Chapter 35
Hey everyone! I understand that a couple of you think I'm just writing about nothing and that there's no direction…but trust me, there is! You just don't see it yet. Trust me. In the beginning of this, we had just Ben, Angela, Bella, Edward, and Katie. I added some more characters and that has gone well, I think. I am going somewhere very direct, believe me. Everyone has a purpose. For most of you who are liking this so far, thanks! I am working so hard on this. I love this story as much as I enjoyed doing Red Line. This is about Edward's and Bella's life after leaving his slave life…so enjoy !
Stay with me, I promise things will center more around Bella and Edward. But once I get to that climax…the story is over, so…hang in for a few more chapters. Hey, we all hung in there during New Moon when there was no mention of Edward for chapters and chapters, right? God, did I hate that!
I love you guys…and I am getting to the meat of the story now…and for those of you who are liking this, thank you. I know that last chapter was way long, and sorry for that. But, still, I'm not that sorry because I think a lot of great things went into that chapter.
I got the idea about It's a Wonderful Life during the real holidays, while I was watching it. I actually had nightmares about what my mind thought up about what would've happened to Edward if not for Bella.
And yes, I had the intention of Edward going to vet school way back when I was first figuring out the story – you're all just too smart and saw it coming…good job!
I will make them normal sized chapters now. Or…I'll try. LOL.
See you soon! Love, Winnd
And, the play with Jessie and Toy Story…is coming up in this chapter. I swear I'm not going to make all the chapters so fluffy…but before more fucked up journal stuff comes up…let's enjoy the nice moments…
Oh! The way Katie's singing the song, if you want to hear it, it's on youtube as "When Somebody Loved Me" by Jordan Pruitt. That's my favorite version of the song, anyway.
**WARNING: There is an entry in here from Edward's Fucked Up Journal. You'll see it coming when you read Edward say, "I read more of my fucked up journal…" and it will be in italics, so if you want to skip that part, it's cool with me. Thanks! For those of you who read it…stay together, don't get lost…it's rough…the rest of the Sir Kevin entries will be really brutal now, just so you know. But I'm doing them in small doses.**
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EPOV
As fast as the holidays came, they went even quicker. I waited until almost the end of January to take the Christmas tree and all the decorations down. I just never wanted it to end. It was the first magical Christmas for me in a long, long time.
Days after Christmas was over, I even put the Santa suit back on and was chasing Bella around the house, saying, "Come on, just sit on my lap and ask for something!"
"No!", she giggled, "That is SO WRONG! You're Santa! You can't DO me as SANTA! That's gross!"
"Hey, when I was Santa at Ben's place, LOTS of the MOMS wanted to sit on my lap!", I informed, teasing her as she tried to evade me.
"I'll bet!", she laughed, and dodged me again, too fast for me.
I got obsessed with watching the new DVD Bella got me as one of my gifts. It was called, 'Christmas in New York', a two hour documentary showcasing all the wonderful things to see and do during the holidays in the city. The more I watched it, the closer I felt to home. It felt like I was actually walking the streets again with the people in the film…and I think I almost even smelled that New York smell a few times as it played.
For the last month, Katie was in full character, rehearsing for her play. At first, it was really cute…hearing her using that southern cowgirl accent…and calling us all critters and varmints all the time….and it was even funny when she used me to help her practice her little square dance that she had to do in the play…but if I hear her say "YEEE HAAA!" ONE MORE TIME…I'm going to lose my shit.
She wore her hair in the braided ponytails all the time now and she kept acting in front of the mirror, watching her facial expressions. I was glad she was taking her part in the play seriously, but it was starting to take up every second of her life.
I looked at the picture of Tanya on the wall of the hallway where all the bedrooms were. Katie chose this, deciding that Tanya would watch over us while we slept…as it was during sleep that the whole fire happened that terrible night. Katie said that Tanya would protect us during the night…and I loved that thought.
"Tanya…help us…", I sometimes prayed softly as I walked past the portrait, after tucking Jessie into bed. She wasn't Katie anymore. She was the rootinest, tootinest, cowgirl in the west! I was counting the days until the play.
And finally, we were walking into the school, with Ben and Angela, getting a good second row seat in the center…and hanging out as the other parents milled in, settling for their horrible seat positions.
"I told you it would pay to get here early.", I said to Bella.
She looked at me and replied, "We were here two hours ago, Edward. The seats weren't even HERE yet!"
"Ah, but once we helped open them, we had our pick, didn't we?", I smirked, nodding my head. Ben just glared at me, opening a bag he brought with him, eating chocolate chip cookies. Angela just smiled and shrugged her shoulders at us.
I had my new camera with me, a gift from Charlie, and I had learned every feature of it so I'd be all ready when I had to snap some pictures when my baby came onstage. It even has a video recorder in it! This is gonna be SO great!
"Did you put the batteries in?", Bella asked, as if I were a complete moron.
"I'm not an idiot, Bella.", I rolled my eyes…and then I thought about it…and checked the batteries. Good, yes…they're in there. Good.
The curtains were still closed and it would be a little while longer before the play began, but the song, "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing from the speakers around us and I was anxiously waiting…pretending to hum along to this song.
Peter finally got here, climbing over people to get to the seat we were saving for him.
"Sorry I'm late.", Peter said as he took his coat off, "I just got finished with a patient, I floored it all the way over."
"Jenna?", I asked.
"No, a new one.", Peter grinned, not wanting to reveal private information about a new patient, "It looks like my phone is a little busier lately."
"How many patients do you have now?", I wondered aloud, smiling at my Doc.
"Five.", he smiled back, looking like it was everything.
"Cool.", I said, "That's a lot better than one."
"Definitely.", Peter said, without hesitation, "It's a start…and that's all I'm asking for. If I can help five people…or even just one…then I'm completely grateful for the chance."
"You are too good.", Bella smiled at him, putting her arm around him and giving him a squeeze.
"Oh, here.", I handed Peter a program, turning to page two, "Look…Katie's name is there…look how big it is! You can have this one. I have ten of my own already."
Peter laughed and Bella shook her head at him, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Dr. Peter, I'm glad you're here.", Bella muttered, "My boy, here, is going amok again."
"Hey, I'll bet Robert De Niro's parents saved all his school play programs!", I interjected, sneering a bit at them.
"She's Robert DeNiro now.", Bella turned to him.
I looked around, ignoring the non believers, knowing when Katie won her Oscar, that she'd thank ME for always believing in her…and leave Bella and Peter out of her acceptance speech. That'll show 'em.
"Hey!", I waved a few rows behind us, "There's Marcus! MARCUS!"
He pretended not to know me as I tried waving him over to sit with us…he looked away, acting all interested in the program. Jerk. Katie said that Tao was in the play, too, now that he was in her class. Maybe they gave him a non speaking part.
"He's still mad at you for the other night.", Bella said to me, "You were pretty brutal, Anthony."
"Japanese is not that hard to learn!", I said, not wanting to have this argument again, "He just wants to play bad boy student to my hard working teacher!"
"You stuck gum on his nose!", Bella reminded, a little loudly.
"He was chewing it, wasn't he?", I defended my stance, "I told him gum was not allowed, didn't I? He popped that big bubble on PURPOSE! You do the crime, you do the time."
"Jeez, I'm SO glad they didn't put you into a teacher job when we moved here.", Bella said quietly to me so Peter wouldn't hear, "You'd be dead now."
"Hey, if Donald DUCK can do it…", I trailed off, looking at my watch…"Oh man…five more minutes…I'm so nervous. What if people laugh at her and hurt her feelings?"
"I'm sure you'll kill them all.", Bella smirked back at me, taking my hand, "Relax. She's great. I'm sure everyone will love her. You're so cute! All worried and tense…"
I smiled at her and picked her hand up, kissing it with deep devotion.
"I want to thank you, Bella, for not murdering Katie these last few weeks.", I said softly to her, "I know it hasn't been easy, living with Jessie."
She smiled and said, "It's been an experience. Today, Jessie…tomorrow…Juliet."
"Oh Jesus!", I said, in fear, not even thinking about other parts she would go on to play later. How could I live with a Shakespearean talking daughter for months at a time? I was starting to think I'll miss Jessie when she's gone.
Finally, Donald Duck opened the curtains and stood before us, adjusting the microphone so he could talk to all of us. He fumbled with it, making it go too high up…then moving it down.
Bella giggled before he even said anything and I began to do my Duck voice again…saying, "Oh…baby…yea…move that up and down…ooohhh…yea…just like that."
Bella was covering her mouth, hysterical already and slapped my arm so I'd stop.
"Shut up!", she looked away, trying to stop laughing as I snickered to myself, getting my camera ready.
"Good Evening, everyone, I am Donald Duck.", he began with a completely normal voice but Bella still laughed…the only one doing it too, in the audience. Mr. Duck looked at Bella as if to ask, "what's your problem?" but she waved her hand and shook her head, trying to stop, clearing her throat and turning bright purple beside me as I kept a straight face.
Finally, Ben caught up and belly laughed out loud, not even trying to hide it…choking on his chocolate chip cookie as Angela swatted his back…and Donald Duck frowned at him…unaware of what was so funny.
He went on for a minute or two about all the hard work the kids had been doing to make the play a success…and all the teachers who helped and designed the sets and costumes…blah blah blah! Bring out my kid!
When he finished droning on, and left the stage, taking the mike with him, I did a Donald Duck laugh and that started Bella and Ben up all over again. The curtains opened and the play was on! Little did I realize that Jessie didn't show up until way later in the play. At one point, I was sick of waiting and heard myself groan, stifling the comments I was dying to make.
I think I even fell asleep at one point…and then Bella nudged me hard, waking me up as I squinted and tried to focus. I jerked up in my seat and snapped a picture before I knew what I was doing, my hands had been in position to take a picture since the show began! I had a picture of the back of the lady's head in front of me. She just turned and sighed at me, giving me a dirty look. I deleted it as she turned back to watch the play.
Was I snoring? Shit!
"I think she's coming soon.", Bella kept saying to me…and this time she was right, "Do you want a tissue or something?"
"I know that sometimes I'm a giant mess, Bella, but no…I'll be alright." I assured her, not thinking I'd get all choked up by her portrayal of cowgirl Jessie.
Woody, the cowboy was looking around the stage and then out popped my baby…out of a giant box! She looked so adorable in her little red hat and cowgirl outfit…I loved the white and black cowprint on her pants! And she had little freckles dotted on her nose and rosy red cheeks.
And when she looked under her legs, holding her hat, and saw Woody's face…she did her very loud and magnificent, "YYYYEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAA! It's you, it's you, it's you, IT'S YOUUUUUU!"
She was great from the second she climbed out of the box…and she gleefully screamed her lines, dancing around in a few big circles, her arms clutched around Woody's neck as she went, half strangling him…and then added, "IT'S REALLY YOUUUU!", giving his head a few scratches with her knuckles, a noogie I think kids call it now.
Everyone laughed WITH her, not at her…her energy was perfect and she had the voice down pat. I almost didn't even mind hearing the YEEEE HAAA one more time. I was blissfully watching her every move, adoring her even more than before as she worked her part skillfully.
"The prospector said you would COME someday!", she hugged Woody and then gasped, pulling her hat down over her ears, "Holy MOTHER of Abraham LINCOLN! The prospector! He'll wanna MEET ya!"
Everyone was smiling at her, enjoying how good she was. I was so proud, I looked around at other parents and said, quietly, "That's OUR daughter."
People smiled at us…and Bella smiled at me…and even in the darkness, I saw the look she gave me…and I held her hand, meaning those words with all my heart. Bella may not have given birth to Katie…and Tanya is her mother…but so is Bella, in my eyes…in my heart. I've seen them together lately, since Christmas…they are mother and daughter.
The play was wonderful once Katie was in it and I laughed at every joke, every cute move she made. There was no fear in there…none that I could see. Some kids blew their lines or got stage fright…but not my little girl. She was amazing!
I understood what was going on in the play. They were all toys…and Jessie had been in storage for a long time…and now they were all going to Japan. The other toys…Buzz and Ham and the dinosaur and the rest…all wanted Woody to come back home with them to Andy, who owned them all. Jessie was terrified for him to leave, because if he did, she'd go back into storage again.
She was trying to stop Woody from going to a life with Andy…and then she talked about the little girl who owned her once, Emily.
"Emily was just the same…", Jessie said sadly, looking out at the audience, "She was my whole world…"
Then the lights all went dark onstage except for one focused on Katie…and she looked upwards, as if recalling fond memories…her face was smiling but still a little sad at the same time…and Donald Duck started playing the piano…a lovely slow melody…oh, is this Katie's song?
I sat up more, and to the upper right hand side of the stage, a screen played the real toy story 2 part of the movie, like it was what was happening inside Jessie's mind while she sang…that was genius I thought.
Bella had the video recorder going, holding it for me so I could watch and I smiled at her for that. I didn't want to miss this, even looking through a lens.
She let this one lovely note out…it had no words in it but it was GORGEOUS! And I felt my heart clench at the beauty of her voice already and she hadn't even really sung yet!
"When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful.",
She began softly and sadly…her voice young but with a touch of woman to it…a woman just beginning to awaken inside. It's Tanya's voice…her singing voice…exactly the same, only better. It feels like forever since I've heard it. I felt tears rise up fast in my eyes…for that and for the words she sang. When somebody loved her…back when Tanya and I loved her…everything was beautiful.
I saw the memory as clear as day…Tanya giving birth to Katie…and me behind her, in my blue scrubs…holding her as she pushed…and the way we laughed when it was over…and the doctor handed our daughter to us…and we both fell instantly in love with this perfect little baby…one single red curl on top of her head. And I had cut the cord myself.
"Every hour spent together lives within my heart.", she sang, her fists together and resting on her real heart, and she sang the words with such feeling and love…I FELT it.
She smiled, as if she could really see us in the past…her and I. I began to hurt inside, even more than the first line of her song…I remember holding her as a baby, kissing her nose as she squirmed, trying to close her eyes to sleep. But I wanted to play with her, even when she was one day old. I couldn't wait to know her. All of her.
"And when she was sad…I was there to dry her tears.", Katie sang like an angel, "And when she was happy…so was I…when she loved…meeee…"
Bella handed me a tissue, still recording the song as I gratefully took it, using it to shut my mouth up as a little sob escaped out of my mouth.
I didn't want to ruin her song, but this was killing me. I kept seeing memories of Katie and me…when she was a baby…taking her first steps towards me as I lifted her up and swung her around in a circle, celebrating like I'd won a billion dollars…hearing that wonderful baby belly laugh she used to do. God, I miss that laugh.
The images and past were coming in at lightning speed…me putting a band aid on her skinned little knee, kissing the boo boo so she'd stop crying and smile again, bribing her with a green lollipop.
"Through the summer and the fall…", her voice rose up high for those words…and then she sang, "we had each other, that was all…just she and I together…like it was meant to be…"
I sobbed even harder now, the tears blinding me, only showing me a memory of me laying under the sunset in Central Park, on a blanket, holding Katie as she fell asleep on my chest, not even two years old yet…worn out after a day of playing and running…and I remember smiling, kissing her head and feeling tears in my eyes as I held her…stroking her hair…knowing that I was the luckiest man on earth to be her father…no…her Daddy.
It was just her and I then…and it WAS meant to be…until it was all stolen from us. I felt like Katie was singing words that were coming out of MY heart. And it was destroying me inside. I was trying so hard to shut myself up and not embarrass my daughter…but I was failing miserably. Peter handed me a real cloth handkerchief, hoping that would help more than the crumbling tissue I was killing. And I saw he was holding his own handkerchief, wiping one of his own eyes, probably thinking of his Emma now.
"And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her…and I knew then…she loved….meeeee…."
Katie was singing the song to perfection, the tone so heartbreaking and innocent…Donald Duck was right. She knew firsthand the pain little Jessie was feeling when she sang this song…she was no stranger to hurt and lonely…and I felt like such a piece of dog shit while I listened to her. I left her. Without her mother. I was the one parent left and she needed me…and I just left her. She must have been devastated!
"So the years went by…I stayed the same. She began to drift away. I was left alone."
I stuck the handkerchief over my mouth, a couple of harder sobs piercing out of me against my will…and Bella put her arm around me, silently comforting me as a tear fell down her own cheek, trying to keep the camera still as she recorded.
I kept remembering those hours…when I carried Katie to my parent's house, covered with burns, begging them to let her in…screaming their names…the tears on my face, frozen in the bitter snowy wind. And then, the moment I had to say goodbye…leaving her with Ben and Angela as she slept…under the sedatives for the pain. She never even got to say goodbye to me. I had to whisper my last words to her sleeping little face…and walk away with no response from her.
"Still I waited for the day…when she'd say I will always…love…youuuu…."
The song paused for a moment but the whole audience could hear me blubbering…but Katie never broke character…she was determined to sing the song as it deserved to be. It was so painfully beautiful.
"Lonely and forgotten…", Katie sang and an even LOUDER gasp and sob tore out of my chest, the handkerchief clamped over my mouth by my hand as my wet eyes watched my daughter, her eyes very sad and her face downcast while she performed her part…or is she really thinking of me…and her…and her mother? God, what have I done? You were never forgotten, baby…please don't ever think that…please! Thinking of you every day, every SECOND…is all that kept me alive those six years.
"Never thought she'd look my way. She smiled at me and held me…just like she used to do.", Katie sang, looking up, smiling warmly…feeling that love right now.
I saw Katie in the back yard, here in Casper…when we were finally reunited. And she ran to me…letting me hold her again. Even though I didn't deserve to. I cried all over again, like I did that day.
"Like she loved me…when she loved me…" Katie's voice rose up, at the last verse of the song, the climax…and then the music went quiet once more…winding down.
And now, Katie looked right at me…and sang to me…a secret little smile on her lips just for me…telling me it was alright…that she still loved me…and didn't want me to cry.
"When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful. Every hour spent together…lives within my heart. When she loved…meeeee…."
Flashes of me and her together tore through my mind so fast, they were a jumbled mess of wonderful moments…blowing bubbles into the sun filled skies…pushing her on the swings…splashing at her as she giggled in the bathtub…happy birthdays with only three candles or less…laughter…snuggling in bed together watching TV…late nights of crying and 3 am feedings…the first day of nursery school…Katie kissing me with her little ducky lips while I kissed her back with mine…a thousand memories…that I would never lose or let be taken away from me…but still…less…tragically less than all the ones Ben and Angela got to have with her…three years is not that long at all…and yet…those were the best years of MY life. I had lived on those 1,095 days I'd had with this little angel…if I had to be with Victoria FOREVER, every one of those days would have gotten me through it…with at least a shred of happiness in my heart…on the last day of my life.
And on the last note of the song…at the very end of it…Katie let go of her control that she'd worked so hard to build…and let one single tear roll down her right cheek. And my heart imploded into shit dust in that split second. But Katie didn't look upset or angry that she'd let that tear fall. She kept her eyes on me…and smiled at me with love…why does she forgive me? Why does she love me so much? Where does she get her strength?
The lights didn't even go dark yet and Donald Duck was still playing the piano when I leapt over people to race to the stage and pull her into my arms…letting go and crying, and she held me back, unashamed of my lunatic behavior in front of all the people in town.
"I'm sorry, Katie…I'm SO sorry!", I cried.
"It's okay, Daddy.", she clung onto me, "I told you not to get weird. I love you! Don't cry Dad. It's just a song…I told you…"
"Please forgive me, I never should've left you…", I fell apart and thank God Donald Duck sprung into action, darkening the stage and turning the music up…and there was a big round of applause for Katie's song…and I was shuffled backstage by the Duck….and Katie had to go back to the play. But she turned around and ran to me…holding my face and planting a big, wet kiss on my lips, whispering, "I love you so much, Daddy. Go watch the play!"
And then Donald Duck frowned at me and pointed his little finger back into the dark audience mass out there…I went without a word, hoping I wouldn't be in the corner with a Dunce cap on my head tomorrow. Or worse, a duck head!
I tried to act all cool going back to my seat, but everyone around me stared at me like I had some mental problem. Maybe I do. I sat down next to Bella and tried to ignore them all but after a few more seconds, I couldn't take it anymore.
"My daughter's voice is AMAZING so I got emotional, DO YOU MIND?", I defended myself as a couple of people shushed me.
"Anthony.", Bella had the handkerchief now and wiped a couple of wet lines off my cheek, "Are you alright, baby?"
"I'm fine.", I smiled at her, "Wasn't she incredible, Bella? Did you hear her?"
"Yes, she is.", Bella smiled now that she was I was okay, "She blew me away with her voice…what I could hear of it, that is."
I winced a little. "Did I ruin the video?", I asked.
"Probably.", Bella grinned, no longer taping, "But it's alright. It'll be sweet to have your…sounds in the background. Someday."
"She kissed me.", I said to Bella, "In front of her friends and everyone! She loves me."
"Imagine that.", she smiled at me, and asked, "What's NOT to love?"
"My jealous streak…and my insecure side..", I began listing my crap.
"I didn't say you're not a big pain in the ass.", she wise cracked without missing a beat and I laughed.
"But we still love you.", she held my hand, lacing her fingers through mine, "Always."
"I love you too.", I whispered, trying to keep control of myself for the rest of the play.
No wonder she cried when she sang the song in front of those nasty girls…and for that, they called her a baby. Bitches. Well, she showed them tonight. She's the fucking star of this play!
And I stared at Bella…thanking the GODS for this woman. Just when I thought my future was going to be spent in a jail cell, hanging dead…she gave me the gift of a real future…as a doctor…seeing something in me that even I didn't know was there. She opened another door for me, letting sunlight in where there was only darkness before. She always found a way to free me…to reach me.
At first, I thought it was a bad joke…one that would hurt badly if this gift wasn't for real. I guess Victoria had conditioned me to expect pain and humiliation at every turn. I would work to leave that shit behind and just accept all the great things that lied ahead for me…for us.
I didn't want to be Victoria's slave anymore. I had to work on that from the inside out…to finally be free of her. I vowed to try even harder in therapy, with Peter…and get through that damn fucked up journal day with Sir Kevin. If it killed me, I would do it.
And we all enjoyed the rest of the play, laughing and cheering for Jessie and Woody…and Buzz. At the end, when all the toys escaped and got back to Andy's room…even Tao came out and had a little part…he was Mr. Speak and Spell.
And he was covered with yellow and red buttons, a black strip screen that spelled out words when Tao pressed one of his buttons.
The robotic voice of Mr. Speak and Spell said, "Welcome Back Woody! Who's the cute little cowgirl?" and the words ran across the screen as Tao smiled, turning and running off into the background with the other toys as Woody introduced Jessie to the other toys there.
Everyone applauded that…it was brilliant! I heard Marcus laughing and clapping behind us, on his feet.
And I loved it when Buzz fell in love with Jessie…and his wings popped out! I nearly died laughing at that!
All the kids were singing, "You've Got a Friend in Me" at the end…and the main characters came up to take their bows. First was Woody and Buzz…and then there was Jessie, Bullseye the horse, and the Prospector…all together. We all roared and clapped, and I whistled with my pinkies in the sides of my mouth. Katie shyly bowed and, with her arm around Bullseye, she moved back to allow the other kids to come take their bows next.
Tanya…I said silently in my mind…your daughter was onstage tonight…and she has your voice. She has your talent. She was magnificent. You'd be so proud of her. I hope you can see her now.
It took me days to come down from that high. I kept watching the video of the parts we recorded…and after awhile, even Katie got tired of me having it on all the time. I was so pissed at myself for crying through her song. I was checking into a way to erase my noise from it so I could have Katie's song without interference…but so far no one knew how to help me on that.
She offered to sing it again for me and I could record it over…but I honestly didn't think I could live through hearing those words again. I gave myself over to the Trunchbowl, Katie's therapist…and we began dealing with the pain Katie went through when I was gone. I knew that she was sad not to have me around, but I don't think I completely got how deep her pain was until the play. I was too focused on my own pain, my own solitude…that I almost forgot about hers. I hated myself for that. I would do anything the Trunch said to make it right again somehow…or to repair the damage I'd done. I didn't want her to be an adult woman with abandonment issues. She'd be easy prey for loser guys out there.
The Trunchbowl whipped me mentally every week but I took it all. I deserved it.
I kept trying, in my little spare time, to teach Marcus some Japanese. And also to teach Tao some English. Marcus stopped trying to get even with me for all those times I tortured him in his restaurant, and began to really try and learn. He envied my ability to talk to Tao and get to know him. He wanted to do that too. So we started at the beginning.
It felt good to teach someone something. I admit I started out as a hard ass, but once Marcus stopped being a juvenile delinquent, I relaxed too…and that's when real learning began. Even Katie sat in on the classes. She wanted to talk to Tao too. And I loved it when she caught on faster than Marcus did. It made him try harder…and he was always trying to beat Katie. I told him it wasn't a race…and that he was doing VERY well for someone who'd learned Chinese as a kid. That's what I think was making it a little more difficult for him. It's hard to learn one language and then have to learn another. You begin to mix languages up…the same thing happened to me.
But then, I had a great motivator. If I fucked up, I'd get whipped…and drilled until I spoke the language correctly. I wouldn't get food until I learned how to reply to Victoria's Italian questions. I'd have to live at Raven's until I could converse in Japanese with Victoria over the phone. So many times, she'd hang up when I fucked up…and I would just scream! And Raven would stick the cock gag back into my mouth, shoving it until it hit the back of my throat…locking it in place…and we would begin again.
I wish we could have Donald Duck sit in on these classes…but then I feared what Marcus would do to HIM if they ever met face to face. Tao was always here during our classes and, since he knew everything I was teaching, when I was teaching the Japanese stuff, he would act up from time to time. He'd laugh at Marcus…or make faces at me when my back was turned…I would never have to discipline him, though…Marcus always took charge of that.
"Sit down and behave.", he stood up and said sternly, his eyes very hard, "This man is spending his family time teaching us something here! Pay attention!"
And, even though Tao didn't understand much English…he always straightened right up and listened. He seemed to respect Marcus and wanted that in return. Tao responded to the tough love…maybe he even needed it…or appreciated it since he never had anyone who gave a damn for so long. Either way, I thought it was a great relationship.
Work was still very hard but I sweated and gave even more of my effort into it, after Sharon had agreed to pay for all Dancer's medical bills, operations she would have to have, not to mention her food and her own pen in the stables…I knew it was costing her so much…I would give everything I had to thank her for that. So I stopped complaining about how hard it all was…but that didn't mean I couldn't yell at the bad horses.
"Psycho…I swear to GOD!", I shouted one afternoon, "You stay AWAY from my Dancer! Stay on your side of the field next time! She's not allowed to date YOU! I'll DIE first!"
Then I brushed my girl down and gave her teeth a good cleaning.
"You're so pretty…yes you are, baby.", I cooed as I faced her afterwards, kissing her muzzle, laying my cheek on it as I closed my eyes, "Daddy loves you so much…yeeesssss….don't play with Psycho, okay? He's bad news, trust me. Someday I'll tell you all the terrible things he's done to your father."
She gave me a long lick up my neck and face, ending in my hair, knocking my hat off again as I laughed…I think I'm liking her kisses now. Yoyo gave a little horse giggle and I went to visit him for a little bit.
"You wanna come see Dancer, Yoyo?", I asked as I let him come out of his pen, taking his lead rope and gently walking him over to the opening, swatting his ass and smiling as he went trotting into the fenced in field out there.
"Go ahead, baby.", I took her out next, letting her go free out there with him, no ropes or saddles on her at all, "Have fun with Yoyo. Chase him around awhile. I'll be out to get you in a bit."
Psycho glared at me from his pen and I just stuck my tongue out at him, muttering, "Never gonna happen for you, Psycho…NEVER. See, you should've been nice to me when I first came here, huh?"
Jenna was off her parole in the stables and back with the rodeo trainers, working on new routines and practicing events way on the other side of things. But she was still nice…and came to visit the horses and I…and Dancer. She sometimes had lunch with Bob and me, in the break room, since the winter prevented us from those nice days by the lake.
She really liked Marcus a lot…but she never said much to me about what they did or what they talked about. Marcus was a closed mouth ass, too, and all I ever heard was that, "Things are fine…nice."
Bella still worked in the restaurant about three nights a week and told me that Jenna was in the kitchen once, and Marcus was teaching her about cooking in a wok. She said they were sweet together, they laughed a lot…and that Marcus was always so nice to her, hardly ever swearing or saying anything even remotely racist in her presence. Tao was very much a part of things with them, too, and once I came to get a quick bite to eat, and Marcus and Jenna were at a big table in the middle of the restaurant, helping him work on a project he was assigned at school.
"Hi white boy!", all of them said at once…even TAO! And Marcus fist bumped him for that! If it wasn't so cute, I'd have been mad!
Peter and I were deep in the middle of Sir Kevin day lately and it was pure shit…but I was doing it. I'm sure some of the things I was reading probably made Peter want to throw up…but he never showed it on the outside. He was always patient…and quiet…always a rock for me to grip onto.
And I was reading from my fucked up journal now, saying the words…
The tears were running down my face as he tried to put that thing on my cock again. My hands were bound high over my head, in fists as my naked body writhed and tried to turn away from him and his fucking little wand.
I wore only my collar with the one metal ring in the center as I stood on tip toes, on the piece of silver metal he had put underneath me. At the far end of the metal piece, was a little heater, face down on the surface…red hot…and making the piece of metal I stood on…red hot as well. Every so often, I had to lift my right foot up…then a moment later…lift my left foot…just an inch off of this floor…so my toes wouldn't burn up. Fuck, they feel like they're on FIRE!
But that wasn't my biggest problem now. Besides the rope around my balls that ran through a pulley and whose other end was tied to a little rusty bucket…half full of heavy silver balls and weights, pulling the rope tighter around the sensitive flesh there…and stretching my nuts upwards in agony…besides that, Sir Kevin was after my cock with that little red stick.
He had brushed a clear, oily substance over my entire cock and rubbed it in with his hand…it seemed to conduct heat but prevented burns. When he touched that little red stick to my cock…even for a second…it felt like he was putting a red hot poker to my dick! And it was the most painful thing I'd ever felt. So much so, that I feared it even coming near me. This was fire play and I hated fire play! Ever since fire destroyed my whole life and family…and Victoria forbid me to burn myself anymore…I couldn't even look at it…and Victoria knew that too…and here Sir Kevin is, doing fire play with me. Coincidence?
It was one thing when I stood on my own and had burned myself long ago…but since Victoria used me as a pain slave, I hadn't done that anymore. I was unprepared.
"Behave, angel…", Sir Kevin smiled and grabbed my already excruciating ball sack and squeezed as I cried out, my head moving backwards a bit as my eyes clenched shut.
"Shhh….shhhh….", he said gently, like I was his lover not his victim, and he stroked my left asscheek, "Turn towards me…give me that giant cock of yours. Tell me it's mine."
"Please don't…", I begged, too exhausted and hurt to hide the sobs erupting out of my mouth, "Please, can't we do something else?"
"Do as I said, before I get mad and take out my candle lighter.", he said, stroking my hair, "I guarantee you won't like that any better. Now do what I said, bitch."
I tried to stop crying and clenched my jaw, taking another deep breath. I forced my body to turn towards him and I closed my eyes, saying, "My cock is yours Master."
The last couple of hours, he had taken such a liking to me that he ordered me to call him Master now.
"Such a good boy.", he released my balls as I let out a hard gasp…feeling another tear roll down under my chin, "Look at those poor balls…they're absolutely PURPLE!"
I just kept looking and waiting for that damn red wand of his to come near me again. He was prolonging it…waiting for me to let my guard down before he struck again.
I heard my voice breathing and crying as my toes fried on the surface under them…but I didn't lift my feet anymore. It made the rope tighten around my balls and yank on them. And the pain was getting so fucking unbearable.
"Kiss the wand, my baby.", Kevin brought the thing I hated most to my lips and I winced, whimpering and reduced to a pleading bitch once more.
"Please don't burn me again…please…I have issues with fire…", I had no pride left at the moment but he wasn't hearing any of my girlish begging right now.
"Ohhh, my love…", Sir Kevin smiled and kissed my chin, tracing his wand over the slight cleft there, "You suffer so beautifully…I'm glad I didn't gag you for this. Your voice is like velvet when you plead. I love the way you hurt. So…uuhh…there are no words."
"Kiss the wand.", he brought it to my mouth and I managed to pucker my lips…and do what he ordered. I panted like an animal as he moved it down my neck…slowly…down my torso…and held it underneath the head of my cock…I groaned out loud, knowing it would happen any second now…not sure if I could take the pain again. He had been doing this to me for over an hour now and I had had enough. But that didn't stop him from continuing. He was trying to break me…and he was succeeding.
"Relax.", Sir Kevin cooed as he touched the silent button on the wand that made the flame gently peek its head out and just softly lick at the area it was touching.
"It's just a little flame…", Sir Kevin whispered as I arched backwards, pulling and losing my balance on my burning toes to struggle against the intense fucking heat that felt like it was engulfing the head of my penis. My screams were inhuman and seemed to shake the walls as Kevin grabbed the base of my cock, holding me in place as the fucking thing slow burned me…without making any actual burn marks at all.
"RRRRRRRRRR!", I screamed out with all my might, helplessly unable to break away and stop the fucking burning sensations on my cock. My body jerked and bucked, and that made my balls pull against the rope that was coiled around it.
Finally, he released me and the wand was taken away from my cock. I let out a gut wrenching cry…the burn still there…killing me…and my hands so impossibly far away from it…hopeless to dull the pain at all. And he wouldn't even touch me, to try and ease the pain. He just allowed me to feel it.
"Such a good scream, slave.", Kevin watched me with delighted eyes as I kept suffering and now trying to return to my stance on tip toes, so the rope would stop yanking me, giving me the feeling that my balls were about to be torn off completely.
I took some deep breaths, hating the tears that kept falling from my eyes, betraying me to my captor. I wanted to be tougher…stronger like I usually am during torture sessions…but this was something new for me…this was not something I had trained to endure…I was a novice with fire play…but he was doing advanced fire play with me. He was breaking the rules of a good Dominant, violating my limits. I don't even have a safeword. But I was in too much pain and too fucking afraid to piss him off at the moment.
I was sick of begging but I knew I would the second he came at me with that thing again.
"You received a compliment, slut.", Sir Kevin said as I tried to get control of my breathing, "You didn't say thank you. I'm afraid that means more balls for you, my dear."
"Thank you, Master!", I quickly said, watching as he took a couple steps to the table where his things were laid out. There were silver balls sitting there, of every size and weight. And he was picking up two…no, three of the large ones.
"Too late, sweetness.", he smiled at me, coming back towards me, playing with the balls in his hands.
He brought one of them to my lips and said, "Kiss the ball."
I felt myself frowning a bit but shoved that away fast….and I opened my mouth, giving the ball a very sensual kiss, hoping he'd get sick of burning me and move onto something new.
"Oooh, that was very nice, my pet.", he smiled at me with affection and then held the ball over the rusty bucket beside me, a couple inches out of my reach…and just let go of the ball in midair…and it landed into the bucket with a very hard thud.
"MMMMMMMM!", I tried to hold in my anguish as the weight pulled harder…it felt like the thin rope around my balls was actually digging into my flesh and making it bleed. Of course, I was just feeling this…I couldn't see it very well from my angle to know that for sure.
"Say thank you.", Kevin tsked, shaking his head at me.
"Thank you, Master…thank you…", I gritted through my clenched teeth.
He had me kiss the second silver ball, dropping it in the bucket the same way…and then the third.
"You want to do something else…", Sir Kevin walked around and whispered in my ear, it was almost a question.
I gave a slow nod, keeping my eyes downward and not daring to make eye contact with him, that was a big no no in a slave's world.
I was silent now, although still extremely uncomfortable and in a bit of pain…but I had endured ball torture before, at the hands of the most wicked women. I knew how to deal with this.
"Tell me what you'd like to do, my pet.", he leaned his face against the right side of mine…and I clenched up, not ready to say yes to what HE wanted to do with me.
But I, alas, knew the correct slave answer.
I let out a ragged breath and blinked, the wet tears dry for now, and half croaked, half whispered, "Whatever pleases you, Master."
"Uhhhh…", Sir Kevin gasped and closed his eyes, his hand moving up and down my torso, stroking me like a true pet of his, "Say that again, slave. That sounded so miraculous…"
Without thinking, I closed my eyes and repeated it fast, "Whatever pleases you, Master."
"I would love to kiss your mouth…my Edward.", he said, his fingernails moving over my other cheek, almost leaving scratch marks in their harsh wake.
Without saying a word, my body tensed and he felt my resistance. I was sure to be punished some more, and if fire kept being part of our game, I knew I would fail that little test.
And I hate it when he says my fucking name.
"Fine.", Sir Kevin pulled away from me suddenly, his tone laced with rejection and hurt…and in seconds, anger, "Then we continue with your punishment. You will ask for ME slut. I don't need to take you by force. You will beg for my cock in the end. You'll see."
I didn't know what else to say except, "Yes Master."
But I kept my eyes down and did not try to fight much at this point.
He was untying the rope that was strangling my balls and I cringed, unable to hold in the little roar my throat growled out. His fingers were touching me…squeezing and releasing the purplish area over and over again, making the pain intensify. And I heard myself saying, "Thank you Master." He did not respond with his voice.
Pain I could take, I had been trained to suffer and cry for my female Doms and tormentors…they loved the way I did that. I would take whatever he could dish out as far as hurting me went…what I was not looking forward to was the prediction he made. That I would break eventually and beg for him to fuck me. I was nearly broken right now…
I wanted to vomit just considering that. I would have to admit the reality and face it sooner or later. He was going to rape me. No one could save me from it. Not Bella. Not Charlie. Not Emmett or Jasper. Not even Victoria. This was going to happen to me…today. The only consolation I could cling to was that, again, if this is what my sentence is for finding and falling in love with Bella…then bring it on.
And then the thought of Bella did something inside of me.
I would go down fighting, of that much I was certain. It would go against everything I was taught and trained and brainwashed to do as a slave. I was done agreeing and being polite. This is where I began to fight back…even if it was with my voice or body…or a simple glare. Fight! I kept telling myself that. It would make the next few hours even harder and more physically painful for me…but I didn't care.
I remembered what Bella said to me about fighting back. Someday, it could be Katie I was fighting for. I had to stand up and be stronger…make it difficult for him to take me. I was done being easy. I refused to let this day of shit resemble a romantic, consensual encounter. I didn't want HIM thinking it either. Even as an inkling in the back of his mind. He was raping me and I wanted him to know it.
Bella gave me this strength…I knew that. It's like a magical light that I didn't have before…that shines inside me now. It's a precious gift and I didn't intend on wasting it in the first moment that I came up against evil. I would let it shine…let it glow and ooze out of me so it would blind that fucker. I would begin now.
And so, when Sir Kevin brought that red stick up to my lips and demanded, this time in a more stern tone, "Kiss the wand, you ugly little bitch…"
This time, I was a new person. No longer his little bitch…or anyone's.
"Kiss it yourself, you fuckrag!", I sneered and drew my head back, then full force forward, belting him in the nose with my forehead…he shouted out and still stood in front of me, dazed as the line of blood trickled out of one nostril. I grabbed the chains that held my wrist cuffs and lifted my legs up with one athletic swing, bringing my knees to my chest and with both feet together, threw them out right into his throat, sending him flying back into the wall of floggers and whips that sat there.
It felt so fucking good to do that, I knew that the second I'd done it. I knew it wouldn't stop him…in fact it'll only make him go harder with me now. But I had said no. I had fought this. Fought HIM. I FELT free. I placed my feet back on the steaming metal floor that waited for them…and let out a little hiss of pain as the skin re-registered the heat there. But I smiled! Smiled at Sir Kevin's face…at the way he held his throat and coughed for a moment…and the way he was looking at me…and I stared right back at him…into his eyes…defiantly. I will cherish that moment forever. My teeth sneered in the smile, hopefully making me look like what I had become…a deadly snake staring at his enemy…defending his life, enjoying the attack, even if he loses in the end.
"Who's the ugly bitch NOW, KEV?", I seethed as I showed him my disrespect, proud of it.
"You little cunt.", Sir Kevin regained his stance and was slowly coming towards me again, deciding his next move as I kept smiling at him like a demented joker.
"That's right, call me some more names.", I scowled, "That is all you have, isn't it? Name calling…a little pain…no scarier than the ten year old bully at school…please. I've been there, done that. Is that all you've got, Kevin?"
I knew I was dead by the look on his face, pure rage. But still, I laughed in his face. Maybe I was just going crazy. But damn, I felt good.
I knew he'd have to prove himself a big, bad Dom now. It was in the handbook. A bratty disobedient slave needs more discipline. I would bleed now, that was for sure. But I still didn't care. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything. I am Freed Eagle. And I am free…inside. I won't let anyone take that away from me.
"Oh my love…", he smiled now, keeping his distance as he walked around behind me, "It seems you are not as gentle and meek as I thought. That's alright. I have had my fair share of your kind. The ones who want the pain. I said I would be gentle, but you don't seem to want that. Fine. I can do this day differently. It won't be much fun for you, though…"
I turned to say something else to him…but I never got the chance. Right after his last word, the word though…something pinched at the back of my neck…a shot? But in half seconds…my eyes dizzied and everything in my body seemed to just die – like a puppet after the strings were cut – my eyes closed and I couldn't even SPEAK.
I was asleep…and my body was in HIS hands…to pose me any way he liked. I didn't rush to wake up…I didn't want to know what he could conjure up for me after what I'd done. I worried about Bella…about Katie. Charlie, keep her safe, keep her away! Emmett and Jazz…don't let her come here! Ben…RUN! Get Katie on the other side of the world, please! Don't think of me anymore…don't come looking for me…don't call. Just protect my baby. Those were the prayers whispering in my mind as I completely slipped under the blackness of sleep's hand…where only an empty void awaited me…until the next round.
Peter stopped me there, so we could discuss that moment…the one where I refused to take it with a smile…where I had decided to fight back.
I even worked up the nerve to have Peter put the leather cuffs on my wrists…even though my hands and knees were fucking quaking!
They didn't lock, only buckled closed…but when they were tightly around my wrists, I had to stand up…and I slowly paced around the room, like I was a rat trapped in a box.
"Talk to me, Anthony.", Peter watched me, sitting on the edge of his desk, here with me.
"I…", I felt tears in my eyes as my voice cracked, "I don't like it. I'm scared…even though I have no reason to be…"
"Tell me what else you feel.", Peter probed on, not breaking eye contact with me.
"I feel like I'm gonna be hurt soon.", I began to feel my breathing accelerate a bit, "Like…it's not right that I'm dressed…like soon, someone's gonna come and rip my clothes off. I feel weak…like I can't protect Bella and Katie…"
I winced and looked at Peter helplessly, feeling a tear escape my left eye as he stayed where he was, not letting me off so easily yet.
"Very good, Anthony.", Peter gave a warm smile, "What else?"
I let out a hard breath, my fingers curling, almost making clawed fists as I pulled my hands apart, only getting a couple inches of pull between my bound wrists.
"Please…", I heard myself whimper and then I paced a couple times more…trying to control my breathing…trying to calm down.
"Anthony…", Peter called my name, trying to reach me, "Breathe. A cleansing breath in…then release it…out…good. Do it again."
Once I was breathing normally again, he asked me, "Do the cuffs…did they ever give you a sense of peace? At one time, you felt very uncomfortable without the cuffs and collar on, is that right?"
"Yea.", I answered, thinking about it, "How do you know that?"
"Never mind.", Peter waved a hand, "Tell me about that time."
"I lived in the cuffs…on my wrists and ankles…and the collar…sometimes its all I got to wear for days.", I thought aloud, "Sometimes…when I was bound…it almost felt…better than being free to roam around the house. I was wanted….wanted so much that I was chained up. That was in the beginning, when I thought Victoria loved me. Tanya had never seemed very into me at the end of our marriage…so at first there was that. And then…when I knew I couldn't escape…when I was cuffed or tied…it did feel better. I would think of Katie and almost feel that it was good that I was helpless to go to her. It made my Hell a little easier…in a way. I could pretend it wasn't my fault that I couldn't go to Katie…that I was trapped and that it was impossible to break free. I was lying to myself, wasn't I? The power to leave was always mine…I just told myself I was in jail…but really, it was only my mind that was locked up….not me."
Peter smiled at me and looked at me with pride.
"Take them off, Anthony.", Peter said to me without moving a muscle, "Free yourself."
I did it…trying to reach the buckle with my fingers…that didn't work…so I just bit the leather strap and pulled, jerking my head until the cuff came loose on my right wrist…I smiled at Peter and used my free hand to unbuckle the other one…and I held the chain between the cuffs in my finger and thumb…dropping them with a loud clunk onto the desk before me. That was so easy…and so hard at the same time. My legs weren't shaking anymore and neither were my hands. And my breathing was normal…I was a little confused but I looked at Peter, wondering what the Hell just happened.
"Your mind is starting to understand, Anthony.", Peter explained, "That it's not the cuffs that hold you prisoner…it's YOU. This is a very big first step and I'm proud of you. That took guts and I thank you for trusting me enough to do this today. You never took the cuffs off yourself, did you?"
"No, never.", I looked at them on the desk and for once, they didn't look all that scary to me, "I don't even want to THINK about what could've happened to me if I dared to do that."
"You have to keep training your mind to realize that you could put those on all day long and it still doesn't make you a slave.", Peter said, "It's just two pieces of leather, snugly wrapped around your wrists. I know now it's not that simple…it will take time for your brain to learn that…and some of those years will never truly vanish magically. It's your pain. It makes you who you are. To erase it completely would be to erase yourself and I don't want to do that. Our goal is to face that those memories are in your head…and that they'll always be there…but we are going to find ways of living with them…dealing with them so they can't ever control you like that again."
A couple weeks later, Peter said I was doing so well that he wanted us to take a field trip. I was confused until he said, "There are things I would like us to do, outside this office. Some may be impossible, but…some are doable."
"Like what?", I asked, feeling a bit of apprehension.
"Like…", he looked over his notes, tapping a silver pen on the book, "Going to the scene of the crime…to Victoria's dungeon. I know we can't do that. Maybe someday, with hypnosis."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I really don't want to see that place again.
"Ummm…", Peter looked in his book, "I want to start off small…how about going to a strip club? Just for a couple drinks…to revisit your old life."
"Bella will have my balls if she finds out we're going to a strip club.", I smirked, shaking my head. Actually, I don't know that she'd get mad at that…if it was for therapy, I'm sure she'd be all for it…but I really didn't want to go to any of those places anymore.
Peter gave me a look that said he was seeing through my bullshit and I looked away.
"What would we do there?", I asked, "Slip singles into some girls' g-string?"
"We would just sit there, have a soda…", Peter said as if it were no big deal, "I don't really want to go to a place like this, either, you know…but I think it would be important for you to see where you used to be…and where you are now."
"I don't know…", I played with my sneaker shoelace.
"Or…if you don't like that idea…", Peter looked at his book, "There's always any men's room in town."
"No.", I said flatly, my eyes piercing into Peter's face harshly.
"I know, I know…", Peter nodded, not blaming me a bit, "Well, like I said…we have time. We'll do it when you're ready."
A couple of weeks later, fate decided I was ready and sent me on a little field trip of my own. I had been sent about two hours away one night after work, in search of a special medicine Dancer needed. I had found the place alright and the doctor there gave me the supplies the vet told him to turn over to me. I had put everything in the trunk and left, on the way back…and in the dark…and with this old fucking map they gave me…and also no signs on some of these roads, just barns and houses…I got fucking lost.
I drove and drove, hoping to find my exit and a sign pointing me back home somehow…but I was just driving blind, getting even more lost. I had no idea where I was now, but I was moving down a pretty busy street. It didn't look very nice around here at all, not like in Casper. There were shady looking guys hanging around on almost every corner, staring at me as I drove by. I remembered Peter's story about Emma and locked all my doors, not about to stop and ask THEM for directions.
I kept moving and eventually, I was just seeing girls walking on the sidewalks, smiling and talking to each other. Hookers, I knew right away by the way they were all dressed. Some of them approached cars in front of me and I stiffened, telling myself to just look at the red lights of the car in front of me and pretend not to notice them.
Then there was a stop light and I had nowhere else to go until it turned green again. FUCK! Just keep looking straight ahead…just keep looking straight ahead.
But suddenly, a moment later, I heard a loud man's voice shouting at someone. I felt my eyes move to the left, where it was coming from. A tall, Italian looking man with long, black hair and a goatee was yelling at this little girl. She had her back to me but I could see her long, black hair, the tiny little tank top that half covered her, leaving her back exposed to me…and this belt of a shiny black pleather mini skirt, that left her bare ass hanging out of the bottom…complete with fish net stockings and killer high heels, thigh high boots that matched her skirt. She was definitely working and from the looks of it, not doing very well. He was pissed and not hiding it.
She could freeze out here without a coat, was my first thought…but maybe that's the father in me. I knew that if she was new at the game, she would have no coat or anything nice until she earned it. And that meant, earning for HIM, the fucking pimp. On the streets, girls like these did not make tons of money. They would maybe get $50 for a blow job, maybe $100 for actual sex, either in the car in an alley or if she found a real prince of a guy, he'd spring for a hotel room. Either way, she'd really have to hustle and perform for many guys to make this pimp happy.
"There – right there is a fucking car!", the man was screaming at her, grabbing her around her neck, pushing her towards MY car, "Get in it and DON'T come back here telling me he's not interested! MAKE HIM INTERESTED or I'll break your fucking NOSE!"
Oh shit.
I turned in a spin towards the light in front of me and it was still GODDAMN RED! This must be the longest fucking light in the history of man!
Peeking to my left, I saw she was approaching the car…her hands fluffing up her long mane of loose curls as she plastered on a big smile, hiding the fear and the pain…but not very well from MY eyes. Or maybe I just recognized it in someone else's eyes for a change, instead of my own.
The guy was staring at her like a hungry dog just waiting to attack. I said a very small and silent thank you to someone up there that I'd never had to walk the streets like this. I was a whore but the arrangements were made in very nice places, and I was very expensive. I didn't have to scurry up to people in their cars to earn. For that much, I was grateful.
"Hey baby!", she smiled and tapped gently on my window with her long fingernails, "Oooh, you're CUTE! Wanna come out and play?"
Crap. Okay, Cullen, relax. Just let her get in the car and drive around the block, then drop her off. Maybe I'll give her some money, too, just so she won't get hurt.
I manually rolled down my window and gulped down a little swallow, hoping she didn't see that. I had to play the part so the pimp wouldn't get suspicious.
"Hi.", I smiled…or tried to, "You're cute, too. How much?"
I glanced at the man behind her, studying us.
"100 for a blow job.", she rattled off, leaning over to make eye contact with me, "200 for sex. Anything kinky is extra."
Hmm. Seems like the prices have gone up since I had friends on the streets. Or she's lying to me to get more than she should get. That's very dangerous. If I were a seasoned customer, she could get hurt for that. She was clearly in over her head here.
"Come on.", I nodded my head to the passenger side, leaning over to unlock her door as she trotted in her too high heels to get there before I changed my mind and pulled away.
I looked at the pimp again and he grinned, giving a little nod at the girl as she got into the car. She shut the door and then the fucking light turned green. Thanks a lot, God…you're the bomb!
I began to drive and the girl was watching her pimp as I took her away from him…she looked relieved and let out a small breath before she went into her routine.
"You are really hot.", she said right out as she looked me over, not wearing a seatbelt, sitting sideways as she stared at my face, "Thanks for picking me up."
I decided to see just what this little girl was doing out here. She couldn't be more than 19 years old.
"I didn't pick you up for your amazing conversation skills.", I said a little coldly, staring straight ahead, "Where do you go for some privacy around here?"
She looked a little scared and that's good, she SHOULD be scared.
"Um…", she trembled a tiny bit…but I noticed, and she pointed, "You can pull in there."
"An alley.", I said, "How romantic."
So I pulled in there and it was dark and empty. I went halfway into it and stopped, and turned my lights off, taking a second to figure out how I was going to do this. Actually, I didn't know WHAT I was doing…but I wanted to make a point with this girl. She is a baby and doesn't belong out here. Maybe I could scare her straight.
Once we stopped and the engine was off, I looked at her with a steely glare.
She looked back at me, confused, as if waiting for me to do something to her. I raised my brow and she said, "So…what do you want?"
"Everything.", I said demandingly, still not moving.
"What does everything mean?", she asked, moving her hair to the right side of her face, moving closer to me, leaning in, "Tell me what you want…you can have it…you're sooo pretty…"
And she tried to lick my lips with her tongue but I grabbed her face, frowning at her.
"Don't kiss my mouth.", I sneered, "I don't want to taste the last fifty guys you've blown tonight."
I shoved her away and she frowned at me.
"I haven't blown fifty guys!", she shouted back at me, "And I'm clean! I don't smell and I brush my teeth after every…."
She stopped and I saw sadness in her eyes…and I felt sorry for her.
Maybe she was someone I could save or scare…maybe she hadn't been out here very long. So I decided to test her a little.
I moved my seat back all the way and I leaned it back a bit, ordering her, "Suck my cock."
She hesitated a second, but then went right to my pants, her fingers trying to undo my jeans. But I grabbed her wrists, stopping her and sneered a little, "You stupid little girl. You don't ask for the money up front? No wonder your pimp is ready to beat you."
She tried to say something but I cut her off.
"How old are you?", I asked, not so wicked in my tone of voice right now.
"Old enough.", she tried to be sexy and seductive, moving towards me again.
"Stop giving me those whore answers and tell me how old you are.", I held her at arms length.
"22.", she answered.
"Bullshit.", I frowned, "You're a baby, you can't be older than 14 years old!"
I knew she was older than 14, but this was my trick to get her to admit the truth.
"I'm not 14, you asshole, I'm almost 17!", she shrieked, tiny little tears in the corners of her heavily made up eyes.
Holy shit. 17 years old. What the HELL is she doing here? This is someone's little girl. Some father is somewhere…wondering where the hell his baby is…and she's in the car of some stranger…about to suck his cock for one hundred dollars. And not even. In this world, if she doesn't get the money up front, she won't get it at all afterwards. And good luck to her going back to her pimp with no money in her hands. He'll kill her.
A moment went by in silence.
"What's your name?", I asked as myself this time, not as the asshole john.
"What the fuck does that matter?", she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"I wish.", I shot her a look, "If I were, you'd be getting your fingerprints done right now. You'd be safer in jail then out here, as stupid as YOU are."
"I'm NOT stupid!", she shouted.
"You go with me into an alley, you don't ask for the money up front, you try to double price me…", I listed her mistakes, "You won't last a week here if THAT'S they way you want to play it. How long have you been doing this?"
She looked like she was pouting now and she didn't answer me.
"Ten minutes.", I muttered, not needing her answer. It was obvious she had no clue what she was doing.
I sighed and went into my wallet, shaking my head, muttering, "What the hell am I doing out here?"
I took out two twenties and a ten and held it in my hand before giving it to her, "Fifty dollars – and you have to do whatever I say – for the next half hour. Deal?"
She looked happy that the money had come out and she clutched it out of my hand, saying, "Deal."
God, she is too naïve for this game. I could be a fucking murderer for all she knows. And she just agreed to do anything for fifty lousy dollars. Jesus.
"What is your name?", I asked again, "For real."
She let out a little breath and answered, "Kerri. That means dark princess."
I almost rolled my eyes. But I didn't. I had only thirty minutes or so with this girl and I wanted to make them count.
Five minutes later, I was staring at her as she ate the biggest hamburger I'd ever seen at this little diner across the street. She devoured it, not paying attention to her lip gloss at all. It was clear she was hungry and she was wearing my jacket now, too, because her skin felt like the flesh of a corpse when she'd tried to unbuckle my jeans earlier.
She definitely looked much happier now that she was eating and I asked her, "When's the last time you ate, Kerri?"
"I don't remember.", she answered without thinking, smiling at me, "I think I had a snickers the other day."
I knew it.
"So, tell me about this guy…", I said firmly, not very hungry myself as I looked at my own cheeseburger, "How did you meet?"
"I ran away from home.", she said as she ate, "I couldn't find a place to live or get a job…I was so cold and hungry…"
"Like you are right now…", I pointed out with no venom.
"Kurt takes care of me.", she said, her eyes staring at mine, a bit hurt, "He loves me."
"We are talking about the guy who threatened to break your nose, right?", I asked, "If you didn't come with me for sex? Just so I'm clear…"
"You don't know him.", she frowned, defensively.
"I know him.", I said without a beat, "I know him well. I was owned by my pimp for six years. I know him better than YOU do."
"You?", she smiled at me, stopping her chewing for a second, "I had a feeling. Cute guys never pay for sex. I've never met a guy whore before. Cool. I'll bet you make lots of money with that fucking face of yours. Is your body just as hot?"
"Cut it out, Kerri.", I frowned, "That's not you talking, it's him. I know all about it. You're seventeen. You should be at school and dances and…I don't know, writing for your school paper or something…why would you do this? Because HE told you to?"
"I have to!", she whimpered, her bottom lip trembling. Damn…she's not even hardened yet. Whores don't CRY. I have to get her out of here.
"If I don't do what he says, he'll hurt me.", she put her burger down and grabbed at her hair, trying not to cry.
"Come with me for a second.", I stood up, gently taking her by the arm…leading her to the ladies' room. I took a deep breath before going inside…and then I just forced myself to go in, bringing her with me, closing the door, not having the stomach to turn that lock, just for the sound it would make.
"Is this where you want to do it?", she was suddenly pleased, slowly dropping to her knees in front of me, kissing her lips to the denim of my cock, and moving her fingers to the buckle and zipper. Amazingly enough, Frankencock didn't respond. Maybe he's getting more mature too these days.
"No, STOP, Kerri!", I almost yelled, taking her hands and bringing her back up onto her feet again, "Behave yourself. I don't want to be in here for long, so pay attention."
I quickly unbuttoned my shirt and opened it, taking it off as she smirked at me, biting her lip just like Bella usually does. She thinks I'm gonna fuck her…Christ.
Then I moved more under the lights and showed her my bare, hairless chest…showing her the scars that were still there…Raven's scars…now mine forever.
"This is what happened to me, while I was obeying my pimp. While I was working.", I said, making my eyes look into hers. They turned away, welling up with tears.
"No, LOOK.", I jerked her chin back so she'd look at them, and I took her hand and put it on one of the deeper scars, the one that slashed jaggedly across my heart, "Feel that. Don't look away. This is what happens to whores, Kerri. Whores that stay…whores that listen and do what they're told. The abuse never ends, Kerri. It just intensifies. Your pimp doesn't LOVE you. He is using you. Look at my back."
I turned around and I heard her gasp, jerking her hand away from me.
"Victoria told me all the time that she loved me…", I said, staring at my face in the mirror before me, my eyes determined to make her hear me, "I believed her. I even thought I loved her too…once. But she didn't love me at all. She didn't even know the meaning of the word."
I turned to her and she looked afraid…and I was glad.
"Why'd you leave your parents, Kerri?", I asked her, softly, not wanting her to run off now, "They loved you, didn't they?"
Kerri covered her mouth and looked away, giving a little nod.
"You don't belong here, Kerri, you know that.", I moved my fingers over her hair, then to her arms, holding them gently, "I don't know what happened with your family, but, if you don't want to go there…will you come with me? You can't live with me, but, there's a nice town…with good people…I'll get you a room…I'll help you find a job…I'll help you any way I can. But you can't stay here."
"Who are you?", she asked with this little meek voice.
I thought about that for a moment and answered her.
"I don't want to lie to you, okay?", I asked, getting her nod, "So I'll tell you. My name is Edward. But you can't ever call me that. You have to call me Anthony. Anthony Masen. I ran away from my pimp and others that would love to find me again. You can't ever tell anyone about this…or me. Do you understand?"
After a long pause, she said, "Yea. I get that."
"Good.", I said, taking my shirt off the counter, not rushing to put it on yet, because she was still staring at all my scars. I wanted her to see them and realize.
"It must have…hurt…a lot.", she said to me, her eyes wet and glittering, as she nodded towards my chest.
I nodded too and looked down at my flesh, saying, "Yea. It did. I screamed and begged…but she didn't stop. Not even when they started to bleed. Not even when I passed out from the pain."
"You're not one of those church people, are you?", she asked.
"No.", I smirked a bit, "God isn't one of my best friends at the moment."
She smiled back and I felt like she might even trust me a little.
"Mine either.", she agreed.
"I hate public bathrooms, so can we go back to our table now?", I asked, not feeling all that brave right now.
She nodded, not making any weird faces at me, as if she didn't understand. I think she did and that made me even more angry at this Kurt asshole.
I went to put my shirt back on and before I knew it, she was helping me…and she smiled at me, not in a sexual way…but the way a friend would. She buttoned up my shirt and silently held the bathroom door open for me to leave first.
After she finished her own burger, I shoved mine in front of her and she didn't refuse it.
I didn't push her anymore about coming with me…but I knew she was going to. I wouldn't leave her here. She'd be dead before the month was out…or worse, she'd get used to it. And she'd die inside…which was worse than physical death.
When I saw that she was finished eating and the half hour was up, I said, "Well, let's get going. I have to figure out the way back home, so, it'll be a nice little road trip. I can hear your life story and you can hear mine by the time we get there."
"Wait.", she looked scared suddenly, and she was hesitating, "I can't just…go with you. What about my stuff?"
"I'll get you new…stuff.", I said flatly.
"What about Kurt?"
"He can get his own stuff.", I frowned a little, then smirked at her. She smirked right back.
"You know what I mean.", she said, "He'll look for me. And if he finds me, he'll hurt you."
"He won't find you.", I said as if it were a fact, "I can't even find my town, I'm sure HE won't be able to."
"But…", Kerri began…still afraid. But I could tell she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be free of all this, Kurt or no Kurt.
"Listen.", I stood up, leaning down towards her as I put my hand on the table, "If you stay here, you'll die. Simple as that. I got out. I nearly died but I got lucky. Someone cared enough to give me another chance. Not all hookers get that. Not many people care about us. So maybe we should help each other then. This is your chance. You might not ever get another one, Kerri. Be smart. Take it."
She didn't say anything.
"I'm gonna turn around and ask this guy at the counter for directions.", I stated, my eyes almost burning into hers, "When I turn back around, if you're here, you're coming with me. If not…I'll be really disappointed that my wonderful bathroom speech didn't work. But I'll come find you. I'll have to approach Kurt."
She looked afraid of that possibility…but she didn't say anything. I turned my back to her, as hard as it was…and took out my useless fucking map, asking the guy for directions, writing down what he was telling me. I listened behind me to see if she was getting up and leaving, but I couldn't make anything out.
"Thanks.", I said finally, taking my pad and map, tucking it into my shirt pocket, and turning around to the table we were sitting at.
She was there…trembling and smiling, a little tear in her left eye. She was still wearing my jacket and she shrugged, trying to find something to say…but not able to say anything as I smiled at her.
She is smart. She has a chance after all.
Without making a big production out of it, I walked by her and held the door to the diner open, saying, "Let's hit the road, kid."
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Love you guys!
Don't worry, Edward's not going to live with this girl, he's just helping her. It'll be good. Trust me. Kerri won't be in it for long. Hope you guys are liking this.
Love you! Winnd