WARNING: Sexual content.
Damon
I wake up and for the first time in months I feel rested. Last night went better than I could've ever anticipated and the initial uneasiness between the three of us seemed to fade after the first half an hour or so. Most of what we did and spoke about is a blur due to the enormous amounts of alcohol I consumed, but the brief flashbacks I do have involve Elena and I dancing wildly around the living room to music, teasing Stefan for being a bore and not joining in and the three of us playing drinking games, each of us aiming to be the last one standing.
By the time it reached midnight the two of them excused themselves and the second they'd disappeared upstairs my high mood was replaced with a dark pit of loneliness. The sheer force of it took me by surprise since I'd been in such high spirits all night, but seeing Stefan chase her up the stairs and hearing her squeal excitedly made me realise that no matter what happens it will always be me and them.
I got caught up in the simple fun and sense of comfort of being with my brother and the girl I love that I forgot that regardless of whether or not I manage to repair my relationship with Stefan or reach a place where I can comfortably assume the role of brother-in-law to Elena without my feelings being a factor - they will always put each other first and love each other more than they will ever love more.
I'm not sure if the reason that hurts so much is because I want Stefan to love me more or for Elena to love me more or both. Either way, it doesn't matter. Whether Stefan and Elena are together or not I would've had to face this eventually - losing the two people I care for most in the world to love. Maybe if I had someone I wouldn't be so desperate to cling to the two of them and long for their undivided love and attention, but as it stands they're the only people in existence that I consider to be even remotely important.
As though on cue Alaric enters my mind and I think about how much easier it would be to deal with all of the hurt inside me and push forward if I could only have a drink with him and hear some wise words from him. I'd never dare to tell him that he was wise when he was alive, but he was and I need it more now than I think I ever have. After all, whilst my determination to change and discover myself is still fresh and at it's peak, there will be times when it will be considerably harder and I know in those moments all I will want to do is give in and take the easy road by remaining the same lazy, pointless and unmotivated person I've been for the last one hundred years. If Ric was still here, he'd be the one to pull me out of those moments by telling me that I'm a dick and I need to get a grip. Stefan and Elena often try to give me the hard talk, but it's never quite the same coming from them.
I strain my ears to listen for Stefan and Elena and pinpoint the sound of their voices coming from the kitchen. Elena's laugh echoes in my ears causes my heart to contract and reminds me that regardless of the fact that outwardly I seem more together than I've ever been, on the inside my heart is in pieces.
I reach for my phone off the nightstand to check the time and see that it's 10:30am. I expected it to be later since it felt like I slept for so long. After Stefan and Elena had left me last night, I downed another five drinks and followed suit, going to my bedroom and closing the door firmly behind me, expecting to once again be kept awake all night with the sound of their love making, but by the time I'd stripped off and climbed into bed the house was deathly silent apart from the sound of their light snoring , alerting me to the fact that they were passed out and that I indeed was the last man standing - victorious!
When I unlock my phone Katherine's name greets me and I blink rapidly, momentarily not believing my eyes. My call history is filled with outgoing calls to her number starting from 12:30am and continuing to almost 2am. The stamp beside each call displays the time spent on the call and the fact that they're all under 10 seconds tells me that she must not have answered any of them. Thank God! What was I thinking calling her? Clearly, I wasn't thinking. I was drunk and stupid. Damn, I'm supposed to be being the new and improved Damon. Maybe it's not going as well as I thought.
For some reason I keep my phone clasped in my hand, stare down at the 30 calls I made to Katherine and I'm overwhelmed with annoyance. Why the hell didn't she answer? If I called her 30 times she must've been ignoring me. The second the thought enters my mind I push it out, telling myself that I'm being stupid. Do I think that we're friends now just because we spent one fleeting night of passion together? Of course not. We're not friends and I'd never want to be friends with her. I mean, it's Katherine.
Without warning I'm transported back to last night, to a single moment in time. Stefan was talking - I'm not sure what it was about, it didn't really matter - and I had my eyes fixated on Elena. She was just watching Stefan, her eyes full of wonderment, the hint of a smile on her face and it didn't even matter that it was him she was looking at like that instead of me, because she was so beautiful. Then her eyes fell to Stefan's mouth and she traced her tongue over her lips, completely unaware of my eyes on her and in an instant I was no longer looking at Elena, but Katherine.
The way she stared up at me through her dark eyes - that although identical to Elena's seem a few shades darker - which were so full of desire, longing and passionate lust. The way she unflinchingly held my gaze before seductively licking her rosy lips as she moved lower and lower until I could feel the tingle of her breath against my groin and the hotness of her tongue as she gently traced it up and down my length...
The memory is brought to an abrupt end by the sound of Stefan and Elena's laughter and I shake my head, lightly frowning wondering why the hell I even thought of that. Since Katherine there's been an endless array of women since her - including Elena - so in the grand scheme of things she's hardly special.
But if that's the case why does the memory of how her tongue tastes and the feel of her silky, moist skin against mine keep popping into my head at the most inappropriate and random times and consuming me from the inside out until I can feel myself going rigid with arousal.
I toss my phone back onto the nightstand and then lightly slap myself in the face whispering, "Come on, Damon. Come on."
Stefan and Elena's chatter is still continuing and I groan, not particularly feeling in the mood to face them. Despite how fun last night was, I've been telling myself that I'm holding up a lot better than I actually am and the truth is seeing them together is hard. Usually it would be hard because I'm jealous - and of course some part of me is, because I'm still me - but mostly it's the heartbreak of feeling that I've lost them to one another and the reminder that as always I am infinitely alone.
However, after a deep breath and another internal pep talk from my conscience - which unsurprisingly has assumed the voice of Ric - I clamber out of bed, pull some sweats and a shirt on and head downstairs. After all, if I'm ever going to truly move forward I need to get used to the way things are now and that means that forcing myself to spend time with Stefan and Elena - even when I don't want to - could be a good thing.
When I enter the kitchen Elena is sat at the table eating breakfast and Stefan is standing at the stove cooking. Both are still dressed in their pajamas and seem extremely upbeat. Clearly last night provided both of them with peace of mind too and it shows in their posture and aura's which seem to be radiating postivity.
"Hey."
Elena greets me with a smile and Stefan swings around, gives me a small smile and informs me that I can help myself to the fresh pot of coffee and blood bags on the counter. I pour myself one, grab a blood bag and go to sit over at the table across from Elena.
"Want some eggs?" Stefan asks.
"Um, sure," I reply, before gulping down my coffee in one, the warmth and caffeine easing the slight thumping of my head.
"Feeling a little worse for wear?" Elena asks with a smile.
"Something like that."
Stefan wanders over and places a plate of eggs in front of me, assumes his seat next to Elena and I'm aware of how surreal this moment is. The three of sat at the table together, eating breakfast and chatting. All I can think about is how broken we were less than a month ago - Stefan heartbroken by mine and Elena's betrayal, Elena a baby vampire, lost, confused and tormented by the haunting's of her transition and me volatile, full of resentment and uncertainty.
I thought Elena dying was the worst thing that could have ever happened whilst Elena thought Bonnie dying to save her was the worst thing to ever happen and yet somehow both of those occurrences are the reason we're sitting here now having started on the path to redemption and clarity.
I force myself to watch the two of them together; the way they talk with such ease and get lost in one another's eyes. I used to be so used to seeing them together that it became the norm and they're still as natural together as they always were, but I can't deny that sleeping with Elena changed my feelings for her to the point that seeing them together now is more difficult than it used to be.
It's not the same excruciating agony I felt when she died - it's more of a dull ache that although I'm aware of, I'm able to ignore.
"You up to much today?" Stefan asks turning to me.
I'm not sure why he'd ask that question since he knows I've barely left the house since I returned from Willoughby. It's out of character for me since I'd usually find any excuse to get out of the house, but the sanctuary of home has been something I've needed lately more than I ever have.
"No plans," I reply with a mouthful of eggs.
"You should go out, have some fun, make some new friends," Stefan says encouragingly.
I raise my eyebrows at him. "You and I both know Damon Salvatore doesn't do friends."
Well, I did, but Alaric's gone and I'm back to being the lone wolf.
"Mmhm," he replies before swallowing a mouthful of food and continuing with, "But that's the old Damon Salvatore. What about the new Damon?"
When I meet his eyes I can see that he's challenging me, testing to see if I still stand by what I told him yesterday about wanting to try harder. I do still stand by it, but for some reason he seems to have forgotten that no matter how much I want to be a different person, I'm still the same Damon I've always been and that Damon finds it very difficult to break old habits.
"That sounds like a good idea," Elena chirps, jumping in to support Stefan's suggestion.
"You know what? Maybe I will," I state with a smile, giving them both the answer they seek.
They both nod in approval and continue eating in silence for a few minutes.
"How about you? Any plans?" I ask out of politeness rather than genuine interest.
"Actually, I'm, um, I'm taking Elena out on a date. You know...to take her mind off of everything."
I see Elena hang her head and a dark shadow come across her face as she's reminded of the triple hit of losing two of her best friends and her brother all in the space of a week.
"How chivalrous of you. What will you be doing on this date?"
The sarcasm in my voice could be misconstrued as bitterness or jealousy, but Stefan and Elena know me well enough to know that's just how I communicate and that's one thing that will never change.
"Bowling."
I almost choke on my eggs at that. "Bowling?" I question with raise eyebrows.
"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" Elena asks.
"Nothing, nothing," I say waving my fork in the air. "I hope you have fun on your boringly human date."
Elena rolls her eyes, but I can see a hint of a smile on her face as she explains, "Boringly human is kinda the idea. Even if I can't be human, I can still do human things."
At the mention of her being human I swallow hard and begin choking on my food as it tickles the back of my throat. The two of them stare at me with raised eyebrows as I clutch my throat and attempt to push my way through the coughing fit. Stefan slides across his mug of coffee, urging me to drink and after a few large gulps the coughing subsides.
"You okay?" Elena asks.
"Yeah, I'm-I'm fine," I lie.
Upon finishing their food they both get up from their seats and proceed to wash up their plates, then disappear upstairs to shower and change, whilst I linger at the table staring down at my plate, the anxiety of Klaus' return tomorrow resurfacing. I'd been so preoccupied with worry about Stefan and Elena that I'd momentarily forgot about his phone call yesterday. I'm not too sure why I'm anxious, because even though Klaus is hardly a friend, I trust that the cure is in the safest place it could possibly be and know with certainty that he will deliver it to Elena tomorrow. Elena even admitted herself just minutes ago that she wants to participate in human things and when she gets the cure, it won't be an act. She won't have to perform a ritual of human activities or adapt a human routine all in aid of feeling human, because she will be human again. She'll be free from the sire bond and able to indulge in the plainly ordinary life she seems to so desperately crave.
Putting aside the fact that she'll be the catalyst for Klaus' hybrids, everything about Klaus' return with the cure is a good thing, so then why can't I stop the churning in my stomach or ignore the nagging feeling that something is going to go wrong? Probably because in our lives, something always goes wrong.
Stefan
Elena and I passed out the second our heads hit the pillows last night so we haven't had much chance to talk about how last night went and although our bright moods are a clear indicator that it went well, I still want to ask.
"So how'd you think last night went?" I ask her.
"Good, good," she replies with a nod. "Better than I was expecting."
"Yeah, it was a lot less painful than I thought it would be at least," I reply and she laughs lightly. "I guess he really meant it when he said he wanted a clean slate."
"That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I mean, of course it is. There's just still a long way to go yet. For all of us."
"Well we have an eternity to make it right, so I'm sure we'll be okay," she beams at me and I step into her grazing her lips with mine.
"Coming in the shower?" I inquire as I begin lifting my shirt over my head.
"Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna call Jeremy first to check in."
"Okay, see you in there," I say grabbing a towel from the wardrobe, wrapping it around my waist and taking off towards the bathroom.
I practically skip down the hall, a wide grin across my face and I realise that I'm happier than I've probably ever been. Elena has always been the source of my happiness, but in the past there was always something hanging over us and for the first time in our lives, we're free. Katherine has the cure and I guess that could pose a problem, but honestly I don't care right now. Elena seems to have accepted being a vampire and although I would love nothing more than for her to get a second chance at the human life she was robbed of, if she's okay with it and she's happy then so am I.
There are moments when I have to remind myself that right now she isn't happy - at least not in the same way as I am. I know she loves me and that she's as euphoric about us being back together as I am, but Bonnie's death and Jeremy and Matt's moving away is never far from her thoughts. I very often catch that rich, darkness of sorrow in her eyes and I pretend that I haven't seen it, but she knows as well as I that I can see it and more importantly that I'm here for her.
I don't begrudge her grief and sadness, because I respect her too much to do so. Elena is the one person who I accept completely for everything that she is, for her whole self and that means that she is free to feel whatever it is she is feeling - no matter how dark - without judgement or retribution from me.
I stand under the hot flow of the shower and only open my eyes when I hear the bathroom door opening. Elena stands with a pastel blue towel wrapped about her and her face is still glistening from the wipe she used to remove any clinging traces of make-up.
"Everything okay with Jeremy?" I ask her.
She goes to the sink and begins brushing her teeth and communicates with me in between brushes, with a mouthful of toothpaste.
"Yeah, he's fine. He already sounds different...lighter, happier."
When she turns off the faucet and swings round to face me, I can see a hint of sadness in her eyes, not because he's happy, but because she couldn't be the one to bring him that happiness and help him through Bonnie's death. She's never spoke of it, but I know her well enough to know that in that aspect she feels that she's failed in her role as big sister.
I also know that a large part of the reason why Jeremy moving away has upset her is because she's afraid he'll find happiness and move forward without her, which is why I reassure her with, "He's never gonna forget you, you know."
She smiles at me and I can see a look in her eyes that says, "How do you always know the right thing to say?".
"I know," she replies.
"Now, get in here," I demand and she giggles lightly, before dropping her towel and joining me.
Since we've been back together, I've woke up every single day, welcoming what's to come, purely because of moments like this. Being able to share something as simple as bathing with her, eating meals across from her, feeling her flesh against mine in bed at night - all of the routine things that I'd quickly got used to doing alone are now the highlights of my day simply because I'm with her.
I step back so she can stand under the flow and as she leans her head back and sweeps her hair with her fingers, I stare at her in awe. How is it possible for someone to be this beautiful? Even though she's completely naked and her body is on display, it's her face that I can't tear my eyes away from. Her skin is blotchy from the heat of the water and she had remnants of mascara around her eyes but in this moment she's completely real and she's completely mine because I'm the only person in the world that gets to see her like this - in her natural state, completely at ease and not even thinking about what she's doing.
As she proceeds to shampoo her hair it's almost as though she's temporarily forgot that I'm there - because she too has grown accustomed to indulging in these routine activities by herself - but when she's rinsed all of the shampoo off, she opens her eyes to look at me and a smile comes across her face as she remembers that I'm watching her.
She reaches for my neck, pulling me into her so that our wet and naked bodies collide until our lips are welded together. The kiss is soft and tender, both of us simply cupping each other's faces and enjoying one another, the water soothing us and adding to the sensual atmospheric energy between us. Aside from the one occasion where the two of us got caught up in a whirlwind of sexual desire following a morning make-out session at Elena's - the shower has always been a place of relaxiation and tranquility where we soak up the blissful simplicity of being together before having to face what the day may bring.
Today is no exception and after a few minutes our kiss ends. Elena massages my scalp, we lather each other's bodies with soap and any tension I may have had in my body is completely undone with the firm, gentleness of her touch.
As though from no where the image of us in our old age fills my consciousness, - all grey haired and with wrinkled, scrambling to get into the shower and struggling against the deterioration of our joints and bones in order to keep alive the tenderness and sweet intimacy of our love.
I know I should feel blessed that we get to spend eternity together and that we will always have the luxury of being able to indulge in one another's youthfully, glorious bodies, but at times like this when everything feels so ordinary I get swept up in the excitement of imagining our future - of the endless possibilities and the growth we will go through individually and as a couple, but then I remember that when you're a vampire those possibilities are significantly limited as is the growth you go through.
Where Elena and I are now is great and I couldn't be more happy with it, but it's not where I want to be in 10 or 20 years. I want to be able to build something real with her - to have a home in a town that we won't have to leave after a few years, to have our own flesh and blood children that are half her and half me and to be able to watch them grow, to cry with them and laugh with them. The day I met Elena I found both my home and my family in her, but I love her so much that I can't help but want it all.
She deserves to be able to have that and I think I do too, and although the cure has been far from my mind recently, I'm sensing that as the days and weeks pass I will yearn for it and reconsider my choice to leave it in Katherine's hands.
Damon
After scoffing down the rest of my eggs and glugging down a blood bag I changed and left the house. Elena and Stefan were still locked in the bathroom when I left and although for days all I've wanted is the company of someone else, I hope that when I get back they're out.
I keep to what I told Stefan and Elena about getting out of the house, but to see old friends, not to make new ones.
"Hey, buddy," I say lightly tracing my hand across the headstone etched with the name 'Alaric Saltzman'.
There is a couple of people scattered around the cemetery placing flowers in memory of their loved ones, but instead I have a bottle of bourbon under my arm.
"Flowers, pffft," I mutter under my breath. "Luckily you've got a friend like me to bring you top quality goods."
I unscrew the lid, hold it up in a cheers and then take a swig. The idea of talking to a headstone is cringey and embarrassingly human but after numerous nights of drunken visits, I've grown accustomed to it. Although it's a one way conversation coming here always seems to put my mind at ease and I leave with a weight lifted off my chest.
I guess I never realised just how much I shared with Ric or how important his friendship was until he was gone. Scorned by an endless array of lovers a, misfits amongst our own family and friends and bonded through our love of alcohol and sarcasm the two of us unknowingly sought each other out to appease our loneliness and that's why I'm here now.
Before I even realise it I'm spewing my heart and soul out, every single thought and emotion I've had this last week fighting its way out of me. I tell him about Elena dying, how I aided Bonnie in casting the spell to kill herself in order to bring Elena back, that Elena and Stefan are back together, that I went on a hunt for the cure and Katherine with Silas which wound up with me in Katherine's bed and I admit that I'm nervous about what's to come tomorrow when Klaus arrives in town.
"There's just so much going on, I don't even know where my head's at right now. Seeing the girl you love in the arms of your brother hasn't got any easier. Not yet at least. But you'll be pleased to know that I'm turning over a new leaf for the sake of all mankind."
I raise the bottle of bourbon up to his headstone again and I imagine him rolling his eyes at me.
"Seriously though, I'm trying. I'm really trying. Stefan's just waiting for me to go back on my word and slip back into my old ways, and trust me, I want to, but I heard you loud and clear. That night in Willoughby...the dream...you and Bonnie...it made me realise that things had to change, that I had to change. Bet you're pissed that the first time I actually choose to listen to you is when you're already dead."
I shake my head and laugh lightly to myself.
"I just...I hope I can keep this goody two shoes act up and maybe one day it won't be an act anymore. We can hope, right?" I sigh deeply and add, "I don't wanna let them down, Ric. I have to do this, I have to make it work."
I stoop down to the grave and reach my hand out to touch it. "I don't even know what I'm doing here. If you were here right now all you'd be doing is drinking all my booze and telling me 'I told you so'", I shake my head and can't help the smile that comes across my face at the mere thought of what he would say if he were here right now.
"I guess I lied. I'm missing you more than just a little bit," I admit, my voice catching in my throat slightly. I shake myself down, imagining the chunks he would take over me if he heard me say that and add, "Not that I'd ever admit that to your face."
I take the bottle of bourbon in my hand, pour some onto the grave, get to my feet and say, "See ya, buddy."
As always I come away feeling slightly unburdened, but there's still somewhere else I need to go and so I pluck a single flower from a rose bush and continue through the woods until I come to the stump still holding the gifts everyone offered up for Bonnie's memorial.
I feel a surprising sense of sadness and guilt that unlike Ric, Bonnie doesn't have a grave and only this pitiful remainder of a half dead tree. The ease at which I was able to chat away with Ric's headstone doesn't come as easily with Bonnie and for countless minutes I just stand a few feet from the stump, the rose clutched in my hand. I step forward and place the rose atop the wreath, whistle and remaining feathers that haven't fluttered away on the wind.
"I'm sorry, Bonnie."
There's more I want to say, but I don't know how so I turn and leave, Bonnie's face filling my mind and making me feel sick with a guilt I still cannot believe I carry. I've always been indifferent to Bonnie but working so closely with her in her final days opened my eyes to the astoundingly selfless, brave and dedicated woman that she was. I'd always heard Elena, Caroline and the others flapping about how amazing she was, but in my eyes she was merely a judgmental, cold bitch that's only purpose was to say a witchy incantation every once in a while to save the day.
When you lose someone you love you realise just how much you did love them, but when you lose someone you didn't love you appreciate them for who they were when they were alive.
And that's why it's only now I realise just how special she truly was and that without her it's not just Elena that wouldn't be here, it would be me, Stefan - everyone. Bonnie Bennett was a hero, but just like all heroes her selflessness and goodness cut her life short.
I'll never be able to tell her to her face how sorry I am that she's gone, but I can thank her for saving the woman I love by fighting for Elena's happiness, starting with letting her go and ending with her taking the cure.
Elena
"No way, no!" I exclaim with a wide gesture of my arms. "How is that even possible? No one gets 10 strikes in a row."
Stefan struts from the alley towards me, his arms extended, a smug and cocky smile on his face. I hit him playfully in the arm and he says, "Now, now, don't pout. You're up. Just aim for the middle and this time try to knock down some pins, eh?"
I scowl at him but he's grinning widely with amusement. I take a large run up, release the ball directly in the center and as it propels forward it looks as though it might actually hit, but at the last second it veers off to the left and slips down the crack at the side, just as it has with my 10 other attempts.
"Oooooh!" Stefan calls out through laughter. "Bad luck."
I sprint back to the bench, throwing myself on him and grabbing the skittles that are on the side and propelling them in his face. He falls backwards, sheltering his face with his hands then proceeds to pick me up by the waist, throw me down onto the bench and tickle me within an inch of my life. I desperately beg and plead for him to stop in between uncontrollable fits of laughter and when he finally relents there are eyes on us from all angles, giving us disapproving glares.
"Come on, let's get out of here," I say jumping to my feet and reaching for his hand.
"But we paid for two games."
"Isn't it enough to beat me once?"
"Nope," he replies with a mischievous grin.
I look up at him through my eyebrows, then he extends his hand out to mine and we leave.
Although the date didn't last as long as I was expecting, it's done exactly what Stefan and I intended it to do - distracted me from Bonnie's loss and Jeremy's leaving and actually allowed us to feel like a normal teenage couple.
For January the weather is surprisingly warm, with the sunshine blaring and blue skies, so we decided to leave the car at the house and walk. When we get outside the wind has picked up causing my hair to keep blowing into Stefan's face and each time it does I can't help but let out a giggle. Eventually I pull my hair back up into a ponytail with the hair tie on my wrist.
There's something about strolling down the street hand in hand with the person you love, that is so gratifying. I can feel my heart beaming with joy and pride just to be standing next to him and whenever I catch men or women of all ages stealing glances at him in admiration all I can think is 'Yeah and he's mine, all mine.'
It's a 40 minute walk back to the Boarding House and although we're joking and talking the entire way back I find myself relieved to be back in the confines of the house if only to steal some precious alone time with Stefan.
"Damon? Damon, you home?" Stefan hollers the second we've stepped through the door. "Damon!"
When there's no response he swings round to face me, a huge toothy grin coming across his face to match mine as he runs at me and lifts me up from the ground, slamming me into the front door. When Stefan and I were together we always had a burning attraction that meant we had an active sex life, but nothing compared to this.
Last night was one of the first night's that we slept fully clothed, without having first indulged in one another and it seems to have only amplified our hunger for one another now as we clumsily pinch, scratch and bite one another in an attempt to shed each other of our clothing.
"You were so hot today," I murmur against his lips.
"What? You like it when I whoop your ass?" he teases.
I descend into laughter groaning against his mouth as we take off our own underwear, not wanting to break our kiss for even a second. The second my panties hit the floor he whips me around so that my palms are pressed against the wall and my back is to him. I feel his fingers trace a line from my neck all the way down to the bottom of my spine causing me to shiver from head to toe. He leans in close to me so that I can feel his hardness pressed against my buttocks and smooches my neck for a few moments before dropping down and pushing my legs apart with his hands.
My body is practically trembling with anticipation as he reaches up and begins to stroke me with his fingers whilst simultaneously kissing the backs of my thighs. Even though he can't see what his doing his expert hands know exactly where and how to touch me to drive me to arousal and I can already feel how much easier his hand glides around me from my wetness.
All of a sudden his hand falls from me and his head pops through the center of my legs causing me to gasp lightly with excitement. He sits up straight and then grabs my hips pulling me into him and kissing my pubic bone firmly, before slowly trailing his tongue down me. The feel of his breath against me causes me to tingle and his hot tongue tracing an endless array of shapes at varying speeds causes me to lower myself down upon his mouth, desperately yearning for more.
As the pleasure grows to such an intensity that I begin pushing down harder and involuntarily grind against him he lifts me up and throws me down onto the ground on my back. My head bashes off the wooden floor so hard that if I were still human, I'm pretty sure I'd have concussion, but I barely notice because I want him and that's all that matters.
He leans over me so that his hard toned chest is pressed against my breasts as he grabs for his length and the second he's inside me I throw my head back and wait for the mind blowing euphoric pleasure that he never fails to deliver, bringing our date to the most perfect end.
After our second shower of the day, Stefan and I changed into our sweats and still giddy and slightly numb we headed to the kitchen. We'd worked up quite an appetite for blood and managed to polish off three blood bags each, but I was still hungry for actual food and suggested take out. Stefan being Stefan refused and insisted on cooking a meal and he's been slaving over the stove for the last half an hour whilst I sit at the table humming along to the radio.
I barely take my eyes off Stefan with his upper body completely exposed and his grey sweats hanging off his waist and showing off his crisp white briefs underneath. I almost wanna pounce on him, but refrain from doing so clinging to the final shred of self control I have.
His hips gently sway from side to side in beat with the music and he doesn't understand just how gorgeous he is. No matter what time of the day or night it is he always looks at me as though I'm the most beautiful person in the world, but him...he actually is the most beautiful person in the world.
Just as the two of us sit down to tuck in to our food we hear the sound of the front door and a few seconds later Damon appears in the doorway.
"Oh, um, sorry, I didn't think you'd be back yet," he stammers awkwardly holding up his hands. "I'll just-I'll just leave you two to it."
Without even thinking I call out, "Damon, wait," and he pops his head back into the room.
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you-why don't you join us?"
The second I've asked the question I glance at Stefan, worried that my invitation may have pissed him off, but his expression is unreadable.
"What? No, I really think-I mean I don't wanna intrude on your date night."
I'm still not used to this polite and considerate Damon, but the more he shows that side of himself the more it encourages me to want to try with him.
"No, Elena's right, you should join us," Stefan says, taking me slightly by surprise but also making me beam with pride. "There's enough food, I'll just grab you a plate."
"No really, I should-"
"Do you have to argue with me on everything? For once just sit your ass down and shut up," Stefan demands bossily causing a light laugh to escape me.
Damon nods appreciatively and takes a seat at the table then hollers over to Stefan, "If there's another beer going, I'll take one," upon seeing the bottle of beer beside me.
Stefan tosses him one, gives him his food and the three of us tuck in. There's almost total silence as we eat, all of us appreciating the rich and delicious flavours of Stefan's cooking.
Although last night was a turning point for the three of us I can still sense a silent tension that mostly comes from Damon, but I ignore it as best I can and make small talk, asking Damon about his day. When he tells us that he's been to visit Alaric's grave, I feel a deep sense of guilt and sadness, not only because it reminds me that Alaric is gone, as are so many of the people I love, but because it seems wrong that whilst Stefan and I have been in each other's company all day, having fun and reveling in being together, Damon's been so alone that he felt the need to pay a visit to his only friend who just so happens to be dead.
I'm not sure why I feel guilty about that since it's technically not my fault. What should I do? Pretend I don't love Stefan and force myself to be with Damon all in the name of appeasing his loneliness? Damon is a responsible adult and the fact that he's alone is a result of his own actions. Yet I feel a sense of responsibility myself, probably because I know I'm one of the only people in the world that is actually capable of helping Damon and I want to, I really do. If he's going to change he needs to start by opening himself up to new people and stop viewing everyone he comes into contact with as food, a pawn or an enemy.
"I fancy something sweet," I state sitting back in my seat.
"Well, I can help with that," Damon retorts with a wink.
I laugh, but he stumbles over his words and goes to apologise as though he's done something wrong. I know he wants to change, but there are some things that I don't want him to change. And his sense of humor - no matter how distasteful it may be - is one of the better parts of him.
Even Stefan doesn't seem to react to Damon's comment and instead suggests that we should bake something.
I groan. "Really, Stefan? Have you ever heard of a grocery store? It's where you buy food that's already made."
He glares at me and says, "Nothing beats homemade food."
I roll my eyes at him, but can't stop the smile that is on my face.
"My brother, the food snob," Damon states gesturing at Stefan.
"Oh shut up, Damon. Just because I actually know the difference between cinnamon and cumin."
"Hey, that happened like 140 years ago. When are you gonna let it go?"
"Never because you almost killed me with your cumin smothered pancakes!"
I can't help the hysterical laughter that escapes me and the joy that fills me up to see Stefan and Damon not just sitting around a table together, but reminiscing and teasing one another in the same way that all siblings do.
Damon
Similarly to last night any initial awkwardness passes within the first 10 minutes and neither Stefan or Elena seem too annoyed that I interrupted their date - or maybe they're just really good at pretending. Stefan and I share the few fond memories we have from our childhood, which we rarely if ever discuss, but focusing on our happier times together is something I take as being part of us starting afresh so I willingly engage in it. Elena seems contented in listening to our brotherly tales and eagerly asks more questions about what happened to the orphan fox cubs Stefan and I found one afternoon whilst exploring the woodland around our house.
"How many were there? Did you save them? Did you take them home with you? Did they survive?" Elena chirps, not even giving Stefan or I chance to respond.
Stefan exchanges a glance with me and I ask, "Should I tell her or?"
"What? What happened?" she asks impatiently looking back and fourth at us.
"We did take them home that day and we kept them under a basket under our bed, fed them and nursed them until father dearest found them in our room. He drowned every single one of them in front of us."
"What?" Elena exclaims in horror turning her head to Stefan to see his reaction.
"Yup, that was Giuseppe for you," I add.
Elena keeps her eyes fixated on Stefan and I see her shift her hand under the table to comfortingly stroke Stefan's leg. I wonder why, but when I look to Stefan his green eyes are wide and filled with terror, as though he's re-living it all over again. For a moment in time he appears to me to be the very same boy of 6 that he was then, who wasn't as terrified as he was completely bewildered at how anyone could inflict such harsh cruelty upon another living thing.
Being so accustomed to Giuseppe's violence, I knew there was no limit on how far he would go, unlike Stefan who continually chose to see the best in him no matter how many times he brought his hand down upon him. But even Stefan for that one moment saw the true evil in Giuseppe's heart, because in his innocence and purity he viewed the lives of baby animals to be even more precious than his own and although he could accept Giuseppe's cruelty to him and to me, he couldn't to those fox cubs.
Sensing Stefan's dismay Elena swiftly changes the subject and begins divulging her own childhood memories which are a lot more joyous than any Stefan and I have. Speaking of Jeremy seems to lift her spirits and Stefan pushes through his blue mood to engage with her.
"We spent every Christmas at the lake house; me, mom, dad, Jer and Jenna," she tells us, a reflective smile upon her face. "Actually, this is probably the first Christmas since I was born that I haven't been there over the holidays," she adds sadly.
"Firstly and only," Stefan says shifting his body into hers and nudging her lightly, prompting her to smile.
"You mean that?"
"Of course I do. We missed out on Christmas this year, but we'll make up for it this Christmas and every one that comes after that."
She turns her body so that she's completely facing him and with a beaming smile on her face leans in to kiss him. I know that the second their lips touch I disappear from them and my gaze drops to my clasped hands that sit in my lap under the table. The ache in my heart grows more fierce making me feel like I can't breathe and I stand from my seat on wobbly legs, determined that I need to get out of here. The sound of the chair scraping across the floor causing their heads to turn to me and when they look up at me I see pity in Stefan's eyes and guilt in Elena's. I know I should just leave, but for some reason I'm determined to stay in order to prove to myself and them that I can do this.
"I'm, um, I'm just gonna go get some bourbon. Need something stronger than this," I tell them holding up the empty bottle of beer from the table.
I return to the table with a bottle of bourbon and the moment alone to recompose myself, combined with the bourbon allows me to relax and I return to making jokes and small talk.
"No way! I don't believe you," Elena exclaims.
"I'm telling you he can do it. Stefan can do a triple back flip."
Elena speaking of her cheerleading gave me the perfect opportunity to reveal Stefan's history with gymnastics that he has always worked so hard to keep quiet.
"Can you really do it, Stefan?" Elena asks him.
He rolls his eyes and says to me, "Why do you have to tell people these things?"
"You know me, brother. Any excuse to poke fun at you," I reply raising my eyebrows at him playfully.
"Oh, come on, Stefan. You have to show me now," Elena says slapping his arm excitedly.
"Erm, no I really, really don't," he replies with a wave of his finger.
"Come on, Stef, don't be boring your whole life."
"You know what? If it'll shut you the hell up, I'll do it."
He throws his seat back and gets to his fet annoucing that he'll have to do it in the hall where there's more space. Elena and I follow behind him and I attempt to stifle my amused laughter.
"I haven't done this in years, so if it goes wrong-"
"Oh, just get on with it, would you?" I interject.
He scowls at me and I deliberately give him a wide toothy grin.
He spends a couple of seconds preparing himself and in a flash he is propelling through the air expertly and lands firmly on his feet at the other side of the hall. It's so fast that I have to blink a few times to even realise it happened, but Elena rushes to him cooing about how amazing it was and how she had no idea he could do that.
The only reason I suggested he do it is because I expected him to fall flat on his ass and it would've given me even more of a reason to rip chunks out of him, but I guess that backfired.
"Impressive," I state, raising my eyebrows at him.
Suddenly the moment is interrupted by the front door bursting open. Our heads turn in unison and everything instantly slips into slow motion as a disheveled, panting figure stumbles over the threshold. As he lifts his head my heart momentarily stops and then plummets to the ground.
"K-K-K-Klaus?" Elena stammers.
"D-D-Damon," he calls, his voice strained. He reaches his hand out to me, as he gasps, "The-the cure...it's gone. Someone-someone stole it."
He falls forward and I instinctively speed towards him, catching him in my arms just as he's about to hit the floor.