It is only about an hour before dawn and I clutch my chest nervously. There will only be a small window of time. I can slip past when the guard changes, it won't be as difficult as any of my tower escape attempts...but...I think of the friends I've made...the disappointment they will feel...but they cannot possibly understand how trapped I feel. The Wardens, the Wardens were the closest thing I could have to real freedom...and now it has been snatched away. Yes it is fine that they accept a Templar into their ranks...but to have him follow me, hound my every step. His eyes always watching, judging as if I would become an abomination right in front of him. Every mission, every assignment as of late it is Roland at my back, Roland the Templar and he is supposed to be my Grey Warden brother? Elisa would never had stood for it...she wouldn't have...but she is gone and in her stead a new commander seemingly unsympathetic to the plight of mages. The dark conceals my actions, I take little for I need little. I've been on the run with less.
"Anders? What are you doing at this late hour?" It is Justice...in my calculations I had forgotten that Justice does not sleep, Justice is always on patrol. I look into those dead eyes.
"I'm leaving. Simple as that, so if you'd get out of my way..."
"You run again, no doubt this has to do with the Templar Roland." Is his face stern from disapproval or it is always this way from the decomposition... "You think running again will bring about any change. Will they not find you again? Over and over you will suffer under them as so many others do, you choose to run, and that is weakness." His voice booms in my ears and I worry he will alert the entire keep.
"Listen I've never had the kind of freedom I've had with the Wardens and now its gone. So now I'll go." I fight knowing he is right, they will find me again...I cannot just disappear.
"Would you not fight for your freedom? Would you just run from your duty to your fellow mages? You will never be free unless you face this injustice and fight." He reaches for my arm, but it isn't a hard forceful grip. Concern?
"I would, but I can't Justice, don't you see, I am just one man!" I'm frustrated, I'm angry, and I'm tired of running, so tired...
"I could help you. I would have you sit with me, we have much to discuss. After we speak if you still wish to run I will not stand in the way of your cowardice." He motions to a table...what do I have to lose from a conversation...
…..
The images blood, Darkspawn, Templars, limbs strewn about a clearing, flames, and I cry out, I thrash, this I don't realize until I wake. Issac's strong arms pinning me to the bed and he calls my name over and over until I am fully conscious...these dreams...Issac always looks so worried when this happens. He's been concerned about them ever since the Deep Roads.
"Anders...Anders are you ok...can I do anything for you? Do you want to talk about it?" He releases my shoulders now his hand works to stroke my hair. Issac...sweet oblivious Issac...
"I'm fine love, just nightmares again. I'm fine once I wake up and I realize I'm here with you." I smile while hating myself for what the future will hold. He slinks back under the covers and like anytime the nightmares come he wraps his arms around me extra tight as if he could protect me from them...I wish you could love...I wish it could be as easy as that.
…..
He's angry, and it is always a terrifying thing. Issac had bust through the door of my clinic and I barley had enough time to sweep my calculations and ingredients in a desk drawer. His face is red, teeth clenched he breathes heavily and I know he is fighting the urge to violently hurl something against a wall, or smash something with his fist. I have seen him enraged few times, and I remember once I ended up with a broken nose.
"Issac what happened?" Keeping my distance might be the best strategy...
"That bitch! That damn Templar bitch!" He rings his hands a vein bulging from his forehead.
"If you speak of Meredith love I defiantly do not disagree, and we both have known this for a long while...but what has gotten you so worked up?" Issac usually keeps his distance from the Templars knowing that he would not want to affect his sister's treatment in the circle.
"She wanted to speak with me. Wanted me to see her side of things, tried to send me after some 'blood mages' who've escaped."
"What...you're not are you? Meredith sees blood magic everywhere she looks you can't possibly..." He lowers his head. "ISSAC?"
"She...she threatened Bethany...or hinted at it, but I know what she meant...to use her like that to get me to do what they want...GAH." He punches a wall knowing that at least the stone can withstand his blow. "She did say that what I do with them is up to my judgment...but manipulating me like that. I don't like this, not at all. She is lucky I didn't..." Issac punches the wall again his knuckles bleed. I walk over to him and soothe his fist with healing magic.
"You did well keeping composure then. I know that must have been hard for you. Maker if it was me there I'd have to fight Justice to no end. You did what you had to Issac. I'll come with you, we'll see how many 'blood mages' there really are." He takes my hand in his.
"I was worried you'd be angry with me. I don't want to help her in any way...if they ever hurt Bethany, or you...I'd...I'd..." The rage fills his face once more, but I lay my head against his chest hoping to calm him.
"Its alright love, its alright." We all must do what we have to do, Meredith will pay for her crimes soon enough.
…...
Two pushed to the edge...blood magic...they fight back with it and they are wrong and foolish...we will never be able to fight for our freedom if we become the monsters that they say we are. At least one, at least that boy was just an idiot, I doubt he will be on the run long, he doesn't know anything...raised in the tower all he knows is magic, no skills in how to live in the outside world. I recall the first few escape attempts of my own...starving...cold...alone. I wish the boy the best of luck. Issac let him waste precious time being...entertained...by a woman.
"You should have just told him to get out of Kirkwall as soon as he could." I mutter as we travel back to the manor.
"Anders...you saw that kid. This could be his only chance...ever!" Issac grins ear to ear.
"Seriously it could cost precious time..."
"He's never you know, and come on you heard him, the Circle here isn't as...understanding as the one in Ferelden. Besides I'm going to tell Meredith I killed him."
"I just think you felt sorry for him about...that part. You should have felt sorry for him living almost his whole life as a prisoner and slave to the Templars." I grumble.
"I do, but come on Anders! She was willing and he was so...unattractive..."
"You have the weirdest priorities." I wish this was the only thing on my mind, I wish I could continue to playfully argue with him, but my mind darkens and I think on the other two legitimate blood mages...and all the other blood mages we have faced in Kirkwall. The tighter Meredith squeezes the more blood mages come out of the woodwork. The time is coming, and there is one more thing I must ask of my love before the end.