Chapter Thirty Seven

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Bon Jovi – I'll Be There For You

It was late when she eventually got home. Mac had forced her to take a break from the case and get some shut eye. As it turned out their case was connected to Stella and Flack's, apparently the high velocity spatter on Paul Montanassi's face had been blood from where he'd shot a clerk working at a convenience store. The reasoning behind that was unclear, at the current moment Stella was working the connection between their cases and puzzling over a time line.

Mia hefted the paper grocery bag as she used her ass to push open the glass doors to her apartment building. She juggled for a second, her keys dangling from her finger tips before they clattered to the floor. She stared down at them, her eyes narrowing in irritation.

"Here, I've got them." a familiar voice uttered as she switched the heavy paper bag to her opposite arm.

Mia looked up to see Alex the doorman, scooting around his desk. His large frame barely fitting through the small gap in the desk where he worked. He bent down to pick up her keys; his huge hands were surprisingly gentle as he pressed them into her hand.

"Thanks." she uttered.

There was an awkward pause between them, Alex's hand still on hers before Mia looked down at it and he withdrew.

"How are you doing?" he asked meaningfully, crossing his arms over his chest.

Mia moved the grocery bag in order to balance it on her hip.

"Better. Work, you know, it keeps me busy." she responded, moving towards the elevators.

"If you need anything..." Alex trailed off wistfully as Mia hit the call button for the elevator.

"I'll let you know." she finished, already deciding that after stowing her groceries she was going to return to the Lab.

Mia had barely stepped through the entrance into the station house before she was accosted by Flack, smirking as he fell in step with her.

"I'm loving your muffs." he grinned, raising his eyebrows.

"You are so not funny." Mia retorted, pulling the bright blue earmuffs off her head and shaking her long red hair out.

"We're going back out again." Flack informed her, his hand taking her elbow and spinning her around to face the door.

"We are? What? Is there a new development in the case?" Mia exclaimed as Flack escorted her towards the cold night-time air.

"Actually, we need to talk." Flack responded.

Mia dug her heels into the ground suddenly, dragging them both to a standstill as she wrenched her elbow back from Flack.

"I really do not want to talk." she told him.

Flack rolled his eyes before looking down at Mia. Her hair floundered in her face, as he resisted the intense urge to brush it from her feminine features.

"It's not about you." he responded. "It's about me."

"Oh." Mia uttered, her lips forming the word. "Are you ok?"

Her eyebrows furrowed as she studied him concerned, her forehead wrinkling.

"Let me tell you over a cup of coffee." he said gesturing towards the way out.

Mia hesitated for a second, her eyes flicked to Flack's boyishly sad expression, she couldn't tell if it was genuine or not.

"One coffee." she bargained.

"One coffee." he agreed, holding open the door into the freezing cold night.

The diner was all night affair, across the road from the station house. It made a lot of money from cops and the god forsaken shifts that they all worked. Mia found herself sitting in a booth across from Flack, her cold hands wrapped around the steaming cup of coffee. She hated winter. Christmas was coming up soon and she had no idea how she wanted to spend it. All she knew was she did not want to spend the day with her mother.

Her father was uncaring on the subject; he stayed out of the mother- daughter battle field. He'd learned early on, not to get involved in their squabbles.

"So…" Mia began, breaking a sugar packet between her fingers and stirring it into the coffee. "What's up?"

Flack stared down at the coffee cup he was currently nursing.

"Patrick told me to look after you." he said raising his gaze to meet hers.

Mia ducked her head avoiding his yes as she sipped from her coffee.

"Patrick's not here anymore Don."

There was a silence between them. Mia stared deep into the recesses of her coffee cup trying to push all the memories of Patrick away.

"I knew… I knew about you and Patrick and I knew about the baby." Flack admitted suddenly.

Mia stared at him, her blue eyes wide and unforgiving as she absorbed the information.

"You knew?" her lower lip trembled as she narrowed her eyes.

He couldn't tell whether she was more upset or enraged by his omission. Either way she had to know his reasons.

"I wanted you to hear it from him." he implored.

"I heard it from his wife instead." she snapped rising to her feet.

"Mia…" he murmured, a she yanked on her coat and gloves.

"Do not 'Mia' me." she snarled.

His hand came to rest on her arm as he stood up.

"I was going to tell you." he told her.

"You know that's exactly what he said. You two are exactly the same. The same womanizing assholes who stick up for each other. Why did I even let myself think that you were any different? I bet you two even shared a laugh at my expense." she snapped, wrenching her arm from his.

"Mia." he called after her.

Mia ignored him before tearing the door open and stepping into the icy cold snow.

The clock was ticking. She could hear it as she tapped her pen against the flat wooden panel of the desk, watching the screen saver go by on the computer. It was doing its whole space thing; to be honest the screen saver kind of freaked her out sometimes as it hurtled through what looked like millions of stars at warp speed.

So many bad things had happened lately it was hard to focus on anything else. She knew there had to have been positive things that had occurred but the truth was she didn't see them any more. The files beside her elbow were untouched as she stared at the screen gloomily. She need to pull herself out of this she knew that but she was scared.

She was so terribly frightened of being disappointed, betrayed and hurt all over again. She'd never felt so weak before, so vulnerable and open.

The door to her office blew open and she felt his presence already in the room before she looked up and met the raging blue eyes of Donald Flack. She saw the frustration there, the sadness and the anger.

"I'm not going to apologize." he said suddenly, his fists balled by his sides.

She knew that he was making an effort to restrain himself. Trying not to bite off her head, the way she knew she deserved.

"You did the right thing." the words tumbled out of her mouth almost unwillingly.

Mia wasn't one to admit her faults and the fact that she was wrong was perhaps a starting point on the road to recovery.

Flack stared at her looking affronted until her words sunk in, instead his expression turned to one of immense suspicion. Mia took a deep breath before clasping her hands together and bowing her head against her knotted fingers. It was hard for her to speak about Patrick, and about the situation before his death.

"I would have wanted him to tell me." she began, raising her head to meet Flack's gaze. "Me and you were in such a bad place, I wouldn't have believed you if you'd told me. I would have accused you of being malicious and jealous."

Flack struggled for a second with her honesty. Having her open up to him caused a turmoil of emotions swirling through the pit of his stomach. He cleared his throat, shrugging off his own defences.

"Maybe I was a little bit." he admitted gruffly, folding his arms over his chest.

Mia acknowledged that by pursing her lips grimly and staring down at the coffee stains on her desk. There was too much to sift through at the moment, her heart was a wreck, there was no room for anyone else right now.

"It still hurts you know?" she said quietly, the palm of her hand resting on her chest right above the raging pain in her heart.

She turned her wide soulful eyes up towards him and inside he could see her soul. It was raw and anxious for reassurance, something she hadn't allowed herself for a long time.

"I keep thinking it'll go away." she admitted. "But it just sits there on my chest weighting me down."

"Mia." he said softly. "It's only been two months... That's not a long time for someone to grieve."

"I know." she uttered burying her face in her hands, her voice breaking. "I just wish it would all go away."

Flack took a step toward her and then thought better of it. That was not what she wanted. She needed to deal with this on her own. She needed to allow herself to process it all. Vulnerability he knew was not one of her strong suits.

"You need to get out there and start living again." he stated.

It was a matter of fact that she was hiding from the world; he expected no less of her, although he missed the bitchy, playful side that had eluded from her previously.

"You need to get out there and start having fun. You need to do something besides work. It's unhealthy to be so focused, you need to relax and work things through instead of dragging your ass in here on your days off." Flack regarded her pointedly as her face peeked out from between her fingers.

"I don't do that all the time." she mumbled.

Flack tilted his head and gave her a pointed look. Mia's gaze fell downcast.

"Just get out there and live a little. Do something other than be here. You never know you'll probably like it." he said openly, before stepping towards the door and leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Lately I seem to associate Flack with Bon Jovi music, I have no idea why. Thanks to Sparky for betaing and thankies to you guys for keeping Mia alive and kicking.

History: lol you know what's going to happen kind of! I hope you enjoy this story.

Maddy: lol it's true that Hawkes doesn't seem to get a lot of storylines compared to the others. I think she is very haunted but she needs someone to snap it out of her like in this chapter.

Sam: Is that a little better?

Sparkycsi: I don't blame you. Poor Lexi! And poor you! Thanks for the chapters.

Nik: lol we'll have to see. I like writing old Mia she had such fire and spirit!

Delko: lol thanks I love the song. You'll have to see what happens.

Blue: I'm gonna be thinking about Flack kisses!