Rachel's mind raced as she got in her car, a list of places to check scribbled in her notebook. But it was too long and Gibbs wasn't the only one worried. Rachel tried to think. Where would she go if she couldn't stand to be with the one who loved her the most? The answer was clear - she'd go to her dad. The man who'd loved her first, who would hug her tight and then promise to teach a lesson to whoever had hurt her. And suddenly Rachel knew exactly where Jenny would've gone if she felt like there was no on left who loved her or understood.
It was a good thirty minute drive from her apartment and Rachel fretted the whole time, much better at worrying a problem in circles than actually solving it. Disjointed thoughts ran through her head as she sent up silent prayers and hoped she got there before Jenny left.
A dark SUV was parked three spaces away from Jenny's car when Rachel pulled into the cemetery parking lot. It had been years, but she knew Jasper Shepard's grave was five rows down and four spaces over from the main path. A shadow stepped in front of her, blocking her way and Rachel jumped, remembering another shadow in a dark space between the buildings on campus. But she refused to give in to a twenty year old flashback and stared the man down.
"What do you want?" The need to get past him and see her friend made her bold.
The man pulled a badge out of his pocket. "NCIS, this is a secure area."
"So she's here then," Rachel breathed a sight of relief, knowing he must be part of Jenny's security detail. She tried to continue but he stopped her.
"And you are?"
Indignation rose, but realizing she didn't have 'best friend of Director Shepard' tattooed on her forehead, Rachel smiled and tried to play nice. "An old friend. I need to talk to Jenny." The guy was like a rock wall, refusing to move. Rachel sighed. "If you don't believe me, call Jethro...um, Agent Gibbs. He's the one who sent me. My name is Rachel Wayne."
Whispering something in his comm, the agent waited for his partner to make the call. Barely a minute later she was cleared and finally got to the path. She turned back. "I'm glad you guys are so careful of her." At least her best friend was well protected.
The man gave her a slight smile. "Can you imagine what Gibbs would do to us if we weren't?"
Rachel grinned and then hurried off to find her friend.
NCIS
Thirty minutes earlier...
Jenny lowered herself slowly to the cold stone bench, wishing she'd thought to bring ear muffs. She stared at the headstone for a long time. "Hi Daddy," Jenny said finally. She choked back the tears that came with her next words. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."
She shivered and tears spilled down her cheeks, stinging in the cold air. "I don't know what to do. What he said, Daddy, it broke my heart, but I know he didn't want to tell me and maybe I shouldn't've asked." Jenny covered her mouth with her mittened hand, stifling the sobs.
"Everything hurts right now and I could really use one of your hugs." She wiped away the tears and tried to smile. "I never even told you you're going to be a grandfather. I'm sorry it's been so long Daddy."
She sat there in the frigid January night, shivering and bouncing her leg and blowing on her hands, watching as her breath froze in the air and then disappeared. She told her father about her husband, about being married, but skipped the events of October.
"It was bad," Jenny admitted, "but you'd just be mad you weren't there to do something to the guy. Oh," she smiled, "remember Rachel, Daddy, my friend from college? Well, she's back, and," her voice was soft, "I'm really glad."
"I hope you're still going to be glad when you turn around," a voice spoke out of the darkness and Jenny swivelled around.
"Rachel?"
"Yeah." She glanced at the grave. "Hi Mr. Shepard, sorry to interrupt. I was just checking on your daughter." Rachel gave Jenny a pointed look. "Someone is really worried about you."
"Jethro called you?" Jenny was surprised.
"I hear you had a fight," Rachel continued, sitting down close to her friend, her expression not asking for the details. "I think he feels pretty bad about it."
"He should," Jenny muttered darkly, before thinking better of it. That wasn't fair. The fault rested with both of them, not just her husband. The issue wasn't cut and dry, it was more like an open sore and they just kept stepping on it, refusing to allow it to heal.
"Uh huh," Rachel replied. "Well, it's been over an hour and it's not good for the bug if you get sick." She tugged Jenny to her feet. "Come on Jen, let me take you home."
Jenny followed her with questions swirling around in her mind. Since last March Gibbs had been her home. But nothing about them was unified right now except the life inside her that came from both of them. So where was home when they weren't together?
Before getting in Rachel's car, Jenny recognized the SUV and sighed, at least she wasn't alone. Special Agent Jason O'Leary materialized beside her, holding out his hand for her keys. He would take her car home. It was clear none of them trusted her to drive. Handing them to him with no argument, Jenny sank into the seat and rested her head back, wondering what on earth happened next.
NCIS
Gibbs met them at the door, thanking Rachel with his eyes even as Jenny avoided looking at him. As soon as her best friend left, Jenny went upstairs to change, not even sparing a glance for him. Gibbs sighed. He had to at least follow her and see how bad it was.
Jenny stiffened when Gibbs walked in the room but finished getting dressed in her pyjamas. Then she turned around and crossed her arms. "I don't think you should sleep in here tonight," she said, her voice flat.
Surprised, shocked, and a little bit hurt because this was the first time since their misunderstanding in October that she'd denied him access to their bed, Gibbs nonetheless nodded, not wanting to make anything worse. She climbed into bed, ignoring him, and the words 'I love you' died before they reached his tongue. He wasn't allowed to say that right now.
Slowly, Gibbs pulled the door closed halfway and turned off the light. After a brief look in the direction of the guest room, he went back downstairs and grabbed a pillow and blanket from the linen closet. After locking the door and setting the alarm, he settled on one of the couches in the library, turning his punishment into extra, self-imposed isolation. He wouldn't be able to sleep with Jenny in the next room, not able to share her bed or touch her. But the way his thoughts were racing, Gibbs wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep at all.
NCIS
Gibbs was gone when Jenny woke up, but she told herself she didn't care when she saw him several times at work that day. But because they acted like civil human beings, no one on the team was any the wiser about their fight. It was better that way. Abby worried too much and the rest looked too closely. So Gibbs and Jenny reverted to their pre-marriage announcement behaviour and just got better at pretending.
They had no case, so Gibbs let the team go early. Tony was too excited about the movie night he and Ziva had planned to realize it was unusual. "You're gonna love this one Zi," he promised, following her out. "It's a classic Jackie Chan movie." He grinned. "Fitting that we're getting Chinese, huh?"
Ziva rolled her eyes. "Tony. First, you say that about every movie we watch and I do not always love them. And second," she eyed him lazily, "you chose the food." Flipping her hair, Ziva turned around. "Do not forget chopsticks, you need another lesson." Tony's expression fell and he tried to hide the wince. She already knew he was hopeless, it was just funny to watch him try.
McGee left without being noticed, though Gibbs glimpsed the doors to the back elevator closing and knew Abby was probably getting a goodbye hug, maybe even an offer for a ride home. He knew both parties were getting impatient and the only reason Tim was waiting was for the ring. Gibbs was expecting to be pulled aside for a 'talk' any day now. McGee was too smart to make the same mistake twice.
Surveying the quiet bullpen, Gibbs sighed and switched off his lamp, trying not to look up towards Jenny's door. He needed to take advantage of some time at home without distraction. He didn't know about Jenny, but he couldn't keep this up. Fighting with her was something Gibbs didn't want to make a habit.
Once back at the house, his path took him out to the workshop and he began fitting the pieces of the crib together, sorting out his thoughts as his hands put bits of wood in place. He'd taken it all apart to apply the stain a couple days ago, now a few more hours and it would be ready for the grand unveiling. But it wasn't the time when they weren't speaking and it was a present to his wife and baby, somehow it didn't seem fair to try to use the crib as an apology.
His eyes and knowledge guided his fingers and while he assembled the first piece of nursery furniture, Gibbs thought about his life with Jenny. If the baby had been by the guy who raped her, he couldn't logically blame her for jumping to termination as the first and only option. As much as even the though of abortion hurt the part of his heart that loved kids and missed Kelly, Jenny had been right that it wasn't about his daughter. And weeks ago several friends had finally gotten it through his head that it wasn't his body nor his choice. Whether Gibbs agreed or not, it remained true.
Smearing carpenter's glue into a hole, Gibbs began inserting the spindles. If Jenny had gone with her original plan, they still could've possibly had their own child, and after everything that had happened, a baby might've been something Jenny welcomed, especially knowing now how much she'd wanted to get pregnant after their wedding.
But even without a child, Gibbs knew that they could've been happy. They might've shared another forty years together and spent each one madly in love and devoted to each other. And if he could only get his heart on track, they still could have that. It hit him right then that nothing - no decision, no choice, no consequence - was worth throwing away the life he and Jenny had worked for and the one that lay before them, just over this rut.
With a groan, Gibbs sank to a stool beside the workbench and covered his face with his hands. It didn't take long before his heart came to the same conclusion. Because without Jenny his life was empty and everything was meaningless and that certainly wasn't worth being right.
But Jenny? He thought about her, everything he loved from her freckles to the polish on her toenails, that gorgeous red hair and her green eyes and her heart, that had been brave enough to ask for another chance after Mexico, and brave enough to trust him again after October. She was worth anything he had to give up to keep her, especially his pride.
Jenny's heart was the other half of his when he never thought it would be whole again after Shannon, the reason that when they lay close together, two heartbeats sounded as one. What his soul exuded in grief and loss, Jenny's had reflected into love and given him the strength to try again. Having Jenny was worth everything and Gibbs knew that he'd love her beyond his dying breath, because he didn't know how to stop. And even in their worst and darkest moments, he hadn't wanted to.
A beautiful crib took shape during that long night, but the real accomplishment was how the pieces of Gibbs' heart aligned, showing him the truth and proving that he'd been wrong in what he told Jenny. There was no such thing as loving her differently or loving her the same, he just loved her. Jenny was his wife and he loved her more than anything else. Now he had to make her believe.
NCIS
By her second night alone Jenny realized she really missed having her husband share their bed. Despite her desperation for an answer and now the interminable wait to see if he could reconcile with himself to be able to say 'I love you' and really mean that it was forever, regardless of anything else. She just wanted to not be fighting with him and to have him holding her again.
They, whoever they were, weren't kidding when they said that sometimes the truth hurt. This one, the one Gibbs had finally admitted, did hurt. But that pain would be nothing compared to what she would feel if he couldn't mean those words again. What she'd told him was true and real, she loved him even when it hurt and tonight, it hurt very deeply. But she still couldn't imagine a life that didn't have him there. As she fell asleep, that's what Jenny held onto.