Hey there guys! I hope you all had a fabulous festive period, whatever you celebrate. I`m sorry this is shorter than usual and has taken so long, but I have been so busy with Christmas and under the weather with a cold, so I hope you can understand. We should be getting to the bottom of Cas` family secrets quickly enough in the coming chapters. I have loved hearing your theories, so if you have any, please keep them coming. I hope you had a brilliant 2015 and that the new year is filled with love, fun, happiness and fantastic opportunities for you all! xx

Cas pulls his shiny black death trap of a bike to a stop a few houses away from my own, wary of being seen, and cuts the engine. Slowly I untangle my arms from around his middle, unhappy at the thought of pulling away from his warmth. Summer now seemed much more like a pleasant, but very distant memory now, a lifetime away when compared to the bleak, chilly night that enveloped us. Cas swings his right leg over the other side of the bike and hops off ready to walk me to my gate. His actions were kind and very welcomed, but I couldn`t help but wonder if he was escorting me because he half feared I would do a runner if he didn`t. He would have been wrong, I had learnt that fateful day that running away never solved anything. You just kept dragging your problems along behind you.

"So," he pauses, unsure of what to say, a feeling I knew only too well. I often struggled to find the right words for the situation, and more often than not, even after careful consideration, it always seemed to come out wrong. "You`re home."

I nod. "I guess, yeah." We come to a halt directly outside of the garden gate, looking anywhere but at the beautifully presented house in front of us. He opts to stare directly at me, while I choose to lower my own gaze to his knees, hesitant to meet his eyes after everything that had happened recently.

"I bet Sam and Adam will be relieved to have you back," he tries to break the silence with small talk. "John obviously calmed down."

"More like they broke him down," I sigh deeply, a misty cloud of breath forming in front of me, visible for only a moment before fading away into the darkness of the night. Cas looks concerned, but stay quiet. "I don`t even care anymore. I just want him to love me, but I`m not going to hide who I am anymore, and I`m certainly not going to apologise for it."

"You shouldn't ever have to do that."

"But I've also just had enough of the fighting, you know? So we aren`t the perfect family, and I`m far from being the perfect little son he always wanted, but tough. I`m my own person and he can like it, or he can lump it." My words were brave, but I felt anything but. My legs were trembling, hands clenched together so tightly my nails left deep white crescents in the tender flesh.

"He called you earlier, he was worried about you. He felt horrible about the way he acted, I could tell."

I glance over the gate at the house. The lights were all off bar from one small lamp in the living room, and someone, probably Kate had left the security light on in the yard for me coming home. It was a lovely gesture, and she would never know how much I appreciated it. That one simple thing made me feel as though I was still wanted, and all because she had done something as insignificant as leave the light on for me coming home. I doubt my real mother would have bothered to think about something like that.

"Well I guess it`s now or never, huh?" I choke out a laugh, but the sound comes out croaky and tight. I was scared shitless, and Cas must have known it because he wrapped his arms around me tightly, pulling me in for a brief, but reassuring kiss on the forehead. The briefest meeting of skin, and not even on the lips, but it gave me the strength to push open that damn gate, march down the path, looking far more confident than I felt, and open the front door, which unusually, had been left unlocked. I wave goodbye to Cas, who was still standing there, with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, smiling and mouthing comforting messages of love. Without looking back again, I step hesitantly through the opening, hearing his bike roar to life as I gently close the door with a soft click of the lock.

"I`m back," I call out shakily, half expecting to be pounced on, grabbed by the back of the neck and hurled out of the house on my ass. Nothing happens. "I-I`m back," I repeat in a marginally less timid voice and tread carefully on my way into the living room, the only room with any light. It was late, so it was entirely likely that nobody was still awake, but I should at least switch the light off. I push open the living room door and freeze at what I see.

Sprawled across the couch was the slumbering forms of my two younger brothers and a very large looking Kate, who had Adam`s head resting on her lap and a hand on top of his head, as though she had fallen asleep stroking his hair to comfort him. Each of their closed eyes were red and puffy, the remnants of tears clinging to their eyelashes like raindrops. Kate and Sam`s phones were both sat out on the table in front of them as though they were anxious to receive a call. My call.

I had no idea they cared so much. It shocks me, brings a tear to my eye and a solid lump to the back of my throat that I felt certain was my cold, stone heart. A deep cough behind me startles me, pulling me out of my thoughts with a jump. I can`t turn around to face him at first, and don`t until he coughs again, louder this time.

My first thought was not of anger, or fear, but of surprise. He looked simply horrible. Starting at his bare feet I glance upwards, wide eyes taking in the state of his dirty checked pyjama bottoms that had been a birthday gift from Sam and Adam, his crumpled t shirt, unshaven face and pained eyes. He looked like he hadn`t slept a wink since I had stormed out, and under his right eye looked a little red, as though he had been slapped roughly by someone in a fit of anger. I felt bad thinking that he probably deserved it, but he did.

"Dean," he chokes out, and in the silence of the room, it echoed loudly in my ears. "You`re safe."

I almost wanted to snap out a "yeah? Well, it`s no thanks to you", but I wisely hold it in, having no desire to start another argument.

He seems to notice the conflict in my face and sighs, running a large hand through his unity hair. "I thought well, I didn`t know what to think. But you are safe now, you`re home. And we can put this, all of this," he stresses, "behind us."

I fold my arms across my chest and shake my head. "No, dad, we can`t. We don`t have to talk about it, and I certainly don`t expect you to skip around parading around a freaking rainbow banner, singing Lady Gaga tunes, but I am not about to hide this part of me, pretend that Cas doesn`t exist, that he doesn`t make me happy. I`m not going to be ashamed of who I am anymore, and if you want to think I`m less of a man because of this, then you can, but I refuse to anymore, because I`m not."

Shocked wasn`t a strong enough word to describe the stunned look on his tired face, but I was too tired to think of a better one. His eyes narrow and he nods slowly. "Alright, alright, Dean, I get it. I was too harsh on you, I know."

"Yeah, you were."

He flinches at the tone, but I hold my ground.

"I know I`ve made mistakes, that I`m not the perfect father, and I know that I`ve screwed things up."

Was he…trying to apologise? Maybe I wasn`t the only one who had grown over this past few months.

"Anyway, it`s late and we have work in the morning. Bright and early, Dean."

Scratch that last part.

I switch the light off and am about to make my way upstairs when a calloused hand claps me on the shoulder. "Oh and son?"

I nod.

"Kate and the boys really missed you, so don`t be pulling any stunts like that again, you hear?"

Well, it was almost an apology at least. He was learning.