"And we didn't even have time to stay for Thane's funeral..."

They were in the Mess Hall. With most people already having eaten and being on duty, they were nearly alone as they sat by the table closest to the kitchen, Garrus and Liara on one side and Tali on another as the two former told the later of everything that had happened. With him seeming so introvert and set on snuggling close to her to forget his worries, Michael hadn't been forthcoming with any details of what he had told her that first night...and Tali hadn't asked, too shocked by the bombshell he had dropped to dare do anything else.

So when he had finally stepped out of bed, not even daring to look at her as he dressed and made his way to the War Room...Tali had slowly gotten up as well and decided to get some answers.

She had quickly found them by catching Liara and Garrus during their lunch, and after some light banter as well as a small meal Tali had forced into her...they had started talking.

And the story Liara and Garrus had weaved had held all the details Michael hadn't been able to speak of, but still with the emotional weight carried in his few words. Liara had been visibly upset at some parts, though mostly sympathetic with Michael's pain, as had Garrus been, though he had been less upset as he was quick to point out the strategic advantages of Michael's choices, however horrible they might be...though it often felt as if the Turian was just making excuses.

Tali had felt horrified, frightened, sympathetic...and then tired, the tale told to her sapping her strength as weariness set in...it was just too much to take in.

By now, as the story was winding down, Tali was only listening with one ear.

Instead she eyed her two friends from behind her visor, reading the way they sat even as she tried to bring her mind into order.

Garrus looked tired, but nothing that he couldn't handle. He had a stoic way of holding himself, the fear for his planet and his people carefully suppressed by determination and sense of purpose. Liara looked worse, there was a weariness in her way of sitting that suggested that she'd worked for far too long every day, the lack of sleep having done just as much as the burden of the war to chip away at her soul. Still, there was a toughness in the young Asari, perhaps a part of Michael, taken from their meldings, that refused to let her rest, that drove her onwards.

Both, however, was looking at her for a reaction, to see what she thought of it all, expecting her disapproval.

But do I disapprove?

Tali was still in a shock after what Michael had revealed, of how he, if it came down to a choice between the Geth and the Quarians...feared he'd pick the Geth. It had struck her very core, for when it came down to it, her people were her life...without them...she shuddered to think upon it...and even more so at the thought of her own lover being the cause for such an end.

He was being emotional, expressing his fears, it doesn't mean he'll actually do it.

The thought was somewhat helpful. For all her imagination, Tali could not imagine Michael capable of killing her people, of doing such a thing to her. Still...given what Garrus and Liara was telling her...maybe she should worry? No, no this is crazy, he wouldn't, and it won't even come to that...I hope. Dammit, Tali, the Geth are Reaper-controlled, what are the odds that Michael will even get the chance to ally with them? Of course, he usually manages to make the seemingly impossible a reality...

She shivered at the thought.

I'll just have to...convince him that that's not an option, that the Geth are lost and that the Quarians are his only option. Her hands, resting on the table, clenched in anger. Damn Xen and Gerrel, that's exactly what they planned when they suggested I go with him! She held back a sigh, not wanting to show the others she was barely listening to the story now winding down. But what choice do I have?

She bit her lower lip in frustration, thinking about Michael's revelation did no good, until they reached the Perseus Veil the outcome of the war was up in the air, no one could calculate what would happen, and as such it was a waste of brain-power.

Plus, if I keep worrying about this, I'll go crazy.

Instead, with a force of will, she focused on what Garrus and Liara had told her, of how they expected her disapproval.

Though...hmmm...

At first, when Michael had told her of what had happened, she had been horrified, unable to comprehend what madness the man spoke of. But Liara and Garrus' story had cleared up a lot, and now she found she was at odds with herself.

Did he do wrong?

Tali wasn't so sure. As a Quarian, she knew from an early age the value of sacrifice, to give your life to save the Flotilla, a ship or even another Quarian wasn't just an honourable way to die, it was the obvious course of action, anyone thinking differently was viewed as abhorrent. Of course, there was the fact that this was supposed to be that person's choice, abhorrent or not, Quarians weren't Turians, and not doing what was implied as a duty wasn't punishable.

And Michael didn't give Mordin or Wrex a choice, he killed them.

Tali had already dismissed Thane's death, Michael wasn't responsible for what Kai Leng did, and she could forgive Kaidan being injured, for when she looked at Michael, she saw his confusion, his fear...and knew he hadn't meant to injure his former comrade. But Mordin and Wrex were...trickier.

To kill a fellow crew-member on a Quarian ship was punishable by exile, the harshest punishment they had...and Michael had killed two. They had tried to do good too, for their people, for the sake of doing the right thing...and Michael had killed them.

It was...hard to contemplate, to try and see Michael doing such a thing.

Yet all too easy.

For hadn't he done it to strengthen the alliance against the Reapers, the creatures that ignited his very soul with rage? Hadn't he done it for the greater good? To save all life in the galaxy? Those were traits she were all too familiar with him.

Yet to kill crew-members, people he considered family...it required a cold calculating mind Tali thought Michael had never had, which he only had feigned at one point...but never possessed. Keelah, do I truly know him still...?

In fact, killing someone because they stood in the way of the greater good, or your plans for it, was something Tali associated with The Illusive Man, rather than Michael. They both reviled the man...yet now Michael seemed to hold some of his traits...a frightening prospect. Sacrificing a friend isn't right...not without their willingness, I thought we both knew this.

Don't kid yourself Tali, you know it's not that simple by now.

Tali bit her bottom lip at the thought, the hands on the table clenching tight around one another, memories all too easily coming unbidden. Her time as an Admiral had been short, and had mostly consisted of the renewed war with the Geth...as such she knew there wasn't a simple matter of asking someone to sacrifice themselves. Sometimes there was no time, sometimes you couldn't risk a no, sometimes you just had to do something.

A fighter sacrificed to save a squadron, a squadron to save a cruiser, a cruiser for a Liveship...Tali had seen it all during the war, more than once.

She had even been the one forced to give such orders at times.

Tali took a shuddering breath, hating to think back on those moments, on the grief hitting her even before giving the necessary order.

No, no it's not that simple.

Still, dooming an entire race to extinction...it was terrifying to think of. Yet if it saved the galaxy and all the other races in it...could Tali say it was wrong? Sure, that's easy to think until it's your own people.

Tali shut her eyes tight, Michael's words echoing in her mind. "I'm afraid...I'm afraid that if it comes down to it, if I'm forced to choose my ally...that the Geth will be more useful."

Keelah, stop thinking about that, it won't happen! It's ridiculous to think he'll even get the option!

Then, when she opened her eyes, she found her two friends looking at her, puzzled and worried.

"What?"

Liara answered the question with a question. "Are you...okay?" The Asari looked oddly defensive for someone mostly radiating sympathy and caring. Guess she expects me to blame her for this mess as I did with Michael dying...guess we'll never truly be real friends. Tali shook off the glum thought as the other woman cocked her head to the side. "You zoned out."

"Sorry, just thinking." Tali waved it off, though neither the Asari nor Turian looked convinced she was okay. "I...it's hard to picture the whole galaxy at war, you know?" Or for the Reapers to be such a threat, I mean I knew...but there's a difference between knowing and understanding. Maybe I should have listened even harder to Michael...maybe we wouldn't be in this situation if I had...

"Yeah, I still can't quite grasp it." Garrus nodded, then his gaze moved down to the table. "Even though I keep seeing Palaven burning whenever I close my eyes..."

Dammit. Tali's hand moved forward on instinct, squeezing Garrus', making the Turian shoot her a thankful look. "Don't worry, Michael will get us to the other side, he always has." Her tone was more positive than she thought it would be. But how much will be left when we reach the end?

"Yeah." Garrus nodded, sitting a little straighter, believing Tali's words in a way she herself wished she could. "But damn, I wish we could do without these distractions. Cerberus, races bickering...and now, to top it all, a Quarian-Geth war." Both he and Liara looked at her at that, curious about her opinion on the matter.

Tali sighed, looking away. She knew they wouldn't agree, but she wasn't one to hide her opinion, and...they deserved a straight answer. "I tried diplomacy, I really did, but now that we're engaged...I don't see a peaceful way out." She shook her head, frowning. "And with the Geth allied with the Reapers...well they're no more than Reaper thralls now, maybe it would be best to destroy them, safer." She shrugged. "Michael wants to talk to them...it has little chance of succeeding, not sure if it's worth the try."

Liara and Garrus exchanged a look...and Tali found them hesitating to reply to her.

Finally, Liara summoned the courage as she leant closer to the table, concern written across her face. "Tali, don't take this the wrong way...but is that what you think or what you want?"

What!? She sat up straight, but before Tali could reply, Garrus spoke up. "She has a point, Tali, you aren't exactly known for your pro-Geth opinions..."

Tali hesitated. "That's not...I spoke with Legion! I...can understand the Geth's position!" Even to her, the protests sounded somewhat weak, Garrus and Liara certainly seemed to think so. "I'm just thinking of the greater whole! I..." Tali struggled for words, yet found none. What is there to say? I don't trust the Geth, even without them being allied to the Reapers? That I don't want to risk my people for the machines that nearly destroyed us? That I'd love to see my people back on Rannoch, home, without the need for our suits? To see Quarian children held by their parents rather than kept in a bubble without understanding why? Am I wrong for wanting that? I remember what Legion told me but...this is my people we're talking about! She found her anger rise, then suppressed it with a deep breath...Liara and Garrus didn't deserve her frustration, they were only trying to help. A flicker of movement at the corner of her eye made Tali look away from them, mood brightening at the sight. "Kal! Come help me out here!"

"Wait a moment, Ma'am." Of course, he has to call me that, makes me feel old... Tali smirked, Kal'Reegar was over twice her age, making Michael's worry about the Quarian somewhat silly, not that Tali would ever tell him that...but mostly she was smirking because Kal'Reegar was one of the few of her people she actually knew...and had come to care for as one would an uncle or brother. As such she found the way the man was making his way through the kitchen amusing.

A Quarian, if eating properly, needed two meals per day, but the days before a mission Kal'Reegar always ate three hearty meals a day, his explanations for it were sound...but it didn't mean Tali couldn't tease him for being a glutton. And on the Normandy the meal the Quarian was stacking up seemed to be even larger...and not surprising, given how he'd traded himself some food supplies of Garrus' and then sterilized them...it was not often a Quarian got to taste meat, vat-grown as it may be. "Another meal, is this the fourth or something?"

"Third." Kal'Reegar replied without looking the least embarrassed, which didn't surprise Tali, she had never succeeded in baiting him. Instead the man sat down on her side, meal before him as he looked to the others at the table and inclined his head in greeting. "Doctor T'soni, Vakarian." Only then, did he allow himself to turn to Tali. "Now, Ma'am, what did you want?"

Rolling her eyes at the man's overly polite tone, Tali didn't manage to reply before Garrus spoke up. "This war, Reegar, what's your take on it."

"It shouldn't have happened in the first place." Kal'Reegar instantly replied, making Tali tilt her head in surprise. The other Quarian ignored her though, gaze fixed at the other two at the table. "It was a huge risk, engaging them, super-weapon or not, and given what Tali'Zorah has told me about the Reapers, the risk was too great." He clasped his hands together, leaning forward, the essence of calm. "Every ship we lose against the Geth is a ship we can't use against the Reapers, every lost marine is another pair of boots that won't be on the ground against them. That is, if we even survive this war."

Silence, the group mulling over his words.

Then Tali shook her head. "But the Geth are working for the Reapers."

"They weren't before, as I've been lead to understand." Kal'Reegar calmly replied, not a hint of accusation in his tone...yet Tali still felt guilt in her part in failing to stop the invasion, to have failed to stop the situation turning to what it now was. "But yes, there is the issue of them now being under Reaper control, I wish Shepard luck in making them allies, but I believe our options now are either to neutralize them or make them a non-issue." Ha! "Perhaps by leaving the system and sabotage its Mass Relay?" Wait...what!? Tali stared at the Marine. That would make us unable to get the homeworld back for centuries onwards! The Quarian shot her a glance. "It's just my opinion, Ma'am, considering the danger the galaxy is in, we need to pick our battles. If we leave, we could drop off the civilians on a safe world like Horizon and then move to join Shepard's armada, a colony of our own is an issue for later."

"Okay...okay..." Tali sighed, feeling outnumbered, she shot Kal'Reegar a curious look though. I wonder if...he feels it too? "...feels' good to be close to Rannoch again, doesn't it?"

It wasn't often she found Kal'Reegar pausing, but he did, then cocked his head to the side, tone softening ever so slightly.

"Yeah..."

With that, the conversation died out.

8

8

8

"That is a big mess." Garrus summed up.

Michael frowned, but didn't disagree, stroking his chin as he tried to analyse the situation. "The plan is still solid, we'll push through with it, what do you think, Reegar?"

They were in the War Room, the three men surrounding the holographic map in it's centre as they watched the three-dimensional picture of the system. The star of the system, Tikkun, dominated the centre of the map, with Rannoch at one side and the massive Quarian Flotilla at the other. It was an amazing sight, even though he had seen it once before, Michael couldn't quite get over how large the Flotilla was. So many ships...I want them.

Yet close Rannoch, but also close to the Mass Relay to cut off any retreat, the Geth fleet was stationed in a wide net. The fleet was smaller than the Quarian one, but that was an illusion of strength, the Geth fleet was far more advanced, and there was no doubting the outcome if it managed to corner the Quarian one. At the head of the Geth fleet, their Dreadnought was stationed, a massive beast of a ship representing the power of the Geth...and Michael wanted it just as much as the rest of their fleet.

They were not the only unnatural structures in space though, a slowly expanding field of metal was further from Rannoch, ignored by both sides even as it signified the turn of the war...and Michael felt anger at the mere sight of it. The structure the Quarians had destroyed had been the Geth's attempt to find peace within themselves, a massive Dyson sphere that Legion had told him of...and now it lay in waste, a symbol of the Quarian aggression that had sparked the turn of the war. Damn this...foolishness!

Michael didn't have time to berate the Quarians though, he needed ships, he needed troops...and he'd get them, one way or the other. As such, he stared at the map before him even as he tried to figure out how things would play out.

Kal'Reegar, knowing nothing of Michael's thoughts, or maybe simply choosing not to ask, nodded as he saw the picture. "Yes, the plan is good, I have no trouble seeing my squad getting to the Drive Core via the maintenance tunnel, but I'm worried about yours, you have a long way to go, and largely in the open."

"We'll make good time there, and Geth aren't known for putting sentries in their ships." Michael muttered back, it was not that part of the plan he was worried about.

If I can sabotage the Reaper signal, I'll have the Quarians retreat and then try to reason with the Geth. If the Geth won't listen, I'll have to destroy them. If I can't get the Quarians to leave, but the Geth to listen, I'll have to...end the Quarians. He swallowed, glad that he was already in his armour. Killing Mordin and Wrex was one thing...but directly killing a race was something different. If neither will listen, either refusing to stop working for the Reapers or stop attacking, I'll have to help the Quarians. Killing an entire different race, artificial as they may be, didn't sit well with him either. So many lost resources, simply because people didn't take my warnings seriously...I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He grit his teeth, frustrated. My plan has too many ifs in it.

Despite that, he felt ready. He wasn't like he'd been on the Citadel, emotional, angry, blind. No, he felt tense, but also focused, ready, prepared...resolute.

I will have two fleets from this, and if I can't have that, one, but I will have it. He glared at the image of the Geth Dreadnought, imagining it in his hands even as it now was his enemy. It will be mine.

Then the far door opened, allowing entrance to a singular figure...and Michael threw her a glance before looking away. It was a confusing plethora of emotions running through him at the sight of her. Shame for having exposed his fears to her so openly, for having harmed her, however unintended it had been. Guilt for his plans, for feeling disloyal over even considering leaving the Quarians to their doom if the Geth were the only ones willing to obey him...for planning to crash an asteroid into Tikkun's Mass Relay if the Geth proved impossible to talk to, destroying Rannoch along with them. He felt desire for her skin, for her breath...and love for her lips, for her person. He even felt anger, anger for her not truly understanding what he was going through, for the way she didn't quite look at him when she marched up to the map, for being confused with him.

He also felt confusion, confusion born out of Liara and her recent expression of affection, an expression followed by...nothing really, the Asari mostly hiding far away from him.

Michael didn't understand, and whenever he tried, he just got more confused.

I love Tali! The thought was met with something exuberant in his chest, a wild fire enough to burn away his dark mood.

I love Liara. The thought was met with something soft, gentle...and elusive, as if he couldn't quite grasp the emotion...mostly, it just made him confused.

He hated that.

"Ah, Tali, we were just finishing our preparations, you want to hear the plan?" Michael felt Garrus' eyes on him, the Turian finding his somewhat polite tone curious, but Michael ignored him as he forced himself to hold Tali's gaze...something he hadn't had trouble with before. Dammit, man up.

"That would be nice, yes." Tali replied, tone dulled, by the subject or due to who she was talking to, Michael couldn't tell.

So he didn't try, instead he focused on the mission, on the all-important attempt to get the troops he needed for the real war. His hands flew over the controls as he eyed the map in front of him. "The Quarian fleet will move around the sun and take an aggressive stance just out of the effective range of the Geth fleet." Ahead, the blue orb signifying the Quarian fleet gently slid around the sun, halving its distance to their homeworld even as the red-coloured Geth fleet moved to interpose itself between them and Rannoch. "The Geth will, as they have before, move to ensure that any shots fired that misses hits Rannoch, making the Quarian flotilla reluctant to fire since a miss would cause untold damage on their homeworld." Ensuring Gerrel doesn't do anything stupid. Michael didn't say it, but he felt the others understanding. "While this stand-off takes place, no doubt the Geth will try to spread out to encircle the Quarian fleet..." A few of the red dots moved to close in on the flanks of the blue group. "...the Normandy will close in on the Geth Dreadnought, its stealth system allowing us to board undetected." A single blue dot moved up to the centre of the Geth formation before the map began to change into a giant three-dimensional map of the Geth dreadnought.

Kal'Reegar took over from there, making Michael throw him an annoyed look, though to his chagrin, the Quarian didn't miss the slightest detail. "Both teams will board here, at the underbelly of the Geth ship, near its centre." There was a flashing light at the chosen spot, just where Gerrel had pointed it out. "Once aboard, my team will make its way aft and up, using maintenance halls and shafts to reach the Drive Core." Not far from the original point, the Drive Core lit up, Michael wasn't fooled though, there were tight quarters and a lot of ladders to climb, it would take time to reach it. "Even without the Reaper signal, the Dreadnought would be a threat to our retreat, so taking out its power would make things much easier for us."

"Meanwhile." Michael growled the word as he wrestled back control of the briefing, trying desperately to ignore the amused look Tali and Garrus shot him as he continued speaking. "My team will move up and then to the fore of the ship, to the source of the Reaper signal. We'll actually be using the Geth main-gun as our route, so it'll be important that the Quarians stay back...please remind Gerrel of that." Tali offered a quick nod even as the map on the Dreadnought flashed, showing a long length of the centre of the ship, his squad's route. "Once both objectives has been taken out, we'll retreat the same way we came, while the the Geth fleet will likely retreat closer to Rannoch in an attempt to regroup when the Quarian jamming becomes efficient once more." Again, the map of space around Rannoch was shown, the red dots representing Geth moving closer to the planet's surface. "Leaving the Quarian fleet free to move to the Mass Relay." And me to convince the Geth to ally with me.

"I like it." Tali said after a brief pause, nodding as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I know the fleet is eager to move, so I'll give the call right away. If you'd like, we could have everything ready in two hours." Her tone was professional, calm...and Michael felt his heart yearn, wanting more...

After the war, I'll make it all up to her after the war...

He didn't say it, instead he growled his agreement. "Sounds good."

8

8

8

Thanks to Abydos Jackson for being patient with me.