AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Okay, this is one of my FAVORITE chapters so…I hope you guys like it too.
It has a cliffhanger and sadly we're that much closer to the saddest chapter.
WARNINGS: Rated "M" for language, dirty thoughts, sex, innuendo, blood, violence and dark themes.
ENJOY!
xxxx
Sam had been missing for a little over a week now and I still hadn't talked to Dean about anything because we had one objective and one objective only—get Sam back. Besides, Annie, Dean and I were really freaking out at this point, though I was much more hysterical than either of them…Dean being his older brother or no. We had tried calling Sam over and over, and we even tried calling Jen and Ellen, but no one knew anything. Even so, Dean tried calling Ellen again, hoping that she had some more news because we were all starting to lose face.
"Ellen, it's me again. Any chance you've heard from him? I swear it's like looking for Dad all over again. I'm losing my mind." Dean told her as Annie tried calling Jen and I tried calling Sam again. "I've called him a thousand times! It's nothing but voicemail. I don't know where he went or why. Sam's just gone. Hold on."
I looked up when I heard him say that, and he was staring at his phone—it looked like he was excited for a moment. I mean the excitement wasn't all over his face, but it was that glint of hope in his eyes, and I watched him switch the call over and hurriedly put the phone up to his ear and I held my breath for a moment.
"Sammy? Where the hell are you? Are you okay?" Dean asked and I felt like I could breathe again—thank God Sam had called.
Annie nodded as I did. "Thank God."
"Calm down, where are you? All right, we're on our way." Dean told him, hanging up the phone and then turning to glancing at Annie and I as he made his way to the driver's seat. "Get in the car."
Annie and I obeyed and got into the car, Dean driving rather fast to get to this motel that Sam was at. We were all worried, but Dean was traveling faster than all of us as we hurried inside and started looking for the room number, and when Dean found it, he started knocking on the door frantically.
"Sam? Sam it's me." Dean said, but when no one opened the door, he opened it himself and we walked in to see Sam sitting on the bed, completely and utterly confused, sad and blank, so Dean approached him cautiously. "Hey."
"Hey, Dean." Sam replied without out looking up.
Dean knelt by him. "Are you bleeding?"
"I tried to wash it off." Sam told him as Annie went to sit next to him on the motel bed and I stayed near the door.
"Oh my God." Dean said, looking him over and seeing blood on his shirt.
Sam swallowed before speaking again. "I don't think it's my blood."
Sam had been missing for a whole week and what? He just suddenly didn't remember anything? How was that even possible? Something was going on here, but I was too worried about Sam to focus and I didn't want to—I just wanted Sam to be all right, I just…I just wanted Sam.
"Whose is it?" I asked calmly.
"I don't know." He answered me.
Dean looked up at him. "Sam, what the Hell happened?"
"Dean…I don't remember anything." Sam said sadly.
"We can go and check at the front desk for you." Annie offered as Dean and I stood there not quite knowing how to take this.
Sam nodded at her. "Please."
Annie and Dean left the room, but I stayed there and as soon as they shut the door behind them I bit my lip and looked directly at him. Maybe if I just asked him in my calm, 'Lana' way he would talk to me about this…maybe? It was definitely worth a try and I was freaking out on the inside…I needed this to work out…I needed Sam to be all right.
"Sammy…" I began, but I trailed off.
"I—I don't know what happened, Lan." He assured me.
I sat on the bed next to him and I held him to me, kissing his head and closing my eyes, feeling him against me. I didn't like seeing Sam like this, and I knew that something was terribly wrong but I couldn't voice it. I just had to sit there with him and let him know that I was there…that I wasn't going anywhere.
"Its okay, Sammy…it's going to be okay." I told him, running my fingers through his hair and then kissing the top of his head again. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again, you hear me? I promise."
He pulled away a little and I placed my hands on his face, smiling as best I could and stroking his cheeks with my fingers. I just needed him to understand that I wasn't going to let him be hurt—he was my family, and I was going to take care of him. Before I could say anything else though, he kissed me, and at first I was surprised, but then I pushed him off firmly.
"Sammy, I know you're hurting right now, and I want to help you and take that hurt away, but not like that." I told him calmly.
"Sorry." He told me, looking down at the bed. "I just—I don't know what came over me…and I'm sorry."
I nodded, raising an eyebrow for a moment because Sam was acting strange…and not in the way I understood. I knew he needed comfort, but Sam wouldn't just kiss me like that—it wasn't like him. He knew there were boundaries, and he knew how I felt about Dean, and we had both talked about this—there wasn't anything between us…so what was that?
"I think I need to change." Sam said suddenly.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah…sure."
"I'll take a shower." He told me, and went into the bathroom, leaving me there to open my laptop and e-mail Jen—things were weirder and weirder by the moment.
I e-mailed Jen and then lay on the bed, Sam sitting on the other one until Dean and Annie came back, and told him he had checked in three days ago and everyone thought the room was rather quiet. Then we went outside and found a car with a bloody knife and cigarettes in it, trying to figure out what was going on. Sam didn't smoke…and what was with the bloody knife? Nothing was adding up…and we needed to know why.
"Look at this, a gas receipt from three towns over." Sam said, and we all got into the car and went to the gas station.
"You, get out of here." The man said, and threatened to call the police since Sam had apparently been in the station and had thrown a bottle at him, completely drunk, and stolen some cigarettes and taken off.
Dean looked at us. "Guys, go wait in the car."
"But Dean." Sam protested.
"Now." Dean said again.
Annie, Sam and I nodded and went out and talked by the car before Dean came out and told us that we needed to go on the highway. We headed out the direction the man in the station had pointed out to us, and then Sam had us go down a road towards a house because it seemed sort of familiar to him. When we got there, we found a man that was dead and lying in his own blood, and when Sam used Dean's lock pick on the closet, we found weapons…meaning he was a hunter…and there was a security camera in there—it would hold our answers.
We watched the security tape, and on it we found evidence…evidence of Sam killing the man and I didn't know what to think of it. As the Sam on the tape actually killed the hunter I didn't know, I had to look away…that just couldn't have been my Sam. Sam wouldn't do something like this. Nothing was right—nothing at all. Sam didn't even feel right. He didn't smell right. Something about him was off but I didn't know what.
"How do you erase this, huh? Sam, come on, I need your help." Dean told him as Sam read a letter to himself.
I stood up. "I need air. Annie, help Dean erase the tape."
I walked out of the room, knowing I should be helping Sam, but also wishing I could figure out what was going on here. I'd known this guy for almost two years now, and I hated seeing Sam like this—seeing Dean like this. Everything was getting messed up and I'd dragged Annie into it all. What the Hell kind of sister was I?
"Please pick up, Jen." I told the phone as I pressed '1' on my speed-dial.
"Hello, Lan." Jen answered.
I took a deep breath. "Hi, Jenny."
"What's wrong?" She asked me, her whole demeanor changed when she picked up on my sad tone.
I bit my lip. "Sammy killed a hunter, Jen."
"What?" Jen asked, and I could tell she was even more alert now. "That doesn't sound like Sam…not the Sam we know, anyway."
"No, it really doesn't, but we saw the tape, he had blood on him and—this isn't how I wanted to find him." I told her finally.
In fact nothing that I wanted seemed to be happening right now—nothing was going how I wanted it to go. I had wanted to tell Dean that I wanted to marry him, and I hadn't wanted Sam to go missing in the first place. But since he had, I had wanted to find him and have things be normal…obviously that was far too much to ask for. Now what was I going to do? I just wanted my somewhat happy family back…and quick.
"It can't be Sam, Lan…it just can't be. You have to look at other options." Jen told me hurriedly.
"What else am I supposed to look at Jen? The demon has plans for Sam…maybe these are those plans." I said, knowing I didn't believe that, but not knowing what else to think.
Jen made a noise. "Lan, I know you don't believe that. Call me back when you have more news, all right? I'm taking the girls over to their Grandfather's."
"Yeah, all right." I nodded slowly. "I love all of you."
"And we love you." Jen assured me. "Take care of yourself and Annie and the boys, all right?"
I nodded and smiled a little. "Yeah, I will. Bye."
"Bye." She replied, and hung up.
I slowly pulled the phone from my ear and looked at it as I flipped the top shut, turning when I heard a noise. Annie came out with a look on her face, and immediately came over to me. If she had something on her mind I sure as Hell wasn't going to stop her from saying it…we needed to figure this thing out and if she had any ideas as to why Sam was acting the way he was, I was all ears.
"I don't think Sam is Sam." Annie told me without beating around the bush. "He doesn't feel right to me. Normally his aura is so much more…peaceful."
"I know what you mean." I replied, nodding. "But what could it be? Do you think that the demon is calling out to him? Using him?"
Annie shook her head. "I think he's possessed."
I thought about that for a moment—he could be possessed, it was certainly possible. He still felt familiar even though he didn't feel entirely like Sam…so honestly it fit because that just meant he was alive and a demon was using his flesh. What would be the point in that though? Possessing Sam? Why?
"We should look into that, then." I told her.
Annie nodded quickly. "And soon."
"We're ready to go." Dean told us as he and Sam came out of the door.
xxxx
"All right, we get a couple hours' sleep and then we put this place in our rearview mirror. I know it's bad, okay?" Dean told Sam as we got back into the motel room. "You got to snap out of it. Sam…say something."
"Just get some sleep and leave in the morning?" Sam asked him. "Murder, Dean. That's what I did."
"Maybe, okay?" Dean said as Sam scoffed. "We don't kn—Shapeshifter."
Sam gave him a look. "Oh come on. You know it's not. You saw the tape: there were no eye flares, no distortions."
"But it wasn't you, all right?" I told him suddenly, and I knew I was raising my voice but I didn't care. "It wasn't you, Sammy!"
"I mean it was you, but it wasn't you." Dean explained to him.
I knew that he was trying to lighten the situation a little, but I shot him a look anyway because I knew the tone of voice that Sam was using. He was giving up, and that also wasn't like him—he fought against his so called destiny more than the rest of us did so what the Hell was going on?
"Well I think it was." Sam said, sitting down on one of the motel beds. "I think maybe more than you know."
"Sam…" Annie began, but trailed off.
Dean gave Sam a focused look. "What the Hell does that mean?"
"For the last few weeks I've been having…I've been having these feelings." Sam explained to him.
"What feelings?" I asked, Dean and me sitting on the other motel bed as Annie sat in a chair near us.
Sam suddenly looked upset. "Rage…Hate. And I can't stop it. It just gets worse. Day by day it just gets worse."
"You never told me this." Dean told him.
"I didn't want to scare you." Sam admitted to him.
"Well bang-up job on that." Dean told him, getting up.
Sam looked up at Dean. "Dean, the Yellow-Eyed Demon—you know he has plans for me. We all know that he's turned other children into killers before too."
"No one can control you, but you." Dean said forcefully.
"It sure doesn't feel like that, Dean. It just feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely I'm becoming—" Sam was saying.
"—what?" Annie interrupted him.
"Who I'm meant to be." Sam said, and Dean scoffed, packing some stuff into his bag. "I mean you said it once yourself, Dean. I gotta face up to who I am."
This was getting ridiculous and I knew I wasn't the only one who thought so, but it seemed like I was the only one losing it with tears. They weren't even tears because I was really sad…they were tears of frustration and I knew now wasn't the time to lose it like this but what choice did I have? My family was being ripped apart at the seams and there was nothing I could do about it.
"I didn't mean this!" Dean cried, desperate to find something else to talk about.
"But it's true, you know that! Dad knew it too!" Sam told him, getting up as I put my face in my hands and Annie grabbed a granola bar out of her bag. "That's why he told you if it ever came to this—"
"—shut-up, Sam." Dean interrupted him firmly.
"Dean, you promised him." Sam told him and then he gave Dean a look. "You promised me."
"No. Listen to me. We're going to figure this out, okay?" Dean told him as I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair exasperatedly. "I mean, there's gotta be a way, right?"
"Yeah, there is." Sam said, handing Dean the gun. "I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you."
I shook my head and my voice came out shaky…soft. "Sam, stop this."
"You won't. Whatever this is…you can fight it." Dean pleaded with him.
"No, I can't. Not forever. Here. You gotta do it." Sam said, cocking it for him and looking at him as he looked at the gun. "Lan and Annie won't…and you promised me, Dean…you gotta do it."
I couldn't believe that this was happening, and Annie just kept her mouth shut and looked away, deep in thought. She was probably wondering what would happen if this happened to her—since she was psychic too. I could never kill Annie…just like I knew that promise or no promise, Dean wasn't about to kill Sam.
"You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe." Dean told him, and they looked at each other—the looks were breaking my heart.
"I know." Sam told him, tearing up a little.
We all stood there just looking at each other for a moment or two and then everyone's eyes were on me when I reached out and took Sam's hand. This couldn't be the answer…there had to be another way…but what? How did Annie and I figure out if Sam was possessed without letting the demon potentially inside of Sam know?
"You don't have to do this." I told Sam slowly.
"Yes I do." He said nodding, and looked at Dean, who looked at him.
"I can't." Dean admitted brokenly. "I'd rather die."
Dean put the gun down and walked past Sam, shaking his head and I closed my eyes for a moment in relief—thank you. I knew Dean wouldn't be able to do it, but at the same time, the waiting for him to pull the trigger was driving us all nuts and we knew it.
"No…you'll live." Sam said, picking up the gun, and we all looked at him. "You'll live to regret this."
Then he smashed Dean in the face, causing him to fall over, and he knocked Annie out when she ran to him, and then he pointed the gun at me. I knew then that this wasn't Sam—he was definitely possessed…but again why? I couldn't come up with a motive here, no matter how I tried to wrap my head around it.
"Don't follow me." He said, and then he grinned an evil grin and knocked me out too.
xxxx
I woke up to loud knocking, and Annie cursing and I rubbed my head a little. Dean had just gotten up off of the floor, and Annie was flexing her hands, and I knew what was going to happen to Sam next time we saw him—she was going to hurt him.
"Are you all right?" I asked Annie.
She nodded quickly. "I'm fine, but Sam won't be when I see him next."
"He's obviously possessed." I told her.
"I don't care if he's possessed—he knocked me out." Annie replied.
"I need to use your computer." Dean told the landlord as he explained he'd have to charge us extra since it was 12:30—past check-out.
He gave Dean a look as I looked up. "Now why would I let you use my computer?"
I sat up as Dean gave him some money, and we all went downstairs with our stuff and Dean logged onto the computer and got on the phone. We needed to track Sam via his cell phone, and figure out where the Hell he had gone. Since he was possessed, that meant that the demon was going after hunters…so which one was next?
"Hi. Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you, but my son, uh, snuck out of the house last night to go to an, um, Justin Timberlake concert." Dean explained, and Annie laughed a little. "What?"
Annie shook her head and I just smiled and ran my hand along Dean's thigh because we all needed to be calm. He came up with the first thing that had come to his mind and all we were doing was tracking Sam. If this was how we did it then so be it—wait…why was that look crossing over Dean's face?
"Yeah. Justin is quite the triple threat." He said, and rolled his eyes a bit as Annie and I laughed. "Uh, anyway, he's not back yet, and I'm starting to worry. Right, yeah, boys will be boys. Yes, but, you see, Sammy's a diabetic, and if he doesn't get his insulin I don't—I don't—I just have to find him. Please, I'm begging you."
I took the phone from him. "Hello? This is Sammy's mother. Maybe my husband isn't making it clear that this is a life or death situation. Now I'd really appreciate it if you told us what we needed to know…unless you want me to talk to your supervisor."
"No, ma'am, are you on the website?" The man asked as Dean rested his hand on my side.
"We're on the website right now. I just need to activate the GPS in his cell phone." I replied, and typed in the password he gave me. "Right there, Duluth, Minnesota."
"That's a long way to go for a concert." The man said.
I nodded and smiled a little. "Yes, that is a long way to go for a concert. We appreciate your help. Thank you very much."
"You're welcome." The man replied merrily.
"Have a good day." I said before hanging up.
I looked at Dean and he smirked at me, and I shrugged and gave him a 'what' look because I didn't know what the look was for. I had handled it correctly, hadn't I? Why was he chuckling?
"Wow, you're good at that." Dean told me with pride in his voice.
I blushed and shrugged. "It comes naturally."
"Hey, isn't that where Jo is?" Annie asked us, pulling our focus from each other and turning it on her. "I mean…I figured out where she was after Jen said something about Lanni and um…anyway, isn't that where Jo is?"
"Before we go, we need to get some holy water." I told her, narrowing my eyes at her a bit and trying not to look at Dean.
"What did Jen tell you about Jo?" Dean asked as we all went to get ourselves a ride to Minnesota.
Annie shrugged nonchalantly. "Just something about how Lanni was jealous of her liking you."
"Annie!" I told her as she just smiled.
It was bad enough that sometimes I felt slightly worried about the way other women looked at Dean—I didn't need him to know that! I mean I knew Annie wasn't going to lie to him when he asked a direct question but really? Did she have to go into that much detail about it?
"You were jealous of Jo?" Dean asked me, leaning into me and laughing a little. "Aww, my baby's jealous when she doesn't need to be!"
I rolled my eyes and kissed him to shut him up. "The man I love is real mature."
"It just makes you love me more." Dean replied, and kissed me again.
"Yeah, yeah—let's just go stop Sam before he hurts Jo, all right?" I asked him.
He nodded, and the three of us hitched a ride to Minnesota, which was honestly easy enough. When we got there, Dean, Annie and I burst in, our guns raised, and found Jo tied to a post, Sam looking very evil and angry. Jo was gagged and she looked pretty worried, and as soon as we got past Sam, we would get to Jo.
"Sam!" Dean cried at him.
"I begged you to stop me, Dean!" Sam yelled at him.
Dean looked at him. "Put the knife down, damn-it."
"I told you, I can't fight it! My head feels like it's on fire, all right?" Sam said and he looked kind of pained. "Dean, kill me, or I'm gonna kill her. Please. You'll be doing me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me!"
We all stood there, waiting, and I lowered my gun first—no…it wasn't going down like this. Sam was possessed and we needed to get the demon out of him and that was all there was to it. This wasn't going to go on any longer.
"No, Sammy. Come on." Dean told him, turning around and starting to walk away.
"What the Hell's wrong with you, Dean?" Sam asked as Annie lowered her gun slowly too and Sam came towards us. "Are you that scared of being alone that you'd rather let Jo die?"
Dean splashed him with Holy Water, and Sam cringed. "That's Holy Water, you demonic son of a bitch!"
Sam's eyes flashed black and then he jumped out of the window, Annie heading for the window first and foremost. I set to untying Jo as Dean followed Annie to the window and Jo looked at us all rather bewildered.
"He was possessed?" Jo asked, taking the gag out of her mouth and Dean turned to her as Annie and I followed him to the window, and then he jumped out of it. "Dean!"
"Dean, get back here!" I called after him. "Damn him! Why does he always do this to me?"
I knew he wanted to save Sam and I did too, but what in God's name was he thinking? He just took off after him, and…well Sam was his brother…how could I fault him for that? I couldn't—and there was my answer.
"Who is this?" Jo asked me.
I turned to her. "This is my little sister, Annie. Annie…this is Jo."
"Wow…I guess I wasn't expecting you to be Jo." Annie said as she looked Jo up and down.
"What do you mean?" Jo asked as I pocketed the gun and went to the front door of the small saloon.
Annie laughed a little. "I mean she's been so jealous of you, and you're just so—just so not as impressive as I would have thought."
"Annie!" I told her harshly, turning to her and giving her a look.
"You weren't going to say it yourself, Lanni." Annie protested to me and then she turned back to Jo. "I mean sorry I'm coming off as a bitch, but all you did was get yourself tied up here."
"I didn't realize he was possessed! Not everyone has your talents." Jo said, and looked at me as she grabbed her coat. "You were jealous of me?"
I sighed loudly and looked at the two of them as Annie asked me if Jo was really coming with us and Jo sent her a look. The two of them were going to end up killing each other before they ended up helping me, so why take them with me? I could do this on my own—I could find Dean without their help.
"Look, I can do this without either of you." I told them and then rubbed my temples. "But since I can't leave you two here without fear of you two ripping each other apart, you have to promise not to fight or I'll end you—both of you. I'm not playing favorites here."
They realized that I wasn't kidding, and that I was on edge, and just nodded and followed me out of the saloon. I tried calling Dean's phone while Annie and Jo called him by name out on the docks and then I heard it—his ringtone for me. I hurried in the direction of it faster than the other two, their footsteps pounding behind me, and I went over to him near the water.
"Where's Sam?" Dean asked us.
I took a breath. "We were looking for you, honestly."
I reached down to help him up, shooting Jo a look when she tried to help me, Annie getting in between us. I could help Dean up all on my own and even though they had helped, Jo and Annie had bickered a little and I was at my rope's end. We all went back to the saloon and I made Dean take his jacket off and roll up his sleeve since he was bleeding.
"Jo, do you have…thank you." I told her, smiling a little at her when she handed me the forceps and then handed Dean a bottle of scotch.
"Drink this." She said as he gave her a look.
He nodded and then his eyes rested on me as I looked the wound over. "He shot me."
"Yes, I can see that." I replied, smiling a little and meeting his eyes. "It's going to hurt so I suggest you drink the scotch like Jo told you to."
Dean put on a face like it was going to be nothing, and then when he groaned as I stuck the forceps in, Jo and Annie both told him to stop being a baby simultaneously. I bet you can put together for yourself how that went over with them. Then when I pulled the bullet out Dean made another groan and drunk the scotch before looking at me.
"Are you done yet, Baby?" He asked me.
I rolled my eyes. "Getting the bullet out, yes—you need to be bandaged."
"She's right—you can't help Sam if you're bleeding to death." Jo told him and then she took a breath. "So…how did you know he was possessed?"
"I—I didn't. I just knew that it couldn't be him. It was Annie and Lanni who figured it out really." He explained as I bandaged him.
She nodded at him and I glanced at her as I wrapped up his shoulder and then she looked at me and then Dean. It was like she was trying to figure out who to ask the next question to…and she had decided on Dean.
"Hey, Dean?" She asked him.
He looked at her. "Yeah?"
"I know demons lie, but do they ever tell the truth too?" She asked slowly.
"Yeah, sometimes I guess. Especially if they know it'll mess with your head." He explained to her. "Why do you ask?"
"Nothing. It doesn't matter." She shook her head and changed the subject. "So do you have any idea where he's headed to next?"
"As far as we can tell he's going after the nearest hunter. The closest one we know of is in South Dakota." I told her, hoping we got to Bobby before Sam did.
Jo nodded and looked ready to go as I finished Dean's arm. "Okay, good, you're done patching him up so let's go."
"You're not coming." Dean scoffed at her.
Great, this was just what I needed—more people coming along and getting involved in this…more people looking to get hurt. Jo was like my family too—she and Ellen had accepted me and I couldn't get Jo hurt, or even worse, killed. So no…Jo was not allowed to come with us—I was putting my foot down.
"Hell I'm not. I'm a part of this now." She told him as Annie started towards her and I put my hand in front of her to stop her.
"I can't say it more plain than this—you try and follow me, I'm going to tie you right back to that post and leave you here." Dean told her firmly. "This is my fight. I'm not getting your blood on my hands. That's just how it's going to be."
I nodded and squeezed his hand. "I couldn't have said it any plainer myself, Jo. I appreciate you, and I'm real glad you want to help us, but…I can't let you get hurt, okay? Your mother would kill me."
"Wait." She said, grabbing a bottle of some painkillers and handing them out to Dean as we started to leave. "Here. Take these. They'll help with the pain."
"Thanks. I'll call you later, okay?" He told her, and the three of us began to leave as I heard her mutter, "No, you won't."
I felt bad leaving Jo there the way that we were, but at the same time I was glad that she was out of harm's way. Sure she knew where we were going, but after Dean had told her to stay behind, that was that. She wasn't going to upset him…what the Hell did it matter what I said in the matter? After all I was the one that cared for her like a sister almost…but whatever…trust the guy she was pining for.
"I can't believe you let him get away." Dean told Annie and I and he sounded angry. "It only took one of you to find me."
I frowned at him. "Yeah, and let you bleed out all over the place."
"Lanni, it wasn't that bad and you know it." Dean said with a sigh. "I know part of you is jealous of the way Jo listens to me more than you—I can tell by the look on your face—and now is not the time for jealousy. Sam is missing."
"I was worried about you." I told him, whirling on him. "I had to make sure you were all right, because believe it or not, I know for a fact you wouldn't shoot Sam, but the thing inside of him would have shot you! I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if you had died while we were finding Sam. You know that Sam, though possessed, is fine!"
Dean turned to me as Annie continued walking, and got into the car—she didn't want to be a part of this fight. I was actually glad for that because I didn't know how much more of this I could handle if she tried to stand up for me.
"Lanni, I didn't…Baby—" He tried after trailing off.
I held up my hand. "Don't. I don't need to take this from you. We all know where he's headed, so just let's get there, all right?"
"Lanni, I know you were worried about me." He said as I walked towards the car and I stopped when he grabbed my hand. "I saw the look on your face when you thought I might be really hurt. I know that you didn't just let him get away, I'm just frustrated."
"I know, but I am too." I told him, keeping my back to him because I couldn't look him in the eye right then. "Everything is going to Hell."
Dean tugged on my hand. "I know. Hey…look at me."
I turned to him and couldn't help but smile sadly as he stroked my hair. I knew he was trying and I was thankful for that because I needed him right then…I needed to not be fighting with him right then and we both knew it.
"Just…I'm sorry." He told me. "I shouldn't have said that about Sam. I'm just—I'm so not in the right frame of mind right now."
I nodded slowly. "I know…me too."
"Let's go and save Bobby, okay?" Dean asked me, and nodded as I did, kissing me softly and letting his lips linger there a moment. "We're going to get through this, Lanni."
xxxx
As we drove to Bobby's, Annie gave me a look from the back seat and I knew what it was—it was asking if I was alright. I really wasn't all right, and if I didn't speak up soon, Dean was going to be upset with me and I didn't think I could handle that right now. We were patched back up and on edge, and I was gonna lose it the more I thought things over in my head.
"I need you to pull over." I told Dean as I felt my insides twisting. "Please."
Dean glanced at me. "Are you alright?"
"Dean, I know we're in a bit of a time crunch, but if you want to keep the inside of your car free from upchuck, I suggest you pull over." Annie explained, and I nodded.
Dean pulled the car over, and I got out of the passenger seat, going around the car and throwing up in the grass on the side of the road. Dean got out and held my hair for me, and it felt nice for him to run his fingers along my back as I heaved. Everything was so screwed up and the more I thought about the things, the more the bad thoughts were running through my mind.
What if we got to Sam but it was too late? What if whatever was in Sam killed all of us and we couldn't stop it? What if this new family I was part of was suddenly just broken beyond repair? Then the worst thought of all: what if the going got rough and Annie went all out on Sam like she had done on Chelsea?
"You all right?" Dean asked as Annie handed me a napkin to wipe my mouth off with and then held up some gum.
I cried a little, and Dean pulled me to him, Annie resting her hand on my arm as Dean ran his fingers through my hair. Part of me was grossed out with myself for even putting Dean through that just now, but at the same time it was nice that he was here for me. No matter what happened…Dean was always here for me…he was just simply my other half and I was just going to accept it.
"Everything is so screwed up right now." I said into his chest.
Dean nodded and kissed the top of my head. "I know, but I promise that once we get to Bobby's, everything will be all right."
"We can save Sammy, Lanni." Annie added.
I nodded and wiped away my tears, smiling a bit. "Let's go then—I've wasted enough of our time already."
Dean kissed my forehead and then pulled back, me swigging my mouth out with water and spitting out the window once I was back in the car. Then I put some gum in my mouth and we hurried to Bobby's. Once we go there, we saw that Bobby had Sam tied up in a chair, a devil's trap drawn on the ceiling.
"Is he unconscious?" I asked Bobby.
Bobby nodded at me. "I put holy water in his beer and then knocked him out."
"That was ingenious." Annie told him with some respect in her voice.
"Hey!" Dean said, hitting Sam to wake him up.
Sam looked up to see the Solomon ring, and sighed, looking at Dean. His eyes definitely had hollowness to them, and I just wanted Sam back. It wasn't fair that all of this shit happened to us…why to us? What was the big master plan? What was it?
"Dean. Back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it?" Sam mocked him. "Like a cockroach."
Dean smirked a little. "How about I smack that smart-ass right out of your mouth?"
"Careful now. You wouldn't want to bruise this fine packaging." Sam said happily.
"Oh, don't worry. This isn't going to hurt Sam much. You on the other hand…" He said, throwing holy water on him watching as he groaned and then Dean raised his voice. "Feel like talking now?"
"Sam's still my meat puppet." The demon explained, his black eyes shining. "I'll make him bite off his tongue."
I scoffed at that. "You won't be in him, long enough."
"Bobby." Dean told him, and we watched as Bobby began to speak Latin and the demon squirmed. "You see whatever bitch-boy plan you demons have cooking up? You're not getting Sam. You hear me? Cause I'm gonna kill every single last one of you first."
The demon laughed. "You really think this is what this is about? The Master plan? I don't give a rat's ass about the Master Plan."
We were all a little put off by that, but Dean nodded at Bobby, who continued to speak in Latin to exorcise the demon. The problem was, it didn't seem to be working and none of us knew why…why wasn't the black smoke leaving Sam? Another question I hadn't asked yet…how did Sam get possessed in the first place? When did it happen?
"Oops. Doesn't seem to be working. You see, I learned a few new tricks." Sam began to mutter Latin, and the lights flickered.
Dean swallowed but his voice was firm. "This isn't going like I planned."
"What's going on, Bobby?" Annie asked him.
"It's a binding link." Bobby said, checking Sam's arm. "It's like a lock. It's locked itself inside Sam's body.
"What the Hell do we do?" Dean asked hurriedly.
"I don't know." Bobby admitted, stepping away, and the ring broke, and Sam tossed Bobby, Dean, Annie and I across the room before breaking free.
Bobby hit glass, Annie hit a wall, Dean hit the nearest post, and I hit a bar that was sticking out, and it went through my abdomen. I let out a cry and leaned my head against the wall, biting my lip to stop from whimpering because I could do this. It was just a little bit of pain…just a little, I could handle this…
"You know when people want to describe the worst possible thing…they say it's like Hell?" Sam asked, grabbing Dean by the collar and punching him in the face. "Well there's a reason for that. You see Hell is like, uh…" He punched Dean again. "…well it's like Hell. Even for demons." He said, punching Dean again as I coughed and inhaled sharply. "It's a prison made of flesh and bone and blood and fear." He said, punching him again. "And you sent me back there."
I nodded, knowing now why it felt so familiar and yet not Sam. "Meg."
"Ugly bitch." Dean told her, a little worried I'd coughed the word out but not able to move from his position on the floor because of Sam's body holding him there, Meg controlling his every move.
"No, not anymore. Now I'm Sam." Sam said, punching Dean yet again. "By the way…" He added, gripping the shoulder Dean was shot in and pressing hard. "…I saw your Dad there. He says, 'Howdy'. All I had to hold on to was knowing that I would climb out someday, and torture you, nice and slow, like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your Dad, and deep down, you know you can't save your brother and little Lana over there is going to leave your sorry ass when you fail them all. They'd be better off without you."
Sam raised his hand to strike Dean one more time, but Bobby grabbed his hand as Annie lifted her head and coughed, conscious again, and Bobby seared the sign off of Sam's arm, the demon leaving him and going out through the fireplace. Sam's body fell to the ground as Annie and Bobby caught their breaths and I cringed. Then Sam began to move around after and he looked around, trying to piece together his surroundings.
"Sammy?" Dean asked from the ground as Bobby helped Annie up and she pulled the bar out of my stomach.
"Did I miss anything?" Sam asked us.
Dean punched Sam really hard and then he leaned on the ground as Bobby stood there with the hot poker. I dropped to my knees as Annie lifted up my shirt a little bit, and frowned, her eyes looking up to meet mine as Dean grunted my name and tried to sit up straighter.
"How is she?" Dean asked her.
Annie swallowed, her eyes locked on mine. "You need a doctor, Lanni…this is really bad."
"I'll survive." I told her, smiling a little. "It doesn't hurt as bad as it looks, I'm sure."
"If you want to make sure that bar didn't hit any vital organs, we have to get you to a doctor." Annie explained.
Dean nodded and made his way over to me. "Lanni, listen to her."
I nodded slowly. "All right, Annie."
"You need help standing?" Annie asked me.
"Yeah." I admitted to her, starting to feel rather dizzy.
Annie helped me to stand and then got me to the car as everything started to spin and I groaned softly. In the time it took us to get to the car, the boys talked to Bobby a little and as they came out, I passed out from the loss of blood.
xxxx
When I came to, I sighed—it smelled like a hospital. There was the beeping of monitors, and the fresh, sterile scent, and I could hear someone else's breathing. My eyes fluttered open and I smiled at Annie as her face came into focus.
"Hey." I said softly.
Hey." She looked up from her magazine at the nearby table and smiled, coming over and sitting in the chair next to me. "I called Jen and she said I have to call her back every half hour to tell her how you're doing. She'd come but—"
"—Kevin's working and she has twins. I understand." I told her with a nod.
"I should get Dean." Annie said suddenly. "He's been pacing out there—he was freaking, Lanni…I really think that boy loves you more than he lets on."
I smiled at that notion and then reached out and grabbed her hand as she rose to leave. I wanted to see Dean, but I wanted to know how I was first so that when I saw Dean, I could talk to him about other things. Death was a subject I tried to steer clear of with him—I think that choice is for the best.
I smiled a little. "Before you get him, what's the diagnosis?"
"The doctor says that you'll be fine." Annie explained to me. "She says the bar didn't puncture any vital organs and that even though your uterus has healed nicely…you're still not conceiving."
"I kinda figured." I told her with a nod.
Annie kissed my hand. "I'm going to get Dean."
She kissed my forehead before she left, and I closed my eyes as she left, taking a deep breath. I hadn't expected anything to really change, but at the same time hearing the words hurt just as much this time, as the first time I'd been in a hospital and someone told them to me. My eyes opened when I heard the door moments later, and Dean came in and sat by my side.
Dean kissed my hand. "The doctor only wanted one person in with you, and I figured that with you and Annie being sisters—"
"—shut-up." I said lovingly and then I smiled and ran my thumb along his hand as he held mine. "How are you and Sam?"
Dean shrugged. "We're pretty good. I mean Sam is a little unnerved, but we're good."
"Good." I told him, and scooted over a little so that Dean could get on the bed with me.
Last time either of us were this close on a hospital bed, the roles had been reversed and I loved feeling his arms wrap around me. He kissed the top of my head and I snuggled against him, ignoring the slight pain I was feeling. The painkillers were doing wonders but at the same time, the dull pain was there.
"The Doctor said that we could check you out today." He told me softly.
I nodded slowly and smiled a little. "That would be nice."
He kissed my head again and his chest heaved. "I hate to see you like this."
"Baby, I'm fine." I said softly, pulling back enough to look into his eyes. "And the painkillers may not be working perfectly, but I'm fine."
Dean nodded, and then the doctor came in, followed by Sam and Annie, and I started to think about the last week. It had been completely nerve-wracking and even somewhat nauseating and I still had yet to tell Dean any of the things that I wanted to tell him. I focused on the doctor though and after one last check-up, I was released and we all went to the closest motel.
"Sam and Annie went to get food?" I asked Dean, trying hard to stay composed.
Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah, but they'll be back soon."
"Dean?" I asked him.
"Yeah?" He answered.
"I don't want to lose you." I told him softly.
Dean looked me in the eye. "Lanni, you're not going to lose me."
How did he know that? He didn't! If there was one thing the last hunts had taught me, it was that anything could happen and we couldn't let it. I needed him, and I wanted to be with him and he needed to know…this was my chance to explain myself to him.
"You don't know that, Dean." I told him softly. "You don't know what the future has in store for us. You don't know how much you mean to me. I want you to understand that you are my world—my rock. Ever since we met, I've had feelings for you even though for a little while I tried to deny it. I fell in love with you completely, and I've been here, and I'll always be here, and I know that you will always be here for me too, no matter what happens to us because I know that you love me, even though you don't want to say it all the time."
"Of course I'm going to be there for you and protect you, Lanni…I mean like you said, I love you." Dean told me, and he cocked his head to one side as I bit my lip, both of us standing there close to each other. "Where is this coming from, Lanni?"
"You saw what happened to Sam." I told him, fighting back tears. "That could easily happen to any of us! Demons come into our life and they make our lives Hell! They maim and they kill, and they—"
"—Lanni…" Dean said, and pulled me to him, letting me compose myself again…letting me take deep breaths.
Just inhaling his scent was driving me over the edge and I had to keep going. I was just on overdrive right then and even though I was verbally vomiting all over him, it had to be done, and deep down he knew it too. This was just one more thing that he and I had to do and he had to let me finish my thoughts.
"I don't want to lose you." I repeated, looking up at him, and he wiped my tears away with his thumbs as he cupper my face. "I know this isn't the right time. I know that, and I should have done this a long time ago."
"Done what, Lanni?" Dean asked me, still confused.
"Every moment I spend with you is a moment I cherish forever, Dean. When everything is all said and done all I can say is, 'I love you'." I explained to him with a soft shrug. "No matter what happens, the bad and the good—all I can say is, 'I love you', because I do, with every inch of me. This isn't coming from me because I'm hysterical—I promise you—this is coming from my heart…I love you, and I can't live without you."
"I love you too, Lanni." Dean assured me, taking my hands in his as they rested on his chest.
I nodded, wet my lips, and took a deep breath, looking him in the eye as he looked at me so fondly. I couldn't believe right then that I hadn't done this before, and when he smiled a little and cocked his head once again that was it—that was all I needed. I had all the courage to say the two words that needed to be said, and so I opened my mouth and I let them come out.
"Marry me."
Note: Now I think you can see why this is my favorite one…and what a cliffhanger! There is definitely more to come and soon, I promise and hey, this one was only 21 pages! Feedback is always appreciated!