Sorry again for the slow update!

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Bring a Little Light

I didn't know how to broach the subject with Esme about talking to Bella. Edward said I should just ask her and give my reasons clearly and honestly, but after all she's done I didn't even want to see her let alone ask for her help, but the situation was too dire for me to let my petty emotions dictate my actions.

I chose to ask Esme when Bella was out hunting.

"Esme, do you have a moment?" I asked her as she embroidered a pillow while listening to Edward play the piano. To her right Robert gave me a veiled glare and I just gave him a blank stare in return.

"Of course, however may I help you, Carlisle?" I could see it in her eyes, she was still guilty for what she did, what she did to us and that just pissed me off, but I pushed my anger down.

"Bella is still struggling as you know. Volunteer work was a large part of her human life. I was hoping you could tell her all about the people you've helped now that you're a vampire and have infinite time to help more compared the three you've killed. I think it would really help her." Esme jumped up, startling me.

"Of course I'll talk to her for you!" Her excitement was completely unexpected and even Robert seemed startled by her reaction. Esme reined her excitement in quickly and she cleared her throat. "It's truly the least I can do after everything you've done for me and for…" She let the sentence stray off and her guilt was evident. "Anyways, I really want to help you two out."

Bella got back from her hunt with Jasper and Alice an hour later. She seemed a bit happier than usual, which of course made me happy, she even gave me a small smile when our eyes met. She went upstairs and I could hear her on the phone with a stock broker, arguing with him about the prospects of certain stocks. It was stupid, but I was actually jealous of him, since he got to talk to her more than I ever did.

A moment after Bella hung up the phone Esme went upstairs and knocked on Bella's door.

"Come in."

"Hello dear, can we talk?"Esme asked and Bella didn't respond right away.

"Sure."

"Did I ever tell you about the start of my vampire life?"

"No, this is the first time we've ever talked civilly." So blunt, yet so accurate.

"Well, that is true." They were both silent and I could feel the awkwardness even though I was downstairs. "Anyways, as I was saying, I was terribly depressed. The reason I had nearly died was because I tried to kill myself after my newborn son didn't make it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Bella sounded even more awkward. Damn it Esme, I didn't want you to tell her something that would depress her further.

"I've had enough time to accept it now. It still hurts though, every time I think him without fail, but that's not what I want to talk about. That depression lingered in me for the few years as I struggled with my new life, similar to your own. When I was in control of my basic instincts I started doing volunteer work. You need to understand the light side of having this second chance. I've fed at least ten thousand people, helped twenty-eight woman get away from their pimps and find stable-legal jobs, I've taught almost sixty adults how to read, I've built thirteen houses, prevented two gang rapes, helped over three hundred people leave their abusive spouses, found a little girl lost in the woods, and helped several amputees learn how to walk again." Esme took in a deep breath. "During my whole vampire life I've slipped up five times, taken five lives." I was startled. She'd had two accidents since she left me. It hasn't even been a decade and she'd already had two more accidents. "But I try to look at the bigger picture of the matter. Those five lives weigh on me, but I've saved at least five hundred lives and better the lives of countless people. Edward tells me that you've been donating the money you've made on the stock market to various charities."

"Yes, I have been."

"And how much money have you donated?"

"Almost two hundred fifty million US dollars."

"Bella, I can't even imagine how many lives you've saved and helped just with that money. It hasn't even been a year yet you've made a world of difference to so many people already. You might not be able to see the results of your kind actions, but I'm sure you've made people cry from joy just because you've given money. You have so many years ahead of you and you will make this world a better place. I'm not going to lie to you. You'll probably kill a handful of people while you're still young." Esme's voice was strained and I could tell she was trying not to cry. "It will hurt like hell and break your heart, but the small pain you inflict on this world will be next to nothing to the happiness you'll give it." Esme took in another breath. "And those families you hurt can't ever be completely healed, but you can help them from the shadows.

"The three parents I killed I gave full scholarships to their children and I check up on them periodically. The little girl I killed… there was nothing I could do for her parents to relieve that pain, but I donated money to help the school she went to and now they have a new son. With Carlisle's help I bought the company the father works for and promoted him and gave him raises that will ensure their son never wants for anything. The elderly woman I killed… She had no one, so I just completely refurbished the retirement home she used to live at." Esme said in a sad voice and I could just tell that my mate was trying not to cry. "We can never give back a life, but we can help make the world a little better." I head a light movement and knew Bella was hugging Esme.

"Thank you, Esme." She whispered, her voice breaking.

"I just wanted you to know. If you ever want to talk you know where to find me."

A few minutes later Esme came back downstairs and gave me a sad smile. I nodded in return and prayed to God that this would be the thing to bring Bella out of the darkness and to happiness.

What do you think of their talk? Of all Esme's done to make up for those five lives?

Please check out my other story: A Fractured Mind. It's a Bella/Jasper story.