After Callen left, Rachael paced her apartment. She ignored the thousands of projects that harped on her and paced. And paced. When her cell phone rang, she practically pounced on it.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hey Rachael," a familiar voice said. "How are you doing?"
"Melinda!" Rachael exclaimed. "Oh, it's so good to hear your voice!"
Melinda chuckled. "It's good to hear yours as well. So, what's up? Anything exciting?"
"You have no idea," Rachael replied in a dry voice.
"Okay then. Give me the piece of news that you think would surprise me the most."
Rachael took a deep breath. "Callen and I went on a date."
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a full two seconds. Then, "I'm torn between joy and confusion. I'm joyful because you two FINALLY went on a date!" Melinda had seen the budding romance during the Skype call before the undercover op. "But I'm confused because I know you were struggling with a couple of things. Like how he's not a Christian."
Rachael sighed. "I'm still struggling with that. And now a bunch more. That's why I wanted to talk to you."
"Well, why don't you catch me up on what's been going on." Rachael heard movement on the other side of the line. She imagined Melinda sitting cross-legged on her family's couch.
"Alright. Did you get my last letter?"
"I got the one that told me about Brett coming and how he attacked you." Rachael heard Melinda curse under her breath.
"Melinda!" Rachael scolded, shocked.
"Sorry," She apologized. Rachael could almost hear her blushing. "I just can't believe that he would do that and that I wasn't there."
"And what would you have done?" Rachael challenged. "He would've tossed you out of the way like a rag doll and you know it. Callen was here and he did a fine job of protecting me. Now, do you want to hear what happened after?"
"Yes!" Melinda's tone suddenly brightened. "Last I heard, Sam and Callen had argued in the kitchen over something."
"Yeah. Still don't know what that something is," Rachael said. She then caught Melinda up on events. ". . . and now I don't know how I feel about the fact that I had a good time." Rachael took a deep breath. "And it's showing."
"He's picking up on it?" Melinda asked, her first question since the story started.
"He knows I'm confused and that something is wrong. But he doesn't know what about."
"Hmm." Melinda sounded thoughtful. "Anything else going on?"
"Actually, yeah. He's starting to get on my nerves."
"Your hero is getting on your nerves?" Melinda sounded genuinely surprised.
"Yes," Rachael said through gritted teeth. "He's almost treating me like a child. He's scared to leave me, makes me promise to call him if I'm scared or worried. He's constantly checking in on me, he freaks out if I go for a walk, and insists on finishing the walk with me when he catches up. He's not giving me any alone time!" She was out of breath when she finished.
There was silence on the other end of the line for a few seconds. "Rachael," Melinda began hesitantly, "I think you're overreacting. I think that, right now, you're really desperate to show that you can take care of yourself and so any amount of concern he shows just gets to you. I think he's being the right amount of concerned."
Rachael drew in a sharp breath. "I haven't thought of it that way," she softly admitted. "You really think I'm overreacting?"
"Yes." Melinda's voice was confident and clear. "But with all that said, I think you should tell him all of that. He needs and deserves to know what you think."
Rachael took a deep breath. "That's not going to be fun . . . but I'll do it." She tried to sound resolved.
"Good," Melinda approved. "Now you said that you don't know how you feel about having a good time last night?"
"Yeah," Rachael said pensively. She hesitated, trying to figure out where to start.
"Tell me about it," Melinda gently encouraged.
Rachael sighed and began to speak slowly. "Well, here's what I know: I've been falling for him for over a month now, despite my best attempts not to. And I keep trying not too because I'm 99% sure he's not a Christian." She paused, collecting her thoughts.
Go on," Melinda urged.
"But he keeps doing exactly the right things – minus the whole annoying me part," Rachael started speaking faster now, "which was just me overreacting anyway – at exactly the right time to keep me falling for him. And our date last night was PERFECT! I mean, it was better than any date I went on with Brett or any dreams of a date with Brett. In addition to the food and the scenery, Callen was a perfect gentleman. He didn't push boundaries, he didn't make me feel uncomfortable, yet there was still obvious interest." Rachael sighed. "In short, last night showed Callen to be perfect for me. Perfect in every way except . . . " Rachael let the sentence dangle.
"Except that he's not a Christian," Melinda finished for her.
"Exactly." There was silence as Melinda pondered. Rachael quietly pressed forward with something that had been rolling around in her head for a few days. "I know that the Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked, but it also tells us that husbands ought to love and care for their wives as Christ loved the church. McCall's mom once told me that it takes the form of a life of service and love. Melinda," Rachael's voice broke. "I have never felt more served than with Callen. I don't want to missionary date, but at the same time he is the closest I've ever seen to how someone ought to care for his wife."
"Mistakes notwithstanding?" Melinda suddenly asked.
"Well, there is that," Rachael admitted. "But I think they were as you called them: mistakes. He hasn't tried anything since I came back from my camping trip."
"Hmmm," Melinda said thoughtfully. "I see the problem,." She sighed and paused for a minute. Rachael could almost hear the struggle in her head as she weighed the two options set before her. Rachael knew it was an echo of her own struggle. Finally Melinda sighed. "I know this is going to be of no help to you, but I say that you need to do what you feel is right. What you feel God is telling you to do."
Rachael sighed. "You're right. That doesn't help. But I guess it's what I needed to hear. Thanks girl."
"Anytime," Melinda said softly.
Rachael smiled. "Alright, I gotta go. I love you!"
"Love you too! Bye!" They hung up.
Rachael took a deep breath. "I guess it's time to start on my to-do list." She went down to the barn. As she rode Fizz and Amethyst, she thought more about Callen and prayed for direction. Am I really to cut all ties to him? She prayed as she climbed up the stairs to get lunch. Am I strong enough to do that Papa?
As she ate lunch, she worried about how she was going to tell Callen how she had felt that morning. That brought even more angst, stealing her appetite. She forced herself to finish her sandwich and headed back down to the barn. She let her thoughts roam as she rode the other three horses.
She saved Jet for last. As she got him out, Rachael relaxed. She buried her face into his mane. "Oh Jet," she murmured. "I just don't know what do." She took her time grooming him, making him shine like burnished gold before she settled the saddle on his back. "Let's go for a trail ride," she whispered as she slipped the bit into his mouth. He nodded as if agreeing. As they cantered along the trail and galloped up the hills, the wind blew through her hair and her mind, blowing all her worries away. By the time she got back to the barn, she felt refreshed and her mind was clear.
After she fed the horses, she went up and made dinner for her and Callen. She was just finishing when she heard his car pull up the driveway. Immediately her nerves spiked and her worries returned. After all, she still hadn't made a decision. Grimacing, she pushed them aside and smiled as he came in the door.
He smiled at her as he came in. "Hey Rachael." She came over and gave him a hug after he put his bag down. "How was your day?" he asked as they broke apart.
"Introspective and busy," she answered turning back to dinner. "How was yours?"
"Busy as well," he answered sounding distracted. "What do you mean by introspective?"
She smiled. "I'll tell you, but I'm hungry. Can we eat first?"
He laughed. "Sure." As they ate, the companionable atmosphere that they had been lacking for the past few days returned. Before long, they were laughing more than they were eating and having friendly disputes. As they calmed down from yet another bout of laughter, Rachael's worries came swirling back, reminding her that she hadn't made a decision. G noticed and asked, "Are you ready to talk about your day yet?"
She hesitated. "Can we clean up first?" she asked in a meek voice, buying more time.
His face was full of concern as he nodded. They cleaned up in silence, and Rachael wavered in her decision. The arguments that she presented to Melinda circled around and 'round in her head, leaving her dizzy with the speed and force of their spinning. She was still undecided as they headed to the couch, she with a glass of water and he with a beer. He sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to him. She hesitated briefly before obliging, taking comfort in the arm that he put around her.
"So," Callen began again. "Are you ready to tell me about your day?"
Rachael buried her face into his side, trying to hide, and took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be," she finally responded.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Callen asked, confused.
Rachael felt his voice rumble in his chest as he spoke. It was comforting. She took in another deep breath of his scent before she sat up straight and looked into his baby blues. "It means I'm ready to tell you why I was acting funny and what I was confused about this morning."
"Okay," he said hesitantly. He shifted so he wasn't craning his neck to look at her. His arm couldn't wrap around her shoulders at that point, so he set their drinks on the table and took her hands instead.
Rachael took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. She told him about her annoyance, why she was annoyed, and how Melinda helped her realize that she was overreacting and being overly sensitive. She had barely finished when G suddenly lifted her into his lap and crushed her to him in a hug. She hugged him back, taking another deep breath of him to strengthen her for what was to come. When he released her, she sat up straight.
"And now to explain what I was confused about," she said. He nodded. She took a deep breath and said, "This one needs a little context." He nodded, encouraging her, his blue eyes patient and full of an emotion Rachael didn't want to name. She took a steadying breath and said, "As I'm sure you've already figured out, I'm a Christian. To me, that's more than just a religious preference. It's a way of life. I may not always follow that way of life perfectly, but I try my best to.
"There are several letters in the New Testament that give us advice on how to live as we ought. In one of the letters, I Corinthians I think it is, Paul tells us to not be unequally yoked. By that meant to not marry a non-Christian so that we would not lose our faith. There are many other reasons behind it," she added hastily. She took a deep breath to gather her thoughts.
Callen spoke up before she could, his voice hard and unfeeling. "I think I know where this is going." He started to lift her off of his lap.
"Wait," Rachael said, grabbing his arms. "Let me finish." She waited until she was back on his lap before she continued. "I always thought that I could follow through with that. Until I started spending time with you. The way you've treated me while we've been dealing with Brett is better than anyone else, even my friends who are Christian and know how they ought to act. And that's important to me because Paul also tells us that husbands ought to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And you've done that more than anyone else I know."
"Hold on though," Callen interjected, confused. "We're not married. Not even close to that stage if I remember correctly."
Rachael blushed deeply. "I know that." She buried her face in her hands. "I'm doing a horrible job at this." She took a deep breath. "I guess what I'm trying to do is explain my confusion this morning." She dropped her hands. "This morning I knew that I had a great time last night with you. What I was confused about was how I felt about the fact that I had a good time."
"And that's where the earlier part comes in," Callen stated, starting to understand.
"Yes." Rachael nodded, relieved he understood. "What I told you before were the two sides of the argument I was having with myself."
"By your use of the past tense, I'm assuming you made a decision?" His face was anxious.
"Yes I have," she said softly. She took a deep breath. "I've decided that I'm willing to try whatever this," she motioned between them. "Whatever this is."
He crushed her to him again, resting his check on her head. "How does 'relationship' sound?" He released her and chuckled at her look of surprise. His eyes were full of that not-to-be-named emotion again. "Are you okay with the title of girlfriend?"
She smiled widely. "Yes," she said in a rush, relieved he understood where she was going.
"So I guess that makes last night our first date then," he said, though his eyes were not meeting hers. They were focused on her lips.
She swallowed nervously and licked her lips, surprised by the fact that she didn't mind. But she had something else she wanted to say . . . "Oh!" she exclaimed as she suddenly remembered.
"What?" he asked still distracted.
She pulled out her phone. "I was listening to my music today and I head this one song and it reminded me of you." She hesitated briefly. "Do you mind if I play it for you?" she offered softly.
"Not at all." He sounded less distracted. Rachael opened her phone and hit play. She had left the song up after it had finished earlier today when she had been grooming Jet. The song began to play.
I'll never settle down
That's what I always thought
Yeah, I was that kind of man
Just ask anyone.
I don't dance but here I am
Spinning you 'round and 'round in circles
It ain't my style but I don't care
I'd do anything with you anywhere
Guess you got me in the palm of your hand
'Cause I don't dance.
Rachael stopped listening at that point ad focused on Callen. To her surprise, he wasn't listening either but looking at her with a look she'd never seen before. She swallowed. "So what do you think?" she asked softly.
"It's perfect," he said just as softly. "Just like you."
Rachael heard her heart hammering in her chest as she watched him lean toward her slowly. She was surprised again to find that she didn't mind, she even welcomed it. She closed her eyes and then felt his lips gently on hers. Her heart beat soared, and she forgot to breathe. After a few seconds he pulled away, and she tried to remember how to breathe.
"That should've been our first kiss," he murmured.