Is it Dante?"
"I'll explain everything, I promise," Sonny told her, ushering her toward the bedroom and reaching for her suitcases.
"I'm not going anywhere, until you tell me what is wrong?" Olivia stated, sitting down on the bed, arms folded, a determined expression on her face.
"Olivia, I don't have time for this right now," Sonny ordered, his eyes commanding her to pack.
"You make the time! I'm not budging an inch from this bed. So, start talking!"
"I need to get back. We need to get to the plane."
"Where are you going, Sonny?" Olivia shouted. She'd seen that look before, the one that expected her to drop everything and start her life over somewhere else. She hadn't done it then, and she sure as hell wasn't going to start now.
"We are going to the island, Olivia," Sonny told her, with a determined look.
"I'm not going anywhere with you, Sonny. I don't know what kind of trouble you have gotten yourself into, but I want no part of it."
"Olivia, I'm doing this for our family," Sonny told her, trying to make her understand.
"Our family? For Dante? How is uprooting our life benefiting him, Sonny? He's not going. He has a life here. A good life, Sonny."
"He's on the island," Sonny replied, watching the emotions play across Olivia's face.
"He hates that place. Why would he be there? Has something happened to Lulu? Is it the-"
"Is it...what?" Sonny asked, as Olivia's look of concern, hid some secret that she wasn't willing to share.
"Never mind. If Dante is on the island, then Lulu must be with him," she answered, knowing that Dante would never leave Lulu behind.
"Lulu is not on the island."
"What do you mean, Lulu is not on the island? Those two love each other, Dante is completely devoted to her and after everything that she has been through, he wouldn't spend a day away from her. I know my son, he is head over heels for that girl."
"A lot of things have changed in the last few days," Sonny replied, preparing himself for the anger when he told her the truth, "Lulu Spencer is in Port Charles."
"That thing between them hasn't changed. There is nothing in this world that would make my son walk away from Lulu. So, why don't you tell me what you did?" Olivia ordered, with hands folded across her chest.
"I'm not talking about it here, Olivia. There are ears everywhere, " he told her, insinuating that her room could be bugged.
"So, pack your bags, while I settle your room charges." Sonny demanded, slapping a pair of size 0 jeans into the suitcase and turning, minutes later exiting the hotel suite.
Olivia Falconeri grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand and dialed her son's number, waiting to hear his voice.
We're sorry, the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check your number and dial again.
Not in service, Olivia thought.
Dante carried that blackberry like it was glued to his hip. He never left without it. And if he switched phones, he would have told her, they just had that kind of relationship.
She dialed another number and waited for the caller to pick up, to tell her that everything was fine and that she had convinced Dante to go on a holiday getaway.
But, she didn't pick up and her calls rolled over to voicemail.
"Lulu, this is Olivia. I can't get hold of Dante. I'm sure he's with you and everything is fine, but you know how I worry. Please call me when you get this. Thanks."
She threw the rest of her clothes in the bag, not caring about whether they were folded or not, sitting down on top of the suitcase and struggling with the zipper, pressing down on the bag to zip it closed.
"Everything is all set. Are you ready?" Sonny asked, walking into the bedroom, as she jumped off the suitcase, dropped it on the floor and lugged it behind her.
"Here, let me-"
"No, you've done enough. I got it."
"Olivia, don't be-"
"Don't what, Sonny? Be concerned for my son?"
"I tried calling him, his phone is out of service. And to top it off, Lulu isn't answering," she told him, sternly.
"So, on the limo to the airport, you think long and hard about what you are about to tell me, HONEY! Because I swear on the sweet Virgin Mary, that if you did anything to cause MY baby pain. There won't be enough Hail Mary's for anyone to say that will save you from my wrath. Do you get me, Sonny?" she yelled, getting into the limo and slamming the door on her side.
"I'll just sit up front, " Sonny told the driver, who looked on with curiosity.
"Lulu," Maxie said, knocking on her bedroom door. She didn't answer.
Maxie turned the knob, pushing the door open and walking inside.
The room was like a tomb. Darkness everywhere.
"I don't know how you can stand all of this," Maxie stated, walking toward the windows and opening the blinds and unlocking the windowpane, moving it up a notch.
Light broke through the room, casting the darkness out and revealing the sounds of life outside.
"Go away," Lulu cried, in an unfamiliar voice. This wasn't the Lulu that Maxie knew. This wasn't the Lulu who stood up to Logan Hayes.
This Lulu had given up. This Lulu was no longer fighting.
"No. Get up!" Maxie demanded, her hands on her hips.
Lulu didn't move, covering her ears to drown out her voice.
"Get up!" Maxie said louder, moving alongside the bed, and prying Lulu's hands away from her ears and forcing her to a sitting position.
"My God, Lulu. Would you look at yourself?" Maxie told her, pulling a compact from her purse and shoving it in Lulu's face.
"I don't care," Lulu said with a whisper. The sound of her deadpan voice more frightening than anything else.
"Look," Maxie ordered, dragging Lulu from the bed and into the bathroom, shoving her in front of the mirror, "Really look at yourself, Lulu. This isn't what Dante would want."
"Don't say his name!" Lulu said, her voice an octave louder, refusing to look in the mirror.
"Take a long, hard look, Lulu. This isn't Dante's Lulu. This isn't the woman that he fell in love with."
Lulu Spencer opened her eyes for the first time in days, really opened them to the mirror's reflection. She didn't even recognize the woman that stared back, her misery evident by the dark circles underneath her eyes, the hallowed features. Eyes full of sadness, and brimming with tears bore deeply into her soul, echoing the pain in her chest.
"Fight, Lulu. Fight," Maxie told her, shaking her, "If you can't do it for you, do it for Dante. He wouldn't want you to carry on like this. He would want you to live, Lulu."
"I don't know how, Maxie. It just hurts so much," Lulu admitted, turning to Maxie, who pulled her into her arms, "Every morning I wake up and I look over hoping its just a dream. Every morning he isn't there."
"I know. I know it hurts. But, it'll pass. You need to live, Lulu. Come outside with me. We'll go for a walk. Take in the fresh air. You'll see, the sunshine will help you feel better."
"I don't want to feel anything, Maxie. I just want it all to go away."
"I know. Here, let me help you get undressed. You can take a shower, I'll fix your hair and maybe a little makeup. You'll see, Maxie will take care of everything."
One hour later, Lulu sat upon the bed, her freshly washed hair pulled back into a ponytail, as Maxie dabbed concealer under her eyes and used Lulu's lip gloss to add some color to her lips and cheeks too.
"There, almost perfect." Maxie told her, showing her the face in the compact mirror.
Lulu stared at her reflection, looking at the makeup that hid the exhaustion on her face, masked the feelings of sorrow in her heart.
"It wouldn't hurt to say thank you."
Lulu tried to formulate a smile, the effort turning more into a grimace, as she dreaded going outside.
Just hearing the birds outside her bedroom window, caused her heart to ache, as she realized that life was moving on, with, or without, Dante.
"Cupcake, are you hungry?" Luke asked, tears in his eyes, as he watched her descend the steps for the first time in days.
"Maybe later," Lulu replied, as Maxie steered her toward the door, "We're going to go for a walk on the pier. I'll bring her back soon."
"You take all the time you need, Maxie. The fresh air will do her good. You'll see, Lulu." Laura told her, smiling, as she realized that this was the first step toward Lulu's recovery.
The sunlight on her face was warm, the light causing discomfort at first, as her eyes adjusted to the first rays of light she had seen in days.
The sound of voices was more difficult. Lulu watched passersby, laughing and smiling, with a pronounced ache inside her heart. Why did they get to be happy? What did she do to deserve this?
Every step she took was an effort, every movement further down the pier felt like a betrayal.
They walked toward the dock, looking out toward Spoon Island and Lulu smiled, thinking about the last time she stood in this spot, the laughter that they shared.
There was a carnival this week, and kids were walking hand-in-hand with their parents, cotton candy in one hand and stuffed prizes in the other. Their faces were painted with animals, balloons and clowns.
A woman with a stroller moved alongside, her baby crying and startling Lulu. The woman cooed to the child, picking her up in her arms and holding her close.
Oh My God, Lulu thought, her hand sliding to her stomach, as she felt an ache deep inside.
"How far along are you?" the woman asked, noticing Lulu's hand, resting against her womb.
"Um, I'm not sure. A few weeks, I think."
"First time? Cherish every moment," she said, looking into her baby's eyes, a radiant smile spreading across her face.
"Do you want to hold her?" she asked and Lulu suddenly found herself nodding and then ten pounds of talcom powdered, softness was cradled in her arms. The little girl looked up at her, green eyes filled with curiosity and Lulu began to wonder what color her baby's eyes would be.
For the first time in days, she smiled. Really smiled, the expression transforming her face, as the baby reached for her finger and held on tightly, her hand forming a fist.
"She's beautiful," Lulu cried, as the baby giggled, a hiccup escaping her mouth, causing her to drool. Lulu laughed, the baby smiling back at her.
"Thank you," the woman answered, reaching for her infant and placing her against her shoulder, "Your baby will be just as beautiful. I'm sure that you and your husband will be very happy," she said looking down at Lulu's ring, as she pushed her stroller with one hand, holding her child tightly with the other.
She walked a short distance toward a man on the pier who was taking pictures of the water with his camera. He turned, snapping a picture of his family, a smile lighting his face, as Lulu looked on wishing that the family staring back was hers, and Dante's.
"Are you ok?" Maxie asked, as Lulu looked to her, a look of shock on Maxie's face.
"No, but I think that I will be. I need to do something. Will you come with me?"
"Of course. But, Lulu-"
"Yes, it's true. I never wanted to tell you like this, Maxie. Dante and I were going to announce it at the Spencer dinner that night. The engagement," she said smiling, her eyes drifting to the hand that rubbed her abdomen, "the baby."
"Here, come sit down, "Maxie told Lulu, directing her to the bench. Dante and Lulu's bench. Lulu felt a weight lift from her shoulders, as a memory surfaced, Dante and her laughing, as he pulled her close, leaning in to kiss her, but this time it didn't cause her pain, it didn't make her want to curl up and cry.
She sat down on the bench next to Maxie and found herself wanting to share everything about her date with Dante, the engagement and their impending arrival and with each word she uttered, the tiniest amount of weight continued to unburden her and her she felt the wall around her heart start to crack.
"Where do you want me to start?" Lulu asked, looking at Maxie, who moved forward, carefully choosing her questions.
"Can I see it?"
"Of course, Maxie," Lulu answered, as she held her hand toward her best friend, smiling as she looked down at the ring that Dante had given her.
"It's gorgeous, Lulu. Such an amazing gift," Maxie cried, wiping her tears, as they walked along the pier. Lulu directed Maxie toward the street, hailing a taxi. She wanted to see Dr. Lee and make sure that everything was fine with their baby.
"No," Lulu answered, rubbing her abdomen and smiling, as a cab pulled next to them, "his greatest gift has yet to arrive."
"I had the most incredible dream, Lulu," Dante Falconeri said, grinning, as he turned to his side, expecting to see her next to him, wrapped in linens.
She wasn't there.
Dante Falconeri rubbed his sleep-filled eyes, with a hand that felt strange and heavy, confusion setting in. He looked down upon the white gauze that encased his hand, the events hazy at best. His eyes fell upon the furnishings of his father's island bungalow.
"How are you feeling today, Hijo?" a familiar woman asked him, setting a tray beside him, laden with fresh tropical fruits and breads, placing a carafe of orange juice beside it.
"Graciella? What are you- I don't understand. Why am I here?" Dante asked, noticing the surroundings and looking down at his bandaged hands.
"What happened to my hands?"
"Do you remember anything about the last few days?"his family's housekeeper asked, propping his pillow behind him. She placed some of the fruit and bread onto a small plate and set it on the nightstand.
"The last few days? Of course I remember...some of it," Dante answered, frustrated at a memory that refused to tell him the whole truth.
"Maybe if you start at the beginning of the night, we can piece it together," she replied, trying to reassure him, as Dante looked toward the door, surprised to see Max Giambetti enter.
"That's not necessary, Graciella. I'll take it from here," Max answered, "Sonny's orders," he answered, as Graciella exited the room.
"What's going on, Max?" Dante asked, looking for answers, "How did this happen?" he questioned, looking down at his bandaged hands and chest, "and where's Lulu?"
"Lulu?" Max told him, "I tried to get to her, before-"
"Before what, Max?" Dante demanded, seeing the guilt in Max's eyes, "What the hell happened?"
"Mr. C. had your best interest at heart, you know that right? He just reacted."
"Where's Lulu? Is she hurt?" Dante asked, multiple scenarios going through his head, his heart racing at the thought that something had happened to her.
"It was a miracle that we found you. That I passed by and saw the flames. My brother, Milo was with me. We saw the fire. I was just calling Mr. C. when Milo noticed someone run out the back. He ran toward the side entrance, the door was still open and he yelled that someone was in there."
"There was a body inside. He was already gone. We pulled you out as quickly as we could, but you were in and out of consciousness. I placed you in the limo. I wanted to call Miss Lulu, but Mr. C. said that he would take care of everything. I sent Milo to the airport to deliver you to your father and then I called the fire department. She wasn't supposed to be there. If I had known, I would have told her."
"Max, if you don't tell me what is going on RIGHT NOW, I am going to tear this place apart until I find her. Do you understand me?"
"Lulu's not here, Dante. She's in Port Charles," Max told him, dreading what he about to reveal next, "She thinks that...she believes," Max replied, trying to find the words, as Dante looked at him his eyes becoming angry.
Dante Falconeri placed his hand against his ribs, his slight movement causing pain to shoot across his chest, but it was nowhere near the level of anguish that was rising inside him, as he began to understand what Max was telling him.
"Lulu thinks that I'm dead?"