Pippin the Ringbearer

I have to write this down before I forget this...

Chapter 35: The Candle Store?

"Uhhh I'm so BORED!" Snaitf complained. It had been nearly half an hour since Obi-Wan had left to infiltrate the cockroach base.

"Let's go to the mall," Helga suggested, "We can pass the time there."

"But what if Obi-Wan gets back here and doesn't know where we are?" asked Pippin.

"Well, we can just leave him a note," Moosey said. So they did and left to go to the mall.

"Huh. That's weird." Snaitf said suddenly as they were walking past a queue selling hoodies.

"What is?" asked Helga.

"Well, I just realized something. In Spanish, 'mal' means 'bad.' But the mall is called a mall, so does that mean malls are bad? I mean, some people think that the mark of the beast is in the little lines on the proof of purchase things, so maybe going to the mall is bad because that's the mark of the beast and you buy stuff there. So the mall's like the Antichrist!"

"Snaitf, what the CRAP are you talking about! The malls are the Antichrist! WTF!" Moosey shrieked at her.

"Well, I mean cause I saw this one show about the Rapture, and they said that people see '666' in the little proof of purchase things. So maybe malls are the Antichrist!"

"Snaitf... shut up."

"Okay." So they walked through the mall for a few minutes, looking at random stuff.

"Hey, you guys? Do you ever wonder if it takes microwaves a few seconds to warm up or do are they on full blast right when you turn them on? Cause if you wanted to heat up like... tinfoil in the microwave, you would only do it for like 2 seconds, but if it takes a few seconds to warm up, then the tinfoil wouldn't really be heated up, so you would have to do it for like 4 seconds. But if it's full blast the entire time and you put tinfoil in for like 4 seconds the microwave would catch fire... so how do you know!"

"Snaitf... seriously, WHAT THE CRAP?" Helga yelled.

"I was just wondering!" she replied defensively.

"Hey look! I've never been to this store before!" Leggy said, his eyes growing wide as they stopped and stared at the candle store.

"Wicks n' Fics? Shouldn't it be Wicks n' Sticks?" asked Helga.

"No, that's a different candle store," Snaitf replied. "Hey! Look at this!" she rushed into the store.

"What, Snaitf?" Moosey asked exasperatedly as they followed her into the store. They came to a stop at a nearby table, with Snaitf holding a candle excitedly.

"Look!" She exclaimed, shoving the lavender colored candle at Moosey. Moosey read the label.

"'Moosey's House'! They have a candle called 'Moosey's House'!"

"Lemme see!" Helga exclaimed, grabbing it. She sniffed it and gave a small sigh. "Ahh, that Moosey's house smell." She said.

"Wow! They have all of my favorite smells! Look! Here's 'Ed's Case'!" Snaitf exclaimed, running around the store.

Moosey rolled her eyes, and then sniffed something... familiar... "Is that baked bread!" she asked no one in particular, looking around her before spotting a tan candle on a table near her. "Gasp! It IS Baked Bread!"

Snaitf gave a childish gasp. "PAPA'S PIPE SMOKE!" She shrieked, grabbing a candle and sniffing the ever-living snot out of it.

"Hey look! There's Peanut Butter!" Helga said, picking up another candle. "Mmm I like the smell of peanut butter!"

"Look Merry! Mushrooms!" Pippin exclaimed, looking at a collection of red-spotted white candles in the back.

Meanwhile, Aragorn was looking curiously at a candle labeled 'Cocaine.' He called to Moosey, "Hey, Moosey, what's 'cocan-ee'?"

"Huh?" she asked, looking at the label. "Oh... don't smell it." She warned. Shrugging, he put it down.

"Ooh! Here's Rain! And it actually smells like rain and not like a candle that's supposed to smell like rain but ends up smelling like... well, a candle trying to smell like rain. Cause that doesn't smell good. Well, it does, but it doesn't smell as good as actual rain." Snaitf babbled on, looking at the various candles. A mischievous grin crossed her face.

"Hey, Moosey... Would you liiight my canndllllle?" she sang.

"Snaitf, don't start!" Moosey warned.

"Hey! Here's Tata Boy!" Helga exclaimed.

"Oh very funny." Snaitf said dryly.

"No seriously, look; it's labeled 'Potato Boy'" Snaitf came over suspiciously, looking at the label.

"Wow, they really have everything in this store," Snaitf mumbled, sounding surprised. She smelled the candle. "Mmm Potato Boy smell." She said as a dreamy smile appeared on her face.

Helga wasn't sure if she should roll her eyes or scream "AWWWW" really loudly and explode from how cute that was. So she decided to shake her head and walk off. "Hey Moosey," she called.

"Ya?" asked Moosey, who was busy sniffing a candle named 'Litter Box.' She wrinkled her nose. "Oh gross! It actually smells like a litter box!"

"Do you think it's weird that Snaitf has a boyfriend?"

"No. Why?"

"I dunno, she seems too... insanely nerdy to have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but 'Tata Boy is just as much of a loser as she is, so they go perfect together."

"...Good point."

"I wonder what's keeping Obi-Wan so long..." Legolas wondered aloud, looking at a candle labeled 'Mirkwood.' He sniffed it. "They got the smell way off! Have they even been to Mirkwood before!"

-15 Minutes Ago...-

Obi-Wan tried to look casual as he passed another guard. Of course, as soon as he started to act casual, he remembered that he was supposed to be a cockroach and had no idea how a cockroach acted when it was casual. So, he settled for walking as quickly as he could to the detention bay without attracting attention. Walking into the detention bay, he was suddenly struck by the realization that he had no idea what Locust Lad looked like. I really didn't think this through... he thought to himself.

"You cannot hold me for long! The Disinterested Duo will triumph!" an extremely annoying voice screeched from the back of the room. Obi-Wan followed the voice to find a chubby young man with slightly worn wings attached to his back.

"Locust Lad?" he asked. The man looked up, his bent plastic antennae bobbing up and down.

-At Wicks n' Fics-

Obi-Wan walked into the shop, looking slightly miffed when he saw the whole Fellowship there. "Where the heck were you! You weren't there when I got to the rock!"

"We got bored of waiting for you, so we came here." Snaitf explained.

"You could have told me that!"

"We left you a note."

"Oh, you mean this one?" he asked, taking out a piece of paper. "All it says is 'Ue yot brourd g scribble-o the nrelh.' What the heck does that mean!"

"Lemme see it." Snaitf said, grabbing it. "It says 'we got bored and went to the mall." Obi-Wan read it again.

"That says 'nrelh'."

"That's an L! See?"

"That is the worst written L I have ever seen!" Obi-Wan protested. Moosey came over and looked at the paper.

"What is that!"

"It's my note to Obi-Wan." Snaitf replied. Moosey cocked her head, reading it.

"Why does it say 'nrelh'?" she asked.

"That says mall!" she protested. Moosey looked at it again.

"You have the worst handwriting I have ever seen."

"Oh gee, thanks, Moosey. Way to be supportive," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"No seriously, that's not even English right there. Are you sure you weren't writing it in like..." She squinted at it, "German or something?"

"I'm pretty sure I would know if I was writing in German, Moosey."

"Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf!" Helga ran over to them, jumping up and down and waving a candle in Snaitf's face.

"WHAT, HELGA?"

"The candle smells like... MICHAEL!" She shrieked, sniffing it. Snaitf and Moosey rolled their eyes simultaneously.

"Helga, he's freakin' ugly as heck!" Moosey said.

"Yeah, but he's HOT THOUGH!" She yelled.

"Oh my lord..." Moosey rolled her eyes again.

TBC...

A/n: Man, school sucks... except the parts where Potato Boy is there... and yes, I do have a boyfriend! Woot! (Throws confetti in the air) :) And I actually wrote down 'we got bored and went to the mall, then tried to type what it actually looked like it said. I have BAD handwriting. :) So yeah, REVIEW! Even though only there's only like three people actually read this anymore... :)