Dammit, I thought as I once again found myself sprawled on the hallway floor. I was so close!

First Riversong betrays me, then Clara. What happened to her while I was bowling? What caused this abrupt personality change? And how foolish I was to spend my time so noisily!

I sighed. At least now I knew what to do.

I got up, marching straight down the hall to the arcade.

Seeing the bird kid busy at work playing the strange fighting game with the bugs, I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Kid, don't mess with my friends. I know those crooked cops are keeping your mom hostage, but I've got a plan to rescue her. Keep the drugs in your pocket. I'll take care of it."

He gave me a weird look. "Didn't you already do that?"

This floored me. I stared at him in astonishment. "What?"

Frowning, he said, "Yeah, yeah. You saved my mom. My hero and all that. Are you fishing for compliments or something?"

I furrowed my brow, shaking my head. "Never mind."

"Doctor!" I heard a voice cry.

I turned my head and saw Graciela approaching.

"Hi," I stammered.

"Kirwan and Mooraidan are still restrained. You will testify against them when we reach Fissulo 4, won't you?"

I shrugged. "I'm afraid I'm in a little trouble with the law. You'll have to excuse me if I don't attend the trial."

The time loop is over! I thought with a grin. "I hope everything works out for you, though. See you around."

I sighed in relief, thinking that I at last could check out Tayari's safe without worrying about being arrested.

I hurried to the banquet hall, intending to seat myself at his table, but then I could see Desiree waving at me, hissing, "Nick!"

This is new, I thought.

I marched over to her table, still grinning. "Hi. What's going on?"

"Did you find anything new about the Quarks?"

I sighed. "Not yet, but I'm working on it."

"I believe you about the time bomb," she said. "But if we can't find a better way to stop them, it looks like our only solution."

Giving her flipper a squeeze, I said, "I'll let you know when I have something."

And then I seated myself at Tayari's table.

"Hello, Senator," I said, fully expecting him to recognize me.

"Do I know you?"

I frowned. "You should."

"I'm sorry. It's not ringing any bells."

"You really don't know?"

"No. Should I?"

Shaking my head, I muttered, "I'm the Doctor."

"Ah," he said. "I thought you looked familiar."

I nodded.

He slid his book across the table. "I think you, of all people, can appreciate a book like this."

Those same old words, and the utterly predictable list of songs from the cantina band caused me to frown. I thanked him, just the same.

When I'd put the book in my vest, I heard Joe screaming.

It was then I decided that maybe the time loop hadn't actually ended.

I didn't bother helping the boy. Instead, I marched straight out of the room and up the stairs to room 119.

It only took me three attempts to figure out the pattern of video cubes I'd assembled last time to reveal the machine, and the card from the envelope actually served as its key.

The moment I put it in, I heard a pneumatic hiss, and the machine opened, revealing a display case filled with strange objects.

It reminded me of one of those secret weapons racks they had on spy movies, except there weren't actually weapons in it.

In the gray foam padding, I saw a badge in a leather wallet, a cel phone, a pair of sunglasses, a cigarette case, a spoon, a yo-yo, a Swiss army knife, a thumb drive, and a disgusting yellow slug in a clear box.

Oh, and there was a sonic screwdriver in the case, too.

You can guess what I pocketed first, and it seemed someone else did, too, for the moment I pocketed this useful tool, a little monitor above the case came on, and I saw the dead guy's face smiling at me.

A wrinkly, weird looking gray haired man with crazy bulging eyes.

"Hello, me!" he said. "Me Junior, or, more accurately, me impersonator.

"Since you've gotten this far, you apparently must have proven your advertised trustworthiness with the good Senator, and have managed to avoid the authorities long enough to make it up here. Great job on rescuing Ms. Edaise, by the way. I would have liked to see it happen in person, but I, unfortunately, have other plans. You can't be everywhere, you know."

"Wait," I said, assuming this was some sort of live video feed. "How did you..."

It seemed the Doctor had anticipated this response, and timed it exactly when he thought I'd speak, for he replied, "One of the advantages of being a time traveler is being able to see things in advance. Of course, you of all people should know this by now.

"Nasty business, time bombs. Wish I hadn't gotten you stuck in the middle of one, but it couldn't be helped. I did the numbers. Roughly a thousand passengers on a small cruise ship versus oh, say, about ninety trillion intelligent beings. Couldn't be in both places, so I delegated the authority to someone I could trust."

"Against my will!" I shouted.

He seemed to jerk back at the outburst, but was still smiling. "Boy Scout. Nothing to do. Mama's boy. Job at IKEA that he dislikes intensely. Sound familiar?"

I slumped my shoulders.

"Don't answer that. It's rhetorical. The point is, you now own the most amazing spaceship in the universe, allowing you to see the most amazing sights in time and space, so you really shouldn't complain about minor trifles such as, say, blowing up over and over again.

"What's more, I've left you this toy box in hopes that you will be clever enough to figure out a way to stop blowing up. Oh, and try the Jelly Babies. They're really good. Not stale yet, I should think."

I looked around at the various objects in confusion.

"Cigarette case," he prompted, as if he were really watching me.

It was stupid, but the cigarette case actually contained candy. Some kind of starchy gummy bear-ish thing. I wasn't too wild about it.

"Nice to see you not looking all bloody and loaded with shrapnel."

"Likewise, I'm sure."

A vague response, appropriate for a recording. So it is Memorex! I thought.

I tapped the screen.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but I don't have all day. I'm sure you have things to say to me, so say them."

"You're dead," I said. "How is it that we're having this conversation?"

He nodded. "I was wondering when you would come around to asking me that. As you may or may not have guessed, this is a recording.

"The precise details are a little much to be getting into, but you doubtless have telephoned answering machines where the party on the other line has cleverly timed their responses so it sounds like they're talking to you when they actually are not?"

"How-"

He answered my question before I could verbalize it. "You'll notice that there is a camera on that cel phone. I've souped up its functioning a bit and routed the feed into my TARDIS. Technically it's your TARDIS now, but the point is, I popped into the future a few thousand years to watch the recording, and used a timer to make my responses coincide."

Not believing that nonsense, I spoke, not really expecting an answer. "You've been spying on me with your TARDIS, but you couldn't figure out how to prevent dying."

He nodded. "Benjamin Franklin is unsightly. He really shouldn't lay naked in the open like that."

I screwed up my face. "What?"

The Doctor frowned at me. "I didn't answer your question?"

"No," I said.

"Oh wait. That's right. You didn't ask that one yet."

He pointed the sonic screwdriver at the screen, making a high pitched whir.

The man clicked something and pocketed it again. "There."

"So you were with Benjamin Franklin when you died?"

The Doctor shook his head violently. "No no no. But that would be weird."

I frowned at him impatiently.

He sighed. "Why can I spy on you from the future and yet not prevent my own demise..."

"Yes," I said. "That is the million dollar question."

"Traveling back in time to spy on a man who ends up dying alone in his apartment, easy. Pulling myself out of a reactor core and stop it from going nova in eight seconds, not so much.

"But I've made peace with my future, and that's how it's going to be."

"What?" I blinked. "I die single and alone?"

The Doctor gave me a shrug. "You did, and you might. Of course, probably not now since I meddled."

"Why me out of the billions of people on the earth?"

"Why not?" came the glib reply.

"You had to have some criteria," I said. "Some kind of connection. A system. Something. I'm not the only single person to ever die alone."

"Indeed," he said. "But you made this puppet show on YouTube. A very...interesting puppet show. About a dog...it gets eighty million hits. After you're dead, of course."

"Of course," I muttered, flushing red with anger.

"You haven't actually made it yet. It's sort of bitter and angsty. In fact, one of your scouts sees the video and jumps off a bridge. And maybe a dozen children. Not important. Hasn't happened yet. Hopefully won't happen."

"That's some video!" I joked, not believing what I was hearing.

"You have no idea."

The Doctor took a deep breath and said, "So I thought to myself, now here's a man with too much time on his hands. He needs something to do. Maybe give his puppets something more interesting to talk about."

He snapped his fingers dramatically. "I got it! I'll give him a nice vacation on the Island Princess, which incidentally has a lot of suspicious things going on. That will keep him busy! In fact, it's perfect! Did he or did he not say that his life was nothing but one big failure and he couldn't wait for the end of his life?"

I stared at him, absently twirling the sonic screwdriver. I'd never said any of what he described, but it sounded like something I might say as a cynical old man, and from time to time, I have kind of felt that way.

My stomach sank as I thought about those children. Twelve dead, and all because of me. Even if I blamed the parents, like they did for South Park and other television programs, it didn't make me feel any less sick to my stomach.

Without thinking about it much, I twisted the rings on the device, my thumb sliding over the button. It was only an anxious behavior, like chewing my cuticles.

The little monitor sparked and popped, and smoke curled out of it.

"Don't mess with that!" the Doctor cried, but it was too late.

The screen went blank.

"Doctor?" I said.

No answer.

I guess I blew my chance at further answers.

"Oops," I muttered, pocketing the tool.

I picked up the badge, not believing what I saw.

What I had in my hands was a temporary boarding pass explaining how I was a new staff member on holiday, and why I didn't have a bracelet, requesting a replacement. I grinned and pocketed it.

I put on the shades as a joke. They didn't tint anything in the slightest, but I put them in my vest anyway, thinking I could mess around with them when I was bored.

I pushed the buttons on the phone, checking its call list.

A number of the most recent calls were for Clara, if you call a year ago recent. Since the Doctor was married, I thought this suspicious. Was there an affair going on?

I dialed the number and Ms. Oswald picked up after a couple rings.

"Doctor?"

"Yes," I said, trying to keep a straight face. "Look, Clara. I have a question for you, and I don't know how to frame it politely. Are...you and I...boyfriend and girlfriend?"

She laughed. "You seriously don't know?"

I swallowed. "No. It's, um, regeneration amnesia. So were we or were we not?"

"As if!" she chuckled. "I mean, maybe before you regenerated that first time when we met, but then I moved on."

"Right," I said, turning red. "So why did I call you so much?"

"Oh? The usual. Saving the universe, making a complete ass out of yourself. That kind of thing."

"That...definitely sounds like me!"

I was disappointed and relieved at the same time.

"Doctor," she said. "You sound different."

"Does anyone sound like themselves when they call you on the phone?"

"You're right, but I've heard the Doctor on the phone, and you don't quite..."

"I told you I regenerated."

"Oh. Right. You did say that."

In between the lie and the secret phone, she seemed to be convinced.

"It's so weird. Everyone thinks you're dead."

"That's kind of the point. I'm going undercover."

"Oh!" I thought I heard genuine amazement.

Clearing my throat, I said, "Ms. Clara, can I rely on you to help me save the universe again?"

"Certainly," she said. "Just like old times. Give the word and I'll be there."

"If I do give the word, and that's not right now, can you promise not to shoot me in the head with a gun?"

"What?"

"I, uh, traveled time, and in the future, you shot me in the head with a Smith and Wesson or something."

"But I wouldn't shoot anybody! I know how you hate violence. Why would you-?"

"Never mind," I said. "But you'll help me when the time comes."

"Absolutely."

I didn't know if she really meant all that, so I simply said, "Right now I'm working on something that might need your help. I'll let you know once I have a plan."

I hung up.

The yo-yo seemed to be ordinary, as did the spoon. I put them in my pockets anyway, along with the candy.

I had no computer for the thumbdrive to go into, but I kept it for future use.

The slug, well, I really didn't know what to do with it. I laid the glass box on the table and opened one end, letting it crawl out.

I always thought slugs were gross, but since this thing was apparently the Doctor's pet (though I didn't know how it was preserved for so long), I decided it might be okay to touch it.

When I pulled my finger away, I found myself sitting in Tayari's couch with no recollection of how I got there, or what I was doing immediately after my little chat with the Doctor.

I was certain an hour had passed, despite not having any means of proving that assertion.

I forgot the slug.

Still, when I saw it crawling across the carpet, I knew it was bad news.

At first, I was upset and a little frightened, but then, after I had cracked open one of Tayari's fine beverages, I recalled the weapons being in the case before the incident, and my pockets feeling heavy after.

When I'd made a careful inventory of my pockets, I decided I was doing all right.

I experimented some more with my new toys.

Thinking I had a pair of polarized movie theater glasses, I changed movie blocks, trying to watch The Lion King, which, in my defense, was selected at random.

Changing the blocks did, in fact, cause the safe thing to retract into the wall, and I was able to watch the film, but the lenses did nothing.

Okay, almost nothing.

About five minutes into the film, the picture disappeared and I saw a block of huge plain face text saying `WATCH THIS MOVIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.'

When I took the glasses off, I only saw the monkey preparing to raise baby Simba beneath a beam of divine light.

Putting the glasses on again, I could read this message: `YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU UNLESS SHE BUYS YOU ITEMS FROM THE DISNEY VAULT.'

I knew something was wrong with the movie all along, but now I had proof.

Disgusted, I looked away and noticed a tiny little bottle sitting among Tayari's empties.

I took my glasses off, and it vanished, but putting them back on revealed it to me again.

I got up, staring at the tag that dangled from its side.

"Drink me," it said.

Generally, I mistrust anything Alice in Wonderland related due to the psychedelic drug reference, but this bottle was invisible, and therefore had much greater potential to shrink me down to the size of a mouse. Whether or not I actually wanted to be that size, though, was another story, or if it actually did what I thought it did.

I dropped it into my pocket for later, in case I really needed to be a midget...or needed to die from poisoning.

At this point, I blanked out again, and I was back on the couch, absently staring at a section of the film that said `PUT ON AN ANIMAL COSTUME AND GO TO CONVENTIONS,' and `LOVING PARENTS TAKE THEIR CHILDREN TO DISNEYLAND.'

Shaking my head, I got up, stumbling to the door.

A Quark was standing in the hallway beyond.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and ran, but then I noticed it wasn't moving.

I took off the glasses and it was gone.

Putting them back on made it reappear.

Was it there the whole time?

When I crept to the stairs, it slowly followed me, turning into a red ghost and fading back into existence over and over again.

I hurried downstairs, bolting down the hallway, which just so happened to be occupied by a human Dalek in a nurse's uniform marching the other way.

"Hey!" she shouted as we bumped into each other. "Watch where you're going!"

My glasses detected two Quarks, one at each end of the hallway. "Don't look now, but this ship is crawling with Quarks."

"I know," she frowned. "That's why it must be destroyed."

"We're being watched," I said. "I can see them."

She snatched the glasses off my face, peered through one lens and gasped.

"You're right!"

Then she frowned. "No matter. They can't follow me through the air system."

And she swiped my glasses and went about her usual business.

Unlike the last dozen times, I had no reason to follow her, except to get my glasses back. I knew where she was, Joe wasn't going to get arrested, and I had a fake ID and a sonic screwdriver to get me out of tight spots.

I marched down to the lower level.

Obviously, around this time, I had already been in the brig and out of it again. Although I hadn't plotted out the time table with any degree of accuracy, I estimated that, in the scenario in which I remained in the brig, I was by now somewhere between sitting around bored and getting beaten for trying to pick the lock on the cell door, and being led away as a slave.

Since I had no clue what everyone was doing while I was sitting in my cell, I did some random exploring.

The moment I stepped into the room with the pool and the beach chairs, a Quark popped into existence in front of me, knocking me out with a taser.