Fairly Oddparents copyright Viacom

Chapter 37: To the Hospital!

Written: 27 Jun 2006-22 Sep 2006

Posted: 22 Sep 2006

Timmy groaned when he saw Vicky enter through the door. It wasn't that he hadn't been expecting her to come. Seeing Vicky was always a disappointment. It meant that she wasn't somewhere else, not bothering him. Heather stood. "Did you know that it's rude to enter someone's house without knocking first?"

"This isn't your house."

"Yes, but I knocked before I discovered it was unoccupied."

"Now how would you know that?" Vicky stepped aside, allowing Mrs. Turner in. "Just steps did you take to determine the place was empty?"

"Don't mind her," Fanny said as she floated into the cabin. "She's a little cranky from the long hike across the countryside."

Out of the corner of his corner, Timmy saw Heather keel over onto the floor. Guess she wasn't prepare to meet a real live fairy. Though it was first time that he had saw someone fainted when being introduced to a fairy for the very first time.

"Hey!" Johnny stood up and pointed finger toward his fainted sister. "You did that on purpose."

"I'm afraid that nothing could be farther from the truth." She paused. "I'm sorry, Johnny, but I didn't know she was there. I thought you and Timmy were alone."

"Not hardly," Timmy said.

"Ooh, my mistake then." She floated toward the splayed-out Heather. There she pulled out a vial from an unseen pocket. "This should get her awake." She waved the vial under Heather's nose.

Timmy watched in interest. He knew this trick. You waved something nauseous smelling under somebody's nose, and it was supposed to wake them up. He had never seen it fail.

Until just then, that was.

"That's odd." She a took a whiff of the vial herself. "It's empty. I wonder how that could occurred. It was on my person the whole time."

All eyes pointed toward Vicky. "Why does keep blaming me whenever something happens? I'm not the source for all that is evil, you know."

While he was fairly certain that was true, he said, "That still doesn't mean that you're not guilty, Vicky. You have got to be the worst babysitter on the planet."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are-"

"That's enough of that!" Fanny's voice cut through the air like an axe, drawing everyone's attention. "We have serious issues here. This is no time to have quarrels among ourselves."

"Yeah, twerp, so pipe down."

Timmy gave her an icy glare but kept his silence.

Fanny sighed. "Does anyone know a way into the Fairyworld Hospital that Momma Cosma wouldn't?"

Wanda looked confused. "Why there, Momma?"

"Because that is where the secret entrance to Fairy Squad Headquarters is located."

"Then what are we waiting for?" The old man asked. "Let's get going."

-OOO-

Momma Cosma checked each I and every t to see if they had been either dotted or crossed. Nothing like improperly done paperwork to make one look like a slacker. The third I she spotted wasn't dotted. Typical. Binky was never much of a fairy.

There was a knock on her day.

"Come in."

Her secretary poked her head in. "A Mr. Von Strangle is here to see you, ma'am."

"Excellent. Send him right in."

"Right away, ma'am."

After she left, Mama Cosma clasped her hands on the desk and waited patiently for old Jorgen to enter her office. He wouldn't be bothered her unless he had something important to say. He never did anything unless he had something important to say.

Like he was wont to do, he barged into the room. "What have you done?"

"Doing your job, for one thing. The fugitive Fanny is still at large."

"That's just it." Jorgen leaned forward and planted his hands on the oaken desk. "All your Fairy Squad goons are interfering with my investigations. I suggest you get them to stop. OR ELSE!"

"Or else what?"

Jorgen explained evenly, "You would rather not know."

"Is that so? I have it on good authority that you wouldn't hurt your own daughter."

"What? You're not my daughter. You're older than I am."

Mama Cosma snapped her fingers. "Rats! I had thought that would work."

"I'm not the muscle-bound idiot you seem to think I am. Cease your meddling. NOW!"

"Didn't your mother ever teach that it's rude to simply barge into a girl's office and start barking out orders?"

"My mother would agree with me. I have the authority here."

Momma Cosma smirked. "We'll just have to see about that."

"Sir!" Binky flew into the room. "We can't find Big Daddy anyway!"

"YOU INCOMPENT FOOLS!"

Mama Cosma raised an eyebrow. "You were looking for him?"

"The trash hasn't been picked up on time. He is getting lazy lately. I can't be having that."

"Aw… you poor, poor baby. Is there anything I could do for you?"

"Yes. Tell him that Jorgen is looking for him." Without another word, he left.

"You're lucky you caught him on a good day."

"My dear Binky, luck has nothing to do with it."

-OOO-

"It's clear," Lucas whispered.

Fanny poked her head out around the corner and just as quickly pulled it back. "Excellent." She turned to Timmy. "You know what to do?"

He nodded.

"Good." She patted him on the shoulder. "Go get them, tiger."

Timmy nodded, before scampering off toward the Fairy hospital. He ran as fast as he could. (And it seemed that running away from bullies like Francis really built the leg muscles.) But as fast as he was running, he still got the feeling that a patrolling fairy was just about to look out a window or something and spot him and sound the alarm.

The courtroom was much bigger than it ought to be. It took forever for Timmy to reach the other side. So when he did, he began to breathe a little easier. He hoped that he would never have to run like that ever again. Though that was probably what was going to happen to him sooner or later.

Timmy would say that it would be sooner and not later.

He hid behind a dumpster when Fanny signaled by waving a colored fan that a guard was coming. When he spotted the guard, actually it turned to be two of them, goose-stepping in tune to each other, he began to wonder what in the world could be they hiding in this hospital.

The rest of them made the same mad scramble across the courtyard. None of them had been spotted. Until it was Fanny's turn….

Just as she made the three-quarter mark, a brilliant searchlight was cast on her and bullet was fired in her path, and she froze, apparently hoping that they wouldn't notice her. "YOU. STOP WHERE YOU ARE. DON'T MOVE." Timmy couldn't see where the voice came from.

Fanny continued to not move. "Just what of racket are you running here?" she called back. "Since when does a hospital have armed guards?"

"SILENCE! WE'RE THE ONES ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE."

"Jeez. Pardon me." Then a thought seemed to have occurred to her. She cocked her head. "Say, boys, just how much are you getting paid?"

-OOO-

Why won't this bloody headache just go away? She had had this kind of migraine before. And it usually meant something very bad was about to happen. Something very, very bad. Something that would overturn her plans. And that was just something that Momma Cosma couldn't let slide. She had worked too hard for too long to them fall.

Her intercom beeped. "A Mr. Wilcoski is here to see you."

Right. Her three o'clock. "I'll be out to see him."

After checking her hair and adjusting her dress, she floated down to the front lobby to meet him there. As she passed the receptionist, the receptionist looked and said, "There hasn't been a patient check in for a while. I hope there's nothing wrong."

Momma Cosma touched her arm. "Oh, I wouldn't worry about it."

The receptionist nodded.

The front door opened and a fairy in a Hawaiian shirt floated in.

"Walter! I'm so glad that you came." She greeted him with open arms.

He returned the greeting before embraced her. "Cosma, you are as beautiful as ever."

"Oh, I bet you say that to all the other girls," she said, blushing.

"True. But tell me that you didn't enjoy it."

She demurred. "It's still good to see you after all these years."

"He's here," the receptionist said.

"I'll see in a bit, Walter. There's something I have to do first."

Walter nodded. "I understand." She clasped Momma Cosma's hands before heading to her office.

Suddenly the entire lobby exploded in flames. "Where is she?" a familiar voice bellowed out from the smoke. Her first thought was that this was the bad thing her headache had warned her of.

As the smoke cleared, Mama Cosma tried to hide her coughing as she said, "You realize of course that this is coming out of your retirement fund."

Big Daddy scoffed. "No one is touching my retirement fund."

"Okay," she shrugged. "Your bank account then."

"Fine then. I'm just looking for my daughter, who you had kidnapped." Blonda whispered something in Big Daddy's ear. He shifted gears. "I mean you're aren't taking any of my money or keeping my daughter."

She simply smiled. "Oh, it won't be me that's doing it. It'll be your wife." She put her hand up to her ear. "Ah, I believe that's her now."

"You don't expect me to fall for that, do you? I know my wife when I hear her."

"What in Fairy world is happening here?" an all-too familiar voice asked. "Don't you a trash collection service to keep going?"

"Fanny-poo? What are you doing here?"

Fanny-poo? Momma Cosma loved to watch him squirm. But this is too much. She got nauseated just from thinking about it. Fanny-poo? It was time to get this conversation back on track.

"Oh by the way," she said in the most nonchalant voice she could muster, which was pretty-darn nonchalant, "Jorgen came by. He told me that he was looking for you. You must have missed him."

"Hey! People don't come looking for me. I come looking for them."

"Your wife does have a good point you know. The trash isn't being picked up like it should."

"I don't tell you how to do your job. You don't tell me how to do mine."

"Are we forgetting Article 7, subsection 13, paragraph 45, line 2?"

Big Daddy slumped his shoulders. "No."

"Then be good boy, and go get to work before Momma Cosma is forced to enforce its provisions."

"Come on, love muffin. Let's go home."

"I'll be along shortly, dear," Fanny replied. "There's one little thing I have to do first."

"Don't take too long."

"I won't."

They blew each other kisses, and Big Daddy left with Blonda in tow. Their parting reminded her of her husband and bought a tear to her eye.

"Now, Momma Cosma," Fanny began, "I believe we some unfinished business to deal with."

"Now I do believe you are right." She paused, frowning. "But didn't you have an entourage with you? A band of roadies?"

"They're safely away somewhere. Now let us discuss the return of Cosmo to his wife."

She checked her watch. "No it isn't time yet."

"What do you mean it isn't time yet?"

"Just give it a minute."

"Are you on some kind of a clock?"

"You could say that…." Momma Cosma had it on good authority handling the current crisis in this matter was the best way of going forward.

"That's weird."

Momma Cosma shrugged indifferently. She waited calmly while Fanny began to eye her closely. Events had to be run in their own course, and she hardly in any kind of hurry. Nothing happened for what seemed like forever, but it couldn't be but a minute at the most.

"Now."

Timmy appeared and before Fanny could do a thing about, Momma Cosma grabbed him and had her wand pressed against Timmy's temple. "I believe that now is the time to talk."