I'm not really doing this, am I? Have I sunk this unpredictably low?

I asked myself these questions as I was steps away from the door of the suburbia Akatsuki hideout. The Hidan lawn ornament from Halloween was gone, so I had to be ready to go apeshit if a certain religious dork answered the door, given I had no more power except a sort-of trained Sharingan. Not helpful.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I always make a habit of five knocks on a door. It sounds just right. Three isn't enough, and eight is annoying and hurts my knuckles. The door slowly creaked, and I prayed to any god that was hearing me not to let it be Hidan. To my relief, a familiar plant-man answered the door. Zetsu looked both ways before peeking his head out, so no one saw him.

"Hey. . . isn't it dangerous for you to be here?" He looked kind of concerned. He had probably heard I was an almost-normal girl now. I shrugged off the insult on my fury-fighting, and answered.

"Eh. . . I can handle myself. Zetsu, feel like pulling some pranks with me?" He looked somewhat shocked at this, like he was never asked to hang out with people. Not that I think he was asked, but it seemed kind of sad.

"Depends. . . how much trouble will we be in?" I pulled some paper with hastily-written designs on it, and he grimaced from both nausea and delight at the same time.

"You are a bad girl."

Deidara

"Hnn, I need a sandwich. . . Chelsea's been gone all day. . . she better not be with that creepy Asian guy, hnn. He's a bad influence." Deidara opened the fridge and pulled out the basic ingredients, bread, cheese, turkey, and mayo. He grinned ear to ear as he found some left-over egg-salad, he liked that stuff.

No sooner than he sat down at the table, had he felt something click underneath him on the chair. Confetti flew out around the room in pastel pinks, greens and blues and two conspicuous looking balloons blew up in front of him in a very familiar shape.

"I like big butts and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face

You get sprung"

The song continued playing as a red-as-a-tomato-Deidei sat there, trying to take this all in. Zetsu and I hid, carefully concealed as we watched it all unfold. The weird part was that he had to be touching me for me to hide under the ground like was, but Zetsu wasn't a perv so it was fine. I turned to him with a blank expression.

"Maybe we should go before he explodes?" He nodded, and we were off for our next target.

Niisama

"Mmm. . . tea. I can't believe Americans drink tea with sugar, it tastes way too sweet. . ." He peacefully drank his freshly-brewed green tea and stared contently out the window. That is, until I walked in. He took note of my presence and turned back, so we were face-to-face. He looked confused, as I usually attempted to stab him with whatever was in reach when we met.

"Hey Niiiiisama." I tried to act cute, but he was skeptical.

". . . . hey?"

"Why are you here? I haven't bribed you for a few days now."

"Because I want to show you something." He looked even more confused, and got up.

"Well? What is it?" I took a few steps towards him, then unleashed the weapon. Two cans of silly string, carefully hidden in my pockets. I took aim, and fired.

Then he suddenly wasn't there. Looking around for a few moments, I felt a chill go up my neck as I realized he was right behind me.

"Very funny. Now let's see if you can-"

"ZETSUUU! ABORT! ABORT! MISSION FAILURE! I REPEAT, MISSION FAILURE!" With perfect timing, Zetsu came and swiped me, both of us tunneling underground before Niisama could react.

"I told you he was smarter than Deidara."

"That was still funny though."

"Yeah. Who's next?" We resurfaced and looked on the paper for our next victim. I grinned, Zetsu looked scared, but we both agreed it had to be done.

Madara

He turned around quickly, suspicious of every shadow. Someone had been following him for more than an hour now. Chelsea had disappeared, so it was probably her.

"Come out or you're going to be in trouble." He looked slightly unnerved by the fact not even a cricket chirped. He continued home, to find the door had been blown open and the house was scorched at the dining room table and the table itself had not much more than pegs left where the legs where.

Madara ate his dinner with caution. He found Inarizushi in the fridge, and even thought it was suspicious, he ate it anyways. Seeing a faint object blur across the window only got him more on edge. Was someone messing with his head? Surely not. They had to have either balls of damn brass or it had to be Chelsea. But the latter option was looking slim, as she usually gives up by now. Gulping down the rest of his food, he made his way to the window, peering out but not moving the blinds one inch.

Not a thing budged.

Really creeped out now, he went to his and Chelsea's bedroom and started lifting weights. The sound of shifting objects caused him to bullet at the sound, knocking everything over to catch the damn perpetrator who was really disturbing him now. He stopped to realize he was shaking. Blinking once, twice, he went over the security system one more time and set in some small mine bombs outside the house.

I've had a boring day. . . things are working on my mind. . .

He comforted himself with these thoughts and decided being full-sized for the night would offer a sense of security. Sitting down on the bed, he laid down without putting the covers on himself and started to doze off. . . .

"WHEE!" He screamed, fell off the bed and laid on the floor in a peculiar manner. I looked over, horrified.

"Holy shit, Madara, are you ok?" I rushed over. He was paler then usual. I put my fingers on his throat and found a pulse.

"Woah. . . I think he passed out."

". . . ." I lifted him onto the bed, and laid the blanket in top of him, tucking him in carefully. Maybe if I was lucky he would think it was a night terror when he woke up.

"Zetsu, you were right. Stalking is the best thing ever."

"But maybe we should cool it on the pranks until everyone forgets, yeah?"

"Yeah. Good night my dear partner in crime."

"Night." With that, he was gone. I felt bad, so I got a blanket and slept on the couch. What I didn't see however, was a perfectly awake, amused-looking Madara creeping up beside me.