Ok, I've been plagued with writer's block for weeks now! It's been killing me, but I swear to God this fic will be finished even if it takes me another two years –dear God I hope that doesn't happen. Lol. Anyway, I hope this is ok, as I feel I'm a bit rusty. Let me know what you think!

Enjoy!

Chapter 37

"We'll be at Andoria tomorrow."

Archer nodded to Tholos, pressing his lips together. Tholos' antennas twitched, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Something wrong?"

"It's just… I'm anxious to get Trip back home. His family are waiting for him, and they've been in a state since I told them of his death. Now that they know he's alive they're desperate to get him home."

"Of course, I understand that. But Andoria was closer, and… well, if you don't mind me saying so I don't think Trip is ready to go home yet."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look, I'm not going to say I understand humans, because I don't. But I do know what it's like to suffer and then return home. What you experience changes you and it is very hard to face people who knew and loved you before. It can be… frightening to go back, and you might not grasp that until you're there. So… until Trip asks directly, maybe you shouldn't suggest his return to Earth. He's welcome to stay on board as long as he wants."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"I am glad, in a twisted sort of way, that he was taken. This way, Thy'lek has someone who understands exactly what it was like."

"That is twisted." Archer all but snapped. Tholos grimaced, antennas falling a little. "But… I suppose I understand what you mean. It is nice having someone else on the same wavelength in any situation."

"Exactly."

The two commanding officers sized each other up, unsure of what to say to each other aside from discussing Trip and Shran. They were saved from an extended awkward silence by the comm.

"Bridge to Captain Tholos."

"Go ahead."

"There's a message coming in for you, it's the Agenian penal colony."

A shiver went up Archer's spine as Tholos frowned.

"Put it through."

There was laughter coming from Senkrad's quarters, loud and vibrant. The Andorian crew of the Shrainthel wondered at it as they pass by the door, it had only been yesterday that the ship had been enveloped by a depression that had affected them all.

Rumours and stories about the condition of Commander Tucker and Captain Shran had flown through the ship, some far-fetched and some very close to the truth. But out of respect for their captain, and Captain Shran, who was something of a legend in the Imperial Guard now, they'd resisted the urge to try and get a look at them, or speak with their family and friends.

It was difficult to contain their own curiosity, after all, many of them had spent the past five years assisting their commanding officer and his two associates search for the Captain. They'd heard so many stories, so many beliefs about the man, they wanted to see him for themselves. But they'd resigned themselves to the fact that it wouldn't just happen, it would take time. Still they would have liked to know what the joke was.

"You cheat!"

"Did not!"

"You so cheated Senkrad."

"I did not cheat Lek! Lissiel back me up here."

"I'm not getting involved in a fight between three men with the mentalities of five year olds."

"Hey! Six year olds thank you."

"Whatever you say Thy'lek, you're all still idiots."

"Charming." snorted Trip, smiling as the two brothers, who could have been twins really, bickered over a particular move. Lissiel was smiling indulgently and rolling her eyes as she watched them from where she was sprawled out over the couch.

Just as it looked like it was going to dissolve into a tousle, the door slid open and Archer and Tholos walked in, looking grim. Shran and Senkrad didn't notice them, still bickering, until a heavy silence descended over them and they looked over to the newcomers.

"Tholos?" asked Shran, frowning.

"We need to talk Thy'lek." said Tholos, sounding ill.

"What is it?" Shran was on his feet in an instant, walking over to his brother in arms.

"We just got word from the Agenian penal colony. Tarah's dead."

Trip's body and mind froze, and he couldn't take his eyes off Shran, who stiffened too.

"She… she's dead? How?" demanded Lissiel, sitting up.

"Suicide. Stuffed a sock down her windpipe, suffocated herself."

"Spirits… that's… that's unbelievable."

"Last night?" asked Shran, his voice cutting through them. It was steady and quiet.

"Yes. Apparently she knew we were coming. I guess she couldn't stomach the fear of seeing us again."

Shran sighed, turning his head away. There was a frown on his face.

"Thy'lek? Are you alright?"

"I guess that's that." murmured Shran, sighing again, before looking at Tholos. "This means we can just head straight to Earth now."

"That's it? Are you not upset Thy'lek?"

"What would the point of that be? She's dead. Me getting upset that I didn't get to forgive her won't bring her back. So… that's that."

Trip frowned, unable to identify the feeling that was building in his chest. Disappointment? Anger? Bitterness? Relief? Probably all four. He didn't really like it and pressed down hard on it.

"I think I'll go see how Jhamel is. I haven't seen her properly yet." Shran gave a wry chuckle, which didn't sound genuine. "Not a very good lover, am I?"

Before anyone could think of a response, Shran side-stepped Tholos and walked out of the room. Lissiel growled,

"Selfish bitch. At least no one will give her the Last Waltz."

"Her family might still."

"Her family didn't cut her out?" the Andorian woman's whole body seemed to quiver with disbelief.

"Not that I know of." huffed Tholos, "I'm going to get a drink, anyone want to get mildly drunk with me?"

"Only mildly? What's the point then?" sighed Senkrad, scratching at his neck.

"A captain can't be completely drunk on board his own ship. If I was caught I'd find the Imperial Council's collective boot so far up my ass I'd be hiccupping leather for a year. Slight inebriation, is allowed though."

"Oh, might as well." sighed Lissiel, getting to her feet.

"What the hell? Might take my mind off being on this spirit-damned ship." grunted Senkrad.

"What about Shran? We just gonna leave him?" demanded Trip, alarmed by the attitude change.

"Look Trip, if there's one thing about our Thy'lek you need to remember, it's that he hates being fussed. He knows we're here, and he knows we're worrying. Even still partly unstable as he is, he's stable enough that I think he can be left alone for a while. It's what he wants. We can't crowd him. It wouldn't help." Lissiel pulled at a tress of her hair, twisting it around and around.

"Don't forget Trip, Andorians have family bonds, so if we sense he needs us, we'll be able to go to him." Senkrad gave him a smile, "Why don't you try to find something to do?"

"I'll go and order a change of course, head for Earth. It's where all the action is as Humans say." Tholos was already walking out of the door, Lissiel and Senkrad followed, leaving Trip alone with T'Pol, who'd stayed silent throughout, and Jon. Jon patted his thighs in a useless fashion before saying,

"Hungry Trip?"

"Yeah, starving actually."

"Let's go eat then. Andorian food is… digestible at least. And the cook seems happy enough to make it more to Human and Vulcan tastes."

"Good to know. So… fill me in on this Coalition, I wanna know about your speech! Tell me you put that joke in I gave you."

"I wanted to, but Starfleet didn't think it was… appropriate."

Trip clicked his fingers in a disappointed move, even as he grinned, "Damn, party poopers."

"I'd intended on using it in the after party, but then we got rather side-tracked by meeting Tholos and the other two. That's what kick started this whole thing."

"It is slightly ironic, that if Captain Archer hadn't lost his temper with Tholos, who was only trying to be polite, then we'd never have found you or Shran." said T'Pol, quirking her eyebrow, "For once, the human emotions proved useful."

"For once? Oh T'Pol, surely it's the third time." Jon smiled, throwing Trip an amused look. Trip laughed, feeling more at ease that he had in a long time. T'Pol's fingers brushed his and he felt the strong tingle of their bond move through his body. He could definitely get used to that. Just wait until his folks heard about that!

Oh God his parents!

Trip froze, his eyes widening as he wondered just what they must have been through over the last few days. His poor mother, she'd probably been in bits, like she had with Lizzy, while his dad was probably trying to keep it together for her.

"Trip?"

"My folks! They do know I'm alive, right?"

"Yeah, I explained the basics of what happened, I thought you should decide how much they should know. They can't wait to see you."

"I hadn't even thought about them since this all started."

"It's ok Trip, you've had a hell of a lot on your mind."

Trip glared at the floor, "We're heading to Earth right?"

"Yeah."

Trip nodded, lifting his head, "Good. I need to tell them face to face."

"We'll be home very soon, I promise Trip."

"Yeah Jon, but for my mom, it probably won't be soon enough." Trip sighed, "It makes you wonder how anyone can do anything cruel to anyone. After all, look at how much Shran's family has suffered without him, look at his friends, my parents. So many people affected by one person. It's crazy."

"It's life I guess. But that's part of what the Coalition is for, to help stop such things from happening."

"I just can't help but wonder how many other people out there are going through what me and Shran did."

"Probably a lot."

"Makes you wonder if it's all worth it, doesn't it?"

"Trip-"

"But then you think about how hard people work to stop it too… so maybe it is worth it… if you work to help save others."

Jon swallowed, "Yeah, maybe."

"Well… I guess with the Enterprise being wrapped up in moth-balls, I'll need to get a new job. Maybe I can do something in the line of protecting people. Betcha Malcolm would have some ideas on that. Shran too of course." Trip set his face into a determined expression, "I'd like to think I can save a few people at least."

"I'm sure you could save as many as you set your mind to."

"C'mon, I need thinking food." Trip glanced at T'Pol, who was looking at him with an expression of something akin to pride and amazement. Trip felt a smile tug at his lips. He might never get over this experience, but he'd damn well try to stop others from experiencing it. It was the least he could do.

Well, we're at the home stretch, I genuinely can see this being finished in the next two or three chapters. *prays to the muses* Please let me finish this soon. No more writers block! Everyone pray with me!

Night's Darkness