Mom brought a blanket and made my dad lay down on the couch, Hodgins and Cam were set up in the spare room. I went to my room and lay down in my bed, weary and angry and not knowing what to think.
I got out the letter, but did not read it. I practically had it memorized by then, and wasn't sure I wanted any more to do with this woman who, in my mind, my father cared for more than me. I looked instead at the paper. I'm not sure if I realized it at the time, but I know now that it was a blank page ripped from her own last novel.
The page was wrinkled and smudged with dirt and what I fancied was blood. I drifted in a fantasy of Dr. Bones and Hodgins huddled in a car, writing notes by the light of the car's overhead.
Jerking myself out of the image I realized I must have dozed, because I couldn't hear anyone moving around the house anymore.
I got out of bed I put the letter back and wandered out of my room. I went downstairs and sat in the chair in the living room across from where my dad slept on the couch. As I sat there, looking bitterly across at my father, I thought again of Dr. Bones stuck in that car. About what could have been going through her mind that she wrote this letter, her final words, to me. I must have drifted off thinking about it.
In my day to day life I do not believe in ghosts, or in spiritual visitations, and believe I simply had a dream. But I cannot deny that there was a feeling to that dream that I find hard to believe came from my own subconscious. It remains, whether real or not, a profound experience.
She came to me that night. Looking at me with a focused interest, examining me. She asked how old I was, and how school was. I told her about math class and she scoffed at some detail of how my math teacher explained the use of the quadratic equation. In a weird part of the dream, which seemed unsurprising at the time, I was sitting at a table in a kitchen I did not recognize and she patiently taught me how to solve quadratic equations. It made a lot more sense the way she explained it, laying each step out and explaining why it worked…
She did not ask about my dad, but when I said anything about him she would smile or frown slightly, depending on what was said, and bring the subject back to me. She did not act motherly exactly, but like an affectionate mentor, wanting to pass on whatever learning I could use.
It is hard to remember specific words from those conversations, which seemed to cover every aspect of my life. But I know that I woke as the sky was just starting to get light with a clear understanding of why she wrote her last message to me.
She had actually said it in the letter, that I was important to my father, and she wanted me to know. Somehow she had seen my fear that he did not love me, although her reason was that he left me for work. She sought to tell me by examples that his thoughts were with me even when he was not.
More than that was the realization that she wanted to do something meaningful for him, and the most meaningful thing she could think of was to help me. Whatever their relationship, there was no doubt that to be part of his life meant to be part of mine.
The understanding that whatever relationship my dad had with her did not push me farther from him, only brought her closer to me as well. Her quiet certainty, if only in my mind, provided an assurance that even as an emotional teenager I could believe without question.
I fell back to sleep calm, feeling no jealousy in the hope that my father felt her presence in his sleep as well.
Sorry for the extended hiatus. I have dreams of completeing the entire story before osting, but that hasn't happened. I keep arguing with this story about where it is going, but it refuses to change course. Sigh.
I intend to add chapters soon that will actually further the plot. There is just one more after this covering this day, but I might not post it before moving on with the rest of the story and answering all the pile of questions. I also think of trying to get someone to beta, but havn't tried. Someone offered awhile ago in a comment, I never followed up.
Also, I posted a new version of chapter 33, in the parking garage. Hopefully it is somewhat better.